Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

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Re: Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP - When you attend a wedding reception, which did you prefer - sitting next to your FI and enjoying his company the entire time OR managing to get through dinner on your own before you can meet up again?  

    My own sister wanted to have a head table and I gave her the riot act that I wanted to sit with my H, not her at the reception.  I told her all that you have already been told and she realized that sitting her WP with their dates was the way to go.  Please do the same.
    [Deleted User]
  • All this fuss over two grooms men's dates? You're crazy.
    madamerwinPrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensSP29
  • I have only been in 1 wedding. I love my friend who I stood by but I didn't know most of her family and friends. My husband didn't either. He would have had to sit at a table full of strangers without me if we hadn't been sat at a table together. That would have been awful for him, especially with his anxiety. You have to think about your bridal party and their dates feelings, not just what you want or how you have felt when it came to sitting by yourself. Not everyone is you.
    [Deleted User]
  • A&B567 said:

    I recently went to an OOT wedding where FI was BM – he spent the day running around doing errands for the bridal party, setting up the venue, getting ready… then standing up at the ceremony, a few hours for photos, then over to the reception where he sat at the head table.

    I spent the day being social, talking to strangers, introducing myself, chatting chatting chatting all day. Then more time with people I didn’t know at the ceremony, and again during the gap, and again during the reception without FI.

    And I say this as a super talkative outgoing extrovert – man, it would have been SO. NICE. to have been able to sit next to FI during dinner, take his arm, talk over the day, chat to other couples at the table, and raise a glass to the lovely couple.

    It was a nice day. It could have been even nicer.

    I've been in this situation recently as well. I've mentioned here before that I have slight social anxiety, so I spent most of cocktail hour on my own just watching people, and then (thankfully!) at dinner, one of the groom's friends realized I was uncomfortable and took me under his wing, introducing me to people and all. It was SO uncomfortable. My FI did his best when he could come see me, but I would have had a million times more fun if I could have dinner with him. 

    I hope this is MUD. I couldn't imagine anyone thinking this through and then deciding to make her guests uncomfortable because she's so special, they should just grit their teeth & deal with it. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Think I skipped over some drama here but as a fellow Chicagoan I need to chime in for OP's head table question.
    Unfortunately when a "head table" existed at all, I have only see bridal-party-only "head tables" and been part of them, separated from my SO. But stay with me here!! However, in lieu of head tables, many other couples have done sweetheart tables or sat with their very nearest as suggested on page one.
    We sat with my siblings and both sets of parents at a regular table.
    What I'm saying is I've never seen a 20-person head table including SOs. Any wedding where bridal party members sat with their SOs, they sat at regular tables... And I very much prefer it that way.
    Break the mold! Don't be rude.
    ________________________________


  • Completely agree with PPs and here's an example. When H and I were first dating we went to a wedding that was the first of his close friends. The bridal party had a head table and their dates were not seated with them. One of the GMs dates sat with us; she didn't know anyone at the table, was really shy, and hardly talked to anyone all night. The dinner was long and he came to be with her as soon as he could but she definitely went hours being uncomfortable. We all talked to her, but they had just started dating too (so had we) so it was just awkward all around. Fast forward 5 years and they're married now and I just felt bad that this clearly was a woman that was special to this GM who had to sit at a table full of his friends that she didn't know all night long. Please OP if you're still around and actually open to suggestions, make this easy for your friends and sit the bridal party with their SOs or dates.
    SP29
  • Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)
  • Additionally, I would try my absolute hardest to sit the SO's with people they know or would mesh with. I'm not a completely horrible person. 
  • I would be more open to suggestions if there were more. Pretty much all I've seen is "that's rude" "you're inconsiderate"

    With some research, I've seen that both scenarios are acceptable. 


  • edited December 2015
    Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)
    Head tables without SOs are also typical where I'm from. If I'd just asked around my circles I would have been told the same thing but the head table has always seemed weird to me (probably not helped by being an awkward teenager who had to sit at one between two groomsmen I didn't know at my aunts wedding - I hated every minute of dinner, even though they were very nice and tried to put me at ease).

    so we did a heads table and all wedding party members sat with their SOs. They were expecting to sit apart so we actually had a number of people say to us how nice it was that they could sit their SO.

    Be the person who pleasantly surprises their friends and family. 

    ETA formatting
    [Deleted User]wink0erin
  • Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)


    Boxes

    The bolded makes you sound like the type to expect your bridesmaids to bond and become besties just because they have the "honor" of both being in your wedding party. In some cases your WP could be small enough that maybe everyone is already friends but that's uncommon when you thik of siblings, cousins, work friends, high school/college/post grad friends.  

    You don't have to worry about seating the dates with people they will mesh with- just seat them with their dates.


    PrettyGirlLost
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    @ChicagoBride2017 , don't ask a question if you don't want to hear an answer.
    madamerwinPrettyGirlLost
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    Additionally, I would try my absolute hardest to sit the SO's with people they know or would mesh with. I'm not a completely horrible person. 

    I would be more open to suggestions if there were more. Pretty much all I've seen is "that's rude" "you're inconsiderate"

    With some research, I've seen that both scenarios are acceptable. 


    Suggestions:
    1) Sweetheart table for you and your spouse. Let the bridal party sit with their dates.
    2) Let the bridal party sit with their dates with you and your new spouse.
  • MegEn1MegEn1 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited December 2015
    Please also remember that when you ask your friends and people in your circle "Hey does this idea seem rude or stupid?" many times you're going to hear what they think you want to hear because they are your friends, and they believe that your happiness is more important than pointing out what a horrible idea separating dates would be. We don't know you. We don't care about you or your wedding. We're telling you what your loved ones likely won't because they do care about you. There's some serious added value in that, and that's why you asked here in the first place I'd imagine. 

    ETA: Prepositions. 

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
    madamerwin
  • edited December 2015
    @ChicagoBride2017 Hey OP, I have a question...  Why exactly do you want to do a head table?  So far you've explained that it's common in your circles, but is that the only reason why you want to do it?  Because everyone else does it? Or do you like the "look"? Please explain WHY you're so insistent on this head table. 

    Because... if one of those reasons the case, you're either:

    A ) Being rude to your guests because everyone else you know has also been rude OR
    B ) Being rude to your guests so you can get a "pretty" photo. 

    Both of which are horrible reasons. So I'm curious what YOUR reason is that makes you special enough to justify being rude to your guests. 
    --

    InLoveInQueens
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    Additionally, I would try my absolute hardest to sit the SO's with people they know or would mesh with. I'm not a completely horrible person. 
    I would be more open to suggestions if there were more. Pretty much all I've seen is "that's rude" "you're inconsiderate"

    With some research, I've seen that both scenarios are acceptable. 


    Suggestions: 1) Sweetheart table for you and your spouse. Let the bridal party sit with their dates. 2) Let the bridal party sit with their dates with you and your new spouse.
    3.  Have a sweetheart table, and or a head table with your BM and SO, MOH and SO or parents and seat the rest of the bridal party with their SO where you would have sat them had they not been in the BP.  
    image
  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle NYC 'burbs member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You've gotten more than enough suggestions. 

    Have a sweetheart table
    Seat the SOs at your head table 
    Sit at a table with your family 
    Chose a few friends to sit with, including their SOs 

    You basically just want people to tell you it's OK to seat your bridal party away from their SOs and anyone with any kind of knowledge of proper etiquette is not going to tell you that. 
    If it's not a big deal to sit away from your SO, maybe you and your new husband should sit at separate tables. 
    floridabride44SP29
  • I also will add my own personal story of a nightmare of a head table.  Hubby was a groomsmen recently. They had name tags for everyone at the wedding including head table.... They forgot his name tag at the head table and had already done all the place settings.. so last minute (ALL guests watching) They had to slide everyone together.. SO that looked great. THEN they forgot my name tag as well as 2 other wives... We didn't really know each other but because of that sat together. I knew no one else at this wedding.. a table of 3 that was to be a table of 8 looked great. I now know the gals a bit better but it was still very odd. Then they did the wedding party dance and a few other bridal party things.. My point. We traveled to the wedding hubby was gone for about 5 hours while I walked around downtown because of photos and whatever else.. Then they went to a bar.. then the head table.. then the dance.. and guess what ?? Up until that point I had liked the bride.. she was a major B that day in regards to some other things. Which sounds like OP is on the verge of being.  If you can't treat all of your guests with respect you have a lot of other issues other then having a head table.   And as I asked in my previous post. Why do you want one? Other then that's whats done.
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