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Wedding Etiquette Forum
woodtdm
member
Bridesmaids financial responsibilities
I am getting married in September 2016, but I am a bridesmaid for a wedding taking place in May. I am having a hard time with all the bride's financial obligations.
I was fully expecting to pay for my dress, a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift, but she has now obligated her seven bridesmaids to pay for virtually everything.
We are responsible for our dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, our brooch bouquets, gifts for the stag and doe, the bridal party room reservations, the bachelorette party event (which includes an overnight stay at a hotel). She is also requesting the rehersal dinner be held at one of our houses.
This seems excessive. Am I just overreacting?
I was fully expecting to pay for my dress, a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift, but she has now obligated her seven bridesmaids to pay for virtually everything.
We are responsible for our dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, our brooch bouquets, gifts for the stag and doe, the bridal party room reservations, the bachelorette party event (which includes an overnight stay at a hotel). She is also requesting the rehersal dinner be held at one of our houses.
This seems excessive. Am I just overreacting?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Bridesmaids financial responsibilities
Step down now. Tell her you can't wait to see her get married, but you just don't have the money to be her bridesmaid.
Then run.
Side question american ladies: what is a stag and doe?
Take her as an example of what not to do and you and all of your BP will be sure to have a great day when you get married.
ETA:
Dresses: Legit, as long as she asked you each privately for a max budget beforehand. I'm guessing she didn't.
Shoes: Legit as long as she's not requiring a specific shoe (i.e. you could theoretically wear something you already owned). I'm guessing she is.
Hair: Legit as long as doing your own hair is an option. I'm guessing it's not.
Makeup: Same as hair.
Bouquets: Not even close to something you should pay for.
Stag&Doe: No one should ever have one, so definitely not okay. And gifts are never an obligation anyway.
Room reservations: You're responsible for your own accommodations at the wedding, but she cannot make you stay in specific rooms and expect you to pay for that.
Bachelorette party: NOPE. Optional.
Rehearsal dinner: Giant ball of NOPE.
This is more like extortion than any sort of honor. Decline, decline, decline. To paraphrase the new Dear Prudence, decline like you are a Bridezilla -declining machine whose only function is to refuse unnecessary, excessive financial demands.
Keep us updated on how it goes, and the wedding.
After you tell the bride all this, if she doesn't kick you out, the other bridesmaids will probably thank you greatly for getting them off the hook too.
Oh, hell no!
Did you push back on any of this? what did the other BMs say?
This is a much better, more reasonable and thought out answer than my only thought of "bitch is nuts".
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Gross!!!
Ah, I've heard this referred to as a jack and jill so hoped a stag and doe might something else.
However, if you do, I put the over/under on 5 days before this Bridezilla replaces you, so be prepared to feel even more like a prop than you already do.
As a PP said, the dress is expected to be your responsibility, but only if she's taken your budget into consideration. Shoes, hair and makeup are on you as well, but only if she's not forcing you to buy certain shoes or requiring you to get your H/MU done. Hotel is on you if you need one, but on your own terms, not hers.
I LOL'ed at the brooch bouquet. That is insane. Fuck the stag and doe. They are apparently in so over their heads budget-wise that they can't pay for their own wedding, but are expecting you to shell out all this money for it? NEWP. Bach party is paid for by the hosts (often the BMs, but not always), within the budget the collective hosts set. This is not dictated by the bride. It is also not a mandatory event for anyone. NEWP to hosting her rehearsal dinner. I would consider doing that for a close friend as a way to help them out if I could, but only for a friend who would never ask me for anything. I wouldn't be offering this girl shit.
OP, has she always been a demanding person (aka you could have seen this coming from her), or is this wedding making her crazy? Either way, I'd follow adk's advice.
It sounds to me like the bridesmaids need to have a come-to-Jesus with the bride(zilla) here and say, "We will pay for our dresses, but if you want to specify our hairstyles, makeup, and accessories, you will have to assume responsibility for the costs of those items. And that's where our responsibilities as bridesmaids end. We are not open to any further demands on our dimes or our time."
You need to be clear with your friend about what you are willing or not willing to pay for, and if you are willing to pay for something, what YOUR budget is.
The only requirement of you is to show up the day of with the agreed upon dress. Yes, hair and make up may be "up to you", but that also means you are free to do your own! Yes, you would be responsible for your own hotel stay for the wedding, if needed, but it's up to you where you stay.
As for the bacch party- that is offered by someone, according to their budget and what they are willing to host. The bride does not demand this.
Just no to the RD- that is alllllllll on the B&G.
So, I'd push back and tell her what you are willing to do/pay for, or step down (or both, if she won't see reason).
She had the nerve to post on social media how much was made and then solicit additional funds for her honeymoon fund.
Stag and Doe parties are generally considered to be rude, especially if they involve fund raising in any way.
I think you need to tell the bride that you cannot meet her expectations, and politely remove yourself from this horror of a wedding.