Early afternoon ceremony --- reception timing??

kimmiinthemitten · March 2016

So close to a full bingo card!

ETA: OP, the number 1 thing I learned from these boards is that just because *I* personally may not be offended by an etiquette faux-pas, does not meant others won't be. It's best to stick by the rules of etiquette and risk offending no one, than saying to hell with it and possibly offend a guest. After all, these are the people you invited to participate in a monumental moment in your life. Why wouldn't you want to treat them with the respect that proper etiquette carries?

LondonLisa · March 2016

Knottie71949479 said:

I've been to several weddings where there is a gap. It's very common. This may give guests a chance to go back to their hotel room/home to change and freshen up before the reception. Your gap is only two hours. I've been to some that are longer. I wouldn't say it is "rude". enjoy your day!

What do you do during your ceremony that requires freshening up? Do you have treadmill pews where everyone needs to run during the mass? Are you getting married in front of a spin class?

charlotte989875 · March 2016

ernursej said:

charlotte989875 said:

ernursej said:

Gaps of ANY length are rude. If I have to spend time spinning my wheels or coming up with someone to do during this time, it is rude of the host to put me in that position. If you are immediately opening up the reception venue for cocktails and just allowing time to get from ceremony to reception venue, then this is appropriate. Gaps have developed because people feel like they need a million photos and can't seem to get them all in before the ceremony. What if I don't have a hotel room and can't go anywhere to freshen up ... then I am just having to waste my time getting a coffee I really didn't need or going to a mall dressed to the nines to wander while I wait? Gaps are common, but they are rude.

I hate it when hosts make me find my own people to do during gaps.

Hahahahaha! Whoops ... meant something to do. But gah, really inconsiderate that they don't line up choices for me to take back to my non-existent hotel room. Now THAT is rude!
Extra - My FI just blew wine through his nose when I told him about my whoops. Now I have to help clean up wine. How rude!

Now that is something I'd need to freshen up from. Not a wedding ceremony.

Hope that wasn't red wine.

Maggie0829 · March 2016

LondonLisa said:

Knottie71949479 said:

I've been to several weddings where there is a gap. It's very common. This may give guests a chance to go back to their hotel room/home to change and freshen up before the reception. Your gap is only two hours. I've been to some that are longer. I wouldn't say it is "rude". enjoy your day!

What do you do during your ceremony that requires freshening up? Do you have treadmill pews where everyone needs to run during the mass? Are you getting married in front of a spin class?

This. When people use this as a reason for having a gap I want to question what they do during a ceremony. Because I can't really think of a time where I needed to freshen up after sitting still for 30 minutes.

banana468 · March 2016

How active are the Catholic aerobics during your ceremony that guests need to go to their hotel?

And what about those who don't have a hotel?

One wedding I attended with a gap was 50 minutes from my home and the reception was 35 minutes from my home and the gap was 3 hours. I could have driven to and from my house multiple times but instead I stuck around in the area and went to my own bed that night.

So while the gap was rude, the "go to the hotel" area wasn't even an option. Instead DH and I had to kill time in the area in our dressy clothing. Yes, we figured it out because we're grown up and knew how to plan our time. But a better plan would have been to host me for the entire time.

ernursej · March 2016

charlotte989875 said:

ernursej said:

charlotte989875 said:

ernursej said:

Gaps of ANY length are rude. If I have to spend time spinning my wheels or coming up with someone to do during this time, it is rude of the host to put me in that position. If you are immediately opening up the reception venue for cocktails and just allowing time to get from ceremony to reception venue, then this is appropriate. Gaps have developed because people feel like they need a million photos and can't seem to get them all in before the ceremony. What if I don't have a hotel room and can't go anywhere to freshen up ... then I am just having to waste my time getting a coffee I really didn't need or going to a mall dressed to the nines to wander while I wait? Gaps are common, but they are rude.

I hate it when hosts make me find my own people to do during gaps.

Hahahahaha! Whoops ... meant something to do. But gah, really inconsiderate that they don't line up choices for me to take back to my non-existent hotel room. Now THAT is rude!
Extra - My FI just blew wine through his nose when I told him about my whoops. Now I have to help clean up wine. How rude!

Now that is something I'd need to freshen up from. Not a wedding ceremony.

Hope that wasn't red wine.

A beautiful Amarone ... dark red!! At least we have hardwood floors and I specifically used washable paint on the walls thinking that at some point, we would really need to scrub the walls. My present self thanks my past self for such a good idea.

InLoveInQueens · March 2016

Maggie0829 said:

LondonLisa said:

Knottie71949479 said:

I've been to several weddings where there is a gap. It's very common. This may give guests a chance to go back to their hotel room/home to change and freshen up before the reception. Your gap is only two hours. I've been to some that are longer. I wouldn't say it is "rude". enjoy your day!

What do you do during your ceremony that requires freshening up? Do you have treadmill pews where everyone needs to run during the mass? Are you getting married in front of a spin class?

This. When people use this as a reason for having a gap I want to question what they do during a ceremony. Because I can't really think of a time where I needed to freshen up after sitting still for 30 minutes.

Whenever I see that bullshit excuse being used to have a gap/encourage gaps I think they're also the kinds of people who will have an outdoor ceremony in August with no climate control. I can't imagine living in a world where I need to go back home after sitting in a chair, maybe standing up a couple of times, to "freshen up". How do these people work? Are they constantly running to the bathroom to "freshen up" because sitting still is too much effort?

MobKaz · March 2016

Knottie71949479 said:

ernursej said:

Knottie71949479 said:

ernursej said:

Knottie71949479 said:

I've been to several weddings where there is a gap. It's very common. This may give guests a chance to go back to their hotel room/home to change and freshen up before the reception. Your gap is only two hours. I've been to some that are longer. I wouldn't say it is "rude". enjoy your day!

Gaps of ANY length are rude. If I have to spend time spinning my wheels or coming up with someone to do during this time, it is rude of the host to put me in that position. If you are immediately opening up the reception venue for cocktails and just allowing time to get from ceremony to reception venue, then this is appropriate. Gaps have developed because people feel like they need a million photos and can't seem to get them all in before the ceremony. What if I don't have a hotel room and can't go anywhere to freshen up ... then I am just having to waste my time getting a coffee I really didn't need or going to a mall dressed to the nines to wander while I wait? Gaps are common, but they are rude.
@Knottie71949479, please don't encourage someone to be rude just because something is common. Even though we are not on the etiquette board, all the boards are very pro-etiquette.

You have an opinion that something is rude. I personally don't think it is rude. It's logistics that are beyond her control. Please stop responding to my posts, as I don't value your opinions anymore. They are complete negativity on every thread you post in.

I have the same opinion as most of the Knotties on this site which is that etiquette is never wrong. Logistics are never out of a bride's control ... usually it is because something is wanted but it could be done differently.
There are very few (perhaps 1-2) rude Knotties on this site and I'm not one of them. My posts are always well thought out to encourage newbies to stick around. I'm sorry that you took my responses as rude. When you post on the internet, you have no control over what is posted back. Responses may contain messages that you do not like or didn't think you would get.
I will continue to post when and how I feel. You should really look at my posting history and you will see that I'm not rude but usually quite understanding that things are sometimes done or perceived as okay in the wedding industry when really, they are quite rude. I encourage people to stick around to get free advice from an unbiased group of people that love weddings.
I do hope you will stick around. Many people come and get taken back by their first post. They stick around and find out that we usually have great ideas and are extremely supportive.

You wouldn't call a bride rude to her face, don't do it online either. Wedding planning is a stressful time for many. Brides come here to ask for our opinion. Not to get chewed up and spit out. I've been around. No, I don't have all those numbers next to my name, and quite frankly I don't even know what those mean. I've been reading these forums since I got engaged, almost a year now. I've got a lot of advice from threads and I've seen some pretty disgusting commentary. I will not be a part of that. You want to tell this bride the proper etiquette, then do so. It's unnecessary and disrespectful to call someone rude and to call out a fellow bride stating her opinion on a forum.

Knottie71949479 I tried to avoid doing so, but I have told a bride why I declined attendance at her wedding. She was having a 2:00 PM ceremony and a 6:00 PM reception. It was being held in the city, and I live in an outlying suburb. I had no options as far as killing 3 hours of time. I was not close enough to return home, and had no hotel with which to go and "freshen up". I simply declined attendance. The bride had the nerve to question why I was opting not to attend. I told her that the gap SHE CREATED made the choice for me.

I will try to be polite or diplomatic, but when push comes to shove, I will be truthful. Most guests will not tell a bride that her plans are rude, but I can assure you that most are thinking it.

A gap is unnecessary, disrespectful, and rude.

Early afternoon ceremony --- reception timing??

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