Single Friends vs. Married Friends

AJC430 · September 2015

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting. Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen!

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are.

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic).

We also live much closer to our single friends than to our married friends.

The wives/girlfriends of my FI's friends are great people but they have their own group already so I feel like I'm wiggling myself in. I want a group of young committed/married women I can hang with!

Advice, suggestions or thoughts?

hellohkb · September 2015

My advice is to stop giving advice when not asked.

AJC430 · September 2015

hellohkb said:

My advice is to stop giving advice when not asked.

If you read the original note it said, "when asked." Not sure if you missed that.

lovegood90 · September 2015

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.

As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.

Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

AJC430 · September 2015

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

lyndausvi · September 2015

We have a nice balance of both.

FWIW - I've seen some major drama from some married people. In 2013 we had 3 married couples get divorced. All 3 of them the wives cheated on their husbands. One of them got knocked up by the dude she cheated on. Talk about drama.

AJC430 · September 2015

lyndausvi said:

We have a nice balance of both.

FWIW - I've seen some major drama from some married people. In 2013 we had 3 married couples get divorced. All 3 of them the wives cheated on their husbands. One of them got knocked up by the dude she cheated on. Talk about drama.

That's good to know. I know married couples aren't perfect, so I appreciate you sharing.

lovegood90 · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

lyndausvi · September 2015

lovegood90 said:

show previous quotes

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

I didn't get married until my late 30's. i guess owning a waterfront condo in the islands, having a good job and other normal things adults had isn't good enough because I was 35 and single.

southernbelle0915 · September 2015

This is all super short sighted and self limiting. A lot of these people will probably GET married. And even if they don't, so what? Are you going to defriend people who get divorced later on? If their spouse dies?

I'm having a baby. Yea, I want friends that have babies, but I'm not shunning my no-child friends, my infertile friends, my single friends.... lol! What the hell?

AJC430 · September 2015

lovegood90 said:

show previous quotes

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

I don't know if you meant to come off this way, but you sound very sensitive to the original post. Not sure if this is due to your recent relationship status change. Really, no judgment here. Please try not to take what I'm saying out of context. I don't know enough about you to make a judgment, and you sure as hell don't know enough about me. So, no need to take things personally.

Maggie0829 · September 2015

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

AJC430 · September 2015

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

KatWAG · September 2015

@AJC430 based on your recent posts it seems like you are having a lot of issues finding friends. It might be time for some self- evaluation, the issue might not be the people you are hanging out with.

KatWAG · September 2015

AJC430 said:

Confession: I want to have more married couple friends. I love my single friends but sometimes I find the conversational drama about who's dating who exhausting. Not to mention the fact that FI and I try to give advice when asked but people consistently don't listen!

Am I the only one that feels this way? FI doesn't have a problem hanging with the single friends because (surprise!) a lot of our married friends are unavailable to hang when we are.

Me, I'd much rather hang with my committed/married friends for fun to avoid a lot of that (not that married life can't be dramatic).

We also live much closer to our single friends than to our married friends.

The wives/girlfriends of my FI's friends are great people but they have their own group already so I feel like I'm wiggling myself in. I want a group of young committed/married women I can hang with!

Advice, suggestions or thoughts?

Since no one quoted the OP yet...

lyndausvi · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

Why? What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Cookie Pusher · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

lovegood90 said:

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

I don't know if you meant to come off this way, but you sound very sensitive to the original post. Not sure if this is due to your recent relationship status change. Really, no judgment here. Please try not to take what I'm saying out of context. I don't know enough about you to make a judgment, and you sure as hell don't know enough about me. So, no need to take things personally.

I'm happily married and I find your original post to be ridiculous and offensive. You labeled an entire group as being dramatic. How is anyone supposed to take that? That would be like someone coming on the boards and saying all married and engaged people are boring.

Maggie0829 · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

But why? Just because they are married doesn't mean that they will be better friends. I just find it weird.

AJC430 · September 2015

KatWAG said:

@AJC430 based on your recent posts it seems like you are having a lot of issues finding friends. It might be time for some self- evaluation, the issue might not be the people you are hanging out with.

Thanks for your response. You might be right

anjemon · September 2015

First off, I would stop trying to specify friends. I've been trying to make a friend with a lady who lives near me, likes things like beer fests and sporting events, and has the time/money to do all sort of fun stuff for years now. H has friends who do these things with us, but I'd like a friend to come along so I'm not the only girl. Still haven't found one. Instead I made an awesome friend who doesn't care about sport and hates beer. You can't order them like in a store.

Secondly, I would try and weasel yourself into your FI's group of wives/girlfriends. Most of my new girl friends have been made this way lately and it's nice. They probably have some sort of similar interests and you'll probably be seeing them a lot. It will be awkward at first, but I'd work on improving the friends you do have over trying to find some you don't even know yet.

AJC430 · September 2015

lyndausvi said:

show previous quotes

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

Why? What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore.

AJC430 · September 2015

anjemon said:

First off, I would stop trying to specify friends. I've been trying to make a friend with a lady who lives near me, likes things like beer fests and sporting events, and has the time/money to do all sort of fun stuff for years now. H has friends who do these things with us, but I'd like a friend to come along so I'm not the only girl. Still haven't found one. Instead I made an awesome friend who doesn't care about sport and hates beer. You can't order them like in a store.

Secondly, I would try and weasel yourself into your FI's group of wives/girlfriends. Most of my new girl friends have been made this way lately and it's nice. They probably have some sort of similar interests and you'll probably be seeing them a lot. It will be awkward at first, but I'd work on improving the friends you do have over trying to find some you don't even know yet.

Thanks for actually responding to the initial question. I'll take your suggestions to heart.

AJC430 · September 2015

Maggie0829 said:

show previous quotes

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

But why? Just because they are married doesn't mean that they will be better friends. I just find it weird.

You're exactly right. Them being married, doesn't make them better people. With regard to the people I'm referencing (FI's friends' wives/girlfriends) they are great people and from my point of view don't have a lot of drama going on that my current friends have. Hope that answers your question.

climbingsingle · September 2015

Seriously, how old are you?

lyndausvi · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

Why? What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore.

I have no idea what that means? What would be considered an inappropraite topic to a married person.

AJC430 · September 2015

Cookie Pusher said:

show previous quotes

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

I don't know if you meant to come off this way, but you sound very sensitive to the original post. Not sure if this is due to your recent relationship status change. Really, no judgment here. Please try not to take what I'm saying out of context. I don't know enough about you to make a judgment, and you sure as hell don't know enough about me. So, no need to take things personally.

I'm happily married and I find your original post to be ridiculous and offensive. You labeled an entire group as being dramatic. How is anyone supposed to take that? That would be like someone coming on the boards and saying all married and engaged people are boring.

Again, not trying to be offensive. Please remember, I'm talking about MY particular group of friends.

Cookie Pusher · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

Why? What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore.

What kind of topics? Sex? Oh honey, married people discuss sex as much, if not more than, single people.

MyNameIsNot · September 2015

AJC430 said:

show previous quotes

lyndausvi said:

AJC430 said:

Maggie0829 said:

I don't think you should base a friendship off of their relationship status. But rather by who that person is on the inside. H and I have friends (well they are more his friends then mine) who are in relationships, single and married. We get along with them because of their personalities, not because of their relationship status. There is more to being a persons friend then just if they are married as well.

And just because they have asked for advice and you give it doesn't mean that they have to follow it. If you are tired of them not following your advice then just don't give it.

Thanks for the response. All of my friends are good people. All I mean to say is that I want to get to know more married couples.

Why? What do you think they provide in means of friendships that single friends don't?

Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore.

My married friends discuss some pretty inappropriate shit.

TrixieJess · September 2015

My best friends are single. I have married and long term relationship friends as well. All of these people are extremely important to me. I also have "Mommy Friends" (who were my friends long before marriage and children).

I agree with Katwag, you may want to re-examine yourself if you are having difficulties finding friends.

I also agree that it is offensive that you seem set against singles. I was single for most of my 20s and didn't meet my FI until I was 33. My other girlfriends didn't get married until they were in their early 30s, some people don't settle down until they are older and actually relish being single.

AJC430 · September 2015

lovegood90 said:

show previous quotes

AJC430 said:

lovegood90 said:

Yeah, that's super fucking offensive.
As a newly single person who has universally attached friends, I would be incredibly hurt if they stopped wanting to hang out with me just because I'm single now.
Way to judge an entire "group" of people as dramatic, and way to place you and your attached friends on pedestals. Sounds like you're the one who needs to grow up.

Not trying to offend anyone. Just trying to grow with married couples. Thanks for the help.

Excuse me? What the fuck does "trying to grow with married couples" mean? As in us lowly singles can't possibly have the mental capacity to grow as people? Seriously, screw you.

You really can't be serious.

hellohkb · September 2015

AJC430 said:
show previous quotes

hellohkb said:

My advice is to stop giving advice when not asked.

If you read the original note it said, "when asked." Not sure if you missed that.

I know it's frustrating when people become "askholes"- They ask for advice and then never take it! But I would try and brush it off.

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