Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

LinzMariee · January 2014

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.

manateehugger · January 2014

Listen to the friends that say it's super tacky. A honeymoon registry basically asks for cash (always rude) and deceives your guests (they think they are buying you an excursion with dolphins, but really you are just getting a check in the mail from Honey Fund - possible less service fees).

Make a small registry of nice upgrades (because who can't use new towels, sheets, or small appliances?) and tell anyone who asks what you'd like that you're saving up for a honeymooon. home repairs, whatever, but only after they ask and express interest in getting you something. Guests know that cash is a good gift; you don't have to register for it.

Here's how I think honeymoon registries basically function:

Your Friend: "LinzMariee, what do you want to do for your birthday? We can go out or take a ladies weekend trip?"

You: "I don't feel like doing much of anything, but you can totally give me the money you were going to spend doing that!"

See how rude and insane that would sound? That's basically what honeymoon registries do.

NYCMercedes · January 2014

LinzMariee said:

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.

There are several threads on this board regarding honeymoon funds. The consensus is that they are horribly rude for the reasons PDKH wrote. Please listen to your friends who tell you not to do it.

chibiyui · January 2014

Honeymoon registries are tacky, don't do it.

If you want cash, keep your registry small. People will get the hint.

kmmssg · January 2014

Honeymoon fund = super duper tacky.

MNVegas · January 2014

Congratulations on your engagement and welcome to the boards.

To answer your question, asking for cash even disguised as a HM registry is always inappropriate.

Follow PDKH's advice. Happy wedding planning!

MyNameIsNot · January 2014

Please don't do the honeyfund. Outside of being rude, it's deceitful to your guests and wastes money.

Simply spread the word that you are saving for the honeymoon, home renovations, whatever. People who are comfortable giving money will put it in an envelope. No lies, no fees. People who aren't comfortable giving money will shop at BB&B.

KatWAG · January 2014

OP, it really isn't a question at all. HM funds are super tacky. They are deceitful and a 'clever' way to ask for cash.

RebeccaB88 · January 2014

What made you think your question was any different than any of the other threads on this board about honeymoon registries? Your question was answered multiple times there.

Gizmo813 · January 2014

My FI and I are in our 30's and have been living together for 2 years. I've been living on my own for 10 years. We already have a fully furnished apartment, and are trying to save money to buy a house within a year after our wedding. (And we live in NJ, so saving for a down payment for ANYTHING is no small task).

I am using Hatch My House registry. We are also doing a small, more traditional registry for upgrades to appliances, serving stuff, towels, etc. Everybody I've mentioned Hatch My House to has very sincerely said that they thought the idea was wonderful. Some friends stumbled upon the fact that we were using it by visiting our website, and they, without prompting, said it was an awesome idea.

But, we understand that there are people who do prefer to give an actual gift, and we could use upgrades to a lot of our stuff. Which is why we are also having a small traditional registry and letting our guests decide which, if anything, they would like to do for us.

climbingsingle · January 2014

It's tacky! Don't do it! I'm in my 30s and FI is 40. We have more than enough. We're not registering for anything.

photokitty · January 2014

Gizmo813 said:

My FI and I are in our 30's and have been living together for 2 years. I've been living on my own for 10 years. We already have a fully furnished apartment, and are trying to save money to buy a house within a year after our wedding. (And we live in NJ, so saving for a down payment for ANYTHING is no small task).

I am using Hatch My House registry. We are also doing a small, more traditional registry for upgrades to appliances, serving stuff, towels, etc. Everybody I've mentioned Hatch My House to has very sincerely said that they thought the idea was wonderful. Some friends stumbled upon the fact that we were using it by visiting our website, and they, without prompting, said it was an awesome idea.

But, we understand that there are people who do prefer to give an actual gift, and we could use upgrades to a lot of our stuff. Which is why we are also having a small traditional registry and letting our guests decide which, if anything, they would like to do for us.

This is the same thing as a honeymoon registry - hidden fees and lies about what the money actually pays for. Do not do this.

If you want money, don't register or have a very small registry. People will get the hint or ask. If they ask you can say, we are saving for a house or house repairs.

EVERYONE knows money is always an appropriate and appreciated gift, you don't have to register for it. Your guests know you want it, don't be rude and tell them.

manateehugger · January 2014

Gizmo813 said:

My FI and I are in our 30's and have been living together for 2 years. I've been living on my own for 10 years. We already have a fully furnished apartment, and are trying to save money to buy a house within a year after our wedding. (And we live in NJ, so saving for a down payment for ANYTHING is no small task).

I am using Hatch My House registry. We are also doing a small, more traditional registry for upgrades to appliances, serving stuff, towels, etc. Everybody I've mentioned Hatch My House to has very sincerely said that they thought the idea was wonderful. Some friends stumbled upon the fact that we were using it by visiting our website, and they, without prompting, said it was an awesome idea.

But, we understand that there are people who do prefer to give an actual gift, and we could use upgrades to a lot of our stuff. Which is why we are also having a small traditional registry and letting our guests decide which, if anything, they would like to do for us.

There are credit card processing costs, money transfer costs and administrative costs to use the 'Services' provided by Hatch My House. To cover these costs, Hatch My House charges a low transaction fee of 5.9% (which includes the PayPal fee) on each gift, paid by either the 'Donor' or the 'Recipient'. If a 'Recipient' receives a $100 gift, they will actually only receive $94.10, unless their 'Donor' opts to pay this fee for the 'Recipient'. In that case, the 'Recipient' will receive the total gift amount, plus or minus a few cents. Historically on Hatch My House, 'Donor's' have opted to pay this fee for the 'Recipient' 75% of the time, making the fee to the 'Recipient' very low.

@Gizmo813 So you're going to register for cash (because this thing is another form of a registry for cash just like a honeymoon registry), and allow them to take nearly 6% of every gift donated to you?!?!

Why?! Just don't register. People will give you cash, and you will get to keep that 6% and not look tacky!

Edited to add source: http://www.hatchmyhouse.com/footer/contact-us/faq#transactionfee

Jen4948 · January 2014

Don't do it.

If you do, a big chunk of the "gifts" will be taken by the HoneyFund for fees. If you don't register, you can keep all of whatever cash you get without having to fork over a big percentage, and you don't look tacky.

vt&dt · January 2014

I have to echo PPs.

It's rude. It's tacky. It's a thinly veiled way of asking for money, which is rude and tacky. Plus, your guests are likely deceived about what they're really giving - they think it's a nice dinner on your honeymoon, you get a check for their amount minus 6 - 10 % in fees.

I'd be really upset if I gave someone $200 to swim with the dolphins and realized they didn't swim with dolphins and got $180 in a check later.

swyatt2014 · January 2014

I get people what they ask for - whether its a registry gift or cash. I would only view it as tacky if I know the person has "tacky" qualities LOL if that makes sense.

ashley82488 · January 2014

LinzMariee said:

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.

I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.

I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.

It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

manateehugger · January 2014

ashley82488 said:

show previous quotes

LinzMariee said:

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.

I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.
I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.
It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL but she should take your horrible "do what you want advice"?

JoanE2012 · January 2014

Gizmo813 said:

My FI and I are in our 30's and have been living together for 2 years. I've been living on my own for 10 years. We already have a fully furnished apartment, and are trying to save money to buy a house within a year after our wedding. (And we live in NJ, so saving for a down payment for ANYTHING is no small task).

I am using Hatch My House registry. We are also doing a small, more traditional registry for upgrades to appliances, serving stuff, towels, etc. Everybody I've mentioned Hatch My House to has very sincerely said that they thought the idea was wonderful. Some friends stumbled upon the fact that we were using it by visiting our website, and they, without prompting, said it was an awesome idea.

But, we understand that there are people who do prefer to give an actual gift, and we could use upgrades to a lot of our stuff. Which is why we are also having a small traditional registry and letting our guests decide which, if anything, they would like to do for us.

Excuses.

DH and I are in our mid 30s. We also live in NJ, in one of the most expensive counties. We lived together for a year and prior to that I owned a condo for 10 years. We started saving for our down payment a couple of years ago. We used our own money and bought a house 6 months after we were married. We did not ask for any help with the down payment.

Also, I would never tell anyone their idea was crappy to their face. Would these people who think it's "wonderful" still feel the same way if they knew the site took a 5.9% fee? Wouldn't it be smarter to, I dunno......just write a check directly to the couple? Everyone knows cash is well received.

JoanE2012 · January 2014

ashley82488 said:

show previous quotes

LinzMariee said:

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.

I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.
I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.
It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

This is a poor excuse.

The most important rule about money is not to count on it until you have it. Sorry your parents aren't paying for then honeymoon they said they would, but that isn't a valid reason to create a honeymoon registry. If you cannot afford it, then save up and take one when you can.

What if you only get a couple people giving you gifts of money to your honeymoon? If you don't have the money and still can't go, how is that going to make those people feel who THINK they are giving you a dinner on the beach or whatever.

And the "it's your wedding, do what you want" needs to die. Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore.

chinachanel · January 2014

I think it is completely ridiculous for anyone to say that ANYTHING regarding your wedding is tacky. Who are they to say anything about your wedding? The way I see it, you could do every single cliche "tacky" thing for your wedding, but if that was truly what you wanted to do, then it is perfect and no one should say anything about it. As far as a honeymoon registry goes, I myself am doing one and not registering for gifts. If a guest is going to spend money period, be it an actual item or to help pay for me to kayak in Jamaica, whats the difference? I don't see how it is any tackier to ask for someone to buy you something for your house then to ask for them to help you pay for your honeymoon. And honestly, who really cares. I can say that after spending this much money on a wedding, the last thing I care about is if someone is going to think I am tacky or not. If that was the case, that person probably doesn't belong at your big day anyway. This is YOUR day and you can do whatever the heck you want. Do your honeymoon registry and have the best honeymoon you can!

MobKaz · January 2014

chinachanel said:

I think it is completely ridiculous for anyone to say that ANYTHING regarding your wedding is tacky. Who are they to say anything about your wedding? The way I see it, you could do every single cliche "tacky" thing for your wedding, but if that was truly what you wanted to do, then it is perfect and no one should say anything about it. As far as a honeymoon registry goes, I myself am doing one and not registering for gifts. If a guest is going to spend money period, be it an actual item or to help pay for me to kayak in Jamaica, whats the difference? I don't see how it is any tackier to ask for someone to buy you something for your house then to ask for them to help you pay for your honeymoon. And honestly, who really cares. I can say that after spending this much money on a wedding, the last thing I care about is if someone is going to think I am tacky or not. If that was the case, that person probably doesn't belong at your big day anyway. This is YOUR day and you can do whatever the heck you want. Do your honeymoon registry and have the best honeymoon you can!

I have no energy left for anything else.......

manateehugger · January 2014

chinachanel said:

I think it is completely ridiculous for anyone to say that ANYTHING regarding your wedding is tacky. Who are they to say anything about your wedding? The way I see it, you could do every single cliche "tacky" thing for your wedding, but if that was truly what you wanted to do, then it is perfect and no one should say anything about it. As far as a honeymoon registry goes, I myself am doing one and not registering for gifts. If a guest is going to spend money period, be it an actual item or to help pay for me to kayak in Jamaica, whats the difference? I don't see how it is any tackier to ask for someone to buy you something for your house then to ask for them to help you pay for your honeymoon. And honestly, who really cares. I can say that after spending this much money on a wedding, the last thing I care about is if someone is going to think I am tacky or not. If that was the case, that person probably doesn't belong at your big day anyway. This is YOUR day and you can do whatever the heck you want. Do your honeymoon registry and have the best honeymoon you can!

Because a registry doesn't ask for anything, it suggests your tastes to a guest who wants to give you a gift. A honeymoon registry suggests that people fork over cash to you (and worse yet, it charges you fees for the guests to fork over cash and it completely deceives them about what the cash is for).

You realize the world doesn't start revolving around you because you are getting married, right?

Scrappytimes · January 2014

It's YOUR day so do what you want. It's not tacky. People want to gift things that are meaningful and what better way than to help make the honeymoon a little more special. I love giving couples money over gifts because they can use it for whatever they want.

jneen101 · January 2014

Scrappytimes said:

I love giving couples money over gifts because they can use it for whatever they want.

People who love giving money will just continue to give money. No one needs to be told to give money. I love giving money too but I don't want to have a percentage of that money taken away when I could just write a check. Writing a check is really, really easy.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

Scrappytimes said:

It's YOUR day so do what you want. It's not tacky. People want to gift things that are meaningful and what better way than to help make the honeymoon a little more special. I love giving couples money over gifts because they can use it for whatever they want.

But do you really need a registry to tell you this? Because that is exactly what Honeyfund does. I am sure you were capable of writing that check or stuffing that card with bills without a registry telling you that it was a welcomed gift.

ashley82488 · January 2014

chinachanel said:

I think it is completely ridiculous for anyone to say that ANYTHING regarding your wedding is tacky. Who are they to say anything about your wedding? The way I see it, you could do every single cliche "tacky" thing for your wedding, but if that was truly what you wanted to do, then it is perfect and no one should say anything about it. As far as a honeymoon registry goes, I myself am doing one and not registering for gifts. If a guest is going to spend money period, be it an actual item or to help pay for me to kayak in Jamaica, whats the difference? I don't see how it is any tackier to ask for someone to buy you something for your house then to ask for them to help you pay for your honeymoon. And honestly, who really cares. I can say that after spending this much money on a wedding, the last thing I care about is if someone is going to think I am tacky or not. If that was the case, that person probably doesn't belong at your big day anyway. This is YOUR day and you can do whatever the heck you want. Do your honeymoon registry and have the best honeymoon you can!

Well put. Thank you.

mkrourke · January 2014

My fiance and I are doing a honeymoon registry where guests may gift us certificates to be used toward our accommodations or travel. We are going to be consolidating two households (currently living across country from each other) and our wedding is in a state where neither of us currently reside. We were concerned about the logistics of trying to move gifts from the wedding state to our new home state in the midst of this big relocation. We have been very honest with friends and family about the situation and many people have commented on how unique and creative it was to set up a honeymoon registry. (As a side note, our travel agent set up our honeymoon registry personally without using an online site or service. She has been wonderful to work with and sending guests a gift certificate to include in their wedding card to let us know they gifted toward our honeymoon)

NYCBruin · January 2014

Why am I not surprised that people who are shitty at budgeting/managing their finances think honeymoon funds/house funds are wonderful ideas? Put aside the etiquette issues for a moment, if you think that using a service that will take 5% of the money people give you is a good idea, no wonder you are in the position where you "need" help paying for x, y or z. What you really NEED is a good book on budgeting.

ashley82488 · January 2014

JoanE2012 said:

show previous quotes

ashley82488 said:

LinzMariee said:

Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt.

I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.
I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.
It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!

This is a poor excuse.

The most important rule about money is not to count on it until you have it. Sorry your parents aren't paying for then honeymoon they said they would, but that isn't a valid reason to create a honeymoon registry. If you cannot afford it, then save up and take one when you can.

What if you only get a couple people giving you gifts of money to your honeymoon? If you don't have the money and still can't go, how is that going to make those people feel who THINK they are giving you a dinner on the beach or whatever.

And the "it's your wedding, do what you want" needs to die. Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore.

Quite honestly...I can give a flying crap about what you think. IT'S MY WEDDING AND I DO WHAT I WANT & IF I WANT TO GIVE ADVICE I WILL. I think that it is very sensible advice for people who actually live in 2014. Times have changed.

Maggie0829 · January 2014

mkrourke said:

My fiance and I are doing a honeymoon registry where guests may gift us certificates to be used toward our accommodations or travel. We are going to be consolidating two households (currently living across country from each other) and our wedding is in a state where neither of us currently reside. We were concerned about the logistics of trying to move gifts from the wedding state to our new home state in the midst of this big relocation. We have been very honest with friends and family about the situation and many people have commented on our unique and creative it was to set up a honeymoon registry.

Are you able to cover the entire cost of your HM without any help from your friends and family?

Also, if you didn't want boxed gifts then you just don't register. When you don't register people get the idea that you just want money. And since you will be moving people will also know that money/checks travel the best.

Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

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