Wedding Etiquette Forum

Dry Wedding Etiquette?

13

Re: Dry Wedding Etiquette?

  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time? 

    I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.

    just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
    I feel very,very bad for you if you can not have fun at a celebration without a drink or enjoy being sober around loved ones.
    Yeah, pretty much this. Rexamine your life.
    novella1186
  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited January 2015
    Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time? 

    I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.

    just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day.

    Speaking as someone who hasn't ever been to a dry wedding: I know, as a guest, I am required to graciously accept my hosts hospitality, be polite to other guests and not demand particular foods or beverages. If I turned up at an unexpectedly dry wedding, I'd enjoy the beverages that the host was offering. Although I love to have a few cocktails, I don't need alcohol to socialize or enjoy myself.

    Your social anxiety is something you need to address, (preferably) with professional help or by having a few drinks before you leave your home. It's not your host's problem.

     

                       
    PrettyGirlLostsouthernbelle0915lightningsnowblabla89
  • lilacck28lilacck28 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    edited January 2015
    Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time? 

    I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.

    just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day.

    Speaking as someone who hasn't ever been to a dry wedding: I know, as a guest, I am required to graciously accept my hosts hospitality, be polite to other guests and not demand particular foods or beverages. If I turned up at an unexpectedly dry wedding, I'd enjoy the beverages that the host was offering. Although I love to have a few cocktails, I don't need alcohol to socialize or enjoy myself.

    Your social anxiety is something you need to address, (preferably) with professional help or by having a few drinks before you leave your home. It's not your host's problem.

     

    I know you were kind of being sarcastic/ joking but... the bolded is bad advice. She shouldn't be self medicating at all, and leaving her house after drinking is even worse, considering she would likely be driving.
    ashley8918
  • MandyMost said:
    So, how do I let people know there won't be alcohol without telling them all that? At least that gets rid of the alcohol expectation, so there won't be as much disappointment. And the reasons above are for the whole, we don't drink, thing.
    It sounds like you're from a crowd (friends and family) that are used to alcohol being served at weddings and other events. If that's true, then honestly, in my opinion, the only way you are going to get through this without people talking about you behind your back for years to come, is if you have a wedding early in the day and don't have a DJ/dancing. And expect it to be a somewhat shorter event (as in ceremony at 11am, lunch/brunch at 11:30, and event over by 2). But keep in mind that you can do whatever you want, just know people might be talking about you.

    If your crowd is used to alcohol-free events and you don't think they'll think a dinner without any booze is weird, then go ahead and spread the word and have a dry evening wedding and don't expect any gossip later. Well, maybe a little gossip.



    Remember, the reception is a party for your guests. There's always things we want or don't want to do, but we do them anyway to keep the guests happy and/or to keep a few key VIPs happy. You might want a small wedding, but realize it's not worth ruffling the feathers of all your aunts and uncles of not inviting them. You might want a destination wedding, but realize only your side of the family (and not his) would be able to attend, so you have it local instead. You might not particularly like cake or be on a diet, but you still have cake because your mothers would throw a fit otherwise. You might not want to do a first dance, but you do it anyway so people don't wonder why you didn't. You might only like gangster rap, but you have more mainstream music at your reception so people will dance. And you might not drink alcohol yourselves, but you have it anyway so people don't talk about you later. Or you might want to have a dry event, so you decide on a morning/midday wedding instead of an evening wedding even if it's not what you had originally pictured. We all make these adjustments. 
    I get it's for the guests.  I get that, truly I do. We are not comfortable being around alcohol (bi-polar, yaddayadda, partner is diabetic), as I've already said.  The people we've invited wouldn't talk about us behind our backs.

    Why would I do something I didn't want to do? I'm not doing a traditional first dance, nor are we having cake (pie, pie and more pie!).  People might wonder why not, but they'll have the courtesy to ask me instead of bitching.
    lightningsnow
  • I've been to a dry wedding.  The groom, a very close friend of FI's, is a recovering alcoholic, and his wife and her family are very religious.  No one questioned having a dry wedding, even behind their backs.  It was great to sit and chat with FI's friends (they're in another state, so we had never met), and we spent some time also talking to the groom and his new wife.  They're both wonderful people.  We had a lot of fun, and there was clearly a lot of love in that ceremony and reception.  No side-eyes or complaints anywhere.

    I think it was in this thread that someone mentioned it, but I love the idea of different flavors of lemonades/sodas!  They had something similar at the dry wedding we went to, and it was really popular.
    emmiejayne
  • Off the alcohol or no alcohol topic....

    Where do you find good sugar free peach syrup? Regular stuff is disgustingly overly sweetened, so I'm on a hunt for sugar free.

    On topic to the must have alcohol crowd -

    There's MEDICAL reasons @emmiejayne‌ is opting to not host alcohol. That right there stops any debate. Valid medical reason wins.

    DF is allergic to avocado. As such, we won't be serving any. That's not rude, it's called being a responsible adult. I don't care if you think you must have avocado on your chicken, you will have to do without. Going without will not kill you. DF eating some may very well kill him, and at best will have pretty serious health risks.
    PrettyGirlLostemmiejaynewrigleyvillelightningsnow
  • Off the alcohol or no alcohol topic.... Where do you find good sugar free peach syrup? Regular stuff is disgustingly overly sweetened, so I'm on a hunt for sugar free. On topic to the must have alcohol crowd - There's MEDICAL reasons @emmiejayne‌ is opting to not host alcohol. That right there stops any debate. Valid medical reason wins. DF is allergic to avocado. As such, we won't be serving any. That's not rude, it's called being a responsible adult. I don't care if you think you must have avocado on your chicken, you will have to do without. Going without will not kill you. DF eating some may very well kill him, and at best will have pretty serious health risks.

    Typically the only place I can find sugar free syrup at all is World Market.  They carry a wide range of those Torani syrups and many of them are available sugar free.  I mean, they're still pretty sweet tasting and have that artificial flavor...but that is true of the regular syrups too, by any brand.

    I have a Soda Stream at home.  One of my favorite beverages is to carbonate some water with my Soda Stream and then add Torani Sugar Free Cherry syrup.  The nice thing about it is you can also adjust the amount of syrup you are putting in to adjust how sweet it tastes.

    emmiejaynevelvethelicoptersSP29
  • Do you want people to be honest or do you want these other brides to brown nose you? I don't ever get wasted at weddings, but you're insane if you think anyone is going to willfully dance without at least a glass of wine in hand. Look.. People, at least most people I know, get social anxiety and don't tend to enjoy being completely sober around family, old friends, and other random people they haven't seen in years or ever met. I think it is unheard of not to have any sort of alcohol there. If you are trying to save money, go easier on flowers, cut out appetizers.. but at least offer ONE light cocktail for the people who are social drinkers. It's a celebration.. alcohol is a necessity. I have been to many many weddings and if there wasn't alcohol.. what a disaster it would have been. Think of your guests +1's.. if it isn't awkward enough not knowing anyone, how do you expect them to have a good time? 

    I'm just being honest with you lady. I think the #1 piece of advice I have received from fellow brides is to have an open bar.. not having a bar at all could turn out to be a bad wedding story.

    just being honest, I hope you can sort this out and take what I said as advice rather than a "threat", and enjoy your big day!
    The one wedding I was in the B&G had beer and wine available and then you had to buy anything else (including soft drinks). I had a glass of wine but it was the bride's favorite and very dry. I don't like dry wine. So I set the glass down after a sip and danced the night away. Had a ton of fun and didn't have to drink in order to enjoy myself. Was a little parched though and would have appreciated something fizzy that wasn't going to cost me $4/glass (I didn't bring cash because I didn't have a proper purce to go with my dress). Besides that, tons of fun!
  • If you want to go out for a night and you require alcohol, there are plenty of bars and restaurants that would be happy to serve you. Don't put it on the host of the wedding to fulfill your alcohol needs.
    novella1186MairePoppyashley8918velvethelicopters
  • Off the alcohol or no alcohol topic.... Where do you find good sugar free peach syrup? Regular stuff is disgustingly overly sweetened, so I'm on a hunt for sugar free. On topic to the must have alcohol crowd - There's MEDICAL reasons @emmiejayne‌ is opting to not host alcohol. That right there stops any debate. Valid medical reason wins. DF is allergic to avocado. As such, we won't be serving any. That's not rude, it's called being a responsible adult. I don't care if you think you must have avocado on your chicken, you will have to do without. Going without will not kill you. DF eating some may very well kill him, and at best will have pretty serious health risks.

    Typically the only place I can find sugar free syrup at all is World Market.  They carry a wide range of those Torani syrups and many of them are available sugar free.  I mean, they're still pretty sweet tasting and have that artificial flavor...but that is true of the regular syrups too, by any brand.

    I have a Soda Stream at home.  One of my favorite beverages is to carbonate some water with my Soda Stream and then add Torani Sugar Free Cherry syrup.  The nice thing about it is you can also adjust the amount of syrup you are putting in to adjust how sweet it tastes.

    Nice idea! I just bought fizzy water and add the syrups in like that (soda stream be too expensive for me!), tasted pretty rad!
    velvethelicopters
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I went to a wedding once that was both alcohol and caffeine free. They are both Mormon, so I expected nothing less.

    They had these cute tin tubs all around the room with a variety of caffeine free sodas and water. It was great.
    emmiejaynevelvethelicopters
  • Off the alcohol or no alcohol topic.... Where do you find good sugar free peach syrup? Regular stuff is disgustingly overly sweetened, so I'm on a hunt for sugar free. On topic to the must have alcohol crowd - There's MEDICAL reasons @emmiejayne‌ is opting to not host alcohol. That right there stops any debate. Valid medical reason wins. DF is allergic to avocado. As such, we won't be serving any. That's not rude, it's called being a responsible adult. I don't care if you think you must have avocado on your chicken, you will have to do without. Going without will not kill you. DF eating some may very well kill him, and at best will have pretty serious health risks.

    Typically the only place I can find sugar free syrup at all is World Market.  They carry a wide range of those Torani syrups and many of them are available sugar free.  I mean, they're still pretty sweet tasting and have that artificial flavor...but that is true of the regular syrups too, by any brand.

    I have a Soda Stream at home.  One of my favorite beverages is to carbonate some water with my Soda Stream and then add Torani Sugar Free Cherry syrup.  The nice thing about it is you can also adjust the amount of syrup you are putting in to adjust how sweet it tastes.

    Nice idea! I just bought fizzy water and add the syrups in like that (soda stream be too expensive for me!), tasted pretty rad!
    Heck!  Now that I think about it, there is no reason you all couldn't use Soda Stream syrups with your own carbonated or regular water.  They also have a wide selection of sugar free options, though more on the soda type of drinks (ie SF Grape, SF Orange, SF Ginger Ale, etc.).  Soda Stream syrup bottles cost around $6 and make 50 1 liter servings.  They also have a SF Orange Mango and a SF Grapefruit that I love because they are both delicious and unique.
    velvethelicopters
  • Heck!  Now that I think about it, there is no reason you all couldn't use Soda Stream syrups with your own carbonated or regular water.  They also have a wide selection of sugar free options, though more on the soda type of drinks (ie SF Grape, SF Orange, SF Ginger Ale, etc.).  Soda Stream syrup bottles cost around $6 and make 50 1 liter servings.  They also have a SF Orange Mango and a SF Grapefruit that I love because they are both delicious and unique.
    Good lord, you're a genius. I may end up doing this for the punches! *hi-5*!

    sarahufl said:
    They had these cute tin tubs all around the room with a variety of caffeine free sodas and water. It was great.
    Tin tubs? I would like to see these, if you have any pics or links? xx

    Holy fuck. I missed the part about the bouncy castle.

    I WANT TO COME.
    So should I just PM you my address for my invite? Because that sounds AWESOME.
    Why thank you!  I showed the OH the thread, he laughed and was all, "I f'n told you about the bouncy castle and fountain.  I f'n told you!"
    novella1186velvethelicoptersslothiegallc07
  • MagicInk said:
    There's a bouncy castle!?!?!?! OMG AWESOME.

    Also DO NOT SERVE BOOZE. Drunk people in a bouncy castle=disaster. 
    Yeah, that's also something we don't want to risk.  There's gonna be a fair few little kids (nephews, nieces, my man...) on the thing, so we don't want them getting hurt!
    velvethelicopters
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    MagicInk said:
    Holy fuck. I missed the part about the bouncy castle.

    I WANT TO COME.
    There's a bouncy castle!?!?!?! OMG AWESOME.

    Also DO NOT SERVE BOOZE. Drunk people in a bouncy castle=disaster. 
    I threw a 21st birthday party for my friend and got a bouncy castle.  It was only after it arrived that I had the dawning thought of it being a bad idea.  Luckily no one hurled, but it was super fun. 
    novella1186ashley8918velvethelicopters
  • levioosa said:
    MagicInk said:
    Holy fuck. I missed the part about the bouncy castle.

    I WANT TO COME.
    There's a bouncy castle!?!?!?! OMG AWESOME.

    Also DO NOT SERVE BOOZE. Drunk people in a bouncy castle=disaster. 
    I threw a 21st birthday party for my friend and got a bouncy castle.  It was only after it arrived that I had the dawning thought of it being a bad idea.  Luckily no one hurled, but it was super fun. 
    I went to a big Superbowl party that had a bouncy castle.  The funniest part was, at the beginning of the party, it was mostly kids in it.  By the end of the party, it was mostly drunken adults.  But thankfully there were neither "unfortunate incidents" or "messes".
    velvethelicopterslevioosa
  • @lilacck28 - I was suggesting that kristy drink on her own dime and not expect her host to deal with her problem, by providing alcohol for her. I'm not suggesting that anyone drink and drive or that drinking is a good way to address anxiety.



    SITB

    Ah, yeah, noted. I always value your advice, I couldn't imagine that was what you were suggesting, but the way you wrote it, that's what the advice sounded like to me. And I guess I was feeling extra PC in that moment and commented, despite knowing you weren't seriously suggesting that.


    MairePoppy



  • If anyone is busy clutching pearls and fainting in shock over no alcohol, may I PLEASE take their seat? PLEASE????? Awesome peach drinks, punch and PIE? Yes please.

    I'm all for desert. I love them all.

    This is the reaction I want people to have! Pie, punch, soup bar, breads,chocolate fountain (FH demanded this be the splurge item.  I approved.) and a bouncy castle.  What's not to like?!

    Bouncy Castle? Ok, that alone makes up for any lack of alcohol.

    But seriously, everything sounds wonderful. Sounds more relaxed and like hanging out at home feeling, which sounds like a perfectly awesome reception.
    [Deleted User]
  • I'll be totally honest- I don't particularly enjoy dry weddings. For me any celebration involves alcohol. Not in a I must be drunk to have fun way, but more in the same way I wouldn't love a wedding where the food was salad, steamed rice, and plain chicken. It just doesn't feel festive to me and I would be less likely to dance and more likely to leave early. Thing is though, I have all kinds of preferences. I don't like weddings in barns. I don't like certain kinds of music. I don't care for humorous wedding readings. That doesn't make people who do those things wrong or rude. Not every single thing I go to is exactly how I would have done it and that's totally fine.
    Thanks, I totally get that.  It's all about preferences, right? I don't like burlap and mason jars, but I'm not going to not come to your big day because it's got these things! 

    Fair enough on the leaving early, though.  Most of my family and friends are quite happy to sit and chat for hours on end about everything and nothing, and there are enough people who will dance, myself included, sober. As long as no one makes drama over it, I'm not too worried.
    bumbletiger88novella1186
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards