Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

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Re: Bridal Party Dates at Head Table?

  • Well don't you sound like a peach. You'd rather be rude to guests and follow a stupid tradition than be polite to your nearest and set a new precedence for your group of friends. You're not doing table visits because OMG you love food so much, more than your guests it seems. And god forbid anyone leave during dinner because that's what you paid for and their meals are the only important thing (probably goes back to you loving food more than them...). Then you have the nerve to say that everyone replying to your question can't adult and that we're entitled...

    My SIL had a kings table with the wedding party and their dates, it was so nice to be able to sit with my BF at the time. At the time we had only been dating a couple of months so I would have been that random date you're complaining about and in just 2 years I married her brother.  

    We had a sweetheart table and I'm so glad we decided on that! We sat our wedding party at tables with the rest of our guests. So family members sat with family, friends sat with other friends and they had a great time because of it. Honestly after being separated from husband for much of the day getting ready it was really nice to just have a moment with him alone to eat. After we ate dinner we were up and mingling with guests until cake and then we got another quick minute alone. 
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
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    edited December 2015
    I would be more open to suggestions if there were more. Pretty much all I've seen is "that's rude" "you're inconsiderate"

    With some research, I've seen that both scenarios are acceptable. 


    Well, duh!  If pretty much everyone is telling you it's a shitty idea, it probably is!  I hope the light comes on for you and you realize that making guests comfortable so they have the best possible time trumps your "vision".   Stop being a GD child.
    InLoveInQueensOliveOilsMomsparklepants41
  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 Exit 21 (Jersey!) member
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    AddieCake said:
    If this isn't MUD, clearly the only reason you posted this is to bitch about this topic. You aren't interested in any of the alternatives to head tables that have been suggested.

    Do whatever you want. You're going to anyway, and this post has been a complete waste of everyone's time.  You deserve to have some wedding guests side eying you and talking shit about you behind your back, possibly for years to come if they are one of the SOs or members of your WP who are affected by this. I'm just sad for those people who will be made to feel uncomfortable in the process. 
    Ditto.  She asked if this really was a thing and when everyone says it's rude, she just keeps yapping for it - obviously not wanting opinions.  Troll.
    madamerwinHeffalumpSTARMOON44
  • I would love to see what research shows that splitting your wedding party from their SOs as an acceptable idea.   My assumption is that anything saying this is OK is written by the wedding industry and not an etiquette expert. 
  • As someone who is from the Midwest and has never been to a wedding without a Head Table that was exclusively WP, I understand how you may have never seen it. That doesn't make it acceptable.

    Over the summer FI and I went to our 4th wedding together, it like the previous 3 had a WP exclusive Head Table. The previous weddings we hadn't bee bothered by it since neither of us were in the WP but this time he was GM. I knew very few people at the wedding, in fact all of the couple's college friends were seated at a single table. A table that was full leaving me who only knew those 12 people at a table with the bride's cousins and another WP date.

    I was lonely and bored through the whole dinner, speeches, first dance and WP dance because the cousins had their own conversation about family stuff and the other date at our table only answered with single-word answers. I have 4 years of sorority recruitment experience so I can talk to just about anyone and understand how to keep a conversation going but I still could not engage with anyone at the table.

    Prior to this experience I too didn't understand how rude not seating the WP with their dates was, especially since I have never seen it done any other way. However I can assure you that it IS rude and not something that I will be doing at my wedding this summer. FI and I haven't decided yet if we will be doing a Sweetheart Table of a King's Table but we definitely won't be splitting up our WP and their dates.

    PrettyGirlLostInLoveInQueensOliveOilsMomSP29
  • ShesSoColdShesSoCold bend over and I'll show ya mod
    Moderator 5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)

    With this mentality, why have tables at all? I mean, they'll live standing with their dinners, right? Beyond that, who gives a shit?


    I also find it comical that someone who appears to be irrationally angry at the thought that people are more comfortable with their dates uses "adult" as a verb.

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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2015
    Just do what you want. I don't know why you even asked this question if you're not open to at least hearing any of the suggestions. The fact that every single person here told you this is rude to do to your guests, and you refuse to budge, speaks volumes about you. 

    FWIW, We had a sweetheart table that we barely sat at because we were up and about partying and dancing. We let our BP sit with their dates AND friends at separate tables. We did not separate our BP from their dates. A couple of GM brought "random dates" to the wedding, and were very happy to get to sit with them. It was more important for us to have our closest friends (because that's what the bridal party is) enjoy their evening with their dates while celebrating our marriage. But whatever, do you.
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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)

    With this mentality, why have tables at all? I mean, they'll live standing with their dinners, right? Beyond that, who gives a shit?


    I also find it comical that someone who appears to be irrationally angry at the thought that people are more comfortable with their dates uses "adult" as a verb.

    Also, I'd like to add that while socializing with others might not be so bad for you, there are people that do not enjoy socializing, or that have social anxiety issues. So, while you may enjoy socializing and making new gym buddies, this may be an extremely stressful situation for someone else. Maybe not anyone in your BP, but maybe one of their dates. And. C'mon. Be real. If there is a table full of people that know each other, especially other people with SO's, chances are that the one lone person may possibly feel left out. 

    Just because "this is the way it's always done", it doesn't mean it needs to be done. I don't really understand that mentality. Things would be a lot different if we went through life with that mentality.
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    JediElizabethPrettyGirlLostcharlotte989875
  • Clearly you just wanted to bitch and moan and be validated for having shitty plans, but you're not going to get that here. You were given a number of really good suggestions, which you refuse to take. This is what I imagine you to look like:


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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I love adult as a verb. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • So off main topic... but marginally related given that it has been used here -- I know that probably this is an unpopular opinion... but I kind of dig "adult" as a verb. it's terrible I know, but i still like it. 
    Same here. Adulting is what you do when you choose to do what you should instead of what you want....like paying bills instead of buying toys. Or putting others before your vision. ;)
    Me too... But OP is clearly not well-practiced in adulting.
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  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited December 2015
    pinkcow13 said:
    Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all  adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)

    With this mentality, why have tables at all? I mean, they'll live standing with their dinners, right? Beyond that, who gives a shit?


    I also find it comical that someone who appears to be irrationally angry at the thought that people are more comfortable with their dates uses "adult" as a verb.

    Also, I'd like to add that while socializing with others might not be so bad for you, there are people that do not enjoy socializing, or that have social anxiety issues. So, while you may enjoy socializing and making new gym buddies, this may be an extremely stressful situation for someone else. Maybe not anyone in your BP, but maybe one of their dates. And. C'mon. Be real. If there is a table full of people that know each other, especially other people with SO's, chances are that the one lone person may possibly feel left out. 

    Just because "this is the way it's always done", it doesn't mean it needs to be done. I don't really understand that mentality. Things would be a lot different if we went through life with that mentality.

    Be real?
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
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    lyndausvi said:





    I can manage to occupy myself for a meal without my FI next to me. I can't wrap my head around why this is such a huge deal.

    So when a friend hosts a party- because that's ALL a reception is, a glorified party- an you attended said party with an SO or a date and then you were separated from each other during dinner, wouldn't that seem bizarre and rude to you?  Especially if you didn't know anyone else you were forced to sit with?

    I can manage to occupy myself for a meal as well, but if I'm attending that meal with a specific date, why in the hell should I be expected to manage by myself? 

    The wedding ceremony is over by the time the reception begins, there is zero reason why the WP needs to sit with the B&G while they eat.  Zero.  I say this as a BM at least 10 times over; there was no reason for me to sit in the front of the room while everyone stared in our direction while I ate, especially when the B&G spent all of 10 minutes at their head tables ><

    Well I know a lot of people who have assigned seat a dinner parties.   Often the couple is split up in terms of they are at the same TABLE, just not next to them.  That is not unusual.

    However, what is unusual is to pick and choose who gets to sit with their partners and who doesn't.  If you have 50 couples, it's very odd to say 5 couples can't sit together but the other 45 can't.


    Not one person has offered a good reason why we single out our nearest and dearest.

    Well yeah, when we go out to dinner I prefer to sit across from my DH not right next to him, and I'd expect the same at a dinner party in a house. It would be very odd to me to be separated by several people from my DH.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Sweetheart tables are the best
    MegEn1
  • Geese, it's just dinner for crying out loud! I'm not holding the BP hostage and saying they can't see their SO at all. It's for a few hours. We are all adults and heaven forbid we have to socialize with people we don't know for a bit. Maybe you gain a new friend or find a new workout buddy. It's really not that bad. I'm attending a wedding in Jan and I will only know 3 ppl (FI, bride and groom) and I'm gonna put on my big girl pants and socialize like a GD adult. 

    When end did everyone become a bunch of whining ninnies because they have to be away from this SO for a meal. 

    A wedding is is a different social event than a typical dinner party, thus a TEMPORARY seating arraignment. It's kind of a given that if you or SO is part of a wedding party and the other isn't, you won't see each other for most of the day. 

    I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)
    You're talking out of both sides of your ass now, as my mother would say.  Those statements contradict themselves.

    You've asked a random sampling of women from all over the US and the world that have and have not been married, and have been in and been to an asston of weddings about this topic, and the answer is a resounding "Head Tables w/o wedding party dates and SO's are fucking rude. Period."

    But obviously you are looking for validation, so another wedding site might be more suited to your needs.

    I don't want to sit with my DH at dinner because he's my security blanket and I can't socialize with other people for upwards of 8 hours. . . I want to sit with him at dinner because frankly I'm fucking over you and your wedding by the time dinner has rolled around.  I've already stood around for hours while you got ready, posed for pre ceremony pictures, walked down the aisle, stood during your ceremony, stood through more pictures, waited around outside of cocktail hour so that we could all be introduced (even though everyone already knows who you are and no one gives two shits who the rest of us are).  I'm pretty much sick of being with you and the WP at this point!

    I'm being a little harsh, but I'm trying to make a point.
    ExACTly this!!!  I'd like to eat dinner while mocking with my boyfriend that silly blonde bridesmaid who has been hitting on your brother for the last two days.  I want to taste a bite of my boyfriend's chicken while he takes some of my salmon.  And if I have to listen to the best man belch one more time, I'm going to fucking lose it.  I'm done being a bridesmaid.  Just let me be a friend.  Let me do what I want to do and sit with whom I like best.  I'll be much more likely to join you on the dance floor if I'm enjoying myself than if I've been relegated to Head Table Purgatory for the entire evening.
    spockforprezPrettyGirlLostSP29

  • I asked ppl that have and have not been married weather they have seen SO sitting with the BP and it's a resounding "No"

    This has to be a new thing going on where we can't adult for a majority of a day without a security blanket (SO)
    ChicagoBride2017 I told you I've seen a head tables with SOs included. In Midwest weddings. Twice. In the last two years.
    In fact in my Good/Bad/Ugly post on this thread: http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1015447/wedding-season-is-starting-time-for-new-bad-invites-updated/p2
    I even stated that it was one of the only things good about a terribly hosted wedding.

    I didn't think they were weird. I thought they were awesome because it meant that the bride & groom cared more about their friends' comfort than they did about a uniform looking photo or some "tradition" that serves no purpose other than making the evening less fun for your bridal party and their dates.



    Your bridal party and their dates will enjoy themselves more if they get to sit together. You've never denied that this is likely. Yet you still insist they should just deal with it.
    What kind of person actively chooses to make their friends less comfortable?

    Your nearest and dearest will be happier with their dates.

    A good, considerate person would let wedding party sit with their dates, be it via sweetheart table, king's table, head table with just B&G and their parents, or head table with dates included.
    A selfish person would put whatever photo-op/vision/whatever the eff the reasoning is over their friends' comfort.

    It's really that simple.


    madamerwinPrettyGirlLost
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