Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

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Re: Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

  • geebee908 said:
    So the only reason is you think it's odd to do it another way because you've never seen it before. I'm going to echo a PP and challenge you to ask the SOs of the wedding party what seating option they would prefer. It's their opinions that ultimately matter if you want to be a good host. If they say they'd rather sit at a table away from their SO, you have my blessing to have a WP-only head table.
    Well in her case 90% of the WP are already couples and thus sitting at the HT together.  So their answer would be "at the HT", however their SO is AREADY THERE.    What kind of poll would that be?

      It's the random 2 GM's who are the issue.  Let's face it most people will go along with something so they don't look like "troublemakers".









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • You all are acting like I wasn't going to invite their SO.
    You're not answering the questions. 
  • You all are acting like I wasn't going to invite their SO.

    You just can't be bothered to sit with them.
  • banana468 said:



    You all are acting like I wasn't going to invite their SO.

    You're not answering the questions. 
    I did answer the question.
  • Why did you start this thread?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.

    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table?

    And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive?

    Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.

  • If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.
    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table? And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive? Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.
    How many WP members do you have?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:

    Why did you start this thread?

    I read in a non-related comment that the HT would have the BP's SO and I thought it was strange because I've never seen it and didn't realize that it's a thing.

  • You all are acting like I wasn't going to invite their SO.
    You're not answering the questions. 
    I did answer the question.
    You did not answer why they can't sit with you at the head table nor did you state why this wouldn't be a cost savings and you did not answer why this is not going to work for your situation.

    If you did then please humor me and state why you cannot sit with these people and how doing so will inflate your cost again?? 
  • Why did you start this thread?
    I read in a non-related comment that the HT would have the BP's SO and I thought it was strange because I've never seen it and didn't realize that it's a thing.
    So rather than comment in that thread about it, you started a whole thread to bitch about it?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • lyndausvi said:



    If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.

    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table?

    And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive?

    Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.


    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)
  • If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.
    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table? And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive? Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.
    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)
    how many of those are couples?






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.

    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table?

    And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive?

    Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.


    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)

    how many of those are couples?

    4 couples. The remainder have told me that they are either for sure not bringing someone or might (the two groomsmen)
  • If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.
    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table? And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive? Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.
    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)
    how many of those are couples?
    4 couples. The remainder have told me that they are either for sure not bringing someone or might (the two groomsmen)
    when is your wedding?

    Sorry for so many questions.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2015
    BTW, this is how I asked:
    Ok then, take the advice of this one person over the DOZENS of people on here telling you you are rude. AGAIN: WHY did you even bother asking when you have zero interest in any opinion that differs from yours? No one on here gives a shit what your ONE friend has to say. But go ahead. Ignore everyone's advice - you are clearly going to do whatever the fuck you want anyway.

    ET remove unnecessary bitchiness on my part
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.

    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table?

    And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive?

    Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.


    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)

    how many of those are couples?
    4 couples. The remainder have told me that they are either for sure not bringing someone or might (the two groomsmen)

    when is your wedding?

    Sorry for so many questions.

    18 months. I know some of you will say "but someone might start dating by then". Fear not, beside the two GM, they have explicitly said that they are not looking to date and do not want to bring a stranger to another strangers wedding.
  • lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.

    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table?

    And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive?

    Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.


    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)

    how many of those are couples?
    4 couples. The remainder have told me that they are either for sure not bringing someone or might (the two groomsmen)

    when is your wedding?

    Sorry for so many questions.

    18 months. I know some of you will say "but someone might start dating by then". Fear not, beside the two GM, they have explicitly said that they are not looking to date and do not want to bring a stranger to another strangers wedding.

    LOL. I was NOT looking to date when I met FI. I wanted a casual hook-up with a friend of a friend. 2 weeks later we were dating and a year later we were living together.

    From one girl getting married in a year and a half to another: have a plan for them to be attached and for them to be single. It's risky enough having a wedding party this far out (I do, too). There's no way to know how the lives of the people in that party will go.

  • 18 months. I know some of you will say "but someone might start dating by then". Fear not, beside the two GM, they have explicitly said that they are not looking to date and do not want to bring a stranger to another strangers wedding.

    yeahhhhhhh ... my husband & I were married 11 months after we met. Neither one of us were looking to date when we met. Life happens quickly sometimes, and a LOT can happen in 18 months. Just stop worrying about this and see where things are when it's time to send out invites. And don't separate your BP from their date at your reception.
  • lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    lyndausvi said:



    If I were to do a sweetheart table and sit the BP elsewhere, that's two extra tables on the floor which equals tighter passthroughs and two more center pieces (and those are not cheap). I am keeping the comfort of my guests in mind, as well as my budget.

    So, for real, your layout can't be done with two more regular tables minus one long table?

    And what were you doing to decorate said head table if two more centerpieces are just, le sigh, too expensive?

    Look, if your bridesmaids want to feel all exclusive and special by being on display, again after the ceremony, and that's more important to them than their dates, then none of us can help you.
    The head table will not have center pieces. Simple candles, petals, and the BM flowers.


    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)

    how many of those are couples?
    4 couples. The remainder have told me that they are either for sure not bringing someone or might (the two groomsmen)

    when is your wedding?

    Sorry for so many questions.

    18 months. I know some of you will say "but someone might start dating by then". Fear not, beside the two GM, they have explicitly said that they are not looking to date and do not want to bring a stranger to another strangers wedding.

    LOL. I was NOT looking to date when I met FI. I wanted a casual hook-up with a friend of a friend. 2 weeks later we were dating and a year later we were living together.

    From one girl getting married in a year and a half to another: have a plan for them to be attached and for them to be single. It's risky enough having a wedding party this far out (I do, too). There's no way to know how the lives of the people in that party will go.

    These are my friends and I know them very well (thus being in the BP. They have had some troubles dating and have assured me that they will not be dating.

  • These are my friends and I know them very well (thus being in the BP. They have had some troubles dating and have assured me that they will not be dating.

    Why even ask them this at this point??? And what will you do if one of them meets the love of his life next year?

    18 months before I got married, I was still getting over a nasty breakup and messy job crap. I could've very well made that same promise. You can't make plans like this based on stuff like this.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited December 2015

    How many WP members do you have?
    6 BM 7 GM (including MOH and Best Man)
    how many of those are couples?
    4 couples. The remainder have told me that they are either for sure not bringing someone or might (the two groomsmen)
    when is your wedding?

    Sorry for so many questions.
    18 months. I know some of you will say "but someone might start dating by then". Fear not, beside the two GM, they have explicitly said that they are not looking to date and do not want to bring a stranger to another strangers wedding.
    I wasn't looking of someone to date either.  Then I met  DH and was engaged within a few months.  Married in under 20 months.       My sister was engaged within 12 months.   My brother met his wife and a year later they had a kid (been married for 20 years now).

    18 months is a long time.  No one can predict when "the one" will pop in their lives.  At least put it in your budget and in the back of your mind.  You might thank us later.

    You have 13 WP members with a potential of 5 more SO's to make up to 18 people.      Add in you 2 that make between 15-20 people.     A HT of 15 is big.  Takes up a lot of room on it's own (more than 2 rounds). And that is you minimum table size.    That is just silly on it's own.  

    I would play around with seating.  DH and I did not have a sweetheart table. Neither did we have a head table. We sat with some of the WP members.  The others we sat with people they would have sat with if they were not in the WP.  (i.e.  my siblings in the WP sat with my parents.  DH's with his mom.  Our friends sat with other friends).    The only difference between our table and everyone else's is we didn't have the same CP.   We used my and the BM's flowers.   We were not on display.  We were in the middle of the room surrounded by other tables.  Something I'm seeing more and more of by-the-way.



    You could easily have 2 tables that seat you and your WP members and their dates should any bring any.     Or you could just seat your WP members with people they would sit with anyway.  Since it's too far out to know your RSVP numbers it might surprise you how fitting them into other tables saves you money than have some huge ass table with 15+ people.

    For reference -  We had 9 BMs, 7 GM's.   Dates/SOs added an addition 7 people.  We had to rent everything.    A HT of 18 would have been ridiculous and taken up WAY too much room and that was without SO's.  It would have caused us to rent MORE tables then less.



    In end it's your wedding. Do what you want.  But you have time and I would consider what we are saying.   There is a lot of years of experience here on why we feel the way we do on the subject.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • JediElizabethJediElizabeth member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited December 2015
    Are they all asexual? Aromantic? That's the only way I could see being sure.

    Honestly, you have 18 months. You have plenty of time to think over your seating options.
  • These are my friends and I know them very well (thus being in the BP. They have had some troubles dating and have assured me that they will not be dating.
    Can you tell the future? Are your friends psychic too? 

    Eighteen months is a long time. Unless these friends have joined a monastery or will be in jail for the next 18 months, even they do not know whether they will be in a relationship by then. As PPs have stated, many of them ended up meeting and marrying their spouse in less time - even those who, GASP! were not looking to date anyone.

    Are you just physically unable to admit when you are wrong?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • banana468 said:
    DH had a 3 year dry spell. Then we started dating. But you seem to be able to predict the future too. Is there anything you CAN'T do?!
    Be courteous to her guests? Have empathy for others?
    She clearly cannot admit when she is wrong. Obviously, everyone else on here is wrong, our opinions are useless and invalid, and OP is all-knowing.

    OP: Don't ask questions when you are not prepared for the answers. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • OP....

    Head tables without SOs are "common" where I am from too- actually I've been to weddings in two different provinces where they were done. And when I told my dad that my WP's SOs were sitting at the head table, he said, "But usually it's just the WP at the front". I then explained I didn't want to separate the WP from their dates (only two of them brought dates- who are actually their spouses), and that's where they'd be sitting. Done and done. But I have also seen a sweetheart table done successfully, and at another friend's wedding the B&G sat at a table with a group of friends- also successful. 

    Just because something is tradition doesn't make it right, nor does it mean you have to follow the same "path".

    You have been given lots of suggestions, all of which you shot down with "but that's not the way it's done".... which clearly it is, because lots of people have given you examples of ways for the WP to sit with their dates, and ways for the B&G to sit with other people

    You also ignored why it's A-OK to split up the WP from their dates, but not the B&G- it's just dinner right?

    Having a sweetheart table takes one big table into two smaller ones, which is only one centerpiece (yours can hold your flowers). Or, sitting the two GM's dates at the HT doesn't add anything- these people would already have chairs and place settings somewhere else. Or, you can seat your WP+dates as part of the regular guest tables and you and your FH amongst your family- no fancy HT needed! I fail to see how letting the WP sit with their dates will cost more money. 

    P.S. DH and I sat in our places to eat all 3 courses of dinner, because yes, I would never not eat (I love food! And I was hungry!). But we still got up between courses to talk to guests, even though we already had a receiving line. 

    Even though we had a head table (with dates), I will agree the notion of a HT is silly. It is really difficult to carry on conversation with anyone except the two people on either side of you. I would have much preferred a King's Table, and that is what I initially wanted, but unfortunately it didn't work out well with the layout of the room and spacing of guest tables unless we put tables on the dance floor (which I dislike)- so we went with a HT that included SOs. 
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