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Wedding Party
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[Deleted User]
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Issues with the best man?
So, to make this quick.
the best man and my fiance have been friends for years, they had a few issues back 2 years ago and reconnected before I met my fiance. This past Friday he showed up uninvited to our home, with booze ready for a long night of drinking. I was upset with my fiance because I felt like my privacy had been disturbed, we spoke about it (while we were having a conversation between ourselves, his friend comes back inside grabs all his things) and his friend was rude and slammed my front door on the way out, after i had told him "I really hope you're not planning on drinking this in my house, I don't want booze in my home."
I told my fiance to call him back, which he did I went out for a coffee with my mom and when I came back he had parked in the driveway blocking my way in. I called asked if he could move his car, he refused. I was upset and told him to move it or I'd move it myself.
Bottom line was he left that night, upset and called my fiance the next day. I noticed early the next day he had blocked/deleted me off all social media. He lives 4 hours away. He asked him if he was going to go down to see him my fiance told him he wasn't going to see him without speaking to me first especially since we hadn't resolved the issue from the night before. He was mad said my fiance wasn't allowed to come see him anymore. My fiance told him that wasn't the case that he was at fault for me being upset, he forgot to tell me he was coming down and he wanted to fix things with me before going down. My fiance said some things he said made him mad, "your picking her over me...." and my fiance said "dont make me choose between you and her...it's going to be her."
He than texted my fiance saying "It was nice knowing you, bud. best of luck with all that."
My question is what do I do? apologize? I asked my fiance he said no, i dont want you to apologize he obviously wasn't a true friend.
Some advice please?
the best man and my fiance have been friends for years, they had a few issues back 2 years ago and reconnected before I met my fiance. This past Friday he showed up uninvited to our home, with booze ready for a long night of drinking. I was upset with my fiance because I felt like my privacy had been disturbed, we spoke about it (while we were having a conversation between ourselves, his friend comes back inside grabs all his things) and his friend was rude and slammed my front door on the way out, after i had told him "I really hope you're not planning on drinking this in my house, I don't want booze in my home."
I told my fiance to call him back, which he did I went out for a coffee with my mom and when I came back he had parked in the driveway blocking my way in. I called asked if he could move his car, he refused. I was upset and told him to move it or I'd move it myself.
Bottom line was he left that night, upset and called my fiance the next day. I noticed early the next day he had blocked/deleted me off all social media. He lives 4 hours away. He asked him if he was going to go down to see him my fiance told him he wasn't going to see him without speaking to me first especially since we hadn't resolved the issue from the night before. He was mad said my fiance wasn't allowed to come see him anymore. My fiance told him that wasn't the case that he was at fault for me being upset, he forgot to tell me he was coming down and he wanted to fix things with me before going down. My fiance said some things he said made him mad, "your picking her over me...." and my fiance said "dont make me choose between you and her...it's going to be her."
He than texted my fiance saying "It was nice knowing you, bud. best of luck with all that."
My question is what do I do? apologize? I asked my fiance he said no, i dont want you to apologize he obviously wasn't a true friend.
Some advice please?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Issues with the best man?
Did I get that right, or was he actually uninvited, and therefore blindsided your FI as well?
If I'm right, this is a mess your FI needs to clean up by taking responsibility for his actions and talking to all people involved before you talk to the friend.
If I'm wrong, and your FI wasn't expecting him either, it sounds like this guy's an asshole, and there's no reason to mend things. Goodbye to bad rubbish.
Personally I think you both owe the friend an apology. He drove 4 hours to see your FI and was treated rudely by both of you.
It sounds like you just flew off the handle and kicked him out. In a shared home, this is a red flag. What if this had been your FMIL? If she had dropped by "uninvited," would you have treated her this way?
Your FI dropped the ball, but you still weren't right to treat the friend the way you did. I'm not understanding FI's role in all of this, but I think you both owe the friend an apology. This friend was your FI's guest in your shared home, whether he remembered to tell you beforehand or not. You made it very clear the friend was not welcome, and that was incredibly rude of you, regardless of the circumstances.
Did he know you are so insecure about alcohol?
Your fi messed up, not the BM. And the way you freaked out at everyone, I'm not surprised your fi panicked and didn't admit his mistake right away. No wonder he is siding with you saying don't apologise: are you going to shout, sulk and be rude to him if he didn't?!
Shouting about 'alcohol in your house' (oh no! Heaven forbid!) or yelling 'move your car or I'll move it for you' (such kind words!) is really rude. You should be embarrassed by your behaviour. You really owe this guy an apology.
ETA clarification
I completely understand your frustration because this is actually a relatively frequent occurrence at my house - FI always forgets to tell me when he invites people over. Yes, it's annoying, but I only ever get cranky with FI about it. If i'm really not in the mood to hang out, I just go upstairs and pretend I'm doing homework lol. Taking it out on the friend isn't really a fair reaction. You should definitely apologize, and you should tell FI that he owes an apology too.
And I'd like to add, being a gracious person means that you shouldn't have acted the way you did EVEN IF the bolded were true. Which it wasn't. This is not an issue with the best man.
If someone showed up invited by DH and he hadn't told me, and I wasn't prepared for it and that made me angry, and booze was for whatever reason not allowed in our house, I would:
a) Be angry with DH, but not in front of the guest, whose fault it was not;
b) Leave it to DH to enforce any house rules on booze, or not;
c) Graciously hang out or graciously excuse myself.
I'm also team your FI needs to be a better communicator.
Your FI knew this was happening and then didn't tell you and you flew off the handle?
I'm curious about why the booze was so awful to be in the house. Are you both recovering substance abusers? If that's the case I can have a bit of sympathy. But regardless, I think you messed up big time.
As for the alcohol thing, I am also curious as to why you were so upset that it was brought into the house. Obviously, if you've told this friend before that there was no booze allowed, then I understand your frustration, though you still could've been more polite about it. Anyway, I think you all need to come together and apologize to one another and try to put this behind you.
This one falls on FI for not telling you, however you could have also handled it much better. Damage control needs to be done but I suspect the damage has been done for the long-haul.
Just because there's alcohol doesn't mean that you need to partake. I'm a teetotaler so I get the WTF with alcohol showing up at my home however, I have wine loving friends and would shrug it off. Also, it's not as though you've just had a baby that is colicy and hasn't STTN in months and he's showing up unannounced - in which case, a beotchy reception could be argued and justified.. As for your parking spot, take a breath and roll with that type of thing in the future...