Wedding Party

Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?

I was supsot to be married on dec 18 of 2010 however we had to push the wedding to march. We changed everything even having it out of town now. I have one bridemaid that doesnt do anything. She hasnt helped my maid of honor or my other bridesmaids with planning my bridal tea or my partys. The only reason I asked her to be in the wedding is because her boyfriend is my fiances best man. Which was mad we had to change the wedding to his birthday weekend and his words were "I hope you know that is my birthday weekend and you will be putting me out a lot of money because i wont be able to work saturday night". Its my wedding if he thinks his birthday is more important than being there for his best friend what is the point in either of them coming. Can I give her the money back for the dress and tell her since for the past 6 months she wouldnt get with anybody else in the bridal party she shouldnt be in the wedding? She is way to much drama an way to stressful for me to deal with when I have to repeat myself to her time after time.
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Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:676e61b8-c87a-436f-8065-da99ca04b0b9">Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I was supsot to be married on dec 18 of 2010 however we had to push the wedding to march. We changed everything even having it out of town now. I have one bridemaid that doesnt do anything. She hasnt helped my maid of honor or my other bridesmaids with planning my bridal tea or my partys. The only reason I asked her to be in the wedding is because her boyfriend is my fiances best man. Which was mad we had to change the wedding to his birthday weekend and his words were "I hope you know that is my birthday weekend and you will be putting me out a lot of money because i wont be able to work saturday night". Its my wedding if he thinks his birthday is more important than being there for his best friend what is the point in either of them coming. Can I give her the money back for the dress and tell her since for the past 6 months she wouldnt get with anybody else in the bridal party she shouldnt be in the wedding? She is way to much drama an way to stressful for me to deal with when I have to repeat myself to her time after time.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    <div>My advice: Grow up.  </div>
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  • Oh my gosh. Learn how to type cohernetly so you can actually be understood.

    No, you can't kick someone out. No, she hasn't done anything wrong, because your wedding hasn't happened yet and she's only required to buy a dress and stand up there sober. No, it doesn't really matter that the wedding is on the same day as the best man's birthday. Just stop talking to him about it. Let your FI deal with him. It's his friend.

    Don't make enemies with your FI's best friend. Neither one will thank you for it.
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  • She has caused to much drama for my whole bridal party thank you. Im really not even good friends with her. The bestman I can leave alone. If this was your wedding day and you had one bridesmaid who has pitched a fit because another more attractive girl my MOH has to walk down the aisle with her "Future Husband" she has asked me to change who walks out with who, an even told my FI that she did not want him as best man so she could walk out with him. Nothing but drama from this girl
  • And why is her walking out with her SO a bad thing if others get to do the same?
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:233ba221-815c-47e7-aaec-311963f92b61">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]She has caused to much drama for my whole bridal party thank you. Im really not even good friends with her. The bestman I can leave alone. If this was your wedding day and you had one bridesmaid who has pitched a fit because another more attractive girl my MOH has to walk down the aisle with her "Future Husband" she has asked me to change who walks out with who, an even told my FI that she did not want him as best man so she could walk out with him. Nothing but drama from this girl
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    I say again: Grow up.
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  • because its supost to be MOH & BM together. She is at the end of the line It would not make sense to have the best man come out last because she is trying to make it about her. What is so woring with the BM & MOH walking together. They are just walking not together not hooking up at the end of it
  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited October 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:6bdf27de-8e7e-47a0-b629-078bba2df97c">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]because its supost to be MOH & BM together. She is at the end of the line It would not make sense to have the best man come out last because she is trying to make it about her. What is so woring with the BM & MOH walking together. They are just walking not together not hooking up at the end of it
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    I agree that she's being ridiculous, but you're being just as ridiculous by deciding that the solution to this is to kick her out, rather than just wait out her tantrum and assuring her that it's only a 15 second walk.  Be the adult here.  I'm starting to wonder if the 18 in your SN is your age.
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  • Do you think anyone in the world cares who escorts who? My MOH is my sister and the best man is my FI's twin brother. I suggested they walked out together. They said they were fine with it. Had they said they were NOT fine with it, I would have simply had someone else escort my sister or whatever.

    Pick your battles. And please, PLEASE use some spellcheck/proofreading. I really have a hard time understanding your posts.
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  • Why not compromise about the walking?

    If you have ceremonial exits, tell her that the BM and MOH will walk together.  But if you do a reception entrance, let her know that she can walk in with her BF.

    Beyond that, I don't see how any good will come of you kicking her out.  What you need to do is know that if she's not really your best friend or that close to you, you can't expect her to do the things that those close to you will do.
  • Okay so I keep her in my wedding to cause drama and be a 24 year old baby. what else let her the MOH walk out with someone otehr than the BM to make her happy?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:298a489e-e50a-4765-b5d7-0f48c80da913">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so I keep her in my wedding to cause drama and be a 24 year old baby. what else let her the MOH walk out with someone otehr than the BM to make her happy?
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    Why not?  What is the worst thing that will happen if she walks out with someone other than the BM?  Will the skies fall?  Will your family walk out in protest?  Will the wedding police bust the place up?  Will the marriage license spontaneously combust?<div>
    </div><div>Some perspective, please.</div>
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  • Posts like this make me weep for the future.  There's a freaking spell check button, use it.

    Trying to sleep with your FI or trying to light you on fire is being a bad bridesmaid.  Wanting to walk with her SO is not being a bad bridesmaid, it's not even an unreasonable request.  I don't think you'd be entirely out of line for saying no to it, but I also don't think it's something I would stand firm if she pressed the issue. 

    Because understand this: no one cares who's in the wedding party except the people who are in it.  Really.  No one will care if the MOH and best man don't walk down together.  I doubt anyone will even notice.  Is it really worth alienating your FI's best friend (because I guarantee he'll take his girlfriend's side) over an issue of form that NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON PRESENT, hopefully not even you, will notice or care about?  Seriously?  Because if you think it's worth it, I sincerely doubt you are mature enough to be getting married.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:298a489e-e50a-4765-b5d7-0f48c80da913">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay so I keep her in my wedding to cause drama and be a 24 year old baby. what else let her the MOH walk out with someone otehr than the BM to make her happy?
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]

    This is an insignificant detail that will make you look like the bigger person. If you're uninterested in being the bigger person and just want to make a point, then by all means, kick her out, alienate the best man from you and possibly your FI, and have everyone talk about how bitchy you were for something as simple as an entrance that no one's going to be grading.

    Do you really have nothing else to worry about besides this?
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  • I did offer that they walk out together for the reception and even in the pictures they can be together to make her happy. She just does not come to any of the get togethers we have had for the wedding. looking at their dresses even looking at the flowers. I just feel she does not care to be in the wedding but to only watch her man.

  • Have the GM stand with your FI at the front for the processional.  Do a weave for the recessional where everyone walks alone - MOH, Best Man, BM, GM, BM, GM. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:918f24a2-5064-4234-b254-7b3621e2a906">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did offer that they walk out together for the reception and even in the pictures they can be together to make her happy. She just does not come to any of the get togethers we have had for the wedding. looking at their dresses even looking at the flowers. I just feel she does not care to be in the wedding but to only watch her man.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]

    Well you're the one who decided to ask someone you don't even really like to be a BM. That was your choice and your mistake. Adults deal with their mistakes maturely and are, once again, the bigger people. She doesn't need to care about the wedding. She needs only, as I've said before, buy a dress and show up to the ceremony.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:918f24a2-5064-4234-b254-7b3621e2a906">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did offer that they walk out together for the reception and even in the pictures they can be together to make her happy. She just does not come to any of the get togethers we have had for the wedding. looking at their dresses even looking at the flowers. I just feel she does not care to be in the wedding but to only watch her man.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    That's because no one is required to do any of that for someone else's wedding.  I'm in my BFF's wedding next year and I'm not going to any of those things with her.  She didn't go to any of them with me when she was my BM.  You don't see us up in arms about it.<div>
    </div><div>If you don't want to be her friend anymore, don't be her friend anymore.  But for god's sake stop trying to find ways in which she's breached the BM contract so that you can boot her without looking bad.  </div>
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  • And please, really, spelling, grammar, and punctuation do exist for a reason: to aid your reader in understanding what you want to say.  Just because it's online doesn't mean you shouldn't use it.  In fact, you need to use it more in this medium since this is the only way we can communicate.  So please, please, I implore you, use it.  It's not cute, and it's not casual.  It's the single fastest way to lose credibility online.  
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:918f24a2-5064-4234-b254-7b3621e2a906">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did offer that they walk out together for the reception and even in the pictures they can be together to make her happy. She just does not come to any of the get togethers we have had for the wedding. looking at their dresses even looking at the flowers. I just feel she does not care to be in the wedding but to only watch her man.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    You only asked her because she's his girlfriend, correct?  What else would she care about?  Bridesmaids aren't obligated to do any of the things you mentioned, but they usually want to because they're friends of the bride.  If she's not your friend, why would she be interested in any of that?
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  • ashleynoel18ashleynoel18 member
    First Comment
    edited October 2010
    We have been friends for two years. She just causes drama. I understand it was my fault for not standing up to her when she just "put herself in my wedding"  Yes she heard me discussing about the engagement and said when we do go look at dresses when do we look at flowers etc. but did not show up to do any of it. I felt bad because she is an only child an does not have any family. Now its just causing a huge mess and I have been nice to her. I just did not know what the rules are for the wedding party seeing how I am the only girl out of 20 guys in my family.
  • The rules are that you all act like adults who are throwing/participating in a party to celebrate the fact that you are (hopefully) marrying your dream guy.

    End rules.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:71442b2a-cbbd-4ccb-8803-c291946b813e">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have been friends for two years. She just causes drama. I understand it was my fault for not standing up to her when she gets "put herself in my wedding" Yes she heard my discussing about the engagement and said when we do go look at dresses when do we look at flower etc. but did not show up to do any of it. I felt bad because she is an only child an does not have any family. Now its just causing a huge mess and I have been nice to her. I just did not know what the rules are for the wedding party seeing how I am the only girl out of 20 guys in my family.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    I appreciate your frustration.  I really do.  But you can't go back, you can only go forward.  Pissing off your FI's best friend's GF (right?) may make you feel really good in the short-term, but it will suck in the long-term.  He will get mad at your FI, this girl will now have a legitimate reason to hate you (you booted her from the wedding!) and it will not lessen the drama since she will still be in your lives and will probably bring it up at every opportunity.  If she has a hold over her BF, she may even "forbid" him from being in the WP (wouldn't be the first time I've seen that here).  How bad would you feel if your actions deprived your FI of his BM?<div>
    </div><div>You made your bed, you now need to sleep in it.  Grin and bear it.  Stop inviting her to wedding prep stuff.  Stop having so many WP get-togethers (that's not normal).  Expect the bare minimum from her.  And unless you're getting married next week, there's no need to plan the processional order right now.</div>
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  • I would love for this to be MUD.

    First of all, it was dumb to ask somebody to be a BM only because their BF is the best man.  If that was the only reason you asked her, I'm sure she knows that.  And yes, I would assume then that you did it to have us together.  H and I were both asked to be in BILs wedding next summer, and honestly I'm hoping we will walk together since I don't know anyone else.  If not, no big deal though.

    You need to just grow up.  As PPs said if you kick her out its likely going to affect FI's friendship with the BM.  Also, she is not your friend, so why would you assume she would care to do things for your wedding?  None of my BMs came with me to look for flowers, nor did I ask them to.  And if someone asked me to do that I would decline. 
  • I dont live in town anymore where everyone from my family & friends are. We get together every other month to talk about the wedding & other things. Its like a big girls time to talk about whatever we need to. I am 21 I guess it is just a southern thing. Because my mother and her friends do it/did it. We celebrate everything. My BM just doesnt care to do any of it an I did stop inviting her to them when I realized she just did not care to show up. I will just deal with what is going on like I have been an pray she can keep her actions and drama to herself the day of MY wedding. Thanks
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:aebddee7-f3fa-4fb3-8488-b497a6bac838">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out? : That's a very immature attitude.  Very immature.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Exacty. The "it's MY day" stuff is starting to get old. I presume you have a FI you are marrying who would also be part of this "day".
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  • [QUOTE]Manwaithiel how do I lack maturity ?<strong> It is my wedding day. I am the one getting married. I am the one paying for everything it should be how i want it to be.</strong>
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    This is how.
  • Okay everyone Thank you for your opinions.

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:bbcc40ba-5175-40ed-832f-52ee4f9077f5">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I did not say how much. I did not even describe the dress. All I said was how we finally found the dress the ladys at the certain shop were wonderful at helping us and couldnt wait to order them the next day and see how they all would look on my wedding day.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]
    If it was enough for her to go out without any further information from you to buy the dress, it was way too much information to just be putting out on Facebook.  With maturity comes the discretion to understand how that might be a bad idea.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bad-bridemaid-can-kick-her-out?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:6855aba6-af03-435b-9c83-26e2ef5dac35Post:d7387185-c274-40db-8c78-c8b3b8f23237">Re: Bad BrideMaid Can I kick her out?</a>:
    [QUOTE]No I never asked her to be a bridesmaid. She put herself in the wedding. I took all the BM &MOH to look for dresses she didnt come. I had it posted on my facebook about finding the dress for them and that we would go put the order in the next day at the shop we used. I said they were a wonderful help and she called the place to find out what time we were going back in an showed up. Paid for her dress and left. I do not speak out alot because I hate drama, I felt bad because she does not have any family and I left it alone. My FI hates her. His best friend knows this. He understands she is a very rude an loud cusses like a sailor no matter where we are. its very unlady like.
    Posted by ashleynoel18[/QUOTE]

    You never asked her to be a bridesmaid? Then why in the world did you ever allow her to begin thinking she was? Either way, what's done is done now. Please just consider you FH feelings when you are talking about this particular bridesmaid. Obviously her boyfriend and your FI are close friends that value their friendship highly. You may need to just "deal" with it until your wedding for him.
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  • Oh, and since you seem to think you can kick out the girl but keep her fiancé as Best Man, let me clue you in: I predict that if you drop her, he'll drop out as well. Any decent man would, in order to stand by his woman.
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