Wedding Etiquette Forum

How to respectfully decline yarmulke at wedding?

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Re: How to respectfully decline yarmulke at wedding?

  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    banana468 said:
    I'm surprised people are taking such a hard line on this. I attend Jewish weddings often and there are usually at least a handful of men not wearing a kippah, and my Jewish friends all say it's totally fine (none of them are Orthodox). I'd say "no thanks" or just not taking one would be fine. I also find it interesting that a couple people have mentioned that some Catholic Churches provide head coverings and shawls for women. I have no problem covering my shoulders and boobs, but would decline a head covering if offered.
    I'm thinking that this is a "when in Rome" thing as well as a respect thing.   My Catholic parish does not provide head coverings for women.   We are a bit more relaxed with attire in the summer (our town population swells in the summer with cottage dwellers) so shorts are rather common.   

    However, the attire that is permissible in the parish isn't permissible in many European churches especially if you intend to travel to Vatican City.   There you'll actually be turned away if you don't follow the rules.

     
    I've never been to a Catholic mass anywhere in the country that require head coverings for women, where bare shoulders were a no-no women, where you couldn't wear shorts, jeans, etc.

    Not saying those types of strict parishes don't exist, but just that so far, in my area and in all the OOT weddings and funerals and summer vacation masses I have had to attend I have not experienced an uber strict parish.

    Obviously the Vatican is a different story, but I think most people know to look into the rules prior to just showing up for mass. . . at least I hope so!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
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    Obviously the Vatican is a different story, but I think most people know to look into the rules prior to just showing up for mass. . . at least I hope so!
    I just snorted at this.  I've seen too many people in inappropriate attire at regular Sunday mass.  A few weeks ago a woman was wearing opaque tights with a dress that barely covered her ass.  
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
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    banana468 said:
    I'm surprised people are taking such a hard line on this. I attend Jewish weddings often and there are usually at least a handful of men not wearing a kippah, and my Jewish friends all say it's totally fine (none of them are Orthodox). I'd say "no thanks" or just not taking one would be fine. I also find it interesting that a couple people have mentioned that some Catholic Churches provide head coverings and shawls for women. I have no problem covering my shoulders and boobs, but would decline a head covering if offered.
    I'm thinking that this is a "when in Rome" thing as well as a respect thing.   My Catholic parish does not provide head coverings for women.   We are a bit more relaxed with attire in the summer (our town population swells in the summer with cottage dwellers) so shorts are rather common.   

    However, the attire that is permissible in the parish isn't permissible in many European churches especially if you intend to travel to Vatican City.   There you'll actually be turned away if you don't follow the rules.

     
    I've never been to a Catholic mass anywhere in the country that require head coverings for women, where bare shoulders were a no-no women, where you couldn't wear shorts, jeans, etc.

    Not saying those types of strict parishes don't exist, but just that so far, in my area and in all the OOT weddings and funerals and summer vacation masses I have had to attend I have not experienced an uber strict parish.

    Obviously the Vatican is a different story, but I think most people know to look into the rules prior to just showing up for mass. . . at least I hope so!
    I consider myself faithful, but not religious, perhaps that is a distinction in my own mind, however; on the rare occasions I do attend church these days, I am sometimes disappointed (and I know this my own old school ways) in how people dress these days.  I miss the days of "sunday best".  

     

    lpeanut0610
  • banana468 said:
    I'm surprised people are taking such a hard line on this. I attend Jewish weddings often and there are usually at least a handful of men not wearing a kippah, and my Jewish friends all say it's totally fine (none of them are Orthodox). I'd say "no thanks" or just not taking one would be fine. I also find it interesting that a couple people have mentioned that some Catholic Churches provide head coverings and shawls for women. I have no problem covering my shoulders and boobs, but would decline a head covering if offered.
    I'm thinking that this is a "when in Rome" thing as well as a respect thing.   My Catholic parish does not provide head coverings for women.   We are a bit more relaxed with attire in the summer (our town population swells in the summer with cottage dwellers) so shorts are rather common.   

    However, the attire that is permissible in the parish isn't permissible in many European churches especially if you intend to travel to Vatican City.   There you'll actually be turned away if you don't follow the rules.

     
    I've never been to a Catholic mass anywhere in the country that require head coverings for women, where bare shoulders were a no-no women, where you couldn't wear shorts, jeans, etc.

    Not saying those types of strict parishes don't exist, but just that so far, in my area and in all the OOT weddings and funerals and summer vacation masses I have had to attend I have not experienced an uber strict parish.

    Obviously the Vatican is a different story, but I think most people know to look into the rules prior to just showing up for mass. . . at least I hope so!
    FWIW, the parish where I got married had a no bare shoulders rule.   So my mom went to the fabric store and made some linen shawls for the BM's to wear over their strapless dresses.   They also requested no major low cut as well.  Considering I have to put padding in my dresses to make it look like I have anything on top, that wasn't an issue.

    It's not uncommon to see women with head coverings in a parish that many of my IL's attend which is only 20 minutes from where I was married.   It's a much more conservative parish though.    And while I don't cover my head there, I do things like take Communion on the tongue (as opposed to the hand) as one of their requests. 
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Re: European churches - I'm probably the least religious person I know. However, when I visited a church in Europe, I absolutely made sure to cover up. None of the churches had signs like Vatican City, and I observed others in tank tops. It's a thing of respect. While I am no long practicing and am atheist, I still feel respecting their customs/practices is the right thing to do. To me, it's the same as wearing a yarmulke or head covering in temple. 

    ditto.

    Granted it been a while since I did my Mediterranean cruise, so times have changed,  but many churches I went to in Italy, France and Spain did not allow bare shoulders or shorts.    I've been through the northern parts of France and Belgium and found the same thing.

    My BFF and I would each carried a sarong around in our bags .  When we when to a church we would just throw that around our shorts to look like a shirt.   Or if we were wearing a skirt with a sleeveless shirt we would use it to cover our shoulder.   Those sarongs got a lot of use.






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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited December 2015
    The etiquette rule is "When in Rome.....".  You show respect for people's religious traditions.  I have been in mosques, cathedrals (both Catholic and Orthodox), Hindu temples and Buddhist temples. as well as Synagogues.  I always observe the traditions of the faith.  That does not affect my own faith in any way.
    I remember when ladies had to wear head coverings in the Catholic and the Episcopal church.  I was Presbyterian at the time, but I observed the tradition out of respect.
    If your husband refuses to respect the Jewish tradition of the yarmulke, then he should not attend the wedding at all.
    I think his attitude is bigoted, offensive and very ignorant.  JMHO.
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  • MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    banana468 said:
    banana468 said:
    I'm surprised people are taking such a hard line on this. I attend Jewish weddings often and there are usually at least a handful of men not wearing a kippah, and my Jewish friends all say it's totally fine (none of them are Orthodox). I'd say "no thanks" or just not taking one would be fine. I also find it interesting that a couple people have mentioned that some Catholic Churches provide head coverings and shawls for women. I have no problem covering my shoulders and boobs, but would decline a head covering if offered.
    I'm thinking that this is a "when in Rome" thing as well as a respect thing.   My Catholic parish does not provide head coverings for women.   We are a bit more relaxed with attire in the summer (our town population swells in the summer with cottage dwellers) so shorts are rather common.   

    However, the attire that is permissible in the parish isn't permissible in many European churches especially if you intend to travel to Vatican City.   There you'll actually be turned away if you don't follow the rules.

     
    I've never been to a Catholic mass anywhere in the country that require head coverings for women, where bare shoulders were a no-no women, where you couldn't wear shorts, jeans, etc.

    Not saying those types of strict parishes don't exist, but just that so far, in my area and in all the OOT weddings and funerals and summer vacation masses I have had to attend I have not experienced an uber strict parish.

    Obviously the Vatican is a different story, but I think most people know to look into the rules prior to just showing up for mass. . . at least I hope so!
    FWIW, the parish where I got married had a no bare shoulders rule.   So my mom went to the fabric store and made some linen shawls for the BM's to wear over their strapless dresses.   They also requested no major low cut as well.  Considering I have to put padding in my dresses to make it look like I have anything on top, that wasn't an issue.

    It's not uncommon to see women with head coverings in a parish that many of my IL's attend which is only 20 minutes from where I was married.   It's a much more conservative parish though.    And while I don't cover my head there, I do things like take Communion on the tongue (as opposed to the hand) as one of their requests. 
    Which has never made sense to me. . . so my shoulders are somehow offensive to God because ZOMG I might tempt one of the men in the parish, but it's ok to stick out my tongue at the priest to avoid having to physically touch the Eucharist with my "unclean" hands.

    /eyeroll

    I never stick out my tongue to take communion.  It's icky to me!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 
    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    As long as you're fine leaving the space if you're unwilling to go by their rules. I dunno, in a religious space I'm much more willing to put up with things I don't agree with because I'm no longer in MY space. The whole world isn't about my views -- there's going to be people who disagree. So when I step out of my space I have to be willing to be respectful of that, just as I would want others to be respectful of me in a shared space.

    But this all could just be me being crazy. I've had a lot of meditations on the definition and application of 'tolerance' in the past few years. 

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  • I also don't kneel. It's just a fundamental difference of my whole understanding of my faith. I don't think it's disrespectful at all to sit quietly through the entire service. You don't have to stand or kneel or bow or lower your head to be respectful.
    SP29huskypuppy14
  • I also don't kneel. It's just a fundamental difference of my whole understanding of my faith. I don't think it's disrespectful at all to sit quietly through the entire service. You don't have to stand or kneel or bow or lower your head to be respectful.
    That's why there's different flavors of faith, though. In your flavor of faith that is likely perfectly acceptable and applauded. In other ones, that may be seen as disrespectful -- not just to the people around you but to God, etc. For that reason when I'm in someone else's space I do my best to adhere to their wishes. I may think it's weird or unnecessary, but that's my view and I'm not in a place where my views are shared. And there are plenty of places where I simply won't go because I know I'm unwilling to adhere to their standards. All of which is fine. 

    I dunno I just don't like the idea of going into a place and saying "No thank you, I don't consider it disrespectful even if you do so I'm going to do it my way." 

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  • MegEn1 said:



    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.

    As long as you're fine leaving the space if you're unwilling to go by their rules. I dunno, in a religious space I'm much more willing to put up with things I don't agree with because I'm no longer in MY space. The whole world isn't about my views -- there's going to be people who disagree. So when I step out of my space I have to be willing to be respectful of that, just as I would want others to be respectful of me in a shared space.

    But this all could just be me being crazy. I've had a lot of meditations on the definition and application of 'tolerance' in the past few years. 

    I mean, if I knew in advance covering my head were a requirement, I'd just decline. Same as how I would decline a business trip to Saudi Arabia if it would necessarily involve wearing a burqa. But if I didn't know until I got there, I'd just quietly leave.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
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    I grew up Catholic, non-participating now.    I do not kneel.  Not to be disrespectful,  my my knees fucking hurt so bad it's not worth it for me.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
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    Which has never made sense to me. . . so my shoulders are somehow offensive to God because ZOMG I might tempt one of the men in the parish, but it's ok to stick out my tongue at the priest to avoid having to physically touch the Eucharist with my "unclean" hands.

    /eyeroll

    I never stick out my tongue to take communion.  It's icky to me!

    I was always taught to receive on the hand.  I heard an interesting perspectitve regarding the tongue / hand decision.  We commit more sins with our tongue (gossip, taking the Lord's name in vain) than we do with our hands.  

    As an EMHC, I still feel awkward when someone walks up to receive the Eucharist and sticks their tongue out.  They almost always barely stick it out more than 1/2 centimeter from their lips, and I'm always afraid the host is going to fall off the tongue.  And then there are people who approach me both with their hands extended and their mouth partially open.  It confuses the heck out of me.  </end Catholic rant>


    PrettyGirlLostOliveOilsMom

  • MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    I'm a pretty hardline feminist, and I would definitely not cover my head for mass, but that's because I would read a history of oppression into it. Particularly, oppression by religious institutions which goes back centuries.

    For a Catholic man, there is no history of oppression with regards to the Jewish faith. I can't think of a legitimate cause that would be furthered by a man refusing to show respect by covering his head.

    I don't think there's any way for him to have good manners and not wear a head covering - though a hat is acceptable. No, no one will say anything or likely think about it again if he doesn't, but it's still disrespectful and impolite.
    STARMOON44InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
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    edited December 2015


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    This doesn't fly. If you don't want to respect another religious rule, don't accept an invitation to a wedding in that religion. Expecting an exception for yourself isn't respectful of that religion.

    All men, regardless of their personal beliefs, are asked to cover their heads at Jewish weddings - non-Jews as well as Jews. It is mandatory for everyone.



    adwksInLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948 said:


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    I'm a pretty hardline feminist, and I would definitely not cover my head for mass, but that's because I would read a history of oppression into it. Particularly, oppression by religious institutions which goes back centuries.

    For a Catholic man, there is no history of oppression with regards to the Jewish faith. I can't think of a legitimate cause that would be furthered by a man refusing to show respect by covering his head.

    I don't think there's any way for him to have good manners and not wear a head covering - though a hat is acceptable. No, no one will say anything or likely think about it again if he doesn't, but it's still disrespectful and impolite.
    With regards to the bolded, read up on the Spanish Inquisition.
    I meant Catholics being oppressed by Jews....there are, of course, plenty of places in history when it went the other way around.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
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    Jen4948 said:


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    I'm a pretty hardline feminist, and I would definitely not cover my head for mass, but that's because I would read a history of oppression into it. Particularly, oppression by religious institutions which goes back centuries.

    For a Catholic man, there is no history of oppression with regards to the Jewish faith. I can't think of a legitimate cause that would be furthered by a man refusing to show respect by covering his head.

    I don't think there's any way for him to have good manners and not wear a head covering - though a hat is acceptable. No, no one will say anything or likely think about it again if he doesn't, but it's still disrespectful and impolite.
    With regards to the bolded, read up on the Spanish Inquisition.
    I meant Catholics being oppressed by Jews....there are, of course, plenty of places in history when it went the other way around.
    Gotcha. Thanks.
  • Jen4948 said:


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    This doesn't fly. If you don't want to respect another religious rule, don't accept an invitation to a wedding in that religion. Expecting an exception for yourself isn't respectful of that religion.

    All men, regardless of their personal beliefs, are asked to cover their heads at Jewish weddings - non-Jews as well as Jews. It is mandatory for everyone.



    Like I said lower down, if I knew ahead of time I would decline the invitation. And if I didn't know ahead of time, I would leave.

    Covering your head for a man is not mandatory at all Jewish weddings.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
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    Jen4948 said:


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    This doesn't fly. If you don't want to respect another religious rule, don't accept an invitation to a wedding in that religion. Expecting an exception for yourself isn't respectful of that religion.

    All men, regardless of their personal beliefs, are asked to cover their heads at Jewish weddings - non-Jews as well as Jews. It is mandatory for everyone.



    Like I said lower down, if I knew ahead of time I would decline the invitation. And if I didn't know ahead of time, I would leave.

    Covering your head for a man is not mandatory at all Jewish weddings.
    Yes, it is.
    InLoveInQueens
  • Jen4948 said:

    Jen4948 said:


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    This doesn't fly. If you don't want to respect another religious rule, don't accept an invitation to a wedding in that religion. Expecting an exception for yourself isn't respectful of that religion.

    All men, regardless of their personal beliefs, are asked to cover their heads at Jewish weddings - non-Jews as well as Jews. It is mandatory for everyone.



    Like I said lower down, if I knew ahead of time I would decline the invitation. And if I didn't know ahead of time, I would leave.

    Covering your head for a man is not mandatory at all Jewish weddings.
    Yes, it is.


    No. It isn't. Not all rabbis require head coverings. Like, they just don't. There are all kinds of different Jews, who have different levels of observance. I have spoken to Reform rabbis who have specifically said they do not view it as mandatory. Most? Sure. Many? Absolutely. The vast majority? No dispute. But "all" is just not true.
    Viczaesar
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2015
    I believe that head coverings for women in the Catholic Church ended in the 1960s with Vatican 2. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2015
    CMGragain said:
    The etiquette rule is "When in Rome.....".  You show respect for people's religious traditions.  I have been in mosques, cathedrals (both Catholic and Orthodox), Hindu temples and Buddhist temples. as well as Synagogues.  I always observe the traditions of the faith.  That does not affect my own faith in any way.
    I remember when ladies had to wear head coverings in the Catholic and the Episcopal church.  I was Presbyterian at the time, but I observed the tradition out of respect.
    If your husband refuses to respect the Jewish tradition of the yarmulke, then he should not attend the wedding at all.
    I think his attitude is bigoted, offensive and very ignorant.  JMHO.
    I think labeling this as bigoted is too far.  Had OP said, "my husband doesn't want to wear the yarmulke because he doesn't want to be mistaken for a Jewish man because he thinks they are _____", then yeah - bigoted.  OP never said why her husband is considering declining the yarmulke ... just that he is.
    OK, I probably went too far.  I am still smarting from my trip to Thailand, where I saw many Australian people flaunting their shorts and sleeveless tops at the temples.  I was so disgusted with their attitude.  "I'm on vacation!  You can't tell me what to do!"  We had all been asked to respect the local custom of covering the knees and the shoulders.  I was so embarrassed to be with those people.
    However, I might feel the same way if I were next to a man who declined to wear a yarmulke at a Jewish religious function, like a wedding.
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    KnickerGold
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    CMGragain said:




    CMGragain said:

    The etiquette rule is "When in Rome.....".  You show respect for people's religious traditions.  I have been in mosques, cathedrals (both Catholic and Orthodox), Hindu temples and Buddhist temples. as well as Synagogues.  I always observe the traditions of the faith.  That does not affect my own faith in any way.
    I remember when ladies had to wear head coverings in the Catholic and the Episcopal church.  I was Presbyterian at the time, but I observed the tradition out of respect.
    If your husband refuses to respect the Jewish tradition of the yarmulke, then he should not attend the wedding at all.
    I think his attitude is bigoted, offensive and very ignorant.  JMHO.

    I think labeling this as bigoted is too far.  Had OP said, "my husband doesn't want to wear the yarmulke because he doesn't want to be mistaken for a Jewish man because he thinks they are _____", then yeah - bigoted.  OP never said why her husband is considering declining the yarmulke ... just that he is.

    OK, I probably went too far.  I am still smarting from my trip to Thailand, where I saw many Australian people flaunting their shorts and sleeveless tops at the temples.  I was so disgusted with their attitude.  "I'm on vacation!  You can't tell me what to do!"  We had all been asked to respect the local custom of covering the knees and the shoulders.  I was so embarrassed to be with those people.
    However, I might feel the same way if I were next to a man who declined to wear a yarmulke at a Jewish religious function, like a wedding.


    Were these Buddhist temples? Then it's on the Buddhists to be upset or not that tourists are being tourists. As long as you were being respectful thats all that mattered.

    The only way to be 100% sure that ppl respect your religious customs is to forbid non members from entering your sacred places, like the Mormons do.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    SP29FiancB
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited December 2015

    Jen4948 said:

    Jen4948 said:


    MegEn1 said:

    Why is it such a big deal to dress respectfully for the situation you're in? Like, what about covering one's head or shoulders is SO DISTASTEFUL that they'd rather be disrespectful? 

    Well, like I said, I have no problem covering my shoulders. To me, covering my head is a much bigger deal. I have fundamental issues with the values being imposed on my by insisting I cover my head. Obviously this is pretty rare, but if I were offered a head covering at a Catholic wedding, my initial response would be "no thank you." If I were told it was mandatory, I would simply leave. I think being told as a woman to cover my head is disrespectful to me, and I would show my respect for the space I am in by leaving it.
    This doesn't fly. If you don't want to respect another religious rule, don't accept an invitation to a wedding in that religion. Expecting an exception for yourself isn't respectful of that religion.

    All men, regardless of their personal beliefs, are asked to cover their heads at Jewish weddings - non-Jews as well as Jews. It is mandatory for everyone.



    Like I said lower down, if I knew ahead of time I would decline the invitation. And if I didn't know ahead of time, I would leave.

    Covering your head for a man is not mandatory at all Jewish weddings.
    Yes, it is.


    No. It isn't. Not all rabbis require head coverings. Like, they just don't. There are all kinds of different Jews, who have different levels of observance. I have spoken to Reform rabbis who have specifically said they do not view it as mandatory. Most? Sure. Many? Absolutely. The vast majority? No dispute. But "all" is just not true.
    Sorry, but the rule is not based on what Reform rabbis believe.

    If the wedding is a Reform Jewish wedding with one of these rabbis officiating, then male attendees need not wear hats. But it is not appropriate of you to base your knowledge of the rules of etiquette regarding Jewish weddings, especially if they are not Reform, on what Reform rabbis have to say. It would be disrespectful of a male attendee at a non-Reform wedding to disregard the rule about covered heads. And yes, it's a rule.
    adwksInLoveInQueens
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