My best friend asked me to be her MOH before she was even engaged. A couple months after she got engaged, she asked another girl to be a second MOH (which I have no problem with). Is it wrong of me to be annoyed/offended that the other MOH reached out to the rest of us in the bridal party saying that she and the bride's mom were chatting and were trying to get some dates for the bride's shower? I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, and I don't know the circumstances under which they were chatting, but after reading that text I felt super excluded. I get that it's just some preliminary planning before getting the rest of the bridal party involved, but I also feel like that initial stuff is part of the the MOH's job (all of them, if there is more than one). And that these type of discussions should always involve all 3 of us. I don't know who reached out to who, or if this convo happened in person, but would you say something to someone (other MOH, mom?)?
Re: Two MOHs
A shower can be thrown by anyone. It is not the responsibility of the MOH, both MOHs, MOB, bridesmaids or anyone else. If you want to help, join the conversation. If you don't, politely decline and move on.
Therefore, as it is technically no one's responsibility to plan a shower, the other MOH hasn't really done anything wrong here. What you can do is reach out to her and the MOB and say that you see they've gotten started on a shower plan and you'd be happy to be involved in the hosting of that shower as well.
They probably won't say no, but they could say no, and that's also technically not wrong. Anyone can offer to host anything. We just had a shower for my FSIL, which was really intended for our (the groom's) side of the family. While her sister (MOH), mom, etc. were invited, the MOH-sister wasn't involved or invited to be part of the planning for that. She and her mom hosted a shower that worked better for their side too. And the bride could have said to either group's offer of a shower, "thanks but no thanks." None of these things are written in stone. No one has job descriptions. If you host a shower, just make sure it's hosted well.
Also, when it comes to planning any thing ask people privately their budgets, half them, and plan the event(s) you can afford. No one ever complains that an event goes under budget, many friendships have been lost because people's life circumstances change and they don't recognize that they can be open in that communication nor willing to ask people what their budget is and expecting people to shell out thousands or hundreds they cannot afford. Also, by budgeting small, you've already worked in the contingency plans if someone has to bail financially.
You're also free to throw your own shower or party, provided every guest is invited to the wedding and no one is asked to more than one shower.