Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

lc07 · December 2015

I'm afraid to ask. OP, are you sitting the WP couples together as couples at your head table or are all the girls on one side and the guys on the other?

PrettyGirlLost · December 2015

lc07 said:
I'm afraid to ask. OP, are you sitting the WP couples together as couples at your head table or are all the girls on one side and the guys on the other?

I was in a wedding with my DH where we had to sit guys on one side and girls on the other, ugh!!

JoanE2012 · December 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

I'm afraid to ask. OP, are you sitting the WP couples together as couples at your head table or are all the girls on one side and the guys on the other?
I was in a wedding with my DH where we had to sit guys on one side and girls on the other, ugh!!

One word - pictures! Having mixed couples will ruin the look of the pictures. Duh!

MegEn1 · December 2015

JoanE2012 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I'm afraid to ask. OP, are you sitting the WP couples together as couples at your head table or are all the girls on one side and the guys on the other?
I was in a wedding with my DH where we had to sit guys on one side and girls on the other, ugh!!

One word - pictures! Having mixed couples will ruin the look of the pictures. Duh!

Yeah seriously I still don't understand why she's hell-bent on doing it this way.

Also is it just me or does it sound like OP will be giving preferential treatment? All the other WP guests will get to sit with their WP SOs, but those whose SOs are not in the WP are shit outta luck. That seemed like favoritism to me -- treating some guests differently than others.

Maybe I'm reading too much into it.

InLoveInQueens · December 2015

My vision is more important than my nearest and dearest's feelings! Didn't you know, having their dates at the table will RUIN my wedding! How could I possibly live with myself if I had to actually interact with my best friend's new SO on a day celebrating love? I might as well go with the status quo because screw putting my guest's comfort above my pictures.

Someone needs to call the whambulance because this is just turning into a toddler's temper tantrum over something that will not hurt the OP but will sour their friend's feelings towards her.

It might be common, but break the mold! People might say "no it's fine" to your face but you bet your ass they're talking shit behind your back because this "tradition" is rude.

lyndausvi · December 2015

I always strive to be the best host. I enjoy seeing people get happy when I anticipated an unexpressed need or want of their's. On the flip side, as a guest, I enjoy when a host anticipates one of my unexpressed needs or wants.

Will life as I know it stop because I'm separated from my DH at a wedding? No. Will I be happier and think more highly of the couple for knowing the tradition of splitting up WP members is outdated? You bet you.

What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.

lc07 · December 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

I'm afraid to ask. OP, are you sitting the WP couples together as couples at your head table or are all the girls on one side and the guys on the other?
I was in a wedding with my DH where we had to sit guys on one side and girls on the other, ugh!!

Makes no sense! I have a feeling OP is planning to do it this way.

InLoveInQueens · December 2015

lyndausvi said:

I always strive to be the best host. I enjoy seeing people get happy when I anticipated an unexpressed need or want of their's. On the flip side, as a guest, I enjoy when a host anticipates one of my unexpressed needs or wants.

Will life as I know it stop because I'm separated from my DH at a wedding? No. Will I be happier and think more highly of the couple for knowing the tradition of splitting up WP members is outdated? You bet you.

What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests. Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated.

My main issue is I just don't understand why they are insisting putting dates at some random table with people they won't know is the only way to go and everything else anyone is suggesting is terrible, besides the ridiculous "that's just how it is here".

Why not be the trend setter and show future newly weds how to be great hosts rather than adequate ones, like your post lays out.

wink0erin · December 2015

Chiming in late, in my area head tables w/o dates USED to be the norm. Key word, USED to. Now it's more of the norm to have the bridal party with their dates sitting at other tables and a sweetheart table for the couple.

It doesn't need to be front and center if that makes you uncomfortable. You could have the sweetheart table with two tables on either side, and have the wedding party with their SO's at those two tables. (Some venues have stages where they put the head table, I have seen the above configuration on a stage or on the floor at the front, but it could be anywhere). No need for centerpieces, decorate the same way you would have decorated the head table.

It sucks to not sit with your SO at a wedding reception, I have been a bridesmaid trapped at the head table and I have been a guest stuck with randoms. I used to have big time social anxiety and that was NOT fun for me.

A lot can happen in 18 months, couples could break up, new couples could begin, babies could be born. I mean 18 months before my exBF and I broke up I thought we would end up married (but instead we had a very dramatic, kind of scary breakup). And 18 months ago I was still anti-dating after being single for a few years. I wasn't looking. I didn't want anything to do with dating... but I met a guy earlier this year and we are very likely going to end up married.

If you are worried about layouts and seating charts, just put them to the side for now. You have plenty of time to come up with ideas. But please, take these comments into consideration and be the one to let the BP sit with their SOs. They should be your honored guests, not props.

AddieCake · December 2015

How does one say to herself, "You know, I could be nicer to my friends, but I think I'll just go ahead and be a dick instead." ?

drunkenwitch · December 2015

ChicagoBride2017 said:
BTW, this is how I asked:

Wow, that is a whole new level of obsessing over an internet message board.

arrippa · December 2015

This thread

Image: https://49.media.tumblr.com/397353ec07af5487a5f3c80a8037e93f/tumblr_mw1rkweIrR1sgl0ajo1_500.gif

RlovesR · December 2015

Oh wait! Harry said it was okay? That was how Harry did it? That changes everything!

Sorry, I hadn't realized. That dude defeated Voldemort; clearly he knows what's up.

AddieCake · December 2015

I'm gonna start asking myself "What would Harry do?" before making all future decisions.

southernbelle0915 · December 2015

If you have Harry, why ask about etiquette on an etiquette board?

holyguacamole79 · December 2015

If it wasn't against the TOS, I'd encourage someone to make a "Harry" AE.

marsupalami · December 2015

I went to a wedding two years ago. FI was a groomsman. We had been together for a year at the time. I knew no one at the wedding since they were his friends (I knew the couple and that was it) I had to fend for myself at the reception. Sat alone until an old couple took pity on me. It was terrible. Absolutely freaking terrible. Did I manage yes but was I miserable yes.

What I learned. Either have a kings table or a sweet heart table because I don't want any guest to feel the way I did that night.

TheCheeseWench · December 2015

Your reception is a THANK YOU to your guests for attending your wedding. Your WP will have completed their "duties" by this point (show up in the agreed upon attire, stand with you while you say your vows as an HONOR to THEM). Your most honored guests should be free to enjoy their THANK YOU dinner with their dates. Anything else is a dick move. I also live in the Midwest, so don't blame this garbage on the region.

You asked if it was a big deal, and the answer is YES. Take it or leave it, but it won't change the fact that it IS rude.

huskypuppy14 · December 2015

ChicagoBride2017 said:

Why did you start this thread?
I read in a non-related comment that the HT would have the BP's SO and I thought it was strange because I've never seen it and didn't realize that it's a thing.

Just because you haven't seen it doesn't mean it isn't done. Head tables aren't really done anymore either, I've only seen one as an adult. I personally don't like the raised platform like they are royalty. It seems really dated.

My parents were married 30 years ago, and they had a head table with significant others. But my parents are considerate people and care about their friends.

I went to a wedding in October and the bride and groom sat with their Best man and Man of honor with their dates even though my friend can't stand her brother's GF. Oh and the wedding was in ILLINOIS!

lembaslover · December 2015

ChicagoBride2017 said:

18 months. I know some of you will say "but someone might start dating by then". Fear not, beside the two GM, they have explicitly said that they are not looking to date and do not want to bring a stranger to another strangers wedding.

My first date with my now husband I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship just someone to hang out with for the summer before I went back to school in a different state. Well that all changed that summer and now 3 years later we're happily married! Sounds like there are many other PPs who had similar situations.

Also "Harry's" opinion is useless. The nice thing about this board is the people on here don't ever have to see you so they will tell you the truth without worrying about hurting your feelings. Your friends and family often will tell you things are ok because they don't want to upset you. Even if "Harry" really hasn't seen SOs at a head table it doesn't mean these opinions are wrong. Ignorance isn't an excuse to treat your guests badly.

frenchiekin · December 2015

My BFF got married 4 years before me. She was one of the first in our group of friends and wanted to do everything very "traditionally." She had a head table with just WP - girls on one side, guys on the other. Long table, up on a stage. I was MOH, and my BF at the time (now H) was sat at a table of people he barely knew, plus my parents who were also invited. After spending the entire day without him, it would have been nice to be able to share a meal with him. I didn't say anything to BFF at the time because I love her and didn't want to hurt her feelings or cause any drama. We sucked it up. She got annoyed with me when I would leave the HT between courses to go visit him for a couple of minutes. It made the day a little uncomfortable when it really didn't need to be.

FF to my wedding this year. She was my MOH. We had a sweetheart table and sat our BP with their dates at tables with their people. Our siblings with our parents, our friends with their other non-WP friends. She was so happy to be able to sit with her husband and relax during dinner. My H and I enjoyed the only 5 or 10 minutes we had alone the entire day.

It's weird, because our marriage is still valid and our friends all had an awesome time. We really fucked that one up.

lyndausvi · December 2015

I was dating a guy for 5 YEARS. 18 months later we were broken up, he got married, his wife got pregnant and I moved to the islands.

Lurkers - I've been on this site for a long time. Those who plan that their family/friends situations can and often do change during the course of their engagement are often less stressed. Reason - they planned for changes. They are flexible.

Those who lock into guests list, WP, singles will always be single and other stuff often get stressed when their friends/family situation changes. Reason - they live in a fantasy land where, because they are engaged, their family and friend's lives standstill.

FACT - The longer your engagement the greater the chance of a change.

Singles can now be married/living together/in a relationship. Long term couples can now be single or in a relationship with someone else. Non-parents are now parents. Jobs get relocated. Financial situations cause them not to be able to participate any more.

Be flexible. Pad your budget and/or capacity to include potential changes. If you don't need it, GREAT. More money in your budget. ETA - less seats. If you DO need it, then you are all set.

floridabride44 · December 2015

lyndausvi said:

I was dating a guy for 5 YEARS. 18 months later we were broken up, he got married, his wife got pregnant and I moved to the islands.

Lurkers - I've been on this site for a long time. Those who plan that their family/friends situations can and often do change during the course of their engagement are often less stressed. Reason - they planned for changes. They are flexible.

Those who lock into guests list, WP, singles will always be single and other stuff often get stressed when their friends/family situation changes. Reason - they live in a fantasy land where, because they are engaged, their family and friend's lives standstill.

FACT - The longer your engagement the greater the chance of a change.

Singles can now be married/living together/in a relationship. Long term couples can now be single or in a relationship with someone else. Non-parents are now parents. Jobs get relocated. Financial situations cause them not to be able to participate any more.

Be flexible. Pad your budget and/or capacity to include potential changes. If you don't need it, GREAT. More money in your budget. ETA - less seats. If you DO need it, then you are all set.

Also, to piggyback off of this....

Lurkers - do not ask your bridal party 18th months in advance. I know you're excited and newly engaged and immediately want to ask your BFFs to be in your bridal party, but do yourself a favor and wait. Relationships change, and in 18 months your current close friends might not be anymore.

Along with having a head table that leaves out SO's "because that's how it's always done", OP has also made a mistake by asking her bridal party way to early.

[Deleted User] · December 2015

I think you should sit your WP with their dates. My FI and I will be seating our WP with their SOs. However, we still haven't decided on the type seating arrangements: sweetheart vs kings table.

ScottishSarah · January 2016

I'm getting married in July this year, I haven't even met one of the guests at our 'head' table. Guess what, it doesn't matter to us that I don't know her. The important thing is that she is the girlfriend of one of our bridesmaids. Discussion Over.

[Deleted User] · January 2016

Again why is head table so important? Give me 2 good legit reasons. Please. Then maybe I will see your point of view.

flantastic · January 2016

The most recent wedding I was in, my husband and 10 week old baby were at an "extras" table because the B&G wanted to sit with the wedding party [they'd been with all day], but adding SOs to the table would have been unwieldy because of the size.

Here's the thing. This girl was my MOH, and at our wedding DH and I sat with our siblings, and we sat our WP and their dates with their friends, because they had been with us all day and hadn't gotten to see much of these other friends yet. They were thrilled, but honestly it was the only thing that made sense. My mom was baffled when she heard about this girl's plan. "Didn't you guys set a good example for them already? They really saw how nice it was not to have to sit at a head table, or apart from their date, considered it, and decided to be jerks anyway?"

I'm working on forgiving this woman, but honestly I'm still pissed.

You're about to be that person. Don't.

Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

Re: Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards