Wedding Etiquette Forum

Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

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Re: Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

  • is room for different viewpoints - correcting before someone yells at my typo when writing too fast
  • edited September 2015




    SP29 said:




    SP29 said:

    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 



    An N of 1 is not "lots" to me.

    Well 2 on this thread. And I meant it in general, where we see posters (usually the OP) say, "but it doesn't bother me, so why can't I do it?"

    You're right, I missed one! ;-)



    Oh, the irony.


    Oh honey, I'm not trying to pass off my opinion as etiquette. I've been straight up telling you and Knottie#s what the actual etiquette is regarding registries and honeyfunds. . .because, you know, this is the Etiquette board.

    Banana and other PP'S have also been trying to explain to you both what is considered proper etiquette on the matter and why. Again, not their personal opinions, the actual etiquette.

    But you keep trying to be clever and cute now!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."






  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...
    The problem everyone is having, is you keep asking for reasons and there are now 6 pages of reasons and you have rudely ignored them all, and when people have to explain something for 6 pages yes they will get frustrated and cuss at you.

    you asked for sources they gave you a great one, that you ignored as well. you took your google search (which is also listed by the highest paying person, and never a way to do GOOD research) and found people saying it is OK because their sponsers are people who make money off the sites.

    you keep making the same argument that your buying the excursion/experience when PP have listed the many way your not.. so please come up with better arguments as to why it is OK for proper etiquette, not your opinion why it is ok..
    Didn't rudely ignore, I didn't want to start an argument with someone who says things along the lines of there are many sources for etiquette, but yours is wrong. You may have a better one in your eyes, but the very fact that there are many means there are rooms for different viewpoints. 

    Also, people keep making the point that a Hmoon registry is a flat out cash grab & I disagree about that.  

    Getting a bit tired of responding to people calling me rude or being offended for not saying they are right.

    Here's another viewpoint - "The bottom line is that among the older, more modern, more cosmopolitan couples, it's very OK to them to do this sort of thing, especially when you already have all the traditional household items," WeddingChannel's Eisinger said.

    I assume there's a reason that's not valid either.  Another rude person who knows nothing.

    I would never say to someone you're wrong, you're doing a cash grab, you're rude, you're a troll, etc simply for presenting a different viewpoint of what is acceptable.

    So, still waiting...
    Waiting for what? Godot?! HoneyFUND. FUND. It says it right in the name. It's a fund. . .as in money set aside for a specific purpose. Therefore you are asking for money when you set up a HoneyFUND. Asking ppl for money is rude. Asking people to subsidized your glorified vacation is rude. Etiquette related to weddings is a set of standards of hosting- not personal opinions- followed in order to treat your guests well and with respect. You don't blatantly ask your guests for cash, ever. That's rude. That's why Honeyfunds are considered rude.
    I thought this was about all homeymoon registries.  Not just honeyfund.

    IDK, but when I read your posts, I feel only hostility.  Not someone I want to get lectured from.  Certainly not an "old married hag" - your words, not mine.

    Why aren't you lecturing the people who are saying registering for an experience is fine.









  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...

    The problem everyone is having, is you keep asking for reasons and there are now 6 pages of reasons and you have rudely ignored them all, and when people have to explain something for 6 pages yes they will get frustrated and cuss at you.

    you asked for sources they gave you a great one, that you ignored as well. you took your google search (which is also listed by the highest paying person, and never a way to do GOOD research) and found people saying it is OK because their sponsers are people who make money off the sites.

    you keep making the same argument that your buying the excursion/experience when PP have listed the many way your not.. so please come up with better arguments as to why it is OK for proper etiquette, not your opinion why it is ok..

    Didn't rudely ignore, I didn't want to start an argument with someone who says things along the lines of there are many sources for etiquette, but yours is wrong. You may have a better one in your eyes, but the very fact that there are many means there are rooms for different viewpoints. 

    Also, people keep making the point that a Hmoon registry is a flat out cash grab & I disagree about that.  

    Getting a bit tired of responding to people calling me rude or being offended for not saying they are right.

    Here's another viewpoint - "The bottom line is that among the older, more modern, more cosmopolitan couples, it's very OK to them to do this sort of thing, especially when you already have all the traditional household items," WeddingChannel's Eisinger said.

    I assume there's a reason that's not valid either.  Another rude person who knows nothing.

    I would never say to someone you're wrong, you're doing a cash grab, you're rude, you're a troll, etc simply for presenting a different viewpoint of what is acceptable.

    So, still waiting...
    Waiting for what? Godot?!

    HoneyFUND. FUND.

    It says it right in the name.

    It's a fund. . .as in money set aside for a specific purpose. Therefore you are asking for money when you set up a HoneyFUND.

    Asking ppl for money is rude. Asking people to subsidized your glorified vacation is rude.

    Etiquette related to weddings is a set of standards of hosting- not personal opinions- followed in order to treat your guests well and with respect.

    You don't blatantly ask your guests for cash, ever. That's rude. That's why Honeyfunds are considered rude.


    I thought this was about all homeymoon registries.  Not just honeyfund.

    IDK, but when I read your posts, I feel only hostility.  Not someone I want to get lectured from.  Certainly not an "old married hag" - your words, not mine.

    Why aren't you lecturing the people who are saying registering for an experience is fine.

    No, the title of the thread is asking specifically about honeyfunds. OP used the word "tacky" which is subjective, but we have given many reasons as to why Honeyfunds are considered rude as per etiquette, again, because this is the etiquette board.

    Snowywinter mentioned that she thinks *all* registries are tacky, and we then tried to explain to her why traditional registries *are not* considered rude as per etiquette.

    I have no control over the tone in which you choose to read into my posts. I'm not being hostile, I'm being rational and using caps as emphasis to make a point. And occasionally I'm being snarky when ppl seem to be intentionally missing the points of what many of us are trying to explain.

    "Old Married Hag" is a joke in reference to the countless times special snowflakes come to these boards asking for advice and info, only to get butt hurt and call us names- such as old married hags- when we don't validate their rude or crappy ideas.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."






  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...
    The problem everyone is having, is you keep asking for reasons and there are now 6 pages of reasons and you have rudely ignored them all, and when people have to explain something for 6 pages yes they will get frustrated and cuss at you.

    you asked for sources they gave you a great one, that you ignored as well. you took your google search (which is also listed by the highest paying person, and never a way to do GOOD research) and found people saying it is OK because their sponsers are people who make money off the sites.

    you keep making the same argument that your buying the excursion/experience when PP have listed the many way your not.. so please come up with better arguments as to why it is OK for proper etiquette, not your opinion why it is ok..
    Didn't rudely ignore, I didn't want to start an argument with someone who says things along the lines of there are many sources for etiquette, but yours is wrong. You may have a better one in your eyes, but the very fact that there are many means there are rooms for different viewpoints. 

    Also, people keep making the point that a Hmoon registry is a flat out cash grab & I disagree about that.  

    Getting a bit tired of responding to people calling me rude or being offended for not saying they are right.

    Here's another viewpoint - "The bottom line is that among the older, more modern, more cosmopolitan couples, it's very OK to them to do this sort of thing, especially when you already have all the traditional household items," WeddingChannel's Eisinger said.

    I assume there's a reason that's not valid either.  Another rude person who knows nothing.

    I would never say to someone you're wrong, you're doing a cash grab, you're rude, you're a troll, etc simply for presenting a different viewpoint of what is acceptable.

    So, still waiting...
    Waiting for what? Godot?! HoneyFUND. FUND. It says it right in the name. It's a fund. . .as in money set aside for a specific purpose. Therefore you are asking for money when you set up a HoneyFUND. Asking ppl for money is rude. Asking people to subsidized your glorified vacation is rude. Etiquette related to weddings is a set of standards of hosting- not personal opinions- followed in order to treat your guests well and with respect. You don't blatantly ask your guests for cash, ever. That's rude. That's why Honeyfunds are considered rude.
    I thought this was about all homeymoon registries.  Not just honeyfund.

    IDK, but when I read your posts, I feel only hostility.  Not someone I want to get lectured from.  Certainly not an "old married hag" - your words, not mine.

    Why aren't you lecturing the people who are saying registering for an experience is fine.
    No, the title of the thread is asking specifically about honeyfunds. OP used the word "tacky" which is subjective, but we have given many reasons as to why Honeyfunds are considered rude as per etiquette, again, because this is the etiquette board. Snowywinter mentioned that she thinks *all* registries are tacky, and we then tried to explain to her why traditional registries *are not* considered rude as per etiquette. I have no control over the tone in which you choose to read into my posts. I'm not being hostile, I'm being rational and using caps as emphasis to make a point. And occasionally I'm being snarky when ppl seem to be intentionally missing the points of what many of us are trying to explain. "Old Married Hag" is a joke in reference to the countless times special snowflakes come to these boards asking for advice and info, only to get butt hurt and call us names- such as old married hags- when we don't validate their rude or crappy ideas.

    I have been on the disagreeing end of your posts, and not taken them as angry it is written word, no one but you knows what tone you use in your head.. But my non cussing, logical responses are rude to them because I said they were rudely ignoring people's answers which is what is happening.... But any explanation that goes against their opinion is angry and an argument not someone answering thier questions.. I told them why the sources were not good, and so did others that was ignored, we stated why it's rude because asking for cash = rude (no matter what situation) and honeymoon fund/registrys (tomato/toMato) is asking for cash and to top it off guest never know the company is skimping of the top and the couple doesn't get the full amount. These are deceitful guests pay for one thing take time to pick something out, and then couple gets something completely different, cash, Deceitful... I have lived in my own since I was 17, I am 30, 3 years with my FI.. We don't need or really want anything. I still this is not a reason to ask for money in any shape way or form. Our honeymoon is included in the cost of the wedding. And we will be leaving the next night.. No time for a mailed check to get to me from a honeymoon fund.. So no they are not buying experiences they are giving cash to the company and the couple not just the couple.. What more do you need as a reason these are rude, tacky, not smart to use...
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  • No, the title of the thread is asking specifically about honeyfunds.
    Says Honeymoon Registry in the title I'm looking at.

    Either way, I thought it was obvious the subject matter is all honeymoon or travel registries.  Otherwise that's a pretty weak semantic argument.
  • No, the title of the thread is asking specifically about honeyfunds.
    Says Honeymoon Registry in the title I'm looking at.

    Either way, I thought it was obvious the subject matter is all honeymoon or travel registries.  Otherwise that's a pretty weak semantic argument.

    Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
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  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...
    The problem everyone is having, is you keep asking for reasons and there are now 6 pages of reasons and you have rudely ignored them all, and when people have to explain something for 6 pages yes they will get frustrated and cuss at you.

    you asked for sources they gave you a great one, that you ignored as well. you took your google search (which is also listed by the highest paying person, and never a way to do GOOD research) and found people saying it is OK because their sponsers are people who make money off the sites.

    you keep making the same argument that your buying the excursion/experience when PP have listed the many way your not.. so please come up with better arguments as to why it is OK for proper etiquette, not your opinion why it is ok..
    Didn't rudely ignore, I didn't want to start an argument with someone who says things along the lines of there are many sources for etiquette, but yours is wrong. You may have a better one in your eyes, but the very fact that there are many means there are rooms for different viewpoints. 

    Also, people keep making the point that a Hmoon registry is a flat out cash grab & I disagree about that.  

    Getting a bit tired of responding to people calling me rude or being offended for not saying they are right.

    Here's another viewpoint - "The bottom line is that among the older, more modern, more cosmopolitan couples, it's very OK to them to do this sort of thing, especially when you already have all the traditional household items," WeddingChannel's Eisinger said.

    I assume there's a reason that's not valid either.  Another rude person who knows nothing.

    I would never say to someone you're wrong, you're doing a cash grab, you're rude, you're a troll, etc simply for presenting a different viewpoint of what is acceptable.

    So, still waiting...
    Waiting for what? Godot?! HoneyFUND. FUND. It says it right in the name. It's a fund. . .as in money set aside for a specific purpose. Therefore you are asking for money when you set up a HoneyFUND. Asking ppl for money is rude. Asking people to subsidized your glorified vacation is rude. Etiquette related to weddings is a set of standards of hosting- not personal opinions- followed in order to treat your guests well and with respect. You don't blatantly ask your guests for cash, ever. That's rude. That's why Honeyfunds are considered rude.
    I thought this was about all homeymoon registries.  Not just honeyfund.

    IDK, but when I read your posts, I feel only hostility.  Not someone I want to get lectured from.  Certainly not an "old married hag" - your words, not mine.

    Why aren't you lecturing the people who are saying registering for an experience is fine.
    No, the title of the thread is asking specifically about honeyfunds. OP used the word "tacky" which is subjective, but we have given many reasons as to why Honeyfunds are considered rude as per etiquette, again, because this is the etiquette board. Snowywinter mentioned that she thinks *all* registries are tacky, and we then tried to explain to her why traditional registries *are not* considered rude as per etiquette. I have no control over the tone in which you choose to read into my posts. I'm not being hostile, I'm being rational and using caps as emphasis to make a point. And occasionally I'm being snarky when ppl seem to be intentionally missing the points of what many of us are trying to explain. "Old Married Hag" is a joke in reference to the countless times special snowflakes come to these boards asking for advice and info, only to get butt hurt and call us names- such as old married hags- when we don't validate their rude or crappy ideas.

    I have been on the disagreeing end of your posts, and not taken them as angry it is written word, no one but you knows what tone you use in your head.. But my non cussing, logical responses are rude to them because I said they were rudely ignoring people's answers which is what is happening.... But any explanation that goes against their opinion is angry and an argument not someone answering thier questions.. I told them why the sources were not good, and so did others that was ignored, we stated why it's rude because asking for cash = rude (no matter what situation) and honeymoon fund/registrys (tomato/toMato) is asking for cash and to top it off guest never know the company is skimping of the top and the couple doesn't get the full amount. These are deceitful guests pay for one thing take time to pick something out, and then couple gets something completely different, cash, Deceitful... I have lived in my own since I was 17, I am 30, 3 years with my FI.. We don't need or really want anything. I still this is not a reason to ask for money in any shape way or form. Our honeymoon is included in the cost of the wedding. And we will be leaving the next night.. No time for a mailed check to get to me from a honeymoon fund.. So no they are not buying experiences they are giving cash to the company and the couple not just the couple.. What more do you need as a reason these are rude, tacky, not smart to use...
    Where's the spelling police now :)  Lucky she wasn't reading when you wrote that.

    There are many instance where the person is not leaving the next night.  Not everyone is in your specific situation.

    If all you take away from your gift to a couple is that they are using a deceitful forum, then that's kind of sad:
    Person 1 - So happy for the couple
    Person 2 - They're using a deceitful site!!!!!  & look at all the other etiquette violations they had at their wedding - I have a list :)

    You seem angry about the whole thing to me.

  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

    Because you have been such a GREAT example, after all this and you still are just whining that people are rude to you on an Internet forum and not actually proving your point and giving a reasonable reason it is acceptable.. When you don't know the tone anyone is writing.. You get snarky here people get snarky back.. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen... I didn't say mine is the only way it can be done, and others have said if there is one where you actually use the money for said purchases then acceptable.. But you have not provided that site that doesn't skim off the top, or is for the actual excursions not money for them.. if you don't care that others think it is rude, then do you, but people will judge you that know the truth behind these sites... And again if it seems angry your fault, not mine...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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  • Knottie#s No one is angry. You haven't been here long enough to get the tone of these boards. This is how we interact. Many of us have been here for years, first getting advice for our own weddings and now giving it back to other new brides. All we want is for people to have well hosted weddings that their guests will love. We do call out bad and rude ideas, but no one is being hostile in their posts.

    I didn't swear or anything. The worst thing I said was your opinion is not fact, and then you got snarky with me (which is fine), but when I got snarky right back, you took offense. Your opinion is not fact, if you say "my opinion is that 2+2=5" you are not correct. Same thing here. 

    Anyone can write a blog post about etiquette, doesn't make what they say true. You can believe us or not, but most of us take our etiquette advice from Miss Manners. There are certain etiquette sources that are better than others. Many people on the invites and paper board use Cranes, because it has the most complete advice. They don't use the knot, or wedding wire, or 
    Cosmo for their etiquette advice.

    Also, @ryanandjoe4 I don't know who you are, but I like you!
    image
    I think alot of people sound angry.  But maybe I'm wrong.

    If someone calls me a troll or dense, etc, that's not civil language in my world and I doubt Miss Manners would approve. 

    Sorry if I misread your tone, though.

    And especially sorry if I got upset if you said my opinion is not fact - that's the very point I've been making here. ;)


  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

    Because you have been such a GREAT example, after all this and you still are just whining that people are rude to you on an Internet forum and not actually proving your point and giving a reasonable reason it is acceptable.. When you don't know the tone anyone is writing.. You get snarky here people get snarky back.. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen... I didn't say mine is the only way it can be done, and others have said if there is one where you actually use the money for said purchases then acceptable.. But you have not provided that site that doesn't skim off the top, or is for the actual excursions not money for them.. if you don't care that others think it is rude, then do you, but people will judge you that know the truth behind these sites... And again if it seems angry your fault, not mine...
    This seems like an example of people registering for experiences and things for their trip - https://www.wanderable.com/honeymoon_registry/98a80ccb

    I look at that site & think cool, but I'm probably missing the deceit and the horrible motives of that couple.  And yes, there's probably a fee in there somewhere.  Big deal.
  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: 

    A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not.

    I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations.  Sure, it may be what you want but part of being an adult is treating people with respect and showing some restraint by not being a demanding, whiny brat. 

    Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

  • MGP said:
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not. I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations. Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

    Is this person writing above also not angry? 

    & buying a cooking set is a right or an entitlement?  Spoiler alert - it's not.

  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

    Because you have been such a GREAT example, after all this and you still are just whining that people are rude to you on an Internet forum and not actually proving your point and giving a reasonable reason it is acceptable.. When you don't know the tone anyone is writing.. You get snarky here people get snarky back.. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen... I didn't say mine is the only way it can be done, and others have said if there is one where you actually use the money for said purchases then acceptable.. But you have not provided that site that doesn't skim off the top, or is for the actual excursions not money for them.. if you don't care that others think it is rude, then do you, but people will judge you that know the truth behind these sites... And again if it seems angry your fault, not mine...
    This seems like an example of people registering for experiences and things for their trip - https://www.wanderable.com/honeymoon_registry/98a80ccb

    I look at that site & think cool, but I'm probably missing the deceit and the horrible motives of that couple.  And yes, there's probably a fee in there somewhere.  Big deal.

    The experiences fine if you can book where your already going and what not, it seems like you can actually book an excursion for them.. But you can't see the places until you set up an account so not going that far.. The money side of it rude, it is still asking for money and they get charged a fee 2.5% and then the couple is charged 2.5%.. The fees are a big deal.. Say you have 100 guests, and they all pay $100 into the wedding fund.. That is $10,000, for the couple.. 2.5% of that is $250! Not only that there was a 2.5% charge to each credit card used to give you this money.. Fees add up quick $250 is a nice hotel stay, maybe a flight.. And I disagree with the "credit card fees are unavoidable" they are, cash, or check and deposit to my account.. Avoided..
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  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

    Because you have been such a GREAT example, after all this and you still are just whining that people are rude to you on an Internet forum and not actually proving your point and giving a reasonable reason it is acceptable.. When you don't know the tone anyone is writing.. You get snarky here people get snarky back.. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen... I didn't say mine is the only way it can be done, and others have said if there is one where you actually use the money for said purchases then acceptable.. But you have not provided that site that doesn't skim off the top, or is for the actual excursions not money for them.. if you don't care that others think it is rude, then do you, but people will judge you that know the truth behind these sites... And again if it seems angry your fault, not mine...
    This seems like an example of people registering for experiences and things for their trip - https://www.wanderable.com/honeymoon_registry/98a80ccb

    I look at that site & think cool, but I'm probably missing the deceit and the horrible motives of that couple.  And yes, there's probably a fee in there somewhere.  Big deal.

    The experiences fine if you can book where your already going and what not, it seems like you can actually book an excursion for them.. But you can't see the places until you set up an account so not going that far.. The money side of it rude, it is still asking for money and they get charged a fee 2.5% and then the couple is charged 2.5%.. The fees are a big deal.. Say you have 100 guests, and they all pay $100 into the wedding fund.. That is $10,000, for the couple.. 2.5% of that is $250! Not only that there was a 2.5% charge to each credit card used to give you this money.. Fees add up quick $250 is a nice hotel stay, maybe a flight.. And I disagree with the "credit card fees are unavoidable" they are, cash, or check and deposit to my account.. Avoided..
    Exactly.  I think it was Lyndausvi who pointed out that typically people who do HFs are not fiscally savvy.  The attitude of "Seriously, you're getting pressed over $5?" is really short-sighted and pretty simple-minded. 


  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

    Because you have been such a GREAT example, after all this and you still are just whining that people are rude to you on an Internet forum and not actually proving your point and giving a reasonable reason it is acceptable.. When you don't know the tone anyone is writing.. You get snarky here people get snarky back.. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen... I didn't say mine is the only way it can be done, and others have said if there is one where you actually use the money for said purchases then acceptable.. But you have not provided that site that doesn't skim off the top, or is for the actual excursions not money for them.. if you don't care that others think it is rude, then do you, but people will judge you that know the truth behind these sites... And again if it seems angry your fault, not mine...
    This seems like an example of people registering for experiences and things for their trip - https://www.wanderable.com/honeymoon_registry/98a80ccb

    I look at that site & think cool, but I'm probably missing the deceit and the horrible motives of that couple.  And yes, there's probably a fee in there somewhere.  Big deal.

    The experiences fine if you can book where your already going and what not, it seems like you can actually book an excursion for them.. But you can't see the places until you set up an account so not going that far.. The money side of it rude, it is still asking for money and they get charged a fee 2.5% and then the couple is charged 2.5%.. The fees are a big deal.. Say you have 100 guests, and they all pay $100 into the wedding fund.. That is $10,000, for the couple.. 2.5% of that is $250! Not only that there was a 2.5% charge to each credit card used to give you this money.. Fees add up quick $250 is a nice hotel stay, maybe a flight.. And I disagree with the "credit card fees are unavoidable" they are, cash, or check and deposit to my account.. Avoided..
    ok... I understand that fee bugs you.  IMO not a big deal.

  • MGP said:
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not. I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations. Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

    Is this person writing above also not angry? 

    & buying a cooking set is a right or an entitlement?  Spoiler alert - it's not.

    No not angry: annoyed, at a complete loss for what you want, can't believe how you keep pointing to the same arguments and get the same answers from different people and still after what 8 pages don't get it.. But let's try just one more time.... The pots and pans are pots and pans the end of the day the couple gets what OMG pots and pans not money for pots and pans... Money for honeymoon adventures and the end of the day you get a check for all the excursions your guests thought they bought.. Large difference.. Cue "your just rude response" 3... 2...... 1..........
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  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2015

    MGP said:
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not. I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations. Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

    Is this person writing above also not angry? 

    & buying a cooking set is a right or an entitlement?  Spoiler alert - it's not.

    Angry at the fact that you want to argue for the sake of arguing? Yes. Angry in general? Not in the least.

    Buying a couple towels, cookware, or a toaster is WORLDS apart from contributing to their honeymoon. Those household items are not part of the wedding. As much as you don't want to admit it, a honeymoon IS part of the wedding. And it is horrendously rude for a couple to expect their guests to fund any part of their wedding. If you can sleep at night knowing that your guests have subsidized your wedding have at it. I just know that many people like myself could not.

    And for the record, wedding gifts are not required. So a couple who gets ANY gifts, whether on a registry or not, should be gracious and thankful for what they receive.
  • MGP said:

    MGP said:
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not. I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations. Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

    Is this person writing above also not angry? 

    & buying a cooking set is a right or an entitlement?  Spoiler alert - it's not.

    Angry at the fact that you want to argue for the sake of arguing? Yes. Angry in general? Not in the least. Buying a couple towels, cookware, or a toaster is WORLDS apart from contributing to their honeymoon. Those household items are not part of the wedding. As much as you don't want to admit it, a honeymoon IS part of the wedding. And it is horrendously rude for a couple to expect their guests to fund any part of their wedding. If you can sleep at night knowing that your guests have subsidized your wedding have at it. I just know that many people like myself could not. And for the record, wedding gifts are not required. So a couple who gets ANY gifts, whether on a registry or not, should be gracious and thankful for what they receive.
    Please explain how a cooking set is an entitlement.
  • MGP said:

    MGP said:
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not. I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations. Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

    Is this person writing above also not angry? 

    & buying a cooking set is a right or an entitlement?  Spoiler alert - it's not.

    Angry at the fact that you want to argue for the sake of arguing? Yes. Angry in general? Not in the least. Buying a couple towels, cookware, or a toaster is WORLDS apart from contributing to their honeymoon. Those household items are not part of the wedding. As much as you don't want to admit it, a honeymoon IS part of the wedding. And it is horrendously rude for a couple to expect their guests to fund any part of their wedding. If you can sleep at night knowing that your guests have subsidized your wedding have at it. I just know that many people like myself could not. And for the record, wedding gifts are not required. So a couple who gets ANY gifts, whether on a registry or not, should be gracious and thankful for what they receive.
    Please explain how a cooking set is an entitlement.

    Wow, again really! It isn't an entitlement... No one has said it is.. I think it has been said yet again for 7-8 fucking pages that it is a list of items for IDEAS for gifts........
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  • Again ignoring the entire point... Are you getting paid to argue for honeymoon funds? Or are you really this dense?
    You don't call this rude?  If not, you've lost any credibility on the word "etiquette".

    Because you have been such a GREAT example, after all this and you still are just whining that people are rude to you on an Internet forum and not actually proving your point and giving a reasonable reason it is acceptable.. When you don't know the tone anyone is writing.. You get snarky here people get snarky back.. If you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen... I didn't say mine is the only way it can be done, and others have said if there is one where you actually use the money for said purchases then acceptable.. But you have not provided that site that doesn't skim off the top, or is for the actual excursions not money for them.. if you don't care that others think it is rude, then do you, but people will judge you that know the truth behind these sites... And again if it seems angry your fault, not mine...
    This seems like an example of people registering for experiences and things for their trip - https://www.wanderable.com/honeymoon_registry/98a80ccb

    I look at that site & think cool, but I'm probably missing the deceit and the horrible motives of that couple.  And yes, there's probably a fee in there somewhere.  Big deal.

    The experiences fine if you can book where your already going and what not, it seems like you can actually book an excursion for them.. But you can't see the places until you set up an account so not going that far.. The money side of it rude, it is still asking for money and they get charged a fee 2.5% and then the couple is charged 2.5%.. The fees are a big deal.. Say you have 100 guests, and they all pay $100 into the wedding fund.. That is $10,000, for the couple.. 2.5% of that is $250! Not only that there was a 2.5% charge to each credit card used to give you this money.. Fees add up quick $250 is a nice hotel stay, maybe a flight.. And I disagree with the "credit card fees are unavoidable" they are, cash, or check and deposit to my account.. Avoided..
    ok... I understand that fee bugs you.  IMO not a big deal.
    Don't you care about your money?  Why would you give a fee when you don't have to?  That doesn't seem too smart now, does it?  
  • I would say the pots and pans are more of a need then a vacation.   Eating is a need.  Having the tools to cook is a need.  If you do not to cook, well then you are wealthy or just do not give a shit about wasting all your money on eating out.

    I would also say towels, plates, sheets, etc are needs.  No All-Clad or 3000 count Egyptian cotton sheets are not a needs, but one needs a pot to cook with and sheets for their bed..






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2015
    MGP said:

    MGP said:
    Last attempt. I don't have enough patience or wine to deal with this: A honeymoon is a non necessary, expensive trip. It is not a right, an entitlement, or a requirement to get married. Would you ask other people to pay for a non necessary, expensive trip at any other time in your life? Do you think it is a super special situation and exception to the rule because you are getting married? Spoiler alert: it's not. I don't give a flying fuck how established, modern, or cosmopolitan you make yourself out to be. It is never appropriate to ask people to pay for your vacations. Also money comes with strings. If I gift someone a helicopter ride, it better damn well be used for a helicopter ride. Anything else is deceitful. My money, my strings. Sorry not sorry.

    Is this person writing above also not angry? 

    & buying a cooking set is a right or an entitlement?  Spoiler alert - it's not.

    Angry at the fact that you want to argue for the sake of arguing? Yes. Angry in general? Not in the least. Buying a couple towels, cookware, or a toaster is WORLDS apart from contributing to their honeymoon. Those household items are not part of the wedding. As much as you don't want to admit it, a honeymoon IS part of the wedding. And it is horrendously rude for a couple to expect their guests to fund any part of their wedding. If you can sleep at night knowing that your guests have subsidized your wedding have at it. I just know that many people like myself could not. And for the record, wedding gifts are not required. So a couple who gets ANY gifts, whether on a registry or not, should be gracious and thankful for what they receive.
    Please explain how a cooking set is an entitlement.

    Please refer back to what I said about gifts: "And for the record, wedding gifts are not required. So a couple who gets ANY gifts, whether on a registry or not, should be gracious and thankful for what they receive." 

    So once again, there are NO entitlements when it comes to gifts.
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