Registering and Gifts

Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

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Re: Honey Funds- To do or not to do, that is the question??

  • We are in the same position. Both in our 30s and have everything we need. I'd rather be able to do something fun than get things we don't need. We had friends do this and I thought it was great. They had a smaller wedding and included that they would appreciate donations to their honeymoon fund. Nothing was through a registry so there were no fees. Do people still consider it tackey? I don't at all.
    LinzMarieeStacyM0274
  • Also, we purchased our honeymoon on our own, without worries of stretching finances too thin; it was a choice, not a lack of money management skills.
    amalia1020LinzMarieeStacyM0274
  • I think guests shouldn't be so opinionated. They are getting a huge party with free food. People should feel honored they were tought of to be invited. Weddings should express the bride and groom so they can enjoy it. NOT only to make guests happy. I would never judge someone's wedding. Overly opinionated guests are tackey.
    andosfianceematos85LinzMarieeStacyM0274
  • First off, who said giving a present is expected at a wedding, or any other event?  No one is obligated to give a present--they give a present/cash because they want to help celebrate a couple and their future.  When you invite people to your wedding, you invite them to celebrate this new chapter in your life---you don't invite them to get presents/cash.  All those come from the goodness of their hearts.  The whole "you give as much as a plate costs" tactic is ridiculous.  You give something meaningful to the couple, whether cash or a present, and that's that.  I once had a friend that just wanted to invite some rich people to her wedding because she knew she'd get cash from them--she also wanted to write "Cash Preferred" on the invitation.  Needless to say, we're not friends anymore.
    doeydoRebeccaB88PrettyGirlLost
  • Personally, I wouldn't find it tacky, though I have never been to a wedding where a couple has done this, so I'm not sure how I'd feel about it.  I do know that several of those honeymoon fund websites take a percentage of the money your guests give you, which is why I would not do it.  I also prefer giving my guests the option of what they want to give me so that the gift is more personal.  So I'd probably advise as others have to not do it.  But I have friends who put on their website that they are going to Disney for their honeymoon, and they requested Disney gift cards for them to use on their trip.  I think this is a great idea, and depending where you guys are planning on going, that might be a more appropriate option for you.  Good luck :)
    LinzMariee
  • I am doing a Honeymoon Registry through Liberty Travel.  We already have our honeymoon picked out and booked and the final payment is due soon after my shower.  Liberty provides insert cards to include with the shower invites and directs our guests to call our travel agent to give funds towards our honeymoon.  I went back and forth with a few people on this, trying to decide if it was tacky or not, and the general consensus (from a variety of age groups) was to go for it as this is a nice "alternative" gift for those who would normally just buy a gift card or once the registry becomes more limited.  I think that honeymoon registries are becoming a lot more common and as they are, I think they are becoming much more acceptable.  I say go for it and don't listen to anyone who says it's tacky.  Heck - even my gram thought it was a good idea and she's very traditional!
    LinzMarieeStacyM0274
  • Holy cow! Are all the people saying its tacky in their forties or older? Young people can hardly afford to have a wedding, let alone a honeymoon. My fiancé and I are in our early twenties and blessed with good jobs, a nice home with home amenities. We want a few things but not a lot since we are planning to build later on and don't want to move a bunch of stuff. I have quite a few girlfriends who have wedding gifts they never even use or have opened! We are doing a honeymoon registry and are damn glad about it. I could care less if people think it's "tacky" buy us a damn gift then or better yet. Don't come to our wedding! People who love, care, and know us will know we aren't being deceitful, rude, tacky or anything of the sort. If that's what you want to do then do it.
    andosfianceamalia1020StacyM0274javalyssa
  • MckaylaLeeMckaylaLee
    First Comment First Anniversary
    member
    edited January 2014

    mkrourke said:
    My fiance and I are doing a honeymoon registry where guests may gift us certificates to be used toward our accommodations or travel. We are going to be consolidating two households (currently living across country from each other) and our wedding is in a state where neither of us currently reside. We were concerned about the logistics of trying to move gifts from the wedding state to our new home state in the midst of this big relocation. We have been very honest with friends and family about the situation and many people have commented on how unique and creative it was to set up a honeymoon registry. (As a side note, our travel agent set up our honeymoon registry personally without using an online site or service. She has been wonderful to work with and sending guests a gift certificate to include in their wedding card to let us know they gifted toward our honeymoon)
    Thank you, mkrourke. I am going to look into using AAA as a travel agent and try to set up something through there. I am in the same position (why have guests put money into things we already have? I am not going to ask for top of the line items, which most wedding registeries are based on..). I hope most people will look positively at a honey-moon registery, especially one by a reputable company like AAA. And if I was going to use a site, I go for one where we pay all fees beforehand and gifts can come into us as received. I appreciate this feedback very much.

    ~MK

    <img src="http://global.theknot.com/tickers/tt19673c.aspx" alt="Wedding Countdown Ticker" border="0"  /></a>
  • The last 3 weddings I have been to have all had honeymoon registries. I don't find it tacky at all, in fact I would much rather put money towards a cool experience than a blender.
    ashley82488
  • Wow. Some people on here are really mean! I thought the purpose of The Knot was to give each other kind and uplifting advice? I've had a couple friends do Honeyfund and I never considered it tacky. I haven't decided what to do, but my fiancé and are both in our 30s, good jobs, don't need money and certainly don't need more stuff in our house. Would it be bad to not register anywhere? I honestly wouldn't mind getting no gifts at all. I'm really not sure what to do and I wasn't worried about being considered rude until reading through this message board. Geesh!!
    kates919
  • nar1982 said:
    Wow. Some people on here are really mean! I thought the purpose of The Knot was to give each other kind and uplifting advice? I've had a couple friends do Honeyfund and I never considered it tacky. I haven't decided what to do, but my fiancé and are both in our 30s, good jobs, don't need money and certainly don't need more stuff in our house. Would it be bad to not register anywhere? I honestly wouldn't mind getting no gifts at all. I'm really not sure what to do and I wasn't worried about being considered rude until reading through this message board. Geesh!!
    There's nothing rude about not registering.  It's always rude to ask for money, no matter how the ask is dressed up.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    doeydoRebeccaB88PrettyGirlLost
  • People are so quick to mark these things as "TACKY! NO QUESTION!" without any thought. There are so many couples (including me and my fiancé) that have been together for so long and don't need much more in our home. We would never insist on people getting us a gift at all, but if they would like to spend money on us in addition to what they're paying to be able to attend then I don't think it's unreasonable to allow them the option to fund your dream honeymoon! The only way this could be tacky is if you're lying and actual use the money for something else. We can definitely afford our own honeymoon, however I think anyone would love to be able to help you have an even better time (better food, more excursions, etc) if possible! You just have to be truthful and tell your guests out-right how it works and whether there are fees associated with giving towards your honeymoon fund. For us, we're using HoneyFund and there is the option of allowing the guest to "purchase" part of the trip, and then they simply write you a check and print out a sort of "gift certificate" for what they would like you to use the money for. The website does not take any percentage of that gift, but if you choose to allow your guests to use their credit card or whatever, then of course there's fees associated with that. It's only if you don't inform your guests of these things that you're being rude/deceitful I think. 
  • It is not tacky or wrong to register for a honey fund. It is something new and older people are just not custom to it. Gifts such as appliances are bought from cash and if you already have everything you need then it is being considerate. All my friends prefer to give me cash for our wedding because they would rather see that their gift is actually being used and appreciated and they say it is easier than to go buy a gift. Also most of my family lives in another city so it is easier for them to go to honey find to give us a gift.
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member


    JoanE2012 said:





    Hi!! New to theknot as of the 29th! We just got engaged  ( after being together for 10 years ). We have been together and living together for 10 years now, he is 34 and I am 32. We could always use new things by registering however we do have most things that new couples would probably register for and need. I was considering just doing a honeyfund and maybe registering at BBB. I have had some friends tell me it is super tackey and others say they have done it and loved it. I honestly don't know what to do at all?? Help, suggestions, input - harsh truth is fine my feelings won't get hurt. :) 




    I have been in the same position as you. Asked this question and had people attack me. Only difference I got defensive and lets just say it wasn't pretty.

    I am in the same position as you. My fiance and I live together and we already have everything that we need. I plan on doing a Honeymoon Registry through Honeyfund as well as registering for a few things at BBB. My parents were supposed to pay for my Honeymoon but that fell through. I didn't budget for the Honeymoon when planning my wedding so I think that doing a Honeymoon Registry is fine.

    It's your wedding. Do what you want. I don't suggest taking advice on this topic from people on the Internet.

     

    Congratulations & Good Luck with your planning!!


    This is a poor excuse.  

    The most important rule about money is not to count on it until you have it.  Sorry your parents aren't paying for then honeymoon they said they would, but that isn't a valid reason to create a honeymoon registry.  If you cannot afford it, then save up and take one when you can. 

    What if you only get a couple people giving you gifts of money to your honeymoon?  If you don't have the money and still can't go, how is that going to make those people feel who THINK they are giving you a dinner on the beach or whatever.

    And the "it's your wedding, do what you want" needs to die.  Once you invite guests, it's not your wedding anymore.



    Quite honestly...I can give a flying crap about what you think. IT'S MY WEDDING AND I DO WHAT I WANT & IF I WANT TO GIVE ADVICE I WILL. I think that it is very sensible advice for people who actually live in 2014. Times have changed.


    WE NEED A CARTMAN GIF IN HERE STAT.

    image



    Anniversary
    doeydojenna8984PrettyGirlLost
  • LollyBeansLollyBeans
    First Comment
    member
    edited January 2014
    What does everyone not understand about the whole "If you don't need anything do not register. Your guests will get the hint that you want money and will give you what you want." aspect that has been said over and over again?

    It honestly depends on who you know. I am aware for a fact that if I had not said to my stepmother "I would honestly prefer money to help cover the expenses of the wedding/pay off my student loan/not live in a bachelor apartment/etc" she and all of her family would have bought me 5 blenders, regardless of whether or not I had registered.
    Some people are stupid. Some people are stubborn. Some people are stupid and stubborn and they need a bit of nudging.

    I think you should maybe take a step back from your computer, and this thread. You've said your piece, you've given your opinion, and that's honestly all that's needed. You're cluttering up this woman's thread with the exact same message over and over and you're getting progressively more insulting with each comment that you make. There's no need to get so angry over it. We get it - you think it's rude. Your opinion has been shared, never fear - you aren't going to convince anyone that 'you're right', though, so why waste your time?
    Ms2MrsViney
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Do people not understand that Aunt Sally isn't buying you dinner on the beach? She thinks she is, but really, you just get a check for $93. I understand that people want memories instead of physical gifts and I have no problem with it. My problem is Aunt Sally thinks she's buying you a lovely dinner memory, but she's not.
    RebeccaB88PrettyGirlLost
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