Etiquette

Bridesmaids financial responsibilities

145791016

Re: Bridesmaids financial responsibilities

  • I got my invitation. No stamp on the RSVP envelop, and it was just addressed to me. When I asked her about the stamp she lied and said she ran out. None of the RSVP envelopes had return postage paid. I know that because the it was the complaint of my aunt, uncles and cousins; not to mention that the invitations were not made out to couples. There was only one name on the invites (the name of the direct relation to the bride). My FI thought it would be a great time to try to weasel out of going because his name wasn't on the invite. I had to verify with her that it was ok if I had a plus one. Ridiculous.
    redwoodoriginalMesmrEwePinksatin91016InLoveInQueens
  • So is it okay to bring your FI, or will she get back to you when all of the RSVP's are returned?
    KnickerGoldPinksatin91016InLoveInQueenskittykyat
  • woodtdm said:
    I got my invitation. No stamp on the RSVP envelop, and it was just addressed to me. When I asked her about the stamp she lied and said she ran out. None of the RSVP envelopes had return postage paid. I know that because the it was the complaint of my aunt, uncles and cousins; not to mention that the invitations were not made out to couples. There was only one name on the invites (the name of the direct relation to the bride). My FI thought it would be a great time to try to weasel out of going because his name wasn't on the invite. I had to verify with her that it was ok if I had a plus one. Ridiculous.
    But he's not a plus one. He is the other half of your social unit. It is fine not to give guests a plus one, never fine not to invite the other half of a social unit to a social event.

    The stamp- meh, I'll get over it. It's on the guest to RSVP- and traditionally RSVP cards were not included, as written correspondence was once the only way to communicate besides face to face, so individuals had their own stationary.

    But not including SOs on the invite is a big etiquette fail to me- bothers me more than a lot of other things. You're hosting a party, in which you are inviting a lot of people to, yet you (general you- or in OPs case, her cousin) didn't actually invite near half the guest list- um, what?

    If you are going I'd RSVP with FI's name on it.
    PrettyGirlLostOurWildKingdomKnottie1452098987
  • His name is on the RSVP, and the stamp is an annoyance and just plain rude. To be honest, it the fact that she lied about a stamp. a hundred or so stamps. Who really uses stamps anymore. Its just another way she expects people to contribute to her wedding. It may only be a stamp but its the inconvenience. It may only be a name, but its disrespectful to both the bride and grooms family and friends. Make it clear to all parties involved.

    Her whole wedding preparation has been unorganised and did a full 360° turn. Beauty and the Beast, turned into an Enchanted Forest theme, which turned into something with an additional cost to her bridesmaids again. I may not be a part of the party anymore, but technically I am. I hear everything and I have become the psychologist for the bridesmaids. Which in turn, makes this forum my venting platform.

    SP29OurWildKingdomInLoveInQueens
  • woodtdm said:

    His name is on the RSVP, and the stamp is an annoyance and just plain rude. To be honest, it the fact that she lied about a stamp. a hundred or so stamps. Who really uses stamps anymore. Its just another way she expects people to contribute to her wedding. It may only be a stamp but its the inconvenience. It may only be a name, but its disrespectful to both the bride and grooms family and friends. Make it clear to all parties involved.

    Her whole wedding preparation has been unorganised and did a full 360° turn. Beauty and the Beast, turned into an Enchanted Forest theme, which turned into something with an additional cost to her bridesmaids again. I may not be a part of the party anymore, but technically I am. I hear everything and I have become the psychologist for the bridesmaids. Which in turn, makes this forum my venting platform.

    Hey, it's a full loonie to stamp an envelope. She saved a hundred bucks right there. 
    SP29PrettyGirlLost
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    geebee908 said:
    woodtdm said:

    His name is on the RSVP, and the stamp is an annoyance and just plain rude. To be honest, it the fact that she lied about a stamp. a hundred or so stamps. Who really uses stamps anymore. Its just another way she expects people to contribute to her wedding. It may only be a stamp but its the inconvenience. It may only be a name, but its disrespectful to both the bride and grooms family and friends. Make it clear to all parties involved.

    Her whole wedding preparation has been unorganised and did a full 360° turn. Beauty and the Beast, turned into an Enchanted Forest theme, which turned into something with an additional cost to her bridesmaids again. I may not be a part of the party anymore, but technically I am. I hear everything and I have become the psychologist for the bridesmaids. Which in turn, makes this forum my venting platform.

    Does she need them to purchase their own floral fairy crowns?
    Wasn't there an enchanted forest somewhere in Beauty and the Beast? 
    YogaSandyPinksatin91016
  • The forest was scary in Beauty and the Beast. Full of man eating wolves. The colour of the brooch bouquets changed from silk blue roses to "maybe" (the brides word), to red, cream and silver. The bridesmaids were scheduled to assemble and complete the purchase of their bouquet items by this upcoming Saturday.

    OurWildKingdomKnottie1452098987
  • She sure did save at least $100. I'm not sure how much it would cost to send an invitation up north. Either way it doesn't matter. She is complaining about how people expect her to shell out all this money, and her health is getting worse because of the stress and how she doesn't have any money or people to help her.
  • woodtdm said:
    She sure did save at least $100. I'm not sure how much it would cost to send an invitation up north. Either way it doesn't matter. She is complaining about how people expect her to shell out all this money, and her health is getting worse because of the stress and how she doesn't have any money or people to help her.
    Poor, poor bride.

    Keep the stories coming... this just keeps getting better.
    SP29PrettyGirlLostPinksatin91016InLoveInQueens
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    woodtdm said:

    The forest was scary in Beauty and the Beast. Full of man eating wolves. The colour of the brooch bouquets changed from silk blue roses to "maybe" (the brides word), to red, cream and silver. The bridesmaids were scheduled to assemble and complete the purchase of their bouquet items by this upcoming Saturday.

    There is no way I would be making any such purchase.  Why do all the BM's need to congregate to make their individual bouquets?  I'd make mine in the privacy of my own home, whilst downing an ample portion of an alcoholic beverage.
    geebee908PrettyGirlLostMesmrEwe
  • woodtdm said:
    She sure did save at least $100. I'm not sure how much it would cost to send an invitation up north. Either way it doesn't matter. She is complaining about how people expect her to shell out all this money, and her health is getting worse because of the stress and how she doesn't have any money or people to help her.
    Oh my gosh.... how do people not understand, YOU ARE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF! She can stop the madness, if she wanted to ;)
    spockforprezPrettyGirlLostOurWildKingdom
  • It was requested by the bride that the bridal party all get together to complete the brooch bouquets so everyone can get to know each other and create a bonding experience. I personally think its because the bride wanted to ensure all the bouquets are being completed to her specifications even though the bouquets are supposed to represent each bridesmaid as an individual. They also paid the $100 + for all the supplies so why can't they make the bouquets the way they want provided the colours are what were discussed. I still say the bride should have coughed up the money for the bouquets. 
    MesmrEweKnottie1452098987
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    MobKaz said:
    woodtdm said:
    It was requested by the bride that the bridal party all get together to complete the brooch bouquets so everyone can get to know each other and create a bonding experience. I personally think its because the bride wanted to ensure all the bouquets are being completed to her specifications even though the bouquets are supposed to represent each bridesmaid as an individual. They also paid the $100 + for all the supplies so why can't they make the bouquets the way they want provided the colours are what were discussed. I still say the bride should have coughed up the money for the bouquets
    Absolutely.  I hate to be blunt and potentially offensive, but I have to question the intelligence of these women to accommodate this bride's every (expensive) whim and demand.

    I will say, however, that if I were ever foolish enough to spend $100+ on a stupid bouquet, you can be damn square sure it would be in the colors and brooches to MY liking, and to match whatever decor in my home I chose to keep it in.
    It's not an intelligence issue, it's a backbone issue.  Generations of women have been conditioned to believe that it's the bride's Most Beautiful, Perfect, Special Day and they should just go along with whatever the hell she wants to make her happy.

    Also, tons of people in this world are conflict avoidant and truly think NO is a four letter word. . .  and I'm not sure why four letter words are so fucking taboo.
    Agreed.  I typed and deleted my word choice multiple times because I knew that was not what I actually wanted to say, but could not for the life of me think of the word I wanted. 
  • This story can only get better. I half hope the bride shows up here to tell us how it *really* is.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    MairePoppy
  • Her theme was Beauty and the Beast (at one point)?? What, did her husband turn into a handsome prince once he met her? Or is he still beastly and their first kiss will make him a prince?
    I just don't know how a FI could sign on to a wedding 'theme' that calls him a beast!
    Ugh, my brother got married right out of high school, right before the Army and his wife's cousin sang the theme song from beauty and the beast as bride walked down the aisle. I was 14 and genuinely insulted for my brother.

    kittykyatlc07Knottie1452098987wink0erin
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited February 2016
     I like your response OP! Good on you for standing up for yourself!

    I wonder where her Fiance is in all of this. Bridal survival kit, LOL!  Where in the world did she get all these shitty ideas??
    For my sisters wedding I packed a bag with a Tide pen, safety pins, static guard, deodorant, needle and thread, bandaids hairspray etc.  But that was because she lives out of state so I figured she wouldn't pack any of these items because who does?  We ended up needing the band aids, tide pen and a safety pin; but I can't even imagine dictating someone packing those things for you.
    Right? If someone gives you one voluntarily (that is a fantastic shower idea, BTW @kimmiinthemitten ), great. Otherwise, most brides have the good sense to assemble the supplies themselves.

    ETA: sorry for resurrecting an old part of the thread.

    SMDH at the Beauty and the Beast and Enchanted Forest themes. I thought about a Doctor Who theme for about 30 seconds (both of us are Whovians) till I realized how silly that was.
  • When I was a BM I tried to have a serious conversation with her about how complicated her wedding was getting and how she should try to keep it simple. Even though she said she had that theme she would jump on anything she could get her little hands on without conferring with the BM's or MOH. It was a simple "Hi Hunny, (which I absolutely despise being called) I just bought a lot brooches of EBay and each brooch is only $4. What a deal!  I figure 10-15 brooches for each bouquet. We will have to figure out when we can all go to Michaels and find some ideas. Oh! And I will need a ride because I don't drive because of my gallbladder, anxiety and IBS. It just doesn't make sense to try and take the bus." I mentioned Hydrangeas instead of roses, because she wanted blue flowers and we couldn't find blue roses...she freaked out Kevin Hart style in Ride Along 2!! she ended up sending a huge email to everyone saying that everyone offers ideas but no one helps her out! The BM's all got together on Saturday. I should see how everything went.
    MesmrEweKnottie1452098987
  • woodtdm said:
    It was requested by the bride that the bridal party all get together to complete the brooch bouquets so everyone can get to know each other and create a bonding experience. I personally think its because the bride wanted to ensure all the bouquets are being completed to her specifications even though the bouquets are supposed to represent each bridesmaid as an individual. They also paid the $100 + for all the supplies so why can't they make the bouquets the way they want provided the colours are what were discussed. I still say the bride should have coughed up the money for the bouquets. 
    Sooooo...they paid over $100 for their own bouquets AND had to assemble them, too!  If I'm paying $100 for a bouquet, it better already be assembled.  I realize, in this case, it is brooches instead of flowers.  But still.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Knottie1452098987
  • woodtdm said:
    When I was a BM I tried to have a serious conversation with her about how complicated her wedding was getting and how she should try to keep it simple. Even though she said she had that theme she would jump on anything she could get her little hands on without conferring with the BM's or MOH. It was a simple "Hi Hunny, (which I absolutely despise being called) I just bought a lot brooches of EBay and each brooch is only $4. What a deal!  I figure 10-15 brooches for each bouquet. We will have to figure out when we can all go to Michaels and find some ideas. Oh! And I will need a ride because I don't drive because of my gallbladder, anxiety and IBS. It just doesn't make sense to try and take the bus." I mentioned Hydrangeas instead of roses, because she wanted blue flowers and we couldn't find blue roses...she freaked out Kevin Hart style in Ride Along 2!! she ended up sending a huge email to everyone saying that everyone offers ideas but no one helps her out! The BM's all got together on Saturday. I should see how everything went.

    Wow!  She got took!  I bought some from ebay! for my parent's Anniversary for $1 each....
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards