MIL Wedding Dress Choice
Okay, I need some advice beautiful brides-to-be!
Trying to be a
laid-back but knows what the wants kind of bride, the whole process has
been fairly easy and great with amazing vendors! My dad passed away last
December, and our wedding is this year on NYE. Not only have I been
balancing being a smiling bride, but also dealing with the emotional
loss - and trying to be there for my mom across the country who is all over the place emotionally.
So the dilemma: For my wedding shower, my future mother-in-law got a dress that was a light
taupe with a cream overlay. Not quite white, but light enough in
pictures that it was cause for an eye-roll however, water off a camel's
back and it was a beautiful wedding shower!
To try and steer things in the right direction for our CLASSY, FORMAL WINTER GATSBY wedding, with colors of midnight blue and champagne, we opted for making sure my very sweet future mother-in-law got the idea that she should wear a dark formal dress. We sent color ideas. We said blue was probably best. She just sent this picture below. On the website, first color listed is cream. I'd go ahead and call this a cream/blush hombre. Now, I rolled my eyes again and brushed it off because she is who she is - however, my mother, the main source of funding for our beautiful occasion, just went NUTS. Haven't heard her scream on the phone quite like that since I was in college. She said she refuses to let her be in photos, will kindly ask them to participate as any other guest and not be part of the processional, and that she consulted the wedding planner who thinks the color is entirely too light for a winter wedding where it will be dark and the dress color will be lightened with flash photography. I agree with the color of the dress with an additional not age-appropriate, but again, you can't change people who are really dense. (I'm in marketing. Sometimes, you just can't. And it's not worth the effort.)
I've read blogs and all the community answers where most say, 'leave it be', 'the future mother in law can wear whatever she wants', but this is more so a matter of my mom is on a war path, and I honestly don't know what the answer is since clearly it's not, 'Whatever. Life is too short!
HELP.
Re: MIL Wedding Dress Choice
Additionally do you really want start your marriage off excluded your husbands mother from photos, the processional, and any other wedding related activity over a dress? Do you think that's going to be a good way to start your relationship with them?
Your mother needs to get over this and you need to stop judging what your MIL is going to wear. She picked a dress she likely feels beautiful in.
And anyway- it is not right for you or your mother, particularly not your coordinator, to tell another adult what to wear. Doesn't matter if your colours are navy, or it's winter- it's a dress. No one has to match your theme.
You should tell your mom, "Mom, MIL's dress is none of our business and she is free to wear whatever she feels comfortable in. This is not something you need to worry about".
I'm wondering though how your mom even knows what your MIL is wearing? Did you show her the dress and say something like, "OMG look what MIL is going to wear!?!?" If so, you've riled your mom up and need to be the one to calm her down. Your mom really should have no idea what your MIL is wearing, unless MIL has told her herself. Heck, you don't even need to know what your MIL is wearing.
You dug this hole yourself. You should never have dictated any colors to anyone outside of the wedding party, which all parents and siblings are not a part of unless you make them a BM/GM.
That dress is gorgeous and I'm sure will make your FMIL feel glamorous and beautiful. I would even say its Gatsby inspired with all the beading. So again, your fault!
How does your FI feel about excluding his mother in the processional? Because that is really messed up to do to this woman. And seriously, no pictures? Again, does your FI know because I don't think I could marry someone who wanted to exclude my mother over something so petty as a dress.
We had a poster here whose step-mother wore her ACTUAL wedding dress to the poster's wedding. It was sparkly and WHITE. She gives no fucks because she married her H that day. Maybe you should find similar inspiration and tell your mom that she needs to calm down, have a margarita, and leave FMIL's dress choice alone.
I do want to address one of the serious topics in your post though. You are still grieving the loss of your father. Don't try to be the smiling bride because its perfectly ok to hate the fact your father won't be around for your wedding. It's ok to cry over it and lament to others about it. It sounds to me like you and your mom are trying to use this wedding as a distraction, which is fine. But at some point your wedding will be over and your dad will still be gone. Try to focus less on the wedding and more on grieving for your dad. I'd suggest the same to your mom.
Lastly, if you mom is still flipping out over FMIL's dress choice after you ask her to simmer down. Send her here and we will tell her she is being unreasonable, her money comes with strings, but she is try to apply those strings where they do not belong.
Get over yourself, you have no right to dictate what dress your FMIL wears. Even if she wanted to wear a big poofy white wedding dress, that's on her. Tell your mom if she doesn't cool it with the hysterics that she's going to be the one excluded because if you let her do this you're going to ruin your marriage before it even starts.
You do have a mother issue but it's with your own.
As a side note, the dress you showed mentions there is a stain in the illusion part on the back. If you're going to say anything to your MIL about the dress, that is the only thing I would bring up. "MIL that dress is gorgeous, but did you notice the listing states it has a stain?"
I don't see what's wrong with wearing a pink dress to a wedding. Also, that dress is beautiful.
A) I knew what we were in for as soon as I read "laid-back," and b) am I the only one who doesn't understand why wearing a taupe and cream dress to a bridal shower is cause for eye-rolling? And lord knows, I do enjoy a good eye roll. I'm just not seeing it.
You and your mom sound like a pair of Zillas, OP. Thoughts and prayers for your FMIL, who has already committed the mortal sins of wearing a taupe dress to a shower and choosing a pink dress for a wedding, and faces excommunication from the ceremony as a result.
YOUR choice of Gatsby + NYE? Hmmm..... (eyeroll)
Is having to wear a dark colored gown to a winter wedding like a don't wear white shoes after Labor Day kind of thing? I've never lived where it snows, so I don't understand these things.
Seriously, though. Like the other PPs pointed out along with all the other places you went online, your mom REALLY needs to let this go. Big time. And, even if you think your FMIL's pink gown is ridiculous also, you need to be the one to bring her back down several notches. Your FMIL is just as much a VIP guest as your mom and should be treated as such. Regardless of whether you and your mom approve of her outfit.
I am very, very sorry you and your mom have lost your dad. I know personally the joy of marrying the love of my life mixed with the deep loss of not having my father there. I apologize the rest of what I am going to say is harsh, but you need to hear it because your mom is gearing up to treat your FMIL atrociously and you need to stop it from happening.
Worse case scenario. It's your and your FI's wedding day. Your mom proceeds with the insulting and disrespectful crusade against your FMIL...because of her OUTFIT. "Kindly asks" her not to be in the processional?!?! There is nothing kind about that! And you let her treat a close member of your new family like that without saying a word.
On the day her son is getting married, your FMIL is going to feel very sad and hurt. Is that what you all want? Just so ALL the pics are (supposedly) perfect? It's your FI's day, too. Do you think he wants no pics with his mom? Of course not. This will cause years of resentment. Or maybe even a screaming match between either you and your new H or your mom and your new H...because he isn't going to stand for his mom being treated like s**t.
Also, You might want to stop describing your wedding as "Gatsby"- it's a book about terrible people in horrible marriages and affairs with no sense of love or commitment, overshadowed by a scathing indictment of tacky excess and gross, uncouth behaviour of new money in the 1920s. A Gatsby-themed wedding is the fastest way to convey that you haven't read it! It's 1 step away from having a 'Lolita' themed child's birthday party.
Tell your mom you overreacted. Tell her the dress is lovely and clearly not white since even in this photo it's clearly white.
It seems especially cruel with the death of your own father to want to exclude another parent from the day. You yourself are grieving his loss and his absence and to do so so grossly to a parent who is still living over a garment is just nasty.
Laid back? Sure thing sweetheart.
As for the bridal shower...Not sure why it matters what people wear to that. I couldn't tell you what anyone wore to mine. I suppose if someone showed up in a ballgown and tiara, it would have been weird, but that's because it was a very informal deal. People are allowed to wear white whenever they want.
Frankly, you and your mother both need to grow up. The dress is pretty and perfectly appropriate for a glamorous NYE wedding. Let it go and tell your mother to do the same.
Seriously, you and your mom are being ridiculous.
Oh and I attended a wedding a few weeks ago where the MOB wore a cream colored dresses. The bride didn't have an issue because there is no issue to be had.
Oh and add me to the list of people who didn't know you couldn't wear taupe to a bridal shower.
2. You really just called your soon to be MIL dense? How is that "laid back" or even nice?
3. Let go of the wheel, dearie......
A dress color.
That's what laid back means right?
I do hope OP can read through the snark and not eff her relationship up over a dress color... Seriously OP, this is all over the color of an item of clothing that you and your mom are throwing tantrums.