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Single Friends vs. Married Friends

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Re: Single Friends vs. Married Friends

  • edited September 2015



    Ok, so just to clarify. If Single Sue over here said, omg, i liked (did you mean licked?) StrangerBoy's asshole this weekend! that's unacceptable....

    but i'm married.... so if i say, hey AJC! I totally liked (licked?) H's asshole this weekend... that's totally okay bc.... i'm married?


    ETA the quote
    AJC430 said:

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  • AJC430 said:
    You meet people the way you have always met people, through your activities in a community. If you want to meet people, which through all the crap you have spewed, is I think what you are looking for is to become involved. Join groups, take classes, talk to your neighbours. There is no magic potion for making friends (although I find Rum helps). 

    Take a chill pill and realise that if you aren't making friends the way you want to, you may have to change something. Your judgy attitude may be a good place to start!
  • Ok, so just to clarify. If Single Sue over here said, omg, i liked (did you mean licked?) StrangerBoy's asshole this weekend! that's unacceptable....

    but i'm married.... so if i say, hey AJC! I totally liked (licked?) H's asshole this weekend... that's totally okay bc.... i'm married?
    How about, I just don't want to hear about assholes in general. Is that a crime?

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  • AJC430 said:
    I can honestly say I'm not offended by your post on the WWW, I am still confused. I'm confused because you say that you want more married ladies to hang out with because they are less drama, then you say that you and your SO would like to meet more couples (understandable) to do things with. I do feel bad for your single friends, I assume that you used to chat with them about weekend sexcapades and now you are "above" that conversation which to me is strange. If you like them as people then why all of a sudden do you not like what they have to say or talk about. 

    Married people can have the same dramas, good for you that "your" married friends don't. What everyone is so confused about is the fact that you are sticking these people in a grouping based on their marital status, not the caliber of person that they are. You can find mature single friends just like you can married friends. 

    As for the third wheel thing with your single friends, are you making them feel that way because all you do is sit and talk about married life with your SO when you are around them instead of including them in a normal conversation? My FI is out of the state 7 months out of the year and I go out with married couples all the time, never once have they made me feel like a third wheel, when we are together we are just a group of friends, not this couple and that couple. 

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  • AJC430 said:
    I still don't understand.  Just make friends with people who you like to be around, do things with, and talk to.  If you don't like the conversations you have with your single friends anymore (which is beyond ridiculous that now it is inappropriate but before you were married it was fine) then just dismiss yourself from those conversations.

    And no it isn't a crime to want to be friends with other couples.  It is just odd, it seems, to many of us to use someone's relationship status as the primary way to find new friends. Usually it is about the personality more so then if they are married that you want to be friends with.  And funny enough I find that many married couples talk about kinky shit just as much, if not more, then single folks.  I mean people talk about what they like to talk about.  If you want more conversations about finances and your annual vacation to the beach then I would suggest looking up social groups that are about those topics.


  • AJC430 said:
    How about, I just don't want to hear about assholes in general. Is that a crime?

    Then that has nothing to do with whether you are single or married. and I fail to see how you need to not be friends with single people. you just need to not be friends with, well, anyone.
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  • AJC430 said:
    Frankly, my single friends discuss things that I don't want to discuss - topics that I think are inappropriate and I don't want to have those kinds of discussions anymore. 
    Like what? 
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  • Then that has nothing to do with whether you are single or married. and I fail to see how you need to not be friends with single people. you just need to not be friends with, well, anyone.
    Great advice.

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  • AJC430 said:
    Great advice.
    I don't know what you advice you think you're going to get. Married people can talk about sexual things just as much as single people. 
  • AJC430 said:
    So does someone's asshole have a Facebook page and people "liked" it?  What the fuck is wrong with that?  

    Or did you mean to say "licking"?  Spelling is your friend. 
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  • abcdevonn said:
    I think I partially understand where you are coming from, but I think you might want to reconsider how you describe your single friends. Here are my personal experiences with single vs married friends:

    FI has many friends who are both single AND younger than we are. Not drastically younger, but more recently out of college. They often invite us out or invite us to parties at their houses. We love hanging out with those friends because they are fun and great people, but sometimes we do get tired of their parties or the places they want to go when we go out. This has nothing to do with them being dramatic or immature, though. It was to do with us wanting different experiences. They want to cram 50 people in a teeny city apartment. We want to sit down with a few friends and have dinner and play board games. How do we handle this? We pick and choose when we hang out with them based on whether or not we feel like having the types of experiences they are interested in. And that is not to say that THEY are not interested in having sit down dinner with us--we just haven't had the space to do it, so we haven't invited anyone over! (FTR my own group of friends is a mixed bag of single and in a relationship, and we generally are all home bodies or don't mind low-key nights, so this just doesn't really come up).

    I also struggle personally with giving relationship advice because I never really dated people. But my friends all know this. So how do I handle relationship talks with them? Like a friend...I listen. I offer what advice I can, but I always qualify it with "but I'm really no expert in this department." I don't think you need to be awesome at advice or share the same experiences to be a good friend. But you can't just go around being like "well, I'm DONE with this dating stuff, so I don't want to listen to it anymore." That isn't how being a friend works.

    This is all to say, yeah, FI and I do enjoy doing things with couples, because we all tend to share similar experiences or want to do similar things. But make sure you don't drop your single friends just because they are single. That means you were never really a good friend to begin with. 

    I also can't really tell you how to meet more married people, other than through work or at local events...but that's the same way you meet single people...so.

    ETF: Words are rough
    That's really more in the vein of what I mean.

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  • This is my take.   OP is one of the first in her group to get married.  Somehow she thinks she is above them now she is married.
    I have to agree. She's the first one to get married, and now believes she's better than her single friends, and that single people talk is below her. 
  • Married lady of 4+ years here and this is the first I have heard that married talk is supposed to be different then single talk.  Mind blown.
    I have been married twice now, and I had no idea. I must live under a rock. 
  • lyndausvi said:
    no not at all.  But it's really weird that now you are married it's an issue.   Why wasn't it an issue when you were single?




    This is my take.   OP is one of the first in her group to get married.  Somehow she thinks she is above them now she is married.

    It wasn't an issue when we were single because FI and I were in the same friend group - we were all getting to know each other. Now, I don't feel comfortable sharing our business. 

    I don't think I'm better than my friends. They have been there for me through everything. I am still there for them through EVERYTHING. I simply want to have more couple friends.

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  • I am wondering if you were fine with those topics (aka asshole talk) before or you just dealt with it and are now using the "I am married and can't talk about those things" excuse as a way to remove yourself from your current friendships, instead of just being an adult and telling them that you don't want to talk about that crap (no pun intended....okay, maybe some).
    I told them a long time ago I didn't want to talk about those things. So unfortunately, this doesn't apply. Good pun ;)

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  • AJC430 said:
    That's really more in the vein of what I mean.
    I feel like I should add that I do still talk to my single friends about their sexcapades. I mean, I think hearing about their adventures is hilarious and entertaining. So I can't help you with the "no buttonhole licking" talk. If your friends have always discussed these things, then they will not stop just because you are married. They will continue to treat you the same way they always have. And they probably except you to BE the same person you always have been (like, if you didn't mind discussing sex previously). If you don't want to talk about that stuff, then you just need to meet people who won't talk about those kinds of things. I don't know how you identify those types of people in the wild.
  • AJC430 said:
    It wasn't an issue when we were single because FI and I were in the same friend group - we were all getting to know each other. Now, I don't feel comfortable sharing our business. 

    I don't think I'm better than my friends. They have been there for me through everything. I am still there for them through EVERYTHING. I simply want to have more couple friends.
    No one says you have to share every single detail of your sex life. If you're uncomfortable with the subject of the conversation, then change the subject. It's not that hard. 

    I find it funny that originally you said you didn't want to be around the dramatics of your single friends, and now it's just that you want more couple friends. 

    MARRIED PEOPLE CAN AND MOST LIKELY WILL TALK ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. 

     
  • abcdevonn said:
    I feel like I should add that I do still talk to my single friends about their sexcapades. I mean, I think hearing about their adventures is hilarious and entertaining. So I can't help you with the "no buttonhole licking" talk. If your friends have always discussed these things, then they will not stop just because you are married. They will continue to treat you the same way they always have. And they probably except you to BE the same person you always have been (like, if you didn't mind discussing sex previously). If you don't want to talk about that stuff, then you just need to meet people who won't talk about those kinds of things. I don't know how you identify those types of people in the wild.
    Thank you.

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  • No one says you have to share every single detail of your sex life. If you're uncomfortable with the subject of the conversation, then change the subject. It's not that hard. 

    I find it funny that originally you said you didn't want to be around the dramatics of your single friends, and now it's just that you want more couple friends. 

    MARRIED PEOPLE CAN AND MOST LIKELY WILL TALK ABOUT SEXUAL THINGS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. - Good to know! 

     
    My single friends can be dramatic so... 

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