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Snarky Brides
dyerwise
member
Worst Bridesmaid Experience
I just got a text from a BM who wanted to know what kind of shoes I wanted the BM's to wear. I told her I wanted everyone to wear whatever they liked and felt comfortable in and they don't need to worry about buying anything new if they already have something they love. She replied with "Thank you!! I have so many shoes from other weddings I've been in!"
It got me thinking about the crazy things that have gone on in wedding parties I've been in and heard about from others. I'd love to hear more, Tuesdays are slow at my office!
I'll share my worst experience:
I was asked to be a BM by a woman that I knew through an ex boyfriend. When the ex and I split she would text me occasionally and we did meet up a few times for coffee. She was always very vocal about not having many girl friends and how much she valued our friendship. I was a little caught off guard when she asked me to be her BM in her wedding, but since I knew I was one of her only female friends, I agreed. She asked her Cousin and FSIL as well.
3 weeks before the bridal shower I get a text message from the bride saying "Can you bring cupcakes to the shower? Cousin and FSIL have been doing a lot and said you haven't done anything, they figured out how much everything cost, and your share is $125." I was super shocked because I offered to do so much! I told both Cousin and FSIL that I would do the invites, help with decorations or bring anything they needed and they continually told me "No thanks, we got it." I sucked it up and brought the cupcakes and paid my "share".
When planning the weekend in Las Vegas bachelorette party, they asked what dates worked for everyone, I said all dates were good for me with one exception because my brother was coming to visit from MO. (we are in CA) for the first time in 4 years and my family had planned a bunch of stuff around seeing him and spending time with him the 3 days he'd be here. They had 7 other dates to select from and picked that date. I said sorry, can't make it. They asked if I could still split the brides cost. I said No.
A month before the wedding, Bride texts me, "I want everyone's hair and make up to match. Hair and make up will cost each BM $150. You will also need to do a trial this weekend that will be $50." I was floored. I had just bought a house and couldn't/didn't want to keep shelling out money on being her BM! I had already paid around $350 on dress and shoes. I asked if I could just do my own hair and make up to match everyone. She didn't reply for a few days and then replied, "You have been so difficult! first my shower then the Vegas trip! You are being so cheap!! You make more than any of us, I didn't think this would be an issue for you! do you even want to be a BM?" I was super mad, so I just replied "Nope, this is just too much." She asked if she could have the BM dress I bought in case she can find a "replacement" in time. I didn't even respond.
She deleted me from FB and I haven't talked to her since. Also, she had asked me to make her wedding cake and 200 cupcakes to help save money. I've made cakes for other weddings and events but am usually compensated. I didn't make her cake or cupcakes and just figured we were even since I shelled out over $500 on her wedding.
Worst I've ever heard:
I heard a horrible story from a friend that was in a bridal party where one BM was plus size and the BM dresses the bride selected didn't go to her size, so the bride told the BM to buy two dresses and get it altered.
It got me thinking about the crazy things that have gone on in wedding parties I've been in and heard about from others. I'd love to hear more, Tuesdays are slow at my office!
I'll share my worst experience:
I was asked to be a BM by a woman that I knew through an ex boyfriend. When the ex and I split she would text me occasionally and we did meet up a few times for coffee. She was always very vocal about not having many girl friends and how much she valued our friendship. I was a little caught off guard when she asked me to be her BM in her wedding, but since I knew I was one of her only female friends, I agreed. She asked her Cousin and FSIL as well.
3 weeks before the bridal shower I get a text message from the bride saying "Can you bring cupcakes to the shower? Cousin and FSIL have been doing a lot and said you haven't done anything, they figured out how much everything cost, and your share is $125." I was super shocked because I offered to do so much! I told both Cousin and FSIL that I would do the invites, help with decorations or bring anything they needed and they continually told me "No thanks, we got it." I sucked it up and brought the cupcakes and paid my "share".
When planning the weekend in Las Vegas bachelorette party, they asked what dates worked for everyone, I said all dates were good for me with one exception because my brother was coming to visit from MO. (we are in CA) for the first time in 4 years and my family had planned a bunch of stuff around seeing him and spending time with him the 3 days he'd be here. They had 7 other dates to select from and picked that date. I said sorry, can't make it. They asked if I could still split the brides cost. I said No.
A month before the wedding, Bride texts me, "I want everyone's hair and make up to match. Hair and make up will cost each BM $150. You will also need to do a trial this weekend that will be $50." I was floored. I had just bought a house and couldn't/didn't want to keep shelling out money on being her BM! I had already paid around $350 on dress and shoes. I asked if I could just do my own hair and make up to match everyone. She didn't reply for a few days and then replied, "You have been so difficult! first my shower then the Vegas trip! You are being so cheap!! You make more than any of us, I didn't think this would be an issue for you! do you even want to be a BM?" I was super mad, so I just replied "Nope, this is just too much." She asked if she could have the BM dress I bought in case she can find a "replacement" in time. I didn't even respond.
She deleted me from FB and I haven't talked to her since. Also, she had asked me to make her wedding cake and 200 cupcakes to help save money. I've made cakes for other weddings and events but am usually compensated. I didn't make her cake or cupcakes and just figured we were even since I shelled out over $500 on her wedding.
Worst I've ever heard:
I heard a horrible story from a friend that was in a bridal party where one BM was plus size and the BM dresses the bride selected didn't go to her size, so the bride told the BM to buy two dresses and get it altered.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Worst Bridesmaid Experience
Overall, I've been very lucky (been a bridesmaid 6 times, all dresses were gorgeous, all brides well-behaved
I spent $250 on a damn BM dress and didn't even get to stand up with my friend as she got married. I've never felt more like a photo prop.
We not-so-lovingly dubbed her mom "the drill sergeant" because she was so forceful with giving us stuff to do. I was still a teenager so obviously I just went along with everything. It was an awful and stressful 3 days! A horrible experience! And it was over 100 degrees at her outdoor wedding and her reception venue was an old train depot that had NO AIR CONDITIONING. I still have some fond memories of the day because she was one of my best friends (and we still talk) but overall, a terrible experience.
*Sadly, they are one of the statistics, and in the process of getting divorced. Don't get married young, people.
1. If you get your shoes dyed to match your dress, get the shoes a size bigger. They *will* shrink when dyed. I learned that the hard way when I had to pay for a second set of white pumps that had to be dyed sapphire blue.
2. If the bride tells you that the largest size dress is a size 14 and you're a size 18, appeal to her to see if you can wear a different dress. (It was also backless with spaghetti straps. Not fun to try to find a strapless bra in a C-cup.)
I feel bad for her bridesmaids when she gets married!
That's the tip of the iceberg. People wonder why I groan when I'm asked to be a bridesmaid.
ETA, that was a in a nutshell list of all the weddings I have served time in.
What about the bride that planned her own hen do and informed me that as I lived nearest to a tube station we would hold it in my flat and several of her oot friends could stay there. A personal favourite. She also got mad that I didn't have much time to help her (I was buying a house and had my mind on other things!) even though I gave her my flat and helped prep all the food. The same bride was overheard at the hen do of my best friend (which I organised) telling people how her own hen do had been shit and I had done nothing to help but had somehow managed to throw a great party for my BF. Yeah, I try not to speak to that one anymore. Incidently being a BM for my BF was the best! She's a great person all the time though.
Or the cheaply made bridesmaid dress that was a gross lilac shade of polyester 'raw silk' fabric so that when it was scorching outside all us bridesmaids had dark sweat patches the size of plates.
Or the 'voluntary' weekend (!) spent making all the paper flowers for the venue. Couple invited 10 people for the weekend and asked us all to bring food and booze. I declined to take the day off of work to help set up for the wedding, she was too much.
The 'bad bridesmaid' posts are far and away the worst, most entitled posts of them all. Being a bridesmaid is the worst. I'm trying my best to be like my best friend.
We we go to dinner after and she's very upset because we didn't like the color of the dress she wanted. I said I'd wear whatever she picked but if she wanted our input we would tell her. She says that we need to go shopping another time during the week because we didn't find anything. I fit in another time to go dress shopping and it goes as badly as the first. All she wants is strapless dresses that make me feel terrible. She loves them all. She keeps picking $250+ dresses which I tell her are too expensive but she never asked for a budget. She gets upset when I tell her I can't go shopping for a third time with her because she still hasn't had her all the BM together shopping for their dress experience. She then flips out at me, yells at me for being a terrible BM and friend and that I'm not supporting her enough, or excited enough for her wedding. I can't come to her shower and she yells at me for not making the same kind of effort She made for mine.
Her sister offers to plan a bparty but bails. Me and my sister through something together at the last minute for her and she complains all night about her sisters crappy attitude and doesn't even say thank you. Rehearsal is outside in the middle of the day, there is no shade and no water. We ask If there will be any for the wedding the next day. Nope. She tells us we have to bring food and drinks for "getting ready" at 11am for 4pm wedding. Was upset when we put our foot down and said we weren't paying $200 for hair and makeup. Wedding day was scorching hot, had to stand outside for the wedding then over an hour of pictures in the blazing sun with long heavy dresses with no water, no where to sit down, and no shade. I thought my sister was actually going to pass out. At the end of the night she told my H he had to help put gifts in the car. Worst wedding ever.
I read scepter and thought "light saber" and had to laugh picturing someone holding light sabers at a wedding, although I'm guessing someone has had a Star Wars wedding!
(1) Dress price consultation. A few times now, the process of picking the BM dress has been the bride sending a group message to the BMs with a dress she has found and likes, and asks our opinions on it. It's nice that I've been asked and I know the brides meant well. But it would have been nicer to be consulted about my budget first in private and then have a dress picked, because I felt pressured to say "Sure! $200 is not problem!" when all the other BMs were and the bride already had her hopes on a specific dress. One time a dress needed serious alteration, also (ordered online and the sizing was WAY off) so it ended up being about about a total of $350 when all was said and done. And I will never. wear. it. again.
(2) Getting a plus one/ sitting with them at the reception. One of the weddings I was in was really small, and the venue could not hold more than 100 people. The brides mother was insistent on several extra relatives being added last minute, so I was asked if I could not bring a plus 1. I might not have brought FI (who was BF of several years at that point) anyway, but it was still a bit weird not having that option. Another wedding I was at, I didn't bring FI because I knew he would have to sit on his own (and not know anybody else) the whole time while I had to be at a head table.
(3) Getting our hair and make-up done professionally at our own expense. It has never necessarily demanded, but the option of doing it ourselves wasn't really made clear, either, except for only one wedding I've been in. If I had known I could do it in the other weddings, I probably would have opted to at least do my own make-up and save some money.
The worst story I've ever heard of was one where a friend who was a BM was told by her FSIL (the bride) that she had to grow her hair out over the next 12 months, since she wanted all the BMs to have the same updo and my friend's hair was too short for it. Talk about some insanity.
None of my personal experiences are terribly egregious but I have stories from my friends' experiences too.
a) In an otherwise great BM experience, we were told to chose our own dresses in a certain color (yay!) and choose our own shoes. Most of us wore long dresses so the shoes didn't matter, but the co-MOHs wore short dresses. The sister MOH wanted silver shoes, so the friend MOH had to get silver shoes too to coordinate. I felt bad for her because she and her husband are on a tight budget and I know for fact she hasn't bought herself any new clothes in a few years now. She got silver shoes from Payless and they absolutely killed her feet. You could tell how much she was hurting during pictures and those came off the second we sat down for dinner. (And, having now seen the pro pics... There are zero pictures where shoes are noticeable at all.)
b) I was a BM for a very sweet bride and a co-BM was a nightmare. We were trying to plan the bride's shower at the park district at the suggestion of the MOB. BM-zilla (who was an obligation BM-invite folks, ok?) kept insisting we host the shower at the nice restaurant she waitressed at because she got a 40% employee discount and "the bride deserves this guys...." Who the fuck was going to pay for that? Only two of us BMs were even gainfully employed; I was in the process of buying a condo and the other was planning and paying for her own wedding. Money was tight for all. So then, the bride called me basically saying that BM-zilla had accused her MOH of sabotaging everything and saying crap that I know she never said. I got the pleasure of telling the bride that BM-zilla was lying about everything. Bride didn't even want the shower at the restaurant and was much happier with her mother's park district plan.
c) BM-zilla eventually got married herself and had previous bride as her BM. She made them wearing matching (hurting) strappy sandals, gave them hand-made jewelry as "gifts" that they had to wear for the event and which itches from the wires used, told my friend as her BM that she was going to host the shower at her house... I attended that shower and helped the BMs set everything up. Bride showed up late, so horrifically hung over she could barely even socialize with the guests, and didn't even thank the host BM or any of her other BMs for their efforts in throwing the shower. Also, this BM and her husband had hosted a brunch holiday party. The BM had to leave her own party early to shop for dresses with the bride. THEN... it gets better... the BMs had to travel to the wedding several days in advance and set everything up. I mean everything. The BMs' husband was ironing tablecloths, for fucks' sake. They all had to stay until the end of the reception to tear everything down. And by the way, I was originally asked to play piano for her ceremony, which I learned later thanks to TK was actually rude of her to ask. I didn't play in the end though.
Oh yeah, they're still friends. I am not friends with that woman anymore.
Edit: Sorry for poor grammar; I was trying to type this very quickly.
You win on the sceptre wedding though. What a story to tell. Since your friend is being cool about what you wear to this wedding, why not reuse the Renaissance fair dress - really get your money's worth?? Nice surprise for her on the day!
Then again, we'll reuse them for cosplay. And we know the difference between photo props and people.
In between us ordering the dresses and the dresses arriving at the store, something really bad happened between the girl and her fiance, and the wedding was called off. Since the guy was my boyfriend's friend, she cut off contact with everyone and I never spoke to her again. Like I heard the wedding was called off from another person, not even her. Because of the really bad thing that happened, my husband and all of his friends stopped speaking to the guy. We lost contact with all of them, and I was out $250 when I didn't have a job.