Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do you find the bouquet toss offensive?

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Re: Do you find the bouquet toss offensive?

  • I have always enjoyed the bouquet toss. The only time I didn't was after I was engaged and the bride forced me to stand up anyway. Don't be that bride!
  • I don't find them offensive, but I could see being offended if some jerk calls you out. I didn't do one at my wedding because there were only 3 single ladies there and two of them left before we had a chance to do one. I ended up handing my toss bouquet to my husband's best friend's daughter and we got our picture taken.
  • edited March 2017
    I need to read the whole thread, but personally I find the garter toss waaay more offensive. . . and skeezy.  I don't particularly care to see my friends or relatives felt up by/feeling up their spouse.

    I'm with other PPs in that the tosses don't happen at the end of the night anyways, so as a guest that would not signal to me that the party is over. 

    When the DJ/emcee announces the last dance and then turns the lights on, ppl generally figure out the party is over.




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  • I didn't want one, mostly because there were fewer than 10 unmarried women at our wedding.   Our florist had some "scraps" from my bouquet and made a toss bouquet just in case.  I didn't want it to go to waste, so I had the DJ invite ALL women to the dance floor, and a lot of them did.  I tossed it, and by chance one of my husband's single friends caught it.  It was a cute photo opportunity. 

    3 months before our wedding, my brother got married and they did the bouquet toss. Add an engaged woman, I stayed in my seat.   Then the douchey DJ said, "oh come on, there has to be more single women ... even if you're engaged, you're still technically single!" (And he looked at me). My (now) husband shot him a dirty look and held my hand. 
  • Another one for not offensive but outdated and annoying. 

    One time the bride walked over to my table and grabbed my hand and tried to drag me out onto the dance floor, despite just walking over and handing it to a specific bridesmaid (bc the groom was going to hand the garter to a specific groomsman since they wanted the pair to hook up afterwards)... I refused and stood my ground, that's when it gets offensive. 
  • It's so funny to see everyone talk about "that guy." I haven't been to many weddings, and most I went to when I was a kid. Well, about a year ago I went to one that my SO was a groomsmen for, and during the bouquet toss there was totally "that guy" who came and forced me to get up! Because I haven't been been to many weddings, I just assumed the guy was particularly annoying. I didn't realize there was a whole subpopulation of people who do this at weddings. 

    As a single adult at a wedding with my boyfriend, I didn't feel particularly offended, but I thought it was cheesy. I just stood toward the back and made absolutely no move toward the bouquet, then went and sat down. My SO then did the same thing for the garter toss. It's just corny and awkward. 
  • I like the idea of a bouquet toss for all the ladies who want to participate, whether single or not.
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  • Add me to camp not offensive but personally hate them.  We didn't do either toss at our wedding and thankfully most of our friends/family skipped them at theirs. 

    The most awkward wedding I went to was a friend of DHs.  His nephew caught the garter (he was around 12-ish), and then a fairly attractive woman caught the bouquet.  The DJ played this 70's porno type music while the nephew was supposed to slide the garter up the womans leg.  She was clearly embarrassed and the poor boy kept trying to stop before her knee.  One of the GMs ran out, as the boy ran off and slid it WAY up her dress while giving a half lap dance...that was the moment my DH (BF at the time) turned to me and said, "we are never doing that when we get married." 

  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited March 2017
    I don't really care if the bouquet toss is done, or not done.  When my daughter threw hers at her wedding, the bouquet sailed over the heads of the women and landed right in the lap of her new father-in-law, who was very surprised in a traditional Chinese fashion!  (I think those were Chinese cuss words.)  It was very funny.
    I didn't throw my own bouquet.  I gave it to my grandmother, instead.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Wait- honest question- I always thought catching the bouquet meant you were the next one to get married, so it would make sense for engaged women to participate because they are actually likely to get married next. Is that not what it means??

    Anyway, count me as one who thinks it's fun. I can definitely see why others think it's corny but don't get being by offended by it- if people are pressuring ladies to participate they are the ones that are offensive, not the tradition itself. Still, there seem to be enough jerks out there willing to put people in that position that it might be worth not giving them the chance if you yourself aren't really attached to the tradition. 
  • LD1970 said:
    I used to like the bouquet toss fine, until the time when I happened to catch it and got literally tackled by some psycho who was dying for her boyfriend to propose.  In the course of ripping it out of my hands, she stomped on my ankle, tearing my pantyhose, and scratched my wrist.  After that, I was done.


    WTF!?!?  It's times like that you want to "not so nicely" remind someone that their catching/not catching the bouquet is just an old, quaint tradition.  But actually has ZERO to do with whether their SO is going to propose or not.

    I was at a small wedding where there were about 5-6 single women.  I was one of them.  One of the other women, who I had never even met until that day, was going up to each of us and asking if we would "please" NOT catch the bouquet.  Because she wanted to catch it, because she wanted it to be a "sign" that her b/f was going to propose to her soon.

    She was very sweet and asked nicely.  And I didn't care if I caught the bouquet, so I told her that was fine.  But had to physically keep myself from rolling my eyes.  When we all went up for the bouquet toss, it was funny.  The rest of us kind of stood on the "perimeters", while she was front and center.  She caught it and was very excited, lol.

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  • LD1970 said:
    I used to like the bouquet toss fine, until the time when I happened to catch it and got literally tackled by some psycho who was dying for her boyfriend to propose.  In the course of ripping it out of my hands, she stomped on my ankle, tearing my pantyhose, and scratched my wrist.  After that, I was done.


    WTF!?!?  It's times like that you want to "not so nicely" remind someone that their catching/not catching the bouquet is just an old, quaint tradition.  But actually has ZERO to do with whether their SO is going to propose or not.

    I was at a small wedding where there were about 5-6 single women.  I was one of them.  One of the other women, who I had never even met until that day, was going up to each of us and asking if we would "please" NOT catch the bouquet.  Because she wanted to catch it, because she wanted it to be a "sign" that her b/f was going to propose to her soon.

    She was very sweet and asked nicely.  And I didn't care if I caught the bouquet, so I told her that was fine.  But had to physically keep myself from rolling my eyes.  When we all went up for the bouquet toss, it was funny.  The rest of us kind of stood on the "perimeters", while she was front and center.  She caught it and was very excited, lol.

    Yeah, it was pathetic.  I think she thought she could use it somehow as leverage against him, that he was "supposed to" ask her now.  I don't know, I was as single as you could get at the time, and would've been just as happy not to catch it.  If all the others had to wait for me to get married, they'd have been waiting a good long time!  LOL
    You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough. ~Mae West
  • I don't find them offensive.

    I find them stupid,useless and very outdated.  

    I didn't have one, no one even noticed or cared.  I've got to say I haven't seen a toss in a while either.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Another "not offensive, just lame and awkward" vote here. The only time I thought I was fun was when I was young. Like, teens, and it was just a competition with my cousins and desperate single aunts. 

    The garter toss grosses me out though. Theres something creepy about single uncles/family trying to catch what is, in my mind, essentially similar to lingere. 
  • LD1970 said:
    I used to like the bouquet toss fine, until the time when I happened to catch it and got literally tackled by some psycho who was dying for her boyfriend to propose.  In the course of ripping it out of my hands, she stomped on my ankle, tearing my pantyhose, and scratched my wrist.  After that, I was done.


    WTF!?!?  It's times like that you want to "not so nicely" remind someone that their catching/not catching the bouquet is just an old, quaint tradition.  But actually has ZERO to do with whether their SO is going to propose or not.

    I was at a small wedding where there were about 5-6 single women.  I was one of them.  One of the other women, who I had never even met until that day, was going up to each of us and asking if we would "please" NOT catch the bouquet.  Because she wanted to catch it, because she wanted it to be a "sign" that her b/f was going to propose to her soon.

    She was very sweet and asked nicely.  And I didn't care if I caught the bouquet, so I told her that was fine.  But had to physically keep myself from rolling my eyes.  When we all went up for the bouquet toss, it was funny.  The rest of us kind of stood on the "perimeters", while she was front and center.  She caught it and was very excited, lol.

    People really going after it is not uncommon. The wedding in which the bride forced me up, the bride's cousin and BM ended up sitting down in the mud in the struggle to catch it. Good thing she'd already changed out of her dress!
  • Idk if offensive is the correct word but there is no way in hell I would ever want to be perceived as so desperate to get married that I would compete with another woman for flowers. 
    You just hit the nail on the head for me!
    ________________________________


  • I liked the bouquet toss when I was 11.

    Once I was old enough to understand WTF I hated it.   And I can tell you that it was BEYOND awkward to attend family weddings with DH when he was my BF and feel pressured to go up.   I didn't want to.   I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him into marriage.   I wanted the wedding to be about the relationship of the couple.   I wanted to crawl INTO A HOLE when FIL teased and pulled me up.

    Looking back it was a sign he liked me.   At the time, I just thought he was embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend and I was in for a hugely awkward car ride if I caught the damn thing.   And if it came to me, I actually wondered if I should let it fall.   Luckily that didn't happen.


    The only way I could POSSIBLY like the bouquet toss now is if anyone in it was under 10.
  • banana468 said:
    I liked the bouquet toss when I was 11.

    Once I was old enough to understand WTF I hated it.   And I can tell you that it was BEYOND awkward to attend family weddings with DH when he was my BF and feel pressured to go up.   I didn't want to.   I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him into marriage.   I wanted the wedding to be about the relationship of the couple.   I wanted to crawl INTO A HOLE when FIL teased and pulled me up.

    Looking back it was a sign he liked me.   At the time, I just thought he was embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend and I was in for a hugely awkward car ride if I caught the damn thing.   And if it came to me, I actually wondered if I should let it fall.   Luckily that didn't happen.


    The only way I could POSSIBLY like the bouquet toss now is if anyone in it was under 10.


    That's the funniest thing about it!  Generally speaking, the people MOST excited to catch the bouquet are the little girls in the crowd.  I mean, it's flowers.  Flying through the air!  That's fun stuff for a little kid.  I loved trying to catch the bouquet as a young'un.  But I didn't know what it was supposed to "mean" either.

    And it's a loooonnnngggg time coming for the other ladies if the 5-year-old FG catches it and is the "next one to get married", lol.

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  • banana468 said:
    I liked the bouquet toss when I was 11.

    Once I was old enough to understand WTF I hated it.   And I can tell you that it was BEYOND awkward to attend family weddings with DH when he was my BF and feel pressured to go up.   I didn't want to.   I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him into marriage.   I wanted the wedding to be about the relationship of the couple.   I wanted to crawl INTO A HOLE when FIL teased and pulled me up.

    Looking back it was a sign he liked me.   At the time, I just thought he was embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend and I was in for a hugely awkward car ride if I caught the damn thing.   And if it came to me, I actually wondered if I should let it fall.   Luckily that didn't happen.


    The only way I could POSSIBLY like the bouquet toss now is if anyone in it was under 10.
    This. I think the last time I was excited about a bouquet toss I was 12. And it had nothing to do with getting married, I'm super fucking competitive. I had a streak of weddings where I caught the bouquet every single time because I was really good at guessing where it would land. I remember
    one "older" woman (probably like 22, lol) being upset one time that I caught it, and that's it. I'm glad I've only seen the gross garter on bouquet catcher routine once. It's such a creepy tradition.


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  • Idk if offensive is the correct word but there is no way in hell I would ever want to be perceived as so desperate to get married that I would compete with another woman for flowers. 

    I don't know if I perceive anyone who participates as desperate. If a toss has happened at a wedding, I've always participated and for the three year period before my own wedding, caught every bouquet. I don't think I was perceived as desperate but perhaps I should re-examine that.
  • edited March 2017
    ernursej said:
    Idk if offensive is the correct word but there is no way in hell I would ever want to be perceived as so desperate to get married that I would compete with another woman for flowers. 

    I don't know if I perceive anyone who participates as desperate. If a toss has happened at a wedding, I've always participated and for the three year period before my own wedding, caught every bouquet. I don't think I was perceived as desperate but perhaps I should re-examine that.
    Meh, I don't know that it is that deep. Obviously this was just my own insecurities but at the same time, it was awkward AF whenever I was pressured into participating. Like the time I felt bad for the only 2 girls (BMs, also friends of mine) who were actually forced into it so I went and stood by them. We let the flowers fall on the floor like a volleyball in Daria. But if I was with a date or older family friends... nope, because I hate being teased.

    edited for clarity.
  • ernursej said:
    Idk if offensive is the correct word but there is no way in hell I would ever want to be perceived as so desperate to get married that I would compete with another woman for flowers. 

    I don't know if I perceive anyone who participates as desperate. If a toss has happened at a wedding, I've always participated and for the three year period before my own wedding, caught every bouquet. I don't think I was perceived as desperate but perhaps I should re-examine that.
    Meh, I don't know that it is that deep. Obviously this was just my own insecurities but at the same time, it was awkward AF whenever I was pressured into participating. Like the time I felt bad for the only 2 girls (BMs, also friends of mine) who were actually forced into it so I went and stood by them. We let the flowers fall on the floor like a volleyball in Daria. But if I was with a date or older family friends... nope, because I hate being teased.

    edited for clarity.


  • levioosa said:
    banana468 said:
    I liked the bouquet toss when I was 11.

    Once I was old enough to understand WTF I hated it.   And I can tell you that it was BEYOND awkward to attend family weddings with DH when he was my BF and feel pressured to go up.   I didn't want to.   I didn't want him to feel like I was pressuring him into marriage.   I wanted the wedding to be about the relationship of the couple.   I wanted to crawl INTO A HOLE when FIL teased and pulled me up.

    Looking back it was a sign he liked me.   At the time, I just thought he was embarrassing me in front of my boyfriend and I was in for a hugely awkward car ride if I caught the damn thing.   And if it came to me, I actually wondered if I should let it fall.   Luckily that didn't happen.


    The only way I could POSSIBLY like the bouquet toss now is if anyone in it was under 10.
    This. I think the last time I was excited about a bouquet toss I was 12. And it had nothing to do with getting married, I'm super fucking competitive. I had a streak of weddings where I caught the bouquet every single time because I was really good at guessing where it would land. I remember
    one "older" woman (probably like 22, lol) being upset one time that I caught it, and that's it. I'm glad I've only seen the gross garter on bouquet catcher routine once. It's such a creepy tradition.

    You need to come out to NOLA for some Mardi Gras parades, lol.

    You'll see some of that same kind of "I want my b/f to propose" bouquet toss behavior, but to catch a pair of nice beads or some other trinket.

    A mutual friend and an acquaintance were going to one of the balls right after a parade, so they were dressed to the nines.  The acquaintance ripped her $3K cocktail dress charging for one of the more rare "coveted" beads of the parade.  And was happy AF and jumping up and down anyway, because she caught them.  I suspect she was not nearly as excited about that choice the next morning!

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