Wedding Etiquette Forum

Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

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Re: Honeymoon registry-still tacky?

  • Heffalump said:
    Can someone please explain the Honeyfund love to me?  I just don't see why it makes practical sense.

    Let's say my aunt and uncle have a budget of $150 for my wedding gift.  They give me $150 cash, DH and I get $150 cash, we send a thank you note, done.

    Or, they give $150 to Honeyfund.  I actually went to the site, and right there in black and white, their fee is 2.8% + $0.30.  Whip out my calculator: ($150 x 0.028) + $0.30 = $4.50.  $150 - $4.50 = $145.50.  Say you repeat this scenario with 100 guests, and now you have $450 less (give or take) than if you hadn't used Honeyfund. 

    So why is this a thing, again?
    I have no idea and I have yet to hear an actual good answer to this question.

    And lets not forget that there is also an option on some of these sites where you don't have to send money through the website at all.  Rather you make a registry and then your guests print out the "certificate" of the gift they chose, write a check for the amount and then stick the "certificate" and check into a card and dump it into your card box at your wedding.  Now please, tell me how that is not asking for cash?  Nothing was bought.  Nothing.  A check was written, which could have easily been written without the registry, which is made up of a bunch of random shit that the couple will only get if they actually book/reserve it.

    So please, anyone, tell me what the F the point of this is.
    To the bolded, I experienced that. The couple had booked their honeymoon, and had a very small physical registry. Normally that's cool with me; I go back and forth between giving a nice check and something off a registry.
    What got my goat with this couple is that I was invited to, and had RSVPd yes for, the bridal shower prior to discovering this registry thing. And, the options on the "honeyfund" were a few things worth $25 and a few things worth $250. Um.... So I printed off a "certificate" for a $25 dinner and brought that to a shower. LAME. I gave them another check at their wedding for like $75. So if they were fishing for a high amount of cash, it failed. 
    ________________________________


  • lyndausvi said:

    Heffalump said:
    Can someone please explain the Honeyfund love to me?  I just don't see why it makes practical sense.

    Let's say my aunt and uncle have a budget of $150 for my wedding gift.  They give me $150 cash, DH and I get $150 cash, we send a thank you note, done.

    Or, they give $150 to Honeyfund.  I actually went to the site, and right there in black and white, their fee is 2.8% + $0.30.  Whip out my calculator: ($150 x 0.028) + $0.30 = $4.50.  $150 - $4.50 = $145.50.  Say you repeat this scenario with 100 guests, and now you have $450 less (give or take) than if you hadn't used Honeyfund. 

    So why is this a thing, again?

    ETA:  I thought about it, and realistically, for 100 guests it would be roughly half of my figure, since most probably bring dates and give a gift as a couple, not individually.  It was an arbitrary number, but still.
    I pretty much think people who use HM funds are not financially savvy.  Or they just are rolling in the dough that a paying a few hundred dollar fee isn't not a big deal.

    People have been giving cash/checks for a long time.   My sister got married 20 years ago and got a shit ton of cash/checks.   It's not a new thing.    But we seem to live in a time where if it's on the internet then it must be a good idea.

    Sorry, no.  Giving a company $50, llet alone even more to hold gift money (while getting interest) then cutting me a check a few weeks after the wedding is asinine.  

    I also kind of laugh that a lot of these same people who want to us HM funds have sticker shock on something like food costs. Yet paying a 3rd party company hundreds of dollars to collect gift money is money well spent.  Yeah, okay.


    And they're probably the same people who loathe ATM fees.   Unless they like taking out $23 every time they take out $20.  
  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    An N of 1 is not "lots" to me.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    An N of 1 is not "lots" to me.
    Well 2 on this thread. And I meant it in general, where we see posters (usually the OP) say, "but it doesn't bother me, so why can't I do it?"
  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
    For Fuck's sake! You have been on here stirring shit up. SP's response is exactly the same response everyone else gave you! If you don't like the way we chat here, maybe Weddingbee is more your speed.
  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
    For Fuck's sake! You have been on here stirring shit up. SP's response is exactly the same response everyone else gave you! If you don't like the way we chat here, maybe Weddingbee is more your speed.

    Except that'll be all the "proof" she needs that honeyfunds are okay.
    image
  • SP29 said:
    SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    An N of 1 is not "lots" to me.
    Well 2 on this thread. And I meant it in general, where we see posters (usually the OP) say, "but it doesn't bother me, so why can't I do it?"
    You're right, I missed one! ;-)

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
    For Fuck's sake! You have been on here stirring shit up. SP's response is exactly the same response everyone else gave you! If you don't like the way we chat here, maybe Weddingbee is more your speed.
    You sound like you have a real good grasp on proper etiquitte.
  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
    For Fuck's sake! You have been on here stirring shit up. SP's response is exactly the same response everyone else gave you! If you don't like the way we chat here, maybe Weddingbee is more your speed.
    You sound like you have a real good grasp on proper etiquitte.
    I have a fabulous grasp on proper (spelled) etiquette. I however, dislike trolls, and stupidity. Please hurry off to Weddingbee, they will validate your wonderful grasp on E-T-I-Q-U-E-T-T-E. 

    PS Spell check and/or Google are your friends if you insist on internetting today.
  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
    For Fuck's sake! You have been on here stirring shit up. SP's response is exactly the same response everyone else gave you! If you don't like the way we chat here, maybe Weddingbee is more your speed.
    You sound like you have a real good grasp on proper etiquitte.
    I have a fabulous grasp on proper (spelled) etiquette. I however, dislike trolls, and stupidity. Please hurry off to Weddingbee, they will validate your wonderful grasp on E-T-I-Q-U-E-T-T-E. 

    PS Spell check and/or Google are your friends if you insist on internetting today.
    Sorry for mistake on spelling.

    What are you so angry about?  You sound like a super pleasant person.

  • SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    Thanks for the well reasoned and peacefully worded comment.  This is the first friendly sounding post I've heard on here, tbh.  

    It has been humorous to me that many sound like they're saying "let me tell you what to do on your wedding day and what's proper, b*tch!" - that's the tone at least.

    But some fair points made - thx.
    For Fuck's sake! You have been on here stirring shit up. SP's response is exactly the same response everyone else gave you! If you don't like the way we chat here, maybe Weddingbee is more your speed.
    You sound like you have a real good grasp on proper etiquitte.
    I have a fabulous grasp on proper (spelled) etiquette. I however, dislike trolls, and stupidity. Please hurry off to Weddingbee, they will validate your wonderful grasp on E-T-I-Q-U-E-T-T-E. 

    PS Spell check and/or Google are your friends if you insist on internetting today.
    Sorry for mistake on spelling.

    What are you so angry about?  You sound like a super pleasant person.

    Um, totally not angry. Are you projecting? I don't get angry over stupidity, I read a book. 

    PS I swore for emphasis, not because of anger. I recommend reading, it may give you something to do other than trolling. It may also teach you about colloquialisms and ways of conveying speech. Just sayin'.
  • Not interested in engaging someone cussing and calling me a troll.  & doesn't bolster your argument that you know what proper behavior is.  So moving on...

    I still haven't heard anything that makes me thing a registry for an experience vs an item is bad etiquette, but I do agree with the posters that have a problem with people setting up any type of registry under false pretenses.  I don't think that's a function of the site in most cases, it's the people behind it.  Can't paint them all as bad.

    Anyway, I can see many people have strongly held opinions on the subject, but my opinion is that a honeymoon registry is fine and I'll just leave it at that.  Still would be interested to hear a civil and well reasoned argument not attacking me, but addressing the issue, that makes me think otherwise. But not if it's going to get anyone upset.
  • Not interested in engaging someone cussing and calling me a troll.  & doesn't bolster your argument that you know what proper behavior is.  So moving on...

    I still haven't heard anything that makes me thing a registry for an experience vs an item is bad etiquette, but I do agree with the posters that have a problem with people setting up any type of registry under false pretenses.  I don't think that's a function of the site in most cases, it's the people behind it.  Can't paint them all as bad.

    Anyway, I can see many people have strongly held opinions on the subject, but my opinion is that a honeymoon registry is fine and I'll just leave it at that.  Still would be interested to hear a civil and well reasoned argument not attacking me, but addressing the issue, that makes me think otherwise. But not if it's going to get anyone upset.
    I think that people have said that if you register for an experience, and you actually use that experience (i.e. helicopter ride) that is fine.

    What is against etiquette is registering for cash. Or, registering for an experience, without intending to ever do the experience, and just pocketing the cash to deceive people.

    Also, most of the discussion I've read on here, I haven't seen as an attack to you. But I could just be reading with a different tone. I think people are just stating their opinion, just as you are stating yours. It's an open discussion, not an argument.

  • lyndausvi said:
    Not interested in engaging someone cussing and calling me a troll.  & doesn't bolster your argument that you know what proper behavior is.  So moving on...

    I still haven't heard anything that makes me thing a registry for an experience vs an item is bad etiquette, but I do agree with the posters that have a problem with people setting up any type of registry under false pretenses.  I don't think that's a function of the site in most cases, it's the people behind it.  Can't paint them all as bad.

    Anyway, I can see many people have strongly held opinions on the subject, but my opinion is that a honeymoon registry is fine and I'll just leave it at that.  Still would be interested to hear a civil and well reasoned argument not attacking me, but addressing the issue, that makes me think otherwise. But not if it's going to get anyone upset.
    You are correct, there isn't anything wrong with registering for an experience. 

     However, most of the HM funds out there you are NOT actually registering for an experience.  You are registering for the cash value (minus the fees).  At no time did Aunt Sally actually buy you the experience.  At no time do you have to cancel the experience to get your money back.  The expereince is just a way for the guests to think they are giving you something, but really only giving you cash. 

    If you go on your HM right after the wedding you do not even get that money until AFTER you return.  So I buy you a helicopter ride, you are not actually getting that money until weeks later.

    The whole model is strange.
    Fair pt - It does seem strange.  I was/am taking at face value the sites I saw that indicated you register for a trip of some sort and people contribute towards the trip or what you do on it.

    I'm sure there are some bad actors out there, but I bet many people truly like the idea of having a registry for an experience and at least in their intent are trying to do that.

    Who knows what goes on inside store registries - I bet there are some horror stories with those too.


  • lyndausvi said:
    Not interested in engaging someone cussing and calling me a troll.  & doesn't bolster your argument that you know what proper behavior is.  So moving on...

    I still haven't heard anything that makes me thing a registry for an experience vs an item is bad etiquette, but I do agree with the posters that have a problem with people setting up any type of registry under false pretenses.  I don't think that's a function of the site in most cases, it's the people behind it.  Can't paint them all as bad.

    Anyway, I can see many people have strongly held opinions on the subject, but my opinion is that a honeymoon registry is fine and I'll just leave it at that.  Still would be interested to hear a civil and well reasoned argument not attacking me, but addressing the issue, that makes me think otherwise. But not if it's going to get anyone upset.
    You are correct, there isn't anything wrong with registering for an experience. 

     However, most of the HM funds out there you are NOT actually registering for an experience.  You are registering for the cash value (minus the fees).  At no time did Aunt Sally actually buy you the experience.  At no time do you have to cancel the experience to get your money back.  The expereince is just a way for the guests to think they are giving you something, but really only giving you cash. 

    If you go on your HM right after the wedding you do not even get that money until AFTER you return.  So I buy you a helicopter ride, you are not actually getting that money until weeks later.

    The whole model is strange.
    Fair pt - It does seem strange.  I was/am taking at face value the sites I saw that indicated you register for a trip of some sort and people contribute towards the trip or what you do on it.

    I'm sure there are some bad actors out there, but I bet many people truly like the idea of having a registry for an experience and at least in their intent are trying to do that.

    Who knows what goes on inside store registries - I bet there are some horror stories with those too.


    and that is why most box stores only give out store credits now and not cash.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I was supposed to attend a shower where the invite said "cash gifts are appreciated", basically telling everyone that they wanted only $$ gifts....

    This got canceled for other reason that are a completely different story, but Honey Funds basically are saying the same thing we don't want your gifts just your $$.... I who usually would give $ wasn't planning on giving money..

    I also had a shower, with a small registry, that only got two items purchased off of it. and the rest were gift cards. so now we are just keeping that registry for the wedding, I have added to it here and there but it is just stuff that went out of stock i changed out.

    I actually am frustrated that I have shared my registry with everyone, especially my FMIL but she just says to people "they want cash" I'm like excused me that never came from our mouths.. and my FI thinks it is funny to just say Home Depot gift cards his standard answer to any gift no matter what it is for.. I am like nope we have all we need, but have a small registry of things that we would love to upgrade to, otherwise we just want everyone to come and have a good time!

     
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  • Pupatella said:
    I think that people have said that if you register for an experience, and you actually use that experience (i.e. helicopter ride) that is fine.

    What is against etiquette is registering for cash. Or, registering for an experience, without intending to ever do the experience, and just pocketing the cash to deceive people.

    Also, most of the discussion I've read on here, I haven't seen as an attack to you. But I could just be reading with a different tone. I think people are just stating their opinion, just as you are stating yours. It's an open discussion, not an argument.
    Ok - that clarifies a bit.  Appreciate that. 

    I could have been off base, but it seemed like what I was hearing was HM registries are against etiquette, period.  When I said why or I think they're fine, I was either directly attacked or treated with a tone like "listen here, I know what's proper and you don't."  Didn't seem like a reasonable and intelligent rationale to me.  & many arguments that might have made good points were so filled with vitriol maybe I missed what they said.  Mea culpa.

    You could disagree with me here, but I also think if a couple registers for a helicopter ride, but changes their mind and uses it for something else later, that is ok - but not if they do with the intent of listing the highest paid item & never using, like someone described before, which is wrong.  I can see how this is more of a grey area, but if the intent was to get the experience but not subterfuge, then I think ok, imo.
  • Pupatella said:
    I think that people have said that if you register for an experience, and you actually use that experience (i.e. helicopter ride) that is fine.

    What is against etiquette is registering for cash. Or, registering for an experience, without intending to ever do the experience, and just pocketing the cash to deceive people.

    Also, most of the discussion I've read on here, I haven't seen as an attack to you. But I could just be reading with a different tone. I think people are just stating their opinion, just as you are stating yours. It's an open discussion, not an argument.
    Ok - that clarifies a bit.  Appreciate that. 

    I could have been off base, but it seemed like what I was hearing was HM registries are against etiquette, period.  When I said why or I think they're fine, I was either directly attacked or treated with a tone like "listen here, I know what's proper and you don't."  Didn't seem like a reasonable and intelligent rationale to me.  & many arguments that might have made good points were so filled with vitriol maybe I missed what they said.  Mea culpa.

    You could disagree with me here, but I also think if a couple registers for a helicopter ride, but changes their mind and uses it for something else later, that is ok - but not if they do with the intent of listing the highest paid item & never using, like someone described before, which is wrong.  I can see how this is more of a grey area, but if the intent was to get the experience but not subterfuge, then I think ok, imo.
    I personally think that this is okay. For instance, if I buy someone a helicopter ride, but they instead decide to use the money for a snorkeling experience, I am perfectly fine with that and am glad that I purchased them an excursion. I agree that I would not be okay if they registered for the helicopter ride intentionally because it was more expensive than the snorkeling excursion, as a way to pocket extra cash. But I do understand how couples can change their minds about what exactly they want to do on their honeymoon.

    I don't see this any different than, for instance, someone purchasing newlyweds a toaster. And the couple doesn't need / want the toaster, and they go exchange the toaster for knife set for example. I would have no problem with this either.

    Also, while not really against etiquette I guess, I just personally very strongly dislike how the honeyfund websites take fees out of the cash that people are trying to give the couple. I would much rather just give a couple a cash or check that they can spend / save however they choose!! 

    I could be wrong here, but I think a honeymoon registry is technically not against etiquette, as long as the couple is registering for honeymoon experiences that they have full intent of actually using. I think people just think they are tacky because of the fees and the way that the websites operate.

  • Pupatella said:
    I think that people have said that if you register for an experience, and you actually use that experience (i.e. helicopter ride) that is fine.

    What is against etiquette is registering for cash. Or, registering for an experience, without intending to ever do the experience, and just pocketing the cash to deceive people.

    Also, most of the discussion I've read on here, I haven't seen as an attack to you. But I could just be reading with a different tone. I think people are just stating their opinion, just as you are stating yours. It's an open discussion, not an argument.
    Ok - that clarifies a bit.  Appreciate that. 

    I could have been off base, but it seemed like what I was hearing was HM registries are against etiquette, period.  When I said why or I think they're fine, I was either directly attacked or treated with a tone like "listen here, I know what's proper and you don't."  Didn't seem like a reasonable and intelligent rationale to me.  & many arguments that might have made good points were so filled with vitriol maybe I missed what they said.  Mea culpa.

    You could disagree with me here, but I also think if a couple registers for a helicopter ride, but changes their mind and uses it for something else later, that is ok - but not if they do with the intent of listing the highest paid item & never using, like someone described before, which is wrong.  I can see how this is more of a grey area, but if the intent was to get the experience but not subterfuge, then I think ok, imo.
    Someone bought them a helicopter ride that they listed on a registry of things they wanted then they should to take said helicopter ride, and not have to pay for it since the guest already has.. If someone gives you a gift that you said you wanted then that person doesn't feel like their hard earned money was misused, or that they were deceived out of their money.

    That is not how any of these registries work..

    Guest: sees Helicopter ride on honeymoon registry that the couple made, and buys them the $100 ride

    Couple: after wedding gets $93, not the helicopter ride, and they have to pay more for the ride on top of that because the site took 3%

    all the couple did was ask for the money for the ride, not the actual ride.. but these sites lie to guests, it isn't clear that the couple is going to get the cash you give and not the actual experience. when if you say things like "we have all we need so we don't have a registry, we just want everyone to have a good time, but we are saving for house/car/ whatever" then people get the hint. like I had said we had a small list and since it was on amazon I got mostly amazon gift cards..

    Also early in my planning a few people that will be guests brought this to my attention thinking it would be a good idea until I pointed out that they take a % and it is just the cash not the actual experience. this was enough for them to say "oh I wouldn't want that, I want them to get the experience, and the full amount I gave."
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  • Not interested in engaging someone cussing and calling me a troll.  & doesn't bolster your argument that you know what proper behavior is.  So moving on...

    I still haven't heard anything that makes me thing a registry for an experience vs an item is bad etiquette, but I do agree with the posters that have a problem with people setting up any type of registry under false pretenses.  I don't think that's a function of the site in most cases, it's the people behind it.  Can't paint them all as bad.

    Anyway, I can see many people have strongly held opinions on the subject, but my opinion is that a honeymoon registry is fine and I'll just leave it at that.  Still would be interested to hear a civil and well reasoned argument not attacking me, but addressing the issue, that makes me think otherwise. But not if it's going to get anyone upset.
    I'll play.

    One Page 2 MyNameisNot said:
    Where does it say it's against etiquette?  

    Not trying to start a fight here but don't get the hostility about this - if someone wants to do a Hmoon registry, why pass judgment?  

    Are you tracking all your wedding gifts to make sure people don't return them & "scam" you for store credit?  Do you take notes of etiquette violations at other people's special day?  Feel sorry for people with this attitude.


    Try Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. Link

    Although may industry sites purport to offer etiquette advice, Miss Manners publications are generally accepted as the etiquette bible. 


    On Page 3 I said

    IT'S NEVER OK TO ASK PEOPLE FOR MONEY, EVER.  That's the difference.

    It's tacky, classless, and gauche to just come right out and ask for money. . . which is exactly what honeyfunds do because the company just sends you a check after skimming 3%-5% off of the top. 

    If your guests wanted to give you a check they would have written one out directly to you, rather than pretending to buy you a session swimming with dolphins and paying a random company to send you a check.

    If you just want cash, then don't register for anything.  It's that simple.  And as many PPs have stated, many times you'll still get cash or checks at your wedding even if you registered for items- we did.
    On Page 5 huskypuppy said
    The reason a honeymoon registry is rude is because it's not actually registering for items for your honeymoon. It's registering for cash, and asking for cash is impolite. If the registry were actually an excursion registry, then most of us wouldn't have a problem with it.  If you were actually buying the couple a dinner, or swimming with dolphins, or a night kayak adventure, then that's pretty cool. But you're not.

    This is the etiquette board, and we try to give correct etiquette advice that is not our opinion. You are welcome to your opinion, but that doesn't mean it's correct. There are many regs that didn't follow every etiquette rule, but most of us follow the big ones. No honeymoon registry is a big one.

    Are those enough examples for you?



    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2015
    Not interested in engaging someone cussing and calling me a troll.  & doesn't bolster your argument that you know what proper behavior is.  So moving on...

    I still haven't heard anything that makes me thing a registry for an experience vs an item is bad etiquette, but I do agree with the posters that have a problem with people setting up any type of registry under false pretenses.  I don't think that's a function of the site in most cases, it's the people behind it.  Can't paint them all as bad.

    Anyway, I can see many people have strongly held opinions on the subject, but my opinion is that a honeymoon registry is fine and I'll just leave it at that.  Still would be interested to hear a civil and well reasoned argument not attacking me, but addressing the issue, that makes me think otherwise. But not if it's going to get anyone upset.
    I'll play.

    One Page 2 MyNameisNot said:
    Where does it say it's against etiquette?  

    Not trying to start a fight here but don't get the hostility about this - if someone wants to do a Hmoon registry, why pass judgment?  

    Are you tracking all your wedding gifts to make sure people don't return them & "scam" you for store credit?  Do you take notes of etiquette violations at other people's special day?  Feel sorry for people with this attitude.


    Try Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding. Link

    Although may industry sites purport to offer etiquette advice, Miss Manners publications are generally accepted as the etiquette bible. 


    On Page 3 I said

    IT'S NEVER OK TO ASK PEOPLE FOR MONEY, EVER.  That's the difference.

    It's tacky, classless, and gauche to just come right out and ask for money. . . which is exactly what honeyfunds do because the company just sends you a check after skimming 3%-5% off of the top. 

    If your guests wanted to give you a check they would have written one out directly to you, rather than pretending to buy you a session swimming with dolphins and paying a random company to send you a check.

    If you just want cash, then don't register for anything.  It's that simple.  And as many PPs have stated, many times you'll still get cash or checks at your wedding even if you registered for items- we did.
    On Page 5 huskypuppy said
    The reason a honeymoon registry is rude is because it's not actually registering for items for your honeymoon. It's registering for cash, and asking for cash is impolite. If the registry were actually an excursion registry, then most of us wouldn't have a problem with it.  If you were actually buying the couple a dinner, or swimming with dolphins, or a night kayak adventure, then that's pretty cool. But you're not.

    This is the etiquette board, and we try to give correct etiquette advice that is not our opinion. You are welcome to your opinion, but that doesn't mean it's correct. There are many regs that didn't follow every etiquette rule, but most of us follow the big ones. No honeymoon registry is a big one.

    Are those enough examples for you?


    PGL - You and your damn logic!

    image


  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...
  • SP29 said:
    SP29 said:
    Oh my goodness.... so many valid points made here, so many ignored....

    I do think though that in general "we" need to be careful with the words "tacky" and "rude", because they are not the same. Tacky is of personal opinion. Rude relates to going against etiquette. Yes, someone can think having a gift registry is tacky- and if that is the case for yourself, then don't have one (they aren't a requirement), but they are not against etiquette. 

    Lots of posters are mixing up personal opinion and etiquette. Not the same.

    On these boards "we" continually state how PPDs, cash bars, gaps, and Stag and Does are rude. Yet there are many posters who at the same time *personally* don't really care. But this is still an etiquette board, so you're going to get the etiquette approved response (as shown on page 2, referencing Miss Manners). 

    The bottom line for a HM fund is that asking for cash is always against etiquette. Would it be different if the experiences listed were actually received? Probably. 

    I also think (yes, this is my opinion) that HM funds are pointless. Because they give the B&G cash, minus a fee. I often give cash gifts for a wedding. I don't need a HM fund to tell me that you might like cash. I'd rather give the B&G the full $200 versus $200 minus a fee. If the B&G then decide to use my cash gift towards their honeymoon- go for it! Just because a giver doesn't directly "purchase" off a HM fund doesn't mean the couple can't use their cash gifts towards a HM. 

    So to Knottie#s (seriously I wish all new posters had to choose an actual name, because it's really hard to keep track of who you are talking to and quote or "tag" people)- if you are happy with the B&G using your gift to whatever makes their hearts happy (which is cool- that's what a gift should be), why not just give cash in the first place? Why do you need a HM fund, that is going to take away from your gift and profit their company instead of the B&G, to give a cash gift? 


    An N of 1 is not "lots" to me.
    Well 2 on this thread. And I meant it in general, where we see posters (usually the OP) say, "but it doesn't bother me, so why can't I do it?"
    You're right, I missed one! ;-)
    Oh, the irony.

  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...
    The problem everyone is having, is you keep asking for reasons and there are now 6 pages of reasons and you have rudely ignored them all, and when people have to explain something for 6 pages yes they will get frustrated and cuss at you.

    you asked for sources they gave you a great one, that you ignored as well. you took your google search (which is also listed by the highest paying person, and never a way to do GOOD research) and found people saying it is OK because their sponsers are people who make money off the sites.

    you keep making the same argument that your buying the excursion/experience when PP have listed the many way your not.. so please come up with better arguments as to why it is OK for proper etiquette, not your opinion why it is ok..
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  • OK you're right.

    I think I'll just stay in bed because then I'm sure not to offend anyone. :)  Prob a rule against that too...
    The problem everyone is having, is you keep asking for reasons and there are now 6 pages of reasons and you have rudely ignored them all, and when people have to explain something for 6 pages yes they will get frustrated and cuss at you.

    you asked for sources they gave you a great one, that you ignored as well. you took your google search (which is also listed by the highest paying person, and never a way to do GOOD research) and found people saying it is OK because their sponsers are people who make money off the sites.

    you keep making the same argument that your buying the excursion/experience when PP have listed the many way your not.. so please come up with better arguments as to why it is OK for proper etiquette, not your opinion why it is ok..
    Didn't rudely ignore, I didn't want to start an argument with someone who says things along the lines of there are many sources for etiquette, but yours is wrong. You may have a better one in your eyes, but the very fact that there are many means there are rooms for different viewpoints. 

    Also, people keep making the point that a Hmoon registry is a flat out cash grab & I disagree about that.  

    Getting a bit tired of responding to people calling me rude or being offended for not saying they are right.

    Here's another viewpoint - "The bottom line is that among the older, more modern, more cosmopolitan couples, it's very OK to them to do this sort of thing, especially when you already have all the traditional household items," WeddingChannel's Eisinger said.

    I assume there's a reason that's not valid either.  Another rude person who knows nothing.

    I would never say to someone you're wrong, you're doing a cash grab, you're rude, you're a troll, etc simply for presenting a different viewpoint of what is acceptable.

    So, still waiting...
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