Needy Fiance

rcher912 · March 2015

My FI can be pretty needy (so can I) and no relationship is a perfect 50-50 balance all the time, that's unrealistic.

And FI and I love to talk and theorize about where our neediness and quirks and pet peeves stem from, and how our families have influenced that - but that's because I'm a psychology and human development nerd, and those conversations are done in a neutral way when both of us are on solid emotional ground.

OP, I hope you're still here. I hope you're hearing some of the tough and some of the non-judgmental love that we have for you as part of this online community. You deserve someone who will not judge you for wanting to be loved in a certain way, spoiled in a certain way, someone who will indulge you in that because they want to see you genuinely happy.

And if you want to, like I enjoy, have an intellectual conversation about the fucked up-edness of your relationship with your mother, then by all means, a conversation with your spouse SHOULD be a safe place for that. It just sounds like right now it's not an emotionally safe place for that kind of thing, like it's thrown in your face.

I hope you aren't repeating the cycles of the relationships you know, and that you find someone new who will spoil you, and let you spoil them, and where you can indulge each other's whims just for the sake of seeing your SO happy.

Good luck, OP.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

@lacqueredlover my H says the bike shorts hold the junk up off the seat and away from squishing danger.

onefootinthebayou · March 2015

I have asked DH this in the past. Actually, I've asked him a lot about his balls and penis and where they go when he does certain things. I also don't understand how they don't get in the way all the time, swinging around all free down there.

"Loving" your post felt creepy since the subject is really your DH's balls but the way you worded your comment is cracking me up. "...where they go when he does certain things..." So inquisitive!

lovesclimbing · March 2015

Here are quotes from your post.

"So my fiance is needy 110% of the time,"

I compare his attitude to a child pretty much.

He always wants what he wants, if he is wrong he'll get details out of nowhere to seems his idea believable etc.

He gets easily cranky if he doesn't sleep, eat or get something he wants (not necessarily has to do with us).

I have talked to him about how I feel and he says that I am lacking love from my family (my relationship with my mother is not great), and that I expect him to fill the gap.

I'm sorry, but there are a ton of red flags in your post. I know it will probably be hard if you're planning to spend your life with this guy, but he does not sound ready for a relationship.

jenna8984 · March 2015

WinstonsGirl said:

lacqueredlover said:

ashley8918 said:

I think it is the testicles. Having that vulnerable body part just makes them inherently needy.

But seriously, how to men ride bikes without squishing their balls? I can't seem to figure that out and it's been bothering me.

I have asked DH this in the past. Actually, I've asked him a lot about his balls and penis and where they go when he does certain things. I also don't understand how they don't get in the way all the time, swinging around all free down there.

I bought DH the spandexy shorts kind and was like "you should try these instead of boxers- your balls definitely need some support!" At first he hated them but now he's obsessed and it's all he wears. The good quality material he likes (no cotton) cost more than my Victoria's undies. He just got like 6 new pairs for $75, I was like are you freaking kidding me?!

redoryx · March 2015

There are normally maybe 2-4 guys in my spin class (out of about 30 people total). This morning, I kid you not, I had two next to me, one on either side and I seriously spent the whole time wondering about the ball/seat situation.

I BLAME YOU GUYS.

climbingsingle · March 2015

OP, what kind of needy are we talking about here? Sometimes my H is needy - he's had a rough day and he would like me to make him tea and rub his back. And I happily oblige. Sometimes I'm the needy one. I'd like him to make dinner while I lay in bed, and I then I'd like to be cuddled while he tells me how beautiful I am. And he does it. I have a feeling you're talking about a different kind of needy. But honestly, I can't understand why you'd agree to marry someone you clearly don't like or respect.

Katiekessler, you're entitled to your opinions. And we're allowed to say your opinions are baseless and sexist.

MadHops21 · March 2015

redoryx said:
There are normally maybe 2-4 guys in my spin class (out of about 30 people total). This morning, I kid you not, I had two next to me, one on either side and I seriously spent the whole time wondering about the ball/seat situation.

I BLAME YOU GUYS.

I always wonder how guys can just sit down without having to tuck them away. I cannot comprehend how guys can go running without some sort of ball-bra, similar to how women need bras so it doesn't hurt to run.

redoryx · March 2015

MadHops21 said:
There are normally maybe 2-4 guys in my spin class (out of about 30 people total). This morning, I kid you not, I had two next to me, one on either side and I seriously spent the whole time wondering about the ball/seat situation.

I BLAME YOU GUYS.

I always wonder how guys can just sit down without having to tuck them away. I cannot comprehend how guys can go running without some sort of ball-bra, similar to how women need bras so it doesn't hurt to run.

I think that's what I kept wondering about because with spinning you have standing sprints and sequences so you're constantly up and down and up and down, so how do they not have to like, reach, down and adjust every time?

lacqueredlover · March 2015

lolo883 said:
@lacqueredlover my H says the bike shorts hold the junk up off the seat and away from squishing danger.

Yeah but most guys in my spin class definitely are not wearing bike shorts, they are just wearing regular shorts. Maybe they are wearing briefs to protect the franks and beans.

cupcait927 · March 2015

MadHops21 said:

redoryx said:
There are normally maybe 2-4 guys in my spin class (out of about 30 people total). This morning, I kid you not, I had two next to me, one on either side and I seriously spent the whole time wondering about the ball/seat situation.

I BLAME YOU GUYS.
I always wonder how guys can just sit down without having to tuck them away. I cannot comprehend how guys can go running without some sort of ball-bra, similar to how women need bras so it doesn't hurt to run.

H has a spin bike at home. He typically wears briefs or his super spandex-y running underwear when he's on the bike. I've never once noticed him reaching down to adjust anything. I'm now going to have to ask him when he gets home how all of that works.

He also always wears briefs or spandex running underwear when he's out running to keep everything in place. He's got this pair of Nike underwear that is specifically for running that's like $30 a pair. He loves those things.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

lacqueredlover said:

lolo883 said:
@lacqueredlover my H says the bike shorts hold the junk up off the seat and away from squishing danger.
Yeah but most guys in my spin class definitely are not wearing bike shorts, they are just wearing regular shorts. Maybe they are wearing briefs to protect the franks and beans.

Yeah H wears them under his basketball shorts. He doesn't want the twig and berries on display for all the world to see, but also wants them protected in a stretchy embrace.

jenna8984 · March 2015

lolo883 said:

lacqueredlover said:

lolo883 said:
@lacqueredlover my H says the bike shorts hold the junk up off the seat and away from squishing danger.
Yeah but most guys in my spin class definitely are not wearing bike shorts, they are just wearing regular shorts. Maybe they are wearing briefs to protect the franks and beans.
Yeah H wears them under his basketball shorts. He doesn't want the twig and berries on display for all the world to see, but also wants them protected in a stretchy embrace.

This cracks me up because we know so much about our men's underwear, but I know my husband would have no clue about mine. He would never correctly state that I prefer polyester and lace bikini cut for normal day, but cotton full coverage for running, and thongs only with a clingy dress. He would be like "um, she likes pink ones?"

WinstonsGirl · March 2015

MadHops21 said:

I always wonder how guys can just sit down without having to tuck them away. I cannot comprehend how guys can go running without some sort of ball-bra, similar to how women need bras so it doesn't hurt to run.

This is how I feel. But DH tells me they're not really ever in the way. Maybe I think it's all bigger and hanging down lower than it really is. But the idea of doing anything active without a bra hurts, and I don't have a huge chest. DH wears boxer briefs, so nothing is really swinging around, but still, it doesn't seem like there much support to me. I guess men don't worry about sagging like we do.

MadHops21 · March 2015

WinstonsGirl said:

MadHops21 said:

I always wonder how guys can just sit down without having to tuck them away. I cannot comprehend how guys can go running without some sort of ball-bra, similar to how women need bras so it doesn't hurt to run.

This is how I feel. But DH tells me they're not really ever in the way. Maybe I think it's all bigger and hanging down lower than it really is. But the idea of doing anything active without a bra hurts, and I don't have a huge chest. DH wears boxer briefs, so nothing is really swinging around, but still, it doesn't seem like there much support to me. I guess men don't worry about sagging like we do.

FI wears the loose fitting, clothy briefs. They don't cling to him or anything, kind of just like short shorts for me. But he has no problem running around in those and shorts. I always ask him about it, I think it weirds him out. It's just like boobs to him, mysterious and wonder how it works.

ashley8918 · March 2015

I'm so glad that we are still talking about balls (and ball bras) in here. This is fascinating.

levioosa · March 2015

On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.

lovesclimbing · March 2015

H and I do some mountain biking, and I have never seen him adjust. I even asked him once, but I don't recall what he said. I think he said they just sit on top of the seat. He doesn't wear anything spandex, just normal boxers.

WinstonsGirl · March 2015

levioosa said:
On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.

Ewww!! This is sooooo gross to me!!! How can they hang that low??? How high is that toilet water???

Maybe this is why some guys wear their pants so low. Their balls have sagged down to their knees.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

Do your balls hang low?

Do they wobble to and fro?

Can you tie them in a knot?

Can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier?

Do your balls. hang. LOW?

novella1186 · March 2015

WinstonsGirl said:
On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.

Ewww!! This is sooooo gross to me!!! How can they hang that low??? How high is that toilet water???

Maybe this is why some guys wear their pants so low. Their balls have sagged down to their knees.

But then why do a lot of elderly men wear their pants pulled up so high? Wouldn't their balls be sagging? Where do their balls go when their pants are that high?

Quick, somebody text their grandpa!

WinstonsGirl · March 2015

novella1186 said:

WinstonsGirl said:
On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.
Ewww!! This is sooooo gross to me!!! How can they hang that low??? How high is that toilet water???

Maybe this is why some guys wear their pants so low. Their balls have sagged down to their knees.

But then why do a lot of elderly men wear their pants pulled up so high? Wouldn't their balls be sagging? Where do their balls go when their pants are that high?

Quick, somebody text their grandpa!

To hold them in place so they don't trip over them?? Broken hips from tripping and falling can be horrible for the elderly.

Dreamergirl8812 · March 2015

I asked DH about this during dinner last night and he said the seat kind of separates them and they just sit on top. He also said you don't really notice your balls unless they've just been hit with something.

So WTF is up with baseball players? They're always grabbing their junk like there's a remote control down there.

VulgarGirl · March 2015

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't understand male genitalia.

It just doesn't make any sense. Ladies are so neatly tucked inside. That was good planning on our parts.

novella1186 · March 2015

MagicInk said:
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who doesn't understand male genitalia.

It just doesn't make any sense. Ladies are so neatly tucked inside. That was good planning on our parts.

A pun!!!

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

Has the OP ever come back? Or is she rocking back and forth in a corner thinking she'd rather take her needy FI than this bunch of crazies?

Come back OP!

littlepep · March 2015

levioosa said:
On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.

I've always wondered about guys sitting on the toilet. What do they do with their penis? Does it it ever touch the water??

WinstonsGirl · March 2015

littlepep said:

levioosa said:
On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.
I've always wondered about guys sitting on the toilet. What do they do with their penis? Does it it ever touch the water??

I don't know why DH married me with all of my questions, but I did once ask him this. Does it hang down, does he drape it over the seat, what?? He laughed and said it's never in the way, so it just kinda chills out. I really think they're all much bigger and in the way in my head than they really are.

cupcait927 · March 2015

I now have so many questions to ask H because of this thread...

littlepep · March 2015

WinstonsGirl said:

levioosa said:
On the issue of balls sagging...I think it actually is a thing. SO was complaining the other day that his balls are lower than they used to be. I also was listening to a comedian a few months ago and he had a bit about how he knew he had finally lost the glow of his thirties when he sat down on the toilet and his balls touched the water. Which is both gross and terrifying. At least I never have to worry about my saggy boobs hitting public toilet water.
I've always wondered about guys sitting on the toilet. What do they do with their penis? Does it it ever touch the water??

I don't know why DH married me with all of my questions, but I did once ask him this. Does it hang down, does he drape it over the seat, what?? He laughed and said it's never in the way, so it just kinda chills out. I really think they're all much bigger and in the way in my head than they really are.

HA I guess I think the same way. I just assume it's flopping around all day, getting in the way and stuff.

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