Etiquette
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How to address invitations for "ladies only" bridal shower?
[Deleted User]
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in Etiquette
I'm going to be having a ladies only bridal shower, but all women/girls in the household are invited - Moms and daughters, regardless of age. How do I address the invitation to reflect this? Do I just write it to the moms and have it assumed the girls are invited too...do I write something like "Mrs. Jane Smith & Daughters"? or do I just reference it being "ladies only" in the invite? I just want to make it clear that younger girls are invited, and don't want them to assume that ladies only means adults only.
Re: How to address invitations for "ladies only" bridal shower?
Daughters Names.
You address everyond by name.
I agree that names should be specified on the invitations. You don't want to run into a scenario where daughters is translated by some as "children". You could end up with guests bringing their male babies or toddlers thinking all children are welcome.
Saying "ladies only" or any rendition of that is against etiquette because it calls out who is NOT invited. Per etiquette, you just want to say who IS invited and you do that by using names on the envelope.
Would this be a problem? I get not inviting bored husbands/uncles but a baby or toddler is going to be just as uninterested and do the same behaviors whether the baby is a boy or girl.
Only okay if he's wearing pink.
I'm assuming some mamas will bring their sons...if they're under 2 or 3 I wouldn't care, and that's pretty much only what anyone would expect. I think the women I'm inviting are smart enough to know that their older sons would be incredibly bored in a room full of pink, household presents, and females. ;-)
For me, it would not. However, if it expands the guest list of children to a number that exceeds the hosts expectation, then, yes.
Yeah, my bridal and baby showers were just females. H's sisters and cousins have 12 sons among them, and 2 daughters. (The Y chromosome must be very strong in his family because he's one of 14 male cousins vs. 3 females, and his father has 8 siblings, only two of them female.) Fourteen kids at a shower wasn't the vibe my mom was going for, so she drew the line at girls but not boys. Girls and their mothers were listed on the invitation.
You don't assume that people will bring uninvited guests, and you certainly don't leave it to guests to assume who you are inviting. If you want to open the invitation to male children, put their names on the invitation too.
Why are you sending your own shower invitations?
Once again, it's a numbers issue, not a genital issue.
Don't turn this into a discussion like that! That's not what anyone was intending it for. It's a numbers issue. For myself, I wouldn't care if the boys wanted to come with their moms - except I'm sure most of them would be bored and I'd have to feed them, which would put my poor BMs out with having to pay for extra food.
Apparently genitals matters regarding which adults are invited to attend, so why not the kids? Seems like an odd line to draw--we care what gender you are once you reach X age. Everyone under 2 years of age is invited, but only females over 2 years of age are invited.
This is a comment that applies to why showers are for women only, not just children! Invite the people you want to come.
Don't invite the people you don't want to come. Easy peasy.
Exactly. I know plenty of women that would be bored to tears with a bridal shower and a few teen boys that would have a lot of fun at a tea party. My point was that I completely understand it is a numbers thing, but why not just invite the PEOPLE that you would like to attend, instead of making arbitrary and sweeping generalisations about gender as a method of crowd control.
ETA: I find it similar to when people say 'it is important to me that my BP is all women so where does my brother who I am super close with go?'.
Showers are for the people closest to the bride. Invite those people. Not the top 12 closest women.
I think little boys and girls would be equally bored watching a lady open up blenders.
I think little boys and girls would be equally entertained playing various party games and eating yummy refreshments.
I think parents with boys that they know would be bored at tea party would not bring their boys.
While showers are one of those events that it's socially acceptable to invite on gender lines I think it opens you up to problems as far as the children are concerned. You could be splitting up families.
And while their kids aren't entitled to an invitation, if a mother only has boys and she shows up at the shower and sees others there with their children, it could definitely sting. Especially if it's made clear it's that the children were invited not because of their relationship to the bride... it's just because they got an X chromosome from Dad instead of a Y.
The world doesn't end if just girls are invited. And odds are it would end up totally fine. But I just have this nagging feeling about it.
I would make a list of all the adult guests you want. Then list all their children's names and approximate ages. Put stars by the VIPs.
Give the list to the people hosting the shower, tell them you're happy with whoever they decide to invited and let them figure it out. They'll know how many people they can afford to host and what makes the most sense based on their planned activities.
This comment walks a bit of a tightrope on gender stereotyping. Like if someone was going to have a party where they played sports or played with trucks and only invited boys because "most girls would be bored".....you see the point?
In general, I think CHILDREN (boys or girls) are bored watching adults socialize and open gifts that aren't toys. Most CHILDREN do not care about new washcloths, or a mixing bowl set, or a platter that matches your china set.
Look, I get that bridal showers are traditionally women because women are traditionally responsible for cooking, cleaning, and keeping the home and at the shower, they're getting stuff to help them fulfill their wifely duties. But that's kind of what @LondonLisa is pointing out here. Why continue to encourage that into the next generation by excluding boys?
To be fair, I think most PEOPLE don't really care about those things.
Preach. I get that some people obviously do like them, but I cannot wrap my head around people who love to go to showers.
Well our showers always involve tons of food and open bar...
My family has adopted the non-shower pre-wedding luncheon or brunch. Open bar, yummy food, and not gift centric. Most people usually bring them I guess (I usually do) but they're not opened. It's usually labelled a "Pre-Wedding Ladies Luncheon" or similar. Everytime I have to go to a shower with gifts opened I cringe.
I went to a couples wedding shower. Talk about serious gender segregation, lol. All the ladies were in the living room, oohing and aahing while the bride opened the presents. All the guys were outside drinking beers, BBQing up lunch, and socializing. Once the presents were done, only then did everyone grab grub and mingle together.
No negative reflection on the wedding couple! It was a fun and well hosted shower. But I couldn't help but inwardly laugh at how the stereotypical gender roles just naturally played out with people.
As an aside, I hung out with the guys. Not for bucking gender role reasons, but I was new in town and didn't really know anybody. Plus, one of the BM's was my b/f's most recent ex. So I was not going to be sitting in a room where the only person I knew was the bride and some of the other ladies would be throwing daggers at me, lol!