"PPD" is cruel

drunkenwitch · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost HAHAHAHA get out of my head! BF and I just watched that movie and that was exactly what I was thinking of when I wrote that post!

mikenberger · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

drunkenwitch said:

Wait, I'm not done yet, in fact I'm just getting warmed up. Go look up the definition of "cruel" nowhere does it say that refusing to validate rude, entitled bullshit is "cruel". Seriously, if that's what you think cruelty is I suggest you pull your head out the sand and actually look at what is going on in the world outside OF YOURSELF!

I totally read and viewed this in Al Pacino voice.

*swoon*

photokitty · February 2015

beethery said:

photokitty said:

Wait, another wedding industry VENDOR is giving out tacky, rude advice bc it's "your special day"???

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! Color me shocked! Never saw that one coming!

Who here is surprised that someone making money off officiating wedding ceremonies thinks having two of them is a cracker jack idea??

Two ceremonies, two bills, two paypaids! *CHA-FUCKING-CHING*

WAIT SHE'S A VENDOR?

She said she married the entitled couple who lied to their fathers - thus she was the officiant.

She is not soliciting her services, she posts as a MOG/MOB - BUT she works in the industry, which is allowed as long as you aren't soliciting yourself on here, technically no one should be able to tell you work in the industry.

But I still thought it was worth pointing out that her motives are biassed bc she makes money off of giving bad advice or doing whatever a B&G want as long as she gets paid.

drunkenwitch · February 2015

Hoo-ahh

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

drunkenwitch said:

Hoo-ahh

Whenever I refer to or hear another woman refer to vajayjays as hoohahs. . . I picture Al Pacino saying that, lol!

Which is why I like to use the term Hoohah.

ohannabelle · February 2015

photokitty said:

beethery said:

photokitty said:

Wait, another wedding industry VENDOR is giving out tacky, rude advice bc it's "your special day"???

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! Color me shocked! Never saw that one coming!

Who here is surprised that someone making money off officiating wedding ceremonies thinks having two of them is a cracker jack idea??

Two ceremonies, two bills, two paypaids! *CHA-FUCKING-CHING*

WAIT SHE'S A VENDOR?

She said she married the entitled couple who lied to their fathers - thus she was the officiant.

She is not soliciting her services, she posts as a MOG/MOB - BUT she works in the industry, which is allowed as long as you aren't soliciting yourself on here, technically no one should be able to tell you work in the industry.

But I still thought it was worth pointing out that her motives are biassed bc she makes money off of giving bad advice or doing whatever a B&G want as long as she gets paid.

I am sure that the fact that a WW member / officiant used the word "cruel" to describe the knot members just a couple of days ago, in reference to exactly the same subject matter, is just an incredible coincidence.

Because there must be two officiants hanging out on internet wedding forums who would grossly misuse that particular word, and post long winded and illogical pro PPD statements within a couple days of each other.

That could happen.

KatieinBkln · February 2015

Ugh. Ugh to all of this MUD.

It's telling that no matter what sob story people invent to justify PPDs, they always fall flat.

Fun fact: My FI lost his job recently. Happily, my company provides family health insurance to domestic partners, but in the event that it hadn't, there is NO WAY I would've gotten quick-married on the sly just to save the $70/month that it would have cost to go on the health exchange. First of all, I'm not too cheap to pay it. But second of all, in the event that his having health insurance was so crucial that he HAD to have it, immediately, and we couldn't afford other care, I would (with much regret) pare back our planned wedding and turn it into a celebration of marriage. Because that's what adulthood is! Making hard choices sometimes!

thesilverbride · February 2015

I never thought I would say this, but I agree with these girls. After comparing it to the gay rights movement, I see it completely different. I do think that OP's cancer patient deserved a vow renewal, and I don't think any one of her friends wouldn't show up. Everyone would treat her like a real bride because she deserves it. But maybe these cases are extremely rare when it comes to this sort of thing? I think most of the time people rush to the alter for no specific reason and plan on having a ceremony/reception later when its more convenient… and lie to their friends about it. In some ways I don't see the harm in it, I've had lots of friends do it and I didn't see the big deal, but it appears that any way you dish it out, someone will get hurt if you lie.

novella1186 · February 2015

thesilverbride said:

I never thought I would say this, but I agree with these girls. After comparing it to the gay rights movement, I see it completely different. I do think that OP's cancer patient deserved a vow renewal, and I don't think any one of her friends wouldn't show up. Everyone would treat her like a real bride because she deserves it. But maybe these cases are extremely rare when it comes to this sort of thing? I think most of the time people rush to the alter for no specific reason and plan on having a ceremony/reception later when its more convenient… and lie to their friends about it. In some ways I don't see the harm in it, I've had lots of friends do it and I didn't see the big deal, but it appears that any way you dish it out, someone will get hurt if you lie.

If no other good comes from this train-wreck, we got through to someone

MobKaz · February 2015

marshallra said:

I planned a wedding for my daughter several years ago and used the community for lots of info and ideas. My son is now getting married so I am back reading. I was surprised by the thread above about PPD. Had no idea what it was. A few days ago read a thread about a young medical student who had planned a wedding in Colorado but was now going to get married quickly because her Dad was very ill. Frankly I was shocked by the tone of the responses to her, and was reminded of a young couple I married several years ago. They had gotten engaged, but lived in different cities. Shortly after the engagement the bride lost her job and after several months of looking without any luck moved to the groom's city and took a waitressing job until something in her field came up. She had no health insurance, but figured it was only for a short time and she was young and healthy. The set a date for a year later and started planning their wedding. Unfortunately the unthinkable happened and the bride was diagnosed with a particularly nasty and deadly form of cancer. She was hospitalized in isolation the day she was diagnosed and her 30 day survival rate was less than 25%. Within a few days the young women and her groom to be realized that the only way to cover her care financially was to have her on his insurance by getting married. Three days after diagnosis the couple, their mothers and I legally married them. No one else knew, not even their fathers. . She survived, and was released from the hospital after a few months. The original wedding date came and went but she was still recieving chemo and far too sick, so it was put off. Two years after the initial diaganosis they had their wedding. They had a shower and a rehearsal dinner, a white dress and all the trimmings. The bride changed her name after that day. This couple had been through hell and back and neither of their mothers nor I felt anything but joy to see them celebrate their love and life. Her medical treatment ( which is still ongoing) has had to have cost nearly a million dollars. She would have had to file bankrupcy to clear the debt, and who knows if some of the life saving care she recieved would have been available to her. I think etiquette is designed to help people, not to hurt them. The notion is to follow rules so people know what to expect and feel comfortable. It should not be used to judge others. The response to the medical student who was going to marry so her Dad could be there that she could "have a party but not a reception- no white dress or other parties" was, in my humble opinion cruel. If you object to being invited to a wedding you don't approve of, don't go, but don't take away whatever joy she can find in a very difficult time. I am old enough to,remember when brides who " had to get married" were considered shameful. I remember when I wanted to give a shower for a friend's daughter in that condition. My friend objected saying we shouldn't celebrate the baby on the way. I gave the shower, and in the end my friend agreed. Babies concieved before wedlock are just as loved and just in as much need, and should be celebrated just as much as those concieved on a more conventional schedule. I think the world has caught up to that notion because it was a kinder and fairer way to be. I hope that we can be kinder and fairer to those who for whatever circumstance find themselves being "PPD". Be glad you never had to make that choice.

huskypuppy14 · February 2015

ohannabelle said:

photokitty said:

beethery said:

photokitty said:

Wait, another wedding industry VENDOR is giving out tacky, rude advice bc it's "your special day"???

Well I'll be a monkey's uncle! Color me shocked! Never saw that one coming!

Who here is surprised that someone making money off officiating wedding ceremonies thinks having two of them is a cracker jack idea??

Two ceremonies, two bills, two paypaids! *CHA-FUCKING-CHING*

WAIT SHE'S A VENDOR?

She said she married the entitled couple who lied to their fathers - thus she was the officiant.

She is not soliciting her services, she posts as a MOG/MOB - BUT she works in the industry, which is allowed as long as you aren't soliciting yourself on here, technically no one should be able to tell you work in the industry.

But I still thought it was worth pointing out that her motives are biassed bc she makes money off of giving bad advice or doing whatever a B&G want as long as she gets paid.

I am sure that the fact that a WW member / officiant used the word "cruel" to describe the knot members just a couple of days ago, in reference to exactly the same subject matter, is just an incredible coincidence.

Because there must be two officiants hanging out on internet wedding forums who would grossly misuse that particular word, and post long winded and illogical pro PPD statements within a couple days of each other.

That could happen.

Yup, pretty sure the OP is the celebrant from WW.

Also this was the line at city hall in Boston in 2004 when the first marriage licenses for same sex couples in the US were legal. Oh but it's the party that matters, right?

PhoneCardLady · February 2015

Could it be that neither father knew because neither one was in the picture?

larrygaga · February 2015

I am glad I live in the mindset that I never have to make the choice of getting married in the first place. It's a luxury. If I work hard I can buy my own health insurance without any man to help me. My parents may not be sick but I know their dying wish sure as hell wouldn't be to see me married off like this is the 1800's and I'm basically livestock. My self worth is not based on other people. It is based only on me. Therefore, my wedding and my FI are additions to me and they aren't what makes me up.

Newsflash: We are trying to progress as women in a sexist society. If you realize that marrying someone isn't the only thing that ever mattered to a young woman, then you will also realize how stupid you fucking sound. A court house is a wedding, and every bit of the party that is added to a "real" wedding is only a luxury and is not a necessity. I don't sit here and hope and pray I can have a big pretty princess day, because I am an educated and successful young woman. Why? My mom taught me where my priorities should be.

I am all in favor of PPD, as long as I'm not lied to and as long as I am not shamed for not bring a gift. Because a PPD is just a party like any other wedding. What matters is the 20 dollar legally binding contract. Priorities. I hope that the young women who may have looked up to you in your life learned their priorities somewhere else.

redoryx · February 2015

PhoneCardLady said:

Could it be that neither father knew because neither one was in the picture?

The OP says that nobody else knew, not even their fathers. That to me indicates the fathers were in the picture and kept in the dark.

Wegl13 · February 2015

I am totally just adding this because it's super sweet and awesome.
http://www.al.com/news/huntsville/index.ssf/2015/02/65_licenses_and_42_weddings_la.html
I'm so sad I had to work that day and miss such a great day!

photokitty · February 2015

PhoneCardLady said:

Could it be that neither father knew because neither one was in the picture?

Seriously??? OP said "No one else knew, not even their fathers."

By your logic - She failed to add "not even her third grade teacher, his ex-girlfriend and that jock from the baseball team that used to give him wedgies" if she was naming off all the estranged people no longer in the picture.

I want to know what these self righteous folks would have done if, God forbid, she had passed away. Would they then tell everyone they got married and lied to them? Or would her husband have been fine with keeping up the charade and morning his fiancee, instead of his wife's death? Does he then lie to the next woman he meets? Well, technically we were married, but we weren't really married...if you know what I mean. NO, no, we don't - bc you are married when you get married.

ohannabelle · February 2015

PhoneCardLady said:

Could it be that neither father knew because neither one was in the picture?

Could it be that both fathers were trampled in a unicorn stampede on their way back from taking their pet badgers to a costume party?

I mean, if we're going to embroider already unlikely fiction with random unsupported possibilities, why not?

[Deleted User] · February 2015

jeterbabe · February 2015

Who in their right mind would marry without telling the fathers? What if this woman passed away? Did it ever occur to her how her father would feel learning he had been left out of something this important? And let's not forget the legal issues. Her husband would have been next-of-kin so there was no way he legally could withhold the information about their marriage. If he did lie and say they were never married, it could cause major legal problems down the line if her parents were misrepresented as her next-of-kin. Also, the insurance company/employer would have a field day with him if they somehow learned he was claiming they were never married, when he told them he was married. The whole lying thing opens the door to so many other problems.

lyndausvi · February 2015

jeterbabe said:

Who in their right mind would marry without telling the fathers? What if this woman passed away? Did it ever occur to her how her father would feel learning he had been left out of something this important? And let's not forget the legal issues. Her husband would have been next-of-kin so there was no way he legally could withhold the information about their marriage. If he did lie and say they were never married, it could cause major legal problems down the line if her parents were misrepresented as her next-of-kin. Also, the insurance company/employer would have a field day with him if they somehow learned he was claiming they were never married, when he told them he was married. The whole lying thing opens the door to so many other problems.

QueerFemme · February 2015

I really hate this shit. I got married in a great, fabulous wedding, with 130 people there. it was awesome. Except, according to the government, it didn't happen. I spent the next year paying almost triple for our health insurance what a straight couple would pay and couldn't claim my partner on my taxes. We also had to go get married again, ceremony and all, when DOMA was overturned. I fucking hated having to say my vows in front of a government official, just for them to grant me the legal rights that I should have received when I said my vows a year earlier! I already said this shit ! I shouldn't have to say it again in front of some straight white guy, just so he'll sign the papers! I even asked if I could just show my wedding video so he would just sign it!!

If you want the rights that go along with getting married, you are fucking married.

mollybarker11 · February 2015

OP reads like one of those ridiculous chain emails that used to circulate with "if you're reading this you must forward it to seven people before midnight or you'll be cursed and your crush will never like you back" at the end.

mollybarker11 · February 2015

I love how the story was meant to make us feel sorry for the bride. Please. I've got a broken heart imagining the faces of the two dads all excited and beaming on the fake wedding day, dancing and giving toasts, not knowing they've been duped. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Buuut all the sweet pics of gay newlyweds made me cry happy tears so thank you!

princessgracekelly · February 2015

larrygaga said:

I am glad I live in the mindset that I never have to make the choice of getting married in the first place. It's a luxury. If I work hard I can buy my own health insurance without any man to help me. My parents may not be sick but I know their dying wish sure as hell wouldn't be to see me married off like this is the 1800's and I'm basically livestock. My self worth is not based on other people. It is based only on me. Therefore, my wedding and my FI are additions to me and they aren't what makes me up.

Newsflash: We are trying to progress as women in a sexist society. If you realize that marrying someone isn't the only thing that ever mattered to a young woman, then you will also realize how stupid you fucking sound. A court house is a wedding, and every bit of the party that is added to a "real" wedding is only a luxury and is not a necessity. I don't sit here and hope and pray I can have a big pretty princess day, because I am an educated and successful young woman. Why? My mom taught me where my priorities should be.

I am all in favor of PPD, as long as I'm not lied to and as long as I am not shamed for not bring a gift. Because a PPD is just a party like any other wedding. What matters is the 20 dollar legally binding contract. Priorities. I hope that the young women who may have looked up to you in your life learned their priorities somewhere else.

See, the bolded is another problem I have with PPDs. My wedding will be my wedding. My two PPDs will be when I host the Golden Globes with Amy Poehler and Tina Fey and when I receive my Oscar for "Best Adapted Screenplay" based on the National Book Award-winning Great American Novel I wrote, respectively. You can throw yourself a fabulous party at any time. Passed the bar exam? Party! Back from the Peace Corps? Party! The fact that Western society tells women they only "get to" throw a big party honoring themselves when they snag a man is lame, to be honest. Like you said, larrygaga, priorities. Have them.

MadHops21 · February 2015

So we all agree PDD is bad, right? I've read through all 3 pages, is there someone in here not agreeing? How did this become 3 pages, or are we just excited about gay marriage being legalized? And the horror about the fathers not knowing?

drunkenwitch · February 2015

And honestly,if I wanted to feel like a Princess I could throw a theme party, slap on a tiara and request that my guests address me as "your highness" for the evening. My friends jump at any excuse to put on costumes and they would think it's hilarious. Viola! I am Princess for a Day.

princessgracekelly · February 2015

drunkenwitch said:

And honestly,if I wanted to feel like a Princess I could throw a theme party, slap on a tiara and request that my guests address me as "your highness" for the evening. My friends jump at any excuse to put on costumes and they would think it's hilarious. Viola! I am Princess for a Day.

I went to the costume birthday party of a friend last week where we dressed up as fairy tale characters. She literally broke out four or five tiaras she had laying around for those of us who had dressed up as princesses. It was. The. Best.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

snowflakeftw · February 2015

marshallra said:

I planned a wedding for my daughter several years ago and used the community for lots of info and ideas. My son is now getting married so I am back reading. I was surprised by the thread above about PPD. Had no idea what it was. A few days ago read a thread about a young medical student who had planned a wedding in Colorado but was now going to get married quickly because her Dad was very ill. Frankly I was shocked by the tone of the responses to her, and was reminded of a young couple I married several years ago. They had gotten engaged, but lived in different cities. Shortly after the engagement the bride lost her job and after several months of looking without any luck moved to the groom's city and took a waitressing job until something in her field came up. She had no health insurance, but figured it was only for a short time and she was young and healthy. The set a date for a year later and started planning their wedding. Unfortunately the unthinkable happened and the bride was diagnosed with a particularly nasty and deadly form of cancer. She was hospitalized in isolation the day she was diagnosed and her 30 day survival rate was less than 25%. Within a few days the young women and her groom to be realized that the only way to cover her care financially was to have her on his insurance by getting married. Three days after diagnosis the couple, their mothers and I legally married them. No one else knew, not even their fathers. . She survived, and was released from the hospital after a few months. The original wedding date came and went but she was still recieving chemo and far too sick, so it was put off. Two years after the initial diaganosis they had their wedding. They had a shower and a rehearsal dinner, a white dress and all the trimmings. The bride changed her name after that day. This couple had been through hell and back and neither of their mothers nor I felt anything but joy to see them celebrate their love and life. Her medical treatment ( which is still ongoing) has had to have cost nearly a million dollars. She would have had to file bankrupcy to clear the debt, and who knows if some of the life saving care she recieved would have been available to her. I think etiquette is designed to help people, not to hurt them. The notion is to follow rules so people know what to expect and feel comfortable. It should not be used to judge others. The response to the medical student who was going to marry so her Dad could be there that she could "have a party but not a reception- no white dress or other parties" was, in my humble opinion cruel. If you object to being invited to a wedding you don't approve of, don't go, but don't take away whatever joy she can find in a very difficult time. I am old enough to,remember when brides who " had to get married" were considered shameful. I remember when I wanted to give a shower for a friend's daughter in that condition. My friend objected saying we shouldn't celebrate the baby on the way. I gave the shower, and in the end my friend agreed. Babies concieved before wedlock are just as loved and just in as much need, and should be celebrated just as much as those concieved on a more conventional schedule. I think the world has caught up to that notion because it was a kinder and fairer way to be. I hope that we can be kinder and fairer to those who for whatever circumstance find themselves being "PPD". Be glad you never had to make that choice.

Well, I think times haven't caught up yet. It is obviously not an etiquette breach to be pregnant before the wedding, (or with child) but people will talk.

I mean it is what it is. If you look up for the definition of bastard it explains that it is a child born of parents not married to each other.

People choose to be cruel.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

snowflakeftw said:

marshallra said:

I planned a wedding for my daughter several years ago and used the community for lots of info and ideas. My son is now getting married so I am back reading. I was surprised by the thread above about PPD. Had no idea what it was. A few days ago read a thread about a young medical student who had planned a wedding in Colorado but was now going to get married quickly because her Dad was very ill. Frankly I was shocked by the tone of the responses to her, and was reminded of a young couple I married several years ago. They had gotten engaged, but lived in different cities. Shortly after the engagement the bride lost her job and after several months of looking without any luck moved to the groom's city and took a waitressing job until something in her field came up. She had no health insurance, but figured it was only for a short time and she was young and healthy. The set a date for a year later and started planning their wedding. Unfortunately the unthinkable happened and the bride was diagnosed with a particularly nasty and deadly form of cancer. She was hospitalized in isolation the day she was diagnosed and her 30 day survival rate was less than 25%. Within a few days the young women and her groom to be realized that the only way to cover her care financially was to have her on his insurance by getting married. Three days after diagnosis the couple, their mothers and I legally married them. No one else knew, not even their fathers. . She survived, and was released from the hospital after a few months. The original wedding date came and went but she was still recieving chemo and far too sick, so it was put off. Two years after the initial diaganosis they had their wedding. They had a shower and a rehearsal dinner, a white dress and all the trimmings. The bride changed her name after that day. This couple had been through hell and back and neither of their mothers nor I felt anything but joy to see them celebrate their love and life. Her medical treatment ( which is still ongoing) has had to have cost nearly a million dollars. She would have had to file bankrupcy to clear the debt, and who knows if some of the life saving care she recieved would have been available to her. I think etiquette is designed to help people, not to hurt them. The notion is to follow rules so people know what to expect and feel comfortable. It should not be used to judge others. The response to the medical student who was going to marry so her Dad could be there that she could "have a party but not a reception- no white dress or other parties" was, in my humble opinion cruel. If you object to being invited to a wedding you don't approve of, don't go, but don't take away whatever joy she can find in a very difficult time. I am old enough to,remember when brides who " had to get married" were considered shameful. I remember when I wanted to give a shower for a friend's daughter in that condition. My friend objected saying we shouldn't celebrate the baby on the way. I gave the shower, and in the end my friend agreed. Babies concieved before wedlock are just as loved and just in as much need, and should be celebrated just as much as those concieved on a more conventional schedule. I think the world has caught up to that notion because it was a kinder and fairer way to be. I hope that we can be kinder and fairer to those who for whatever circumstance find themselves being "PPD". Be glad you never had to make that choice.

Well, I think times haven't caught up yet. It is obviously not an etiquette breach to be pregnant before the wedding, (or with child) but people will talk.
I mean it is what it is. If you look up for the definition of bastard it explains that it is a child born of parents not married to each other.

People choose to be cruel.

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