What Etiquette rules would you love to break???

Fosmoh · July 2015

Okay, so we pretty much all realize that there are certain etiquette rules we should follow.

but what are some that you wish you could break, if there would be no ill feelings, no bad blood, no negative consequences. what do you wish you could do??

I'm not sure which etiquette rules i could happily part ways with, probably all the ones i'm not really aware of have to learn "the hard way" haha. or i dunno if it really falls into etiquette but maybe incorporate some NEW rule where the bride gets to wear like the world's comfiest pajamas to every pre wedding party, cuz like seriously PJ's are awesome

Also, am i the only one not entirely sober tonight?

also again... i love wine.

AddieCake · July 2015

I can't really think of any I'd like to break. To me, etiquette is manners and treating people well. I do that in my everyday life, not just for parties, so I can't really say I'd like to not have to do the right thing.

freebread03 · July 2015

Ditto @ AddieCake bc I'm ok with etiquette-it's just good manners, and I'm all about that.

I went to happy hour with a friend-wine and sushi, it was YUM.

kvruns · July 2015

Not inviting SOs I don't know and feeding vendors Oops, long day, I'm snarky

Liatris2010 · July 2015

I like feeding people good food and getting them drunk. I like my friends and want them to feel treated well. If I dont care about you or you feelings I'm not inviting you to my 100% etiquette approved party.

banana468 · July 2015

I would love it if we didn't invite the SOs that I didn't like. It wasn't a huge deal but I would have preferred not to have someone as my wedding guest who spoke about my bedroom habits and who tried to break up my relationship.

JellyBean52513 · July 2015

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us.

Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

JellyBean52513 · July 2015

banana468 said:
I would love it if we didn't invite the SOs that I didn't like. It wasn't a huge deal but I would have preferred not to have someone as my wedding guest who spoke about my bedroom habits and who tried to break up my relationship.

Does the bolded warrant an invite revocation? If someone actively tried to bring down the very union you're celebrating, I would think they are unequivocally not welcome at the wedding

huskypuppy14 · July 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

The purpose of the shower, is to receive gifts. So it shouldn't be awkward to open gifts, because that is why people are attending.

You absolutely can un invite someone like that, because you would no longer be friends with them. And I think that's a very valid excuse not to invite someone. Uninviting because you didn't budget correctly, or changed your mind is rude as fuck, and you should never uninvite someone you still want to have a relationship with.

lightningsnow · July 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

I would love it if we didn't invite the SOs that I didn't like. It wasn't a huge deal but I would have preferred not to have someone as my wedding guest who spoke about my bedroom habits and who tried to break up my relationship.
Does the bolded warrant an invite revocation? If someone actively tried to bring down the very union you're celebrating, I would think they are unequivocally not welcome at the wedding

I am also curious about this. I have a similar situation with BF's SIL to the point that I dislike being around her but am civil out of respect for his family.

MobKaz · July 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

The premise of this thread is about getting away with breaking etiquette rules IF "there would be no ill feelings, no bad blood, no negative consequences". I hope you aren't serious about inviting guests to a specific gift giving event and then not actually opening any of the gifts. This is, after all, the etiquette board, and to suggest you would do this, while acknowledging its' rudeness, is wrong. Decline the shower if that is how you feel and how you plan to treat your guests.

AddieCake · July 2015

It's almost like OwningaHome is back with this nonsense. Opening gifts in front of everyone isn't flaunting them.

themosthappy91 · July 2015

Oooh good question!

I would say B-listing- it's so rude and I would never do it because it's so offensive, but of all etiquette blunders I have the most sympathy for people who are tempted to do this. They just want to be able to celebrate with more people. To me, that's a less heinous motivation than a lot of other things.

So like, in a perfect world where people wouldn't feel lousy about being B-listed, that would be the etiquette rule I would break.

banana468 · July 2015

lightningsnow said:

JellyBean52513 said:

banana468 said:
I would love it if we didn't invite the SOs that I didn't like. It wasn't a huge deal but I would have preferred not to have someone as my wedding guest who spoke about my bedroom habits and who tried to break up my relationship.
Does the bolded warrant an invite revocation? If someone actively tried to bring down the very union you're celebrating, I would think they are unequivocally not welcome at the wedding

I am also curious about this. I have a similar situation with BF's SIL to the point that I dislike being around her but am civil out of respect for his family.

The person did this when I started dating DH. Fast forward a few years and she had her claws in one of DH's dearest friends. It wasn't fair to him to not invite her. The friend is one of the nicest guys I've met.

But man I'm glad thato they broke up and the dude is in a LTR with someone sane.

dramamonkey · July 2015

themosthappy91 said:
Oooh good question!

I would say B-listing- it's so rude and I would never do it because it's so offensive, but of all etiquette blunders I have the most sympathy for people who are tempted to do this. They just want to be able to celebrate with more people. To me, that's a less heinous motivation than a lot of other things.

So like, in a perfect world where people wouldn't feel lousy about being B-listed, that would be the etiquette rule I would break.

This is mine too... There we're so many people that I wished I could have invited, but planning for 100% attendance -which we did not get) we had to limit our guest list. If I could have B-listed with no consequences...yeah, probably would have done so...

drunkenwitch · July 2015

I would love to be able to flat out say "no kids" because I know too many people who think little precious should be welcome anywhere and everywhere and everyone else at the event should babysit them. Ugh.

I have a very, very dear friend I stopped inviting to parties and events because she refuses to leave her 7 year old at home and doesn't watch him once she gets to the event. I only see her now when I visit her, at her home.

I have another friend who whined on Facebook that a bar wouldn't allow her to bring her baby inside. IT'S A FUCKING BAR!!!! Jesus fucking christ, can't adults have at least a few kid free zones?

Jen4948 · July 2015

Being able to ask people in the wedding party who behave rudely and/or inconsiderately to step down from the wedding party.

Being able to uninvite guests for the same reason.

Being able to B-list guests who I would really like to invite but wasn't originally able to include on my guest list.

Being able to say "no kids," provide a dress code, and gift information in a wedding invitation rather than having to wait for guests to RSVP back for uninvited guests and ask about attire and gifts.

Being able to split families so that kids who are too young or don't behave don't have to be invited along with those who do.

Being able to invite one-half of a couple but not the other half when they are not known to me or behave rudely and/or inconsiderately.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

Printing addresses right on the invitation.... Oh wait, I did that.

Any of the important stuff, like making sure people are comfortable and properly hosted isn't something I wish I would do away with...at all. If I don't care about hosting someone, I won't invite them. Simple.

justsie · July 2015

drunkenwitch said:

I would love to be able to flat out say "no kids" because I know too many people who think little precious should be welcome anywhere and everywhere and everyone else at the event should babysit them. Ugh. I have a very, very dear friend I stopped inviting to parties and events because she refuses to leave her 7 year old at home and doesn't watch him once she gets to the event. I only see her now when I visit her, at her home. I have another friend who whined on Facebook that a bar wouldn't allow her to bring her baby inside. IT'S A FUCKING BAR!!!! Jesus fucking christ, can't adults have at least a few kid free zones?

This is also mine. Allow dogs more places and kids less places.

SP29 · July 2015

You can un-invite anyone you want, in any situation. Just realize it is going to negatively affect or end the relationship.

I agree, etiquette rules are there for a reason. But I also agree with not having to invite an SO who you *really* dislike.

banana468 · July 2015

justsie said:

drunkenwitch said:

I would love to be able to flat out say "no kids" because I know too many people who think little precious should be welcome anywhere and everywhere and everyone else at the event should babysit them. Ugh.

I have a very, very dear friend I stopped inviting to parties and events because she refuses to leave her 7 year old at home and doesn't watch him once she gets to the event. I only see her now when I visit her, at her home.

I have another friend who whined on Facebook that a bar wouldn't allow her to bring her baby inside. IT'S A FUCKING BAR!!!! Jesus fucking christ, can't adults have at least a few kid free zones?

This is also mine. Allow dogs more places and kids less places.

Meg. I think pet owners can be a few cards short of a full deck too. DH's aunt wanted to bring her purse dog to the memorial service for her mother. She had to be told that dogs aren't allowed in the church or restaurant and the funeral home would be having it out of sight. Because well, it's a dog.

AddieCake · July 2015

I have a friend who has started bringing her dog everywhere, including movie theaters. I find that obnoxious.

JellyBean52513 · July 2015

MobKaz said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us.

Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

The premise of this thread is about getting away with breaking etiquette rules IF "there would be no
ill feelings, no bad blood, no negative consequences". I hope you aren't serious about inviting guests to a specific gift giving event and then not actually opening any of the gifts. This is, after all, the etiquette board, and to suggest you would do this, while acknowledging its' rudeness, is wrong. Decline the shower if that is how you feel and how you plan to treat your guests.

------------------------

The bolded statement is kinda dramatic. Do you really consider the act of not opening all the presents with everyone sitting around staring at you to be a terribly rude thing to do such that it's "treating" people poorly?

At one shower I attended, I was a broke college student, but it was for a good friend and I didn't want to miss it. Having her hold up my measly little gift card, when everybody else had purchased things off her registry, was incredibly embarassing. When you hear a group of people go "ooh!" to the physical gifts and crickets to your own, it's very awkward. Plus, with a registry, everybody can tell how much each gift cost and therefore you are kinda putting on display what each person spent. That, I think, is more rude to guests.

Maybe I will just decline a shower if one is offered because I really can't bring myself to get comfortable with the idea of sitting at the front/center of a room surrounded by people watching me open presents. It seems like something that shouldn't be done beyond a 10th birthday party.

MobKaz · July 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

The premise of this thread is about getting away with breaking etiquette rules IF "there would be no ill feelings, no bad blood, no negative consequences". I hope you aren't serious about inviting guests to a specific gift giving event and then not actually opening any of the gifts. This is, after all, the etiquette board, and to suggest you would do this, while acknowledging its' rudeness, is wrong. Decline the shower if that is how you feel and how you plan to treat your guests.
------------------------ The bolded statement is kinda dramatic. Do you really consider the act of not opening all the presents with everyone sitting around staring at you to be a terribly rude thing to do such that it's "treating" people poorly? At one shower I attended, I was a broke college student, but it was for a good friend and I didn't want to miss it. Having her hold up my measly little gift card, when everybody else had purchased things off her registry, was incredibly embarassing. When you hear a group of people go "ooh!" to the physical gifts and crickets to your own, it's very awkward. Plus, with a registry, everybody can tell how much each gift cost and therefore you are kinda putting on display what each person spent. That, I think, is more rude to guests. Maybe I will just decline a shower if one is offered because I really can't bring myself to get comfortable with the idea of sitting at the front/center of a room surrounded by people watching me open presents. It seems like something that shouldn't be done beyond a 10th birthday party.

Yes, I do. The very essence of such a party is to gift the bride.

As far as your personal experience story, if any embarrassment occurred, then the onus was either on you or the bride. NO ONE at the shower should have had a clue as to the monetary value attached to your gift card. If it was divulged, then that was beyond rude of the bride. All she should have said was, "Thank you for your generous gift card. I cannot wait to put it to good use". You gifted your friend the best you could at the time. There should have been no shame from you, either.

It sounds to me as if declining a shower is your best personal choice.

hellohkb · July 2015

Bringing (non-service) dogs everywhere with you can be really obnoxious. Sure, children can be annoying if parents aren't watching them appropriately, but there are people with allergies and legitimate phobias of dogs.

jacques27 · July 2015

JellyBean52513 said:

JellyBean52513 said:

I've heard this is rude but I really don't want to open gifts at my hypothetical shower and TBH I probably won't. I actually find it even more rude to flaunt the gifts that were purchased by one guest in front of others. If the gift-giver wants me to open it in front of them, I would expect us to be close enough for you to say "Open it, open it!" and I would do so in a moment between just the two of us. Also, I would want to un-invite someone who reveals themselves as being homophobic, racist, etc. I don't care if you've already received an invite, if you show your true colors after the fact and I wouldn't have invited you from the start if I knew the true you back then, then you're no longer welcome.

The premise of this thread is about getting away with breaking etiquette rules IF "there would be no ill feelings, no bad blood, no negative consequences". I hope you aren't serious about inviting guests to a specific gift giving event and then not actually opening any of the gifts. This is, after all, the etiquette board, and to suggest you would do this, while acknowledging its' rudeness, is wrong. Decline the shower if that is how you feel and how you plan to treat your guests.
------------------------ The bolded statement is kinda dramatic. Do you really consider the act of not opening all the presents with everyone sitting around staring at you to be a terribly rude thing to do such that it's "treating" people poorly? At one shower I attended, I was a broke college student, but it was for a good friend and I didn't want to miss it. Having her hold up my measly little gift card, when everybody else had purchased things off her registry, was incredibly embarassing. When you hear a group of people go "ooh!" to the physical gifts and crickets to your own, it's very awkward. Plus, with a registry, everybody can tell how much each gift cost and therefore you are kinda putting on display what each person spent. That, I think, is more rude to guests. Maybe I will just decline a shower if one is offered because I really can't bring myself to get comfortable with the idea of sitting at the front/center of a room surrounded by people watching me open presents. It seems like something that shouldn't be done beyond a 10th birthday party.

It may have also been embarrassing because showers are for physical gifts, not cash or gift cards, so your gift was a little inappropriate for the occasion. I sympathize with being a broke college student, but that would have been the situation where you could have taken your $10 or $20 and bought the cheapest thing on her registry or been a little creative and bought some microwave popcorn, a $5 movie from Target, a couple of boxes of 99 cent movie candy from the candy aisle and labeled it a date night box and everyone would have ooooh'ed and aaaaah'ed rather than hearing crickets chirp. They weren't stunned into silence because your gift was cheap, it's because there's just not a whole lot to say about a gift card. "Gee, Jane, now you can go to Target! Tell us what you'll buy there!"??? It just doesn't lend itself well to the occasion. I, and to the best of my knowledge my friends, have never sat there tabulating how much people are spending on the gifts we give at showers. It's really not about the cost - people just don't care about that.

And a shower is different than a birthday or graduation or anniversary party - those aren't thrown with the intention of receiving gifts and it's perfectly acceptable to open the gifts off to the side one on one with the gift giver if they happen to bring one. Those parties are about celebrating the occasion, not about opening gifts. The ONLY purpose of a shower is the figuratively shower the guest of honor with gifts. If you didn't have gifts, it wouldn't be a shower - people want to see their gift being opened and the excitement on the recipients face when they attend a shower. If you're uncomfortable with that, then you should decline the shower. And that's perfectly fine - showers aren't mandatory. But it's kinda rude and defeats the purpose of the shower to basically say "Hey, she wants gifts and has deemed you good enough to give her one, but not good enough to actually have her participate in the major function of the party."

kimmiinthemitten · July 2015

We're breaking the seating rule for divorced parents.

For the life of me (and FI) we cannot understand how it is proper etiquette to relegate one parent to sit in third row, or to ask two, divorced parents to sit together sans spouses.

Viczaesar · July 2015

kimmiandkoley said:

We're breaking the seating rule for divorced parents.

For the life of me (and FI) we cannot understand how it is proper etiquette to relegate one parent to sit in third row, or to ask two, divorced parents to sit together sans spouses.

I don't think that's an etiquette rule.

kimmiinthemitten · July 2015

Viczaesar said:

kimmiandkoley said:

We're breaking the seating rule for divorced parents.

For the life of me (and FI) we cannot understand how it is proper etiquette to relegate one parent to sit in third row, or to ask two, divorced parents to sit together sans spouses.

I don't think that's an etiquette rule.

FMIL kept saying "traditionally, the father sits in the third row. I didn't believe her and then I found this: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-planning-with-divorced-parents

Viczaesar · July 2015

kimmiandkoley said:

Viczaesar said:

kimmiandkoley said:

We're breaking the seating rule for divorced parents.

For the life of me (and FI) we cannot understand how it is proper etiquette to relegate one parent to sit in third row, or to ask two, divorced parents to sit together sans spouses.

I don't think that's an etiquette rule.

FMIL kept saying "traditionally, the father sits in the third row. I didn't believe her and then I found this: https://www.theknot.com/content/wedding-planning-with-divorced-parents

Tradition and etiquette are two very different things. The Knot's articles are also usually full of shit.

kimmiinthemitten · July 2015

Viczaesar Good because I think it's so rude LOL. Is Emily Post a bad etiquette guide then too? (serious question because that was the other source I found when researching this).

What Etiquette rules would you love to break???

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