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Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

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Re: Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    You're going to find different opinions as to what is proper etiquette.  Like cursing someone out on a chatboard....

    Under "etiquette" section - 

    "Our wedding etiquette experts are here to answer your wedding registry questions in our daily post... 
    Then, sign up for a site likeHoneyfund.com..."



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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    Sounds like you need a vacation - if you'd like I'd be happy to set up a honeymoon fund for you. :)
    @Knottie1440377846 - if you want to make a passive aggressive dig at someone it is best to use the quote feature so that person will know you that the dig was meant for them.
    Maggie0829 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    Sounds like you need a vacation - if you'd like I'd be happy to set up a honeymoon fund for you. :)
    @Knottie1440377846 - if you want to make a passive aggressive dig at someone it is best to use the quote feature so that person will know you that the dig was meant for them.
    Thx for pointer - hope I did that right.
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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    JoanE2012 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    You're going to find different opinions as to what is proper etiquette.  Like cursing someone out on a chatboard....

    Under "etiquette" section - 

    "Our wedding etiquette experts are here to answer your wedding registry questions in our daily post... 
    Then, sign up for a site likeHoneyfund.com..."



    Of course a site like Brides.com is going to advocate for a Honeymoon Registry - they're all in the same business of making money off brides and grooms and don't give a shit if you offend your guests.  Honeyfund is probably one of their paid advertisers! 
    Just saying that it is a matter of opinion of for discussion, that is all - not fact as being presented here - with alot of anger and rudeness, I might add.
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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though.  It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money?  Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash.  Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.

    That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation.  It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.

    Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults.  Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.

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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    By that logic, is asking someone to buy me a cooking set also asking for cash disguised as a kitchen item?

    Still don't get the hostility about this whole thing.  
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By that logic, is asking someone to buy me a cooking set also asking for cash disguised as a kitchen item?

    Still don't get the hostility about this whole thing.  
    Not unless you're planning to return the set for cash. 



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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By that logic, is asking someone to buy me a cooking set also asking for cash disguised as a kitchen item?

    Still don't get the hostility about this whole thing.  
    No because when they buy you, say a mixer, you actually get a mixer.  While with a HM fund you get a check in the mail, not the romantic dinner on the beach that your guests thought that they purchased for you.

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    snowywintersnowywinter member
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    OliveOilsMom said:

    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though.  It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money?  Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash.  Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.

    That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation.  It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.

    Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults.  Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.


    Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married. I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.
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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    snowywinter said:
    OliveOilsMom said:

    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though.  It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money?  Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash.  Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.

    That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation.  It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.

    Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults.  Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.


    Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married. I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.
    Agree - calling a hmoon tacky paints other registries in the same light in my opinion.


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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By that logic, is asking someone to buy me a cooking set also asking for cash disguised as a kitchen item?

    Still don't get the hostility about this whole thing.  
    No because when they buy you, say a mixer, you actually get a mixer.  While with a HM fund you get a check in the mail, not the romantic dinner on the beach that your guests thought that they purchased for you.
    So your recipient returns the mixer and gets cash for it.  Also, at the end of the day, it's still asking someone to give you money.

    Thank you for the civility in the last few replies - appreciated.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    JoanE2012 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    You're going to find different opinions as to what is proper etiquette.  Like cursing someone out on a chatboard....

    Under "etiquette" section - 

    "Our wedding etiquette experts are here to answer your wedding registry questions in our daily post... 
    Then, sign up for a site likeHoneyfund.com..."



    Of course a site like Brides.com is going to advocate for a Honeymoon Registry - they're all in the same business of making money off brides and grooms and don't give a shit if you offend your guests.  Honeyfund is probably one of their paid advertisers! 
    Just saying that it is a matter of opinion of for discussion, that is all - not fact as being presented here - with alot of anger and rudeness, I might add.
    No anger and rudeness here.  I'll try and remember to use G rated language for you going forward though.

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    OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
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    snowywinter said:
    OliveOilsMom said:

    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though.  It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money?  Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash.  Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.

    That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation.  It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.

    Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults.  Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.


    Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married. I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.

    But physical registries are also just suggestions on what the couple might like.  It can also serve as a guideline of what the couple likes, if you want to buy off registry, you will have an idea of colors or types of things the couple likes.

    I think its pretty universal to know that people like money, which is why its unnecessary to have any sort of cash registry.  I think a lingerie registry is beyond tacky.

    (And with that, I'm off to escape the Popeocolypse and getting out of town for the weekend with limited internet.)

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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By that logic, is asking someone to buy me a cooking set also asking for cash disguised as a kitchen item?

    Still don't get the hostility about this whole thing.  
    No because when they buy you, say a mixer, you actually get a mixer.  While with a HM fund you get a check in the mail, not the romantic dinner on the beach that your guests thought that they purchased for you.
    So your recipient returns the mixer and gets cash for it.  Also, at the end of the day, it's still asking someone to give you money.

    Thank you for the civility in the last few replies - appreciated.
    Registering for gifts so that you can return them for cash is just as rude as registering for cash directly through supposed honeymoon registries.



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    snowywintersnowywinter member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    snowywinter said:
    OliveOilsMom said:

    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though.  It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money?  Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash.  Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.

    That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation.  It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.

    Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults.  Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.


    Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married.     I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.
    No, that's not the point of a registry nor how they work.

    Wedding registries are "serving suggestions" meant to give people an idea of what you would like if they were to buy  you towels or sheet sets or appliances, etc.  Otherwise no one would know that you are doing your bathroom in blue and gold or that you already have a toaster but not a toaster oven.  They were especially useful when couples did not live together prior to marriage and so did not already have an established household of stuff.
    How does that go against what I said? You are telling people what to buy you because you are getting married. Who cares that you're doing your bathroom in blue and gold. It's YOUR bathroom, so get what you need for it yourself. I don't know, I just don't get the whole "this is what I want if you want to buy me a gift." I just think registries, in general, are tacky.
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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift.  It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go.  Don't see a big difference there.

    If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy?   I think that's the bottom line. 
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    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    You're going to find different opinions as to what is proper etiquette.  Like cursing someone out on a chatboard....

    Under "etiquette" section - 

    "Our wedding etiquette experts are here to answer your wedding registry questions in our daily post... 
    Then, sign up for a site likeHoneyfund.com..."



    Well there it is folks, a wedding industry website, a beacon of etiquette. A website that is so pure that I'm absolutely certain there have been no funds generated by purporting and advertising Honeyfunds. THANK YOU Knottie# for showing us the error of our ways.

    Okie-Dokie, for reals. I got an invitation to a wedding that had a honeyfund on it. I threw up a little in my mouth. The wedding that it was for had numerous egregious etiquette fails so this went right along with it. Normally I give cash, the couple got the cheapest gift on their registry. AND, everyone talked about how tacky it was.
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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    snowywinter said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    snowywinter said:
    OliveOilsMom said:

    Etiquette is not a matter of opinion though.  It is about treating people respectfully in all walks of life. Would you ever go up to someone and ask them straight up for money?  Unless you are a beggar or fund raising for charity, most decent and respectful people would never go to someone else and ask them for cash.  Even people with financial troubles have more pride than to ask others for a handout.

    That is exactly what a honeyfund is, it is asking for cash disguised as a vacation.  It is even more deceiving when the items your family & friends think they are buying you, ends up being a check for their gifted amount minus fees.

    Also, this maybe the etiquette board, but this is also a place full of adults.  Sometimes we like to fucking use adult language too.


    Frankly, all registries are tacky when you think about it. You're essentially telling people what to buy you just because you're getting married.     I grew up in a family where you ALWAYS took a gift to a wedding or birthday, but I never felt comfortable telling people what to get me and I don't feel comfortable doing it for my wedding either. I don't really see much of a difference between setting up a "honey fund" or a Target registry. They're both tacky, in my opinion. And don't even get me started on home remodeling funds or (gag) lingerie registries.
    No, that's not the point of a registry nor how they work.

    Wedding registries are "serving suggestions" meant to give people an idea of what you would like if they were to buy  you towels or sheet sets or appliances, etc.  Otherwise no one would know that you are doing your bathroom in blue and gold or that you already have a toaster but not a toaster oven.  They were especially useful when couples did not live together prior to marriage and so did not already have an established household of stuff.
    How does that go against what I said? You are telling people what to buy you because you are getting married. Who cares that you're doing your bathroom in blue and gold. It's YOUR bathroom, so get what you need for it yourself. I don't know, I just don't get the whole "this is what I want if you want to buy me a gift." I just think registries, in general, are tacky.
    You are not telling them what to buy you. . . because no one has to buy you anything at all.   You are telling people that if they want to buy you towels, you prefer blue and gold because those are the colors that match your bathroom.  You are just giving people a list of ideas of things you actually would like and use.

    It's no different than telling someone what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday if asked.  Have you never been asked what you'd like for Christmas or your birthday?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift.  It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go.  Don't see a big difference there.

    If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy?   I think that's the bottom line. 
    IT'S NEVER OK TO ASK PEOPLE FOR MONEY, EVER.  That's the difference.

    It's tacky, classless, and gauche to just come right out and ask for money. . . which is exactly what honeyfunds do because the company just sends you a check after skimming 3%-5% off of the top. 

    If your guests wanted to give you a check they would have written one out directly to you, rather than pretending to buy you a session swimming with dolphins and paying a random company to send you a check.

    If you just want cash, then don't register for anything.  It's that simple.  And as many PPs have stated, many times you'll still get cash or checks at your wedding even if you registered for items- we did.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift.  It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go.  Don't see a big difference there.

    If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy?   I think that's the bottom line. 
    Yes.  If I went through a HM fund a bought a dolphin excursion only to find out later that the couple used it to buy a new vanity for their bathroom remodel I would be irritated.  Mainly because I thought I was getting them one thing, only to find out that I was deceived by their choice of registry.

    Now if I didn't give a crap what they use my gift for then I would just give them cash in a card rather then go through a registry where I am picking out a specific gift.

    Wow - ok - well again, it is my *opinion* & feeling that if I gave someone a dolphin excursion and they remodeled their bathroom instead it would be fine with me.  I gave the gift with ultimate hope that they would do something they wanted to do.  If the remodel made more sense for them, sounds good. 

    Not saying you're wrong at all, just that this falls into personal opinion.

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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:

    Maggie0829 said:
    Knottie1440377846 said:
    By the same token, people are free to give you something else outside your Hmoon registry, or to pass altogether on a gift.  It is a suggestion of where you'd like the money to go.  Don't see a big difference there.

    If you give a couple money via any forum, Hmoon registry, Store Registry, a check or anything else, do you really care in the end what they use if for if it makes them happy?   I think that's the bottom line. 
    Yes.  If I went through a HM fund a bought a dolphin excursion only to find out later that the couple used it to buy a new vanity for their bathroom remodel I would be irritated.  Mainly because I thought I was getting them one thing, only to find out that I was deceived by their choice of registry.

    Now if I didn't give a crap what they use my gift for then I would just give them cash in a card rather then go through a registry where I am picking out a specific gift.


    Did that wrong - sorry: 
    Wow - ok - well again, it is my *opinion* & feeling that if I gave someone a dolphin excursion and they remodeled their bathroom instead it would be fine with me.  I gave the gift with ultimate hope that they would do something they wanted to do.  If the remodel made more sense for them, sounds good. 

    Not saying you're wrong at all, just that this falls into personal opinion.
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    Knottie1440377846Knottie1440377846 member
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    To me, the essence of giving a gift is to make someone happy.  

    If they use the check or the dolphin excursion or the cooking set for something else that makes them happy, I feel no betrayal or deceit or tackiness - I am happy it went somewhere.
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    julieanne912julieanne912 member
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    What about in my situation, where I thought I was gifting them a nice dinner for their honeymoon, and they haven't even taken a honeymoon, well over a year later?  Pretty sure at this point they've pocketed the cash, minus the fees of course.  Never got a thank you from them either.  
    Married 9.12.15
    image
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    banana468banana468 member
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    Knottie1440377846 said:
    To me, the essence of giving a gift is to make someone happy.  

    If they use the check or the dolphin excursion or the cooking set for something else that makes them happy, I feel no betrayal or deceit or tackiness - I am happy it went somewhere.
    You may not feel a betrayal but:

    1) Advertising the registry as a list of excursions when it's really just a list of donation requests *is* deceit.   It's blatantly putting something out there disguised as something else.

    2) They take a chunk of the guests' money just to process.   So you didn't actually give a $50 dinner.   You gave a $46.50 dinner with a $3.50 handling fee and the handling fee went to the registry company.   Again, it's deceitful because the couple isn't getting all your money.   When you buy a couple a place setting of China, there's a clear breakdown of what it costs and what the couple gets.   The tax, gift wrapping and shipping are itemized and known all in advance.    And when you send a couple a place setting of China, here's a nifty little ditty:   They actually GET a place setting of China!   How cool is that?!

    Standard registries are wish lists.   And when done in a variety of price points, not broadcasted and in stores accessible to their guests, they are fine.

    It's never OK to broadcast what you want.   That goes for HM registries or standard registries.
    It's never OK to ask for cash.   That goes for HM registries or any kind of downpayment or GFM registry that's self-done.
    It's not OK to be deceitful.   That's a big ol' DUH.   Do I need to say why?

    And you shouldn't trust etiquette advice written by someone who has a stake in the industry.   So don't listen to etiquette advice written by Brides or The Knot because they're in it to make money for the wedding industry.   Even Emily Post has no more dust on her because she's rolled over in her grave at the terrible things her Institute is doing in her name.   If you want straight up correct etiquette advice, go to those who are unbiased like Miss Manners.   
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