Last summer I excitedly accepted the honor of being a bridesmaid in my brothers upcoming wedding. We have always been really close and I couldn't wait to celebrate this big event with him. But, I find myself feeling more and more distant as the event is almost here.
Originally myself, husband and two oldest kids were asked to be part of the WP. I had always thought we would all be celebrating with him as an entire family and quickly had to rethink the plan when we were told adults only. My brother and bride decided on an adult only reception and wanted my son (7) and daughter (6) to only attend the ceremony, in the role of flower girl and ring bearer. Originally they weren't invited to attend dinner but were later extended that invitation. I appreciated him making that compromise, yet, we would have still been traveling across the country as a family of 7 and missing the end of the school year to attend as planned. We would be paying for the kids to travel, their wedding attire and have them miss the end of the school . It didn't make sense, to me, to spend large amounts of money to get everyone there just to shuffle kids to babysitters.
Feathers were ruffled but we worked it out. My heart hurts to celebrate one of the most important people in my life without my family but I want him to have whatever he envisions as the perfect day for the two of them. My husband will stay home with the four kids (who in their right kind would want to watch someone else's 4 kids on a holiday weekend!?) while I travel to the wedding with our 5th child who is 4 months.
I live 2200 miles away. The best man (our brother) and myself are the two members of the WP that live far away. I'm not close to the bride but have offered to do anything I can to help. I have not received one text, call or message about anything to do with the wedding. Any info has come via my brother. Dress, shoes, hair, makeup. I received an invitation to the shower, in the mail. I only knew the bridesmaids were doing a weekend away because I asked my brother. I only knew the weekend due to the bride being tagged in a FB post. I don't think it's being done to be hurtful but it still stings a bit. Even if I can't attend due to the 2200 miles between us I would have been happy to contribute.
Two weeks ago I was informed that my nursing 4 month old would not be welcome at the ceremony or reception. The ceremony really threw me for a loop since originally we were all invited to that. I know they were worried about children getting into stuff, being scene stealers and what not, I realize now it was stupid of me to assume an infant didn't fall under the same rules as kids. They are providing childcare, which is kind. I'm just struggling leaving a 4 month old with high school strangers off site. Unfortunately, my little guy refuses a bottle so I'll be driving back and forth all day to nurse him. Again, I'm willing to make all the accommodations to give him his perfect day.
I will smile and be fabulous on his wedding day because I love him. I'm trying not to be petty but I feel this ever widening rift in our friendship. Is it appropriate for me to discuss this with him after the wedding and things settle down? I've tried to be considerate of his feelings and his point of view as his friend, but as his big sister I want to tell him to shove it.