strippers and bachelor parties

VulgarGirl · April 2015

Sexual contact without consent is sexual assault. So yeah...she'd be committing sexual assault. Even if he wasn't about to get married. Even if he was a dick head. She's not a slut. She's a sexual predator. Just like guys who bang them slutty strippers we were talking about? Those are also sexual predators.

It's not just nice guys or nice girls. Girls who fuck around, also don't deserve to be sexually assaulted. Guys who fuck around, also don't deserve to be sexually assaulted.

KatieinBkln · April 2015

bethsmiles said: MadHops21 said: MagicInk said: MadHops21 said: redoryx said: MadHops21 said:

It's not, it's everywhere. I just never knew it was exclusively to women only and a man-made term. I thought it applied to everyone, like asshole, jerk, bitch, douche, etc. I never read the slut-shaming boards because I agree that slut-shaming is bad because some people apply to everyone and anyone that likes to fuck. If you like to fuck, and you have consenting partners, then you're not a slut. I don't see why this is incredibly hard to understand, but suddenly I'm the "slut-shamer". That's a cool stigma to have now when I post on other boards. Can't wait to be judged and remembered like this.

Cutting this wayyyy down, but here is the crux of the matter:

No one is a slut. "Slut" is a term that is exclusively hateful, specifically gendered, and causes harm to women as a group and society as a whole whenever it is used, however it is "defined."

redoryx · April 2015

Ooof. Okay. The problem is...well, the problem is two-fold.

You use the word slut. We say you shouldn't do that and you say you're not down with slut-shaming and yet you then turned around and slut shamed a woman because you didn't approve of her behavior.

The two fold part is that you seem to see "slut" as pertaining exclusively to the number of sexual partners a person has. You have repeated this notion, talking about how people are free to fuck whomever they want and you'd never call someone with a lot of partners a slut...we are just trying to educate you on rape culture and slut shaming and the inappropriate use of the word in all contexts.

Words have meanings. That woman sexually assaulted someone. That makes her a sexual assaulter but it doesn't make her a slut. Because a slut is not actually a thing.

FiancB · April 2015

So you use the word slut but then backpedal to say that actually strippers aren't sluts and neither are girls that sleep around. So... what is a slut exactly, other than a word that shouldn't ever be used?

FWIW, if a couple isn't cool with strip clubs or porn or whatever and that's something they can talk about and agree on like grownups, that's fine with me. But more often than not, dig a little deeper and the reasoning is, well... wonky. Or nonexistent. Or based off some internalized misogyny.

As this thread is an exemplary example of.

FiancB · April 2015

Dreamergirl8812 said:
Anyone with strip club stories? My guy friend went to a strip club once in San Francisco. He told me he was going to lick the pussy that was in his face, but it smelled bad.

Ugh.

And where the fuck did I say strip clubs are the problem?

SITB

It's called reading between the lines, dearie. I could say I think people that want to exchange stories about gross strippers are really dumb and you could call it a personal attack and I could come back and say BUT I NEVER SAID I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU so chill.

But I totally was.

themosthappy91 · April 2015

FiancB said:
So you use the word slut but then backpedal to say that actually strippers aren't sluts and neither are girls that sleep around. So... what is a slut exactly, other than a word that shouldn't ever be used?

FWIW, if a couple isn't cool with strip clubs or porn or whatever and that's something they can talk about and agree on like grownups, that's fine with me. But more often than not, dig a little deeper and the reasoning is, well... wonky. Or nonexistent. Or based off some internalized misogyny.

As this thread is an exemplary example of.

I feel like that kind of thinking is why this thread has devolved into such a shit show. For one thing, very early on in the conversation I provided what I consider to be a very solid reason for why I am not comfortable with strip clubs that if anything was the opposite of "internalized misogyny". Furthermore, people are allowed to have irrational dislikes of something that don't really come from anywhere or mean anything. What is the point of posting a thread asking people to tell you their personal take on something and then try endlessly to show them how wrong they are if they say they dislike it.

This whole thing is basically equivalent to someone starting a discussion- "What is your take on horses" and then 85% percent of people respond and are like "I'm totally cool with horses" and the other 15% are like "I don't know, I just get a bad feeling from horses" and everyone else freaks out and is like "WHY HAVE YOU INTERNALIZED THESE ANTI-HORSE ATTITUDES THAT SOCIETY HAS PUSHED ON YOU!?" People are allowed to just not like things and shouldn't be harangued until they justify it to your personal satisfaction.

buttercup1958 · April 2015

V and I don't watch plays that have full on nudity. V doesn't like plays and the plays I enjoy aren't full of naked people. Most of the movies we watch don't have a lot of nudity either, because we aren't interested in them. I completely trust V and he completely trusts me. There is no deep secret as to why, we just don't like watching naked people. Different strokes for different folks. And this turned into a shit show.

Dreamergirl8812 · April 2015

FiancB said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:
Anyone with strip club stories? My guy friend went to a strip club once in San Francisco. He told me he was going to lick the pussy that was in his face, but it smelled bad.

Ugh.
And where the fuck did I say strip clubs are the problem?

SITB

It's called reading between the lines, dearie. I could say I think people that want to exchange stories about gross strippers are really dumb and you could call it a personal attack and I could come back and say BUT I NEVER SAID I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU so chill.

But I totally was.

If name calling helps you express yourself, more power to you.

sophhabobopha · April 2015

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

Oh my... MadHops, you've dug yourself quite a hole. There's nothing wrong with being in a relationship where you don't get your kicks out of strip clubs. I'm in such a relationship. No big deal. We're happy and confident with our sex life and outlook. If y'all are OK with porn..whatever. No judging here. As long as whatever y'all have worked out works for you.

But honey, you're all over the map here with justifying and explaining things in a way that many here find insulting and offensive. Including me. Before I met DH, I slept around a lot. One night stands, open relationships, monogamous boyfriends, friends with benefits, lots of "dating", whatever. More people than I can count, actually.

My lifestyle did NOT mean I was "dirty" (never had an STD, thanks) or a "slut" or that, because I liked to look hot when I went out and have sex, that I was easy or asking for someone to come on to me.

That mindset about women HAS to change. And if it starts anywhere, it starts with awareness that it's wrong. It sets us back - as a gender and as a society. If you take anything away from this, I hope it's at least some food for thought and maybe a new outlook. Re-read some of this later with an open mind when you're not as keyed up. Its important stuff.

FiancB · April 2015

huskypuppy14 · April 2015

beethery · April 2015

Dreamergirl8812 said:

FiancB said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:
Anyone with strip club stories? My guy friend went to a strip club once in San Francisco. He told me he was going to lick the pussy that was in his face, but it smelled bad.

Ugh.
And where the fuck did I say strip clubs are the problem?

SITB

It's called reading between the lines, dearie. I could say I think people that want to exchange stories about gross strippers are really dumb and you could call it a personal attack and I could come back and say BUT I NEVER SAID I WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU so chill.

But I totally was.
If name calling helps you express yourself, more power to you.

Let me explain this to you:

This response is a thing called shade, where FiancB invoked the tone of posts that you made in order to sass you. Understanding advanced shade and sarcasm requires a modicum of intelligence that not all have.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

Whoa I was gone for a day.

Regarding the full-nudity plays/shows -- I don't have a problem with that at all. Like I said in my previous post, I think bodies are beautiful; both male and female. In my opinion, seeing a play that has nudity/sex scenes in it is innately different than going to a strip club. It is largely about context. When you go see a play, the nudity or the sex is there as part of a larger story. In this scenario, I am not attending the play for the purpose of being aroused. I am attending it to see/hear a story.

Which is different than the purpose of strip clubs. And maybe I am wrong here, but I have always thought that strip clubs were intended to arouse people who go there. This is where I become uncomfortable. In my opinion, and in my relationship, I dislike the idea of paying money to watch people perform, for the purpose of arousal. Now, maybe some people do go just to enjoy the conversation, to meet others, and to appreciate human bodies, but that is never how it was presented to me. So, that is why I see going to a strip club as being different than seeing a play with nudity/sex.

And I think it bears mentioning that I do not have the slightest problem with men or women who are strippers/exotic dancers/performers. I do not have the courage to dance around like that even in privacy of my own home. I just don't. And they get out there and look flawless and sexy doing it. And I know many of them do it to pay the bills and to get by, and more power to them. Do what you have to do. I respect that completely.

KikiMira · April 2015

Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.

KatieinBkln · April 2015

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.

I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.

princessofgenovia · April 2015

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.

I don't understand what you're saying? Why would it not be fine for her to be stripper?

[Deleted User] · April 2015

KatieinBkln said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.

I'm curious about the quarters, too. Where do they go? Do you just shower them with quarters? Politely hand them over?

God I hate change. I would be seriously pissed if someone paid me in quarters.

princessofgenovia · April 2015

abcdevonn said:

KatieinBkln said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.
I'm curious about the quarters, too. Where do they go? Do you just shower them with quarters? Politely hand them over?

God I hate change. I would be seriously pissed if someone paid me in quarters.

For when you wanna make it hail?

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

KikiMira said:
She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28)

I'm sorry but can someone not be a feminist if they're on their parents' payroll? You have absolutely NO idea what her personal arrangements are or how/why her parents are supporting her. In general, it's not a great idea to speculate.

redoryx · April 2015

princessofgenovia said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I don't understand what you're saying? Why would it not be fine for her to be stripper?

I could be wrong, but I imagine this woman is saying it in a way to try and frame it in a more personal way as a means of trying to "prove" why her male friends shouldn't visit strip clubs. Like, something is okay in theory but if were to actually happen to someone they know then it's suddenly not okay.

Kahlyla · April 2015

abcdevonn said:

KatieinBkln said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.
I'm curious about the quarters, too. Where do they go? Do you just shower them with quarters? Politely hand them over?

God I hate change. I would be seriously pissed if someone paid me in quarters.

I mean, toonies, I could see. Still annoying, painful, and on the cheap side though!

littlepep · April 2015

princessofgenovia said:

abcdevonn said:

KatieinBkln said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.
I'm curious about the quarters, too. Where do they go? Do you just shower them with quarters? Politely hand them over?

God I hate change. I would be seriously pissed if someone paid me in quarters.
For when you wanna make it hail?

[Deleted User] · April 2015

littlepep said:

princessofgenovia said:

abcdevonn said:

KatieinBkln said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.
I'm curious about the quarters, too. Where do they go? Do you just shower them with quarters? Politely hand them over?

God I hate change. I would be seriously pissed if someone paid me in quarters.
For when you wanna make it hail?

I am just picturing so many bruises. In all the places.

littlepep · April 2015

abcdevonn said:

littlepep said:

princessofgenovia said:

abcdevonn said:

KatieinBkln said:

KikiMira said:
Zero fucks are given over here. Actually, we are the group of girls that typically do bottle service at the strip club, at least once a year and usually the husbands send us out the door with rolls of quarters.

When the boys go we have no issues, but we do have friend like the OP mentioned. She hates the strippers and porn. She is a "hard core feminist" (in her mind but daddy still gives her an allowance and pays all of her bills at 28) and she always throws this line out there "If you think it is fine to watch the strippers, its fine for me to be one".... *sigh* But I agree with everyone else, there is deeper issues than that.
I mean...it IS fine for her to be one?

Also, I am a loser: what's up with the quarters? I feel like if someone tipped me with quarters (in ANY situation) I would be...displeased.
I'm curious about the quarters, too. Where do they go? Do you just shower them with quarters? Politely hand them over?

God I hate change. I would be seriously pissed if someone paid me in quarters.
For when you wanna make it hail?

I am just picturing so many bruises. In all the places.

I literally bruised myself on a grocery cart this week. I can't imagine if there were quarters being thrown. Seems like a quick way to send people running for cover.

FiancB · April 2015

I *think* it's pretty common to use coins or tokens in Canada. It would certainly get a kick in the face here.

LadyMillil · April 2015

FiancB said:
I *think* it's pretty common to use coins or tokens in Canada. It would certainly get a kick in the face here.

Never been to a strip club, so I'm not sure about the money stuff, but the smallest bill in Canada is $5. We have coins for $1 and $2.

KatieinBkln · April 2015

LadyMillil said:

FiancB said:
I *think* it's pretty common to use coins or tokens in Canada. It would certainly get a kick in the face here.
Never been to a strip club, so I'm not sure about the money stuff, but the smallest bill in Canada is $5. We have coins for $1 and $2.

So do you just place them nicely on the stage/table next to the stripper? I feel like it's common to throw/tuck dollars into the bras/man-thongs around here. I can't imagine the discomfort of trying to tuck a toonie into somebody's panties (or, my god, HAVING a toonie in your panties. Just say no to treating your crevasse as a coin purse!)

princessofgenovia · April 2015

KatieinBkln said:

LadyMillil said:

FiancB said:
I *think* it's pretty common to use coins or tokens in Canada. It would certainly get a kick in the face here.
Never been to a strip club, so I'm not sure about the money stuff, but the smallest bill in Canada is $5. We have coins for $1 and $2.
So do you just place them nicely on the stage/table next to the stripper? I feel like it's common to throw/tuck dollars into the bras/man-thongs around here. I can't imagine the discomfort of trying to tuck a toonie into somebody's panties (or, my god, HAVING a toonie in your panties. Just say no to treating your crevasse as a coin purse!)

I now need to know exactly how a Candian strip club works.

levioosa · April 2015

I guess things are different in Canada, but a roll of coins just seems....almost insulting, to me.

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