I really hope this is MUD. It sounds like your grandmother will insult a lot of people so his sister will just ignore it. How does your FI feel about this?
Is this a fucking joke? Please tell me you're not serious.
If I had a FSIL that was gay, I'd tell any of my bigoted family members that they can come and act nice, or not come at all. The fact that you'd expect these women to - what- pretend they're straight? - is so fucking offensive, I can't believe it.
I was hoping they could just dress nice and act natural and no one would notice, but they refuse to hide their relationship, which I get, but it's your brother's wedding for crying out loud!
I'm REALLY annoyed that his sister and her woman can't suck it up and pretend for one day...It would mean alot to us and just make things run smoothly. How do I proceed?
Firstly, "dressing nice" doesn't require a dress, skirt, or any other "girl" clothes.
Second, for a lesbian "acting natural" includes doing such scandalous things as not pretending you aren't in a relationship with your partner when out in public.
From your post I am calling absolute BS that you yourself don't have a problem with lesbians.
My husband is Japanese. My grandfather fought the Japanese in WWII hand-to-hand in the jungles of Borneo. He saw his friends killed, captured and tortured by the Japanese army. He was NOT happy when I fell in love with a Japanese man, and was NOT happy when we announced our engagement. Guess what? He shut the hell up and put on a smile and was never anything but courteous and welcoming to my husband and his family on our wedding day, and every other day because he was a grown adult and knew how to act as such, and that the actions of a few people 60 years ago had nothing to do with my in-laws.
If I'd come on here wishing my in-laws would try and hide who they were or stay away from my family on my wedding day, I hope the ladies on this board would have handed my ass to me on a platter.
Go back and read what you wrote, and think about what it says about YOU. I cannot, cannot believe that in 2015 we still have to put up with attitudes like this from people who should damn well know better.
My husband is Japanese. My grandfather fought the Japanese in WWII hand-to-hand in the jungles of Borneo. He saw his friends killed, captured and tortured by the Japanese army. He was NOT happy when I fell in love with a Japanese man, and was NOT happy when we announced our engagement.
Maybe you should have asked your husband to try to be non-Japanese for the day. You know, just to make your grandfather happy.
My husband is Japanese. My grandfather fought the Japanese in WWII hand-to-hand in the jungles of Borneo. He saw his friends killed, captured and tortured by the Japanese army. He was NOT happy when I fell in love with a Japanese man, and was NOT happy when we announced our engagement.
Maybe you should have asked your husband to try to be non-Japanese for the day. You know, just to make your grandfather happy.
I'm newly engaged and am working some stuff out with my fiance, regarding finances and family...we're getting past some stuff, which is good, but there's one thing that REALLY is bothering me
His sister is a lesbian, who is in a committed relationship. They are both very manly, and refuse to EVER wear dresses...My family will NOT like this. They are very Catholic and old school. I was hoping they could just dress nice and act natural and no one would notice, but they refuse to hide their relationship, which I get, but it's your brother's wedding for crying out loud! Future MIL is backing them 100%, and says she will NOT attend if they are not invited. My fiance wants NO issues and feels that my family shouldn't care about what his sister does. But I know they'll have a problem with it.
I'm REALLY annoyed that his sister and her woman can't suck it up and pretend for one day...It would mean alot to us and just make things run smoothly. How do I proceed?
****** Maybe your family could practice being nice for just one day, and pretend to treat others as they would like to be treated, nicely and respectfully.
I do not recall anything in Catholic teaching which says women must wear dresses and not pants. Nothing in Christian teaching says that mother or grandmother of your family has been appointed to be God and has the power to pass judgment on everyone else. They are being prideful and self centered, putting themselves above others this way. Maybe your priest would be willing to counsel these older members of your family to be more accepting and loving toward these younger ladies.
I know my nana would make a comment, and be rude...she's very old school and everyone excuses her because she's the matriarch. She's capable of saying something like, "what you do goes against God" or something (she's done it before) it's awful, but I'm really lost as to waht to do.
Seems to me like nana is the one who shouldn't be invited.
TWO JUNEBRIDES--I love your story. The problem is I KNOW my nana, and I know how rude she can be...I might have to just tell her to stop being a jerk and deal with the consequences. My mom is trying to stay out of it, but said she will remove my grandmother if need be.
Or not invite her since she is the one with the problem?
Sorry to be repetitive but I'm just shocked that anyone would actually consider asking their future SIL to "tone it down" because nana is an asshole. How do you even ask that of someone with a straight face? I'd be too ashamed toeven bring it up.
I'm newly engaged and am working some stuff out with my fiance, regarding finances and family...we're getting past some stuff, which is good, but there's one thing that REALLY is bothering me
His sister is a lesbian, who is in a committed relationship. They are both very manly, and refuse to EVER wear dresses...My family will NOT like this. Too fucking bad for your family. Lucky for the rest of us that life does not revolve around your family. Plus, many straight women don't like and refuse to wear dresses too. What other people choose to wear is frankly none of your business or your family's business, and they need to get the fuck over themselves. They are very Catholic and old school. Their religion, or rather how they choose to practice it, is not relevant and it's not an excuse to be jerks. I know many, many Catholics that are not bigots. I was hoping they could just dress nice and act natural and no one would notice, but they refuse to hide their relationship, which I get, but it's your brother's wedding for crying out loud! They are acting "natural." Their sexuality is just as natural as yours is. Did you choose to be straight? I didn't think so. Why should they or anyone else hide their relationship for the sake of a wedding, even if it's their own brother? Future MIL is backing them 100%, and says she will NOT attend if they are not invited. Good for your FMIL, she seems to be the only person with any decency or compassion. My fiance wants NO issues and feels that my family shouldn't care about what his sister does. Your FI is right. But I know they'll have a problem with it. Honestly, I wouldn't marry into a family that would be such open assholes to my family members. And you are just as bad, if not worse. You should be backing your FI up.
I'm REALLY annoyed that his sister and her woman can't suck it up and pretend for one day...It would mean alot to us and just make things run smoothly. No, it would mean a lot to YOU and your bigoted family. It would mean a lot to your FI for you and your family to practice what you supposedly preach and be accepting of his family. How do I proceed? Pull your head out of your ass, apologize to your FI, and stop worrying about how his sister and her partner are going to dress. Stop trying to appease your family, they are in the wrong.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I don't want her change who she is, I guess I just want her to steer clear of my family...I also don't want my family to make her feel bad or insult her. And how do I tell my 93 year old grandmother to not make rude comments about her?
It's easy. "Nana, you're being an asshole. Nobody likes assholes."
Why do people think that the elderly get a pass for being assholes just by virtue of being old?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I know my nana would make a comment, and be rude...she's very old school and everyone excuses her because she's the matriarch. She's capable of saying something like, "what you do goes against God" or something (she's done it before) it's awful, but I'm really lost as to waht to do.
"Well Nana, since you're the closest to death of all of us, let us know what God has to say about you judging people when you have no authority to do so. As I recall, Jesus was pretty clear on the fact that it's God's job to judge. We'll have the Ouija board ready so we can receive your answer."
No, everyone excuses her because no one has the guts to stand up to her.
And please note, I'm not bashing Catholics as a group. However, I do not like rude, judgemental people who use how they interpret religion as cart Blanche to be asses.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Is this a fucking joke? Please tell me you're not serious.
If I had a FSIL that was gay, I'd tell any of my bigoted family members that they can come and act nice, or not come at all. The fact that you'd expect these women to - what- pretend they're straight? - is so fucking offensive, I can't believe it.
THIS is exactly what I wanted to say!!! I can't get over the "act natural" part in the OP! What the actual fuck. I truly hope this isn't a serious post!!!!! I say tell your close minded family to stay the hell home. Last time I checked it's 2015.
I'm newly engaged and am working some stuff out with my fiance, regarding finances and family...we're getting past some stuff, which is good, but there's one thing that REALLY is bothering me
His sister is a lesbian, who is in a committed relationship. They are both very manly, and refuse to EVER wear dresses...My family will NOT like this. They are very Catholic and old school. I was hoping they could just dress nice and act natural and no one would notice, but they refuse to hide their relationship, which I get, but it's your brother's wedding for crying out loud! Future MIL is backing them 100%, and says she will NOT attend if they are not invited. My fiance wants NO issues and feels that my family shouldn't care about what his sister does. But I know they'll have a problem with it.
I'm REALLY annoyed that his sister and her woman can't suck it up and pretend for one day...It would mean alot to us and just make things run smoothly. How do I proceed?
What the actual ever loving fuck?
You know what, show your FSIL and her partner this thread and the lovely things you had to say about their perfectly legitimate relationship. They may feel like declining afterwards and then good ol' Nana won't have anything to complain about.
I have NO issue with gay people at all, but I know how my nana and her husband will react and I just don't feel like dealing with it...I seriously just want to elope and deal with that drama instead.
But you want them to pretend to be someone they are not. OK.
I am not gay. But you came very close to describing me in your opening post. I don't own a dress. I came *this* close to wearing pants as the MOB for my daughter's wedding. She did not care. My appearance, while not perhaps "manly" is often masculine. I wear structured, somewhat conservative clothes. My hair is short and spiked. I rarely wear much jewelry beyond a simple stud post. Would your family slap me with a scarlet "L"?
Your family has a hateful, ignorant, and bigoted viewpoint. Oh, did I mention I am an old school Catholic?
Whoa. Your family sucks and I can't fathom why you're even remotely defending them. I really feel badly for your FI's family... They shouldn't have to face the bigotry you and your family are showing them.
I think what really needs to happen for your day to run smoothly is for YOU to tell YOUR family to suck it up and be polite, grown adults around others.
You keep saying you're only trying to keep your nana away from FSIL, but your first post is outright offensive.
FSIL and her partner ARE acting natural with the current way they choose to lead their lives. It's pretty rude to ask someone to come and support your relationship if you cannot support theirs.
You know there are heterosexual women who don't wear dresses either right? There is nothing wrong with a nice pant suit.
The solution is simple, first, apologize to your FI and MIL about even bringing this up as an "issue". (The only issue is your grandmother- and it's her problem, not yours).
For the ceremony, if you have ushers, have grandma and FSIL/partner seated in different rows, or on opposite sides. For the reception, grandma sits with your family, FSIL/partner sit with FI's family. Unless your grandmother hunts FSIL down, they don't even have to acknowledge each other, let alone talk to each other. And if your grandmother would purposely find her out to tell how "wrong" she thinks she is, then talk to your GRANDMOTHER prior to the wedding and let her know that any such behaviour is unacceptable and she will be asked to leave if she starts anything.
I agree, you shouldn't be dealing with family drama on your wedding day, but guess what, no matter how hard you plan, it won't be perfect. And that is just fine- nothing is perfect. At the end of the day, as long as you are married, you will have "achieved" your wedding day.
At my reception my grandma and my aunt (her daughter) got into a spat over my aunt's husband. Apparently yelling started. My dad dealt with it, told them to knock it off or leave. I didn't even know it had happened (until the day after)- didn't ruin anything for me. Expect adults to act like adults (mostly), and let your mother deal with her mother.
Don't turn this into your problem, and it won't be.
I'm newly engaged and am working some stuff out with my fiance, regarding finances and family...we're getting past some stuff, which is good, but there's one thing that REALLY is bothering me
His sister is a lesbian, who is in a committed relationship. They are both very manly, and refuse to EVER wear dresses...My family will NOT like this. They are very Catholic and old school. I was hoping they could just dress nice and act natural and no one would notice, but they refuse to hide their relationship, which I get, but it's your brother's wedding for crying out loud! Future MIL is backing them 100%, and says she will NOT attend if they are not invited. My fiance wants NO issues and feels that my family shouldn't care about what his sister does. But I know they'll have a problem with it.
I'm REALLY annoyed that his sister and her woman can't suck it up and pretend for one day...It would mean alot to us and just make things run smoothly. How do I proceed?
Are you fucking kidding me with the bolded? Christ, I hope his family DOES refuse to attend your wedding based on your attitude alone, nevermind your awful harpy grandmother.
Agree wholeheartedly with PPs. If this is MUD, you're awful for coming up with something like this to have fun with. If it's real, you're awful for even entertaining the idea of catering to your asshole family on the issue, and you're awful for your attitude about it. I am so embarrassed for you.
What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
Re: Hi, newly engaged with several issues and a question
If I had a FSIL that was gay, I'd tell any of my bigoted family members that they can come and act nice, or not come at all. The fact that you'd expect these women to - what- pretend they're straight? - is so fucking offensive, I can't believe it.
Second, for a lesbian "acting natural" includes doing such scandalous things as not pretending you aren't in a relationship with your partner when out in public.
From your post I am calling absolute BS that you yourself don't have a problem with lesbians.
My husband is Japanese. My grandfather fought the Japanese in WWII hand-to-hand in the jungles of Borneo. He saw his friends killed, captured and tortured by the Japanese army. He was NOT happy when I fell in love with a Japanese man, and was NOT happy when we announced our engagement. Guess what? He shut the hell up and put on a smile and was never anything but courteous and welcoming to my husband and his family on our wedding day, and every other day because he was a grown adult and knew how to act as such, and that the actions of a few people 60 years ago had nothing to do with my in-laws.
If I'd come on here wishing my in-laws would try and hide who they were or stay away from my family on my wedding day, I hope the ladies on this board would have handed my ass to me on a platter.
Go back and read what you wrote, and think about what it says about YOU. I cannot, cannot believe that in 2015 we still have to put up with attitudes like this from people who should damn well know better.
Maybe your family could practice being nice for just one day, and pretend to treat others as they would like to be treated, nicely and respectfully.
I do not recall anything in Catholic teaching which says women must wear dresses and not pants. Nothing in Christian teaching says that mother or grandmother of your family has been appointed to be God and has the power to pass judgment on everyone else. They are being prideful and self centered, putting themselves above others this way.
Maybe your priest would be willing to counsel these older members of your family to be more accepting and loving toward these younger ladies.
Seems to me like nana is the one who shouldn't be invited.
Or not invite her since she is the one with the problem?
Sorry to be repetitive but I'm just shocked that anyone would actually consider asking their future SIL to "tone it down" because nana is an asshole. How do you even ask that of someone with a straight face? I'd be too ashamed toeven bring it up.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
Why do people think that the elderly get a pass for being assholes just by virtue of being old?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
No, everyone excuses her because no one has the guts to stand up to her.
And please note, I'm not bashing Catholics as a group. However, I do not like rude, judgemental people who use how they interpret religion as cart Blanche to be asses.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I am not gay. But you came very close to describing me in your opening post. I don't own a dress. I came *this* close to wearing pants as the MOB for my daughter's wedding. She did not care. My appearance, while not perhaps "manly" is often masculine. I wear structured, somewhat conservative clothes. My hair is short and spiked. I rarely wear much jewelry beyond a simple stud post. Would your family slap me with a scarlet "L"?
Your family has a hateful, ignorant, and bigoted viewpoint. Oh, did I mention I am an old school Catholic?