When to throw engagement party?

Alh728

So-I am just looking for some input on when would be the best time to throw an engagment party. Everywhere i read says 9-12 months before the wedding... but i also see "within a few months of engagement/at the start of serious planning". We got engaged on Thanksgiving (11/28/13), and we are in the beginning stages of planning (researching venues/starting to make apptmts) for a Fall 2015 wedding. We were thinking maybe May 2014 to do the engagement party (6 months after engagment, and about 16-18 months from an intended wedding date). I feel like if i push off engagment party closer to wedding date it well be so long after actually being engaged that it feels kinda tacky? Like as if only for gifts (I mean of course we look forward to gifts)?

 

I keep thinking into this so much-any opinions/feedback is appreciated!

MyNameIsNot

Alh728 said:

So-I am just looking for some input on when would be the best time to throw an engagment party. Everywhere i read says 9-12 months before the wedding... but i also see "within a few months of engagement/at the start of serious planning". We got engaged on Thanksgiving (11/28/13), and we are in the beginning stages of planning (researching venues/starting to make apptmts) for a Fall 2015 wedding. We were thinking maybe May 2014 to do the engagement party (6 months after engagment, and about 16-18 months from an intended wedding date). I feel like if i push off engagment party closer to wedding date it well be so long after actually being engaged that it feels kinda tacky? Like as if only for gifts (I mean of course we look forward to gifts)?

 

I keep thinking into this so much-any opinions/feedback is appreciated!

You can't throw your own engagement party.

If someone were going to throw one for you, they would have approached you about it already and they would have offered dates.  

Maggie0829

Well first, you don't throw they engagement party. If someone close to you wants to throw one then they will. If not, then no engagement party for you.  You never throw parties in your own honor.

Oh and typically engagement parties are non-gift giving parties, say for maybe a few bottles of wine or liquor, so expecting gifts is tacky.

KatWAG

Who offered to throw you an engagement party? When do they want to host it? 

I think engagement parties should happen within 3-4 months of being engaged. Also, remember that anyone invited to the engagement party must be invited to the wedding. 

climbingsingle

It's tacky to throw your own engagement party. And I could be wrong, but engagement parties aren't typically gift-giving events. 

Alh728

I hate that people can't just answer my question. I didn't say I was hosting my own party but if you really need to know I will be assisting my mother hosting it. And being my mother is 50 years old there are some things about throwing a wedding that have changed and this is info we both need. So unless you are commenting to help me adress my question (as that is what The Knot is for-to ASSIST other brides to be) take your replies and shove em.

 

Thanks.

Maggie0829

Alh728 said:

I hate that people can't just answer my question. I didn't say I was hosting my own party but if you really need to know I will be assisting my mother hosting it. And being my mother is 50 years old there are some things about throwing a wedding that have changed and this is info we both need. So unless you are commenting to help me adress my question (as that is what The Knot is for-to ASSIST other brides to be) take your replies and shove em.

 

Thanks.

Well aren't you lovely.

You shouldn't be assisting your Mom in throwing an engagement party either.  And my other point still stands about the gifts.

And you are making your Mom sound like she was born in the 1800's.  She is 50 not ancient.  And waiting until May is too long before throwing an engagement party.  I think having one now or in the near future is too late as well.

Cookie Pusher

Wow, your post had an unnecessarily rude tone @Alh728. No one here was being rude to you - simply letting you know that it is against etiquette to host your own shower as your original post made it sound as if you were planing to do just that. None of the posters were mean or insulting, just stating facts.

I'm pretty sure @KatWag gave you some useful info in her post. Engagement parties should be thrown relatively near to the date of the engagement. But, if you prefer, I'll take my reply and find a place to shove it.

manateehugger

Alh728 said:

I hate that people can't just answer my question. I didn't say I was hosting my own party but if you really need to know I will be assisting my mother hosting it. And being my mother is 50 years old there are some things about throwing a wedding that have changed and this is info we both need. So unless you are commenting to help me adress my question (as that is what The Knot is for-to ASSIST other brides to be) take your replies and shove em.

 

Thanks.

Well this response was entirely uncalled for and immature. People gave you the answer you asked for - engagement parties should be held within 3-4- months of becoming engaged. And yes, people gave you added advice that you should not be hosting or co-hosting your own party. You make your mother sound like a senile idiot since she's *gasp* 50!

Alh728

I apologize for my rude tone but it is super frustrating when people continue to say the same thing instead of help me get the info i need. Planning a wedding isn't the most glamorous thing-seriously already stressed.

antibride2013

I think your past the time line for a engagement party.  And like PP said-It is super rude and tacky to host, or even co-host your own party.  Just skip the engagement party, it really isn't important. 

Alh728

antibride2013 said:

I think your past the time line for a engagement party.  And like PP said-It is super rude and tacky to host, or even co-host your own party.  Just skip the engagement party, it really isn't important. 

That was the honest advice I was looking for. THANK YOU.

climbingsingle

Well, aren't you a peach! 

I think you're past time time of an engagement party. IMO, 6 months after is too long. 

Maggie0829

Alh728 said:

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antibride2013 said:

I think your past the time line for a engagement party.  And like PP said-It is super rude and tacky to host, or even co-host your own party.  Just skip the engagement party, it really isn't important. 

That was the honest advice I was looking for. THANK YOU.

How is that any different then what others have said?

Alh728

Maggie0829 said:

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Alh728 said:

antibride2013 said:

I think your past the time line for a engagement party.  And like PP said-It is super rude and tacky to host, or even co-host your own party.  Just skip the engagement party, it really isn't important. 

That was the honest advice I was looking for. THANK YOU.

How is that any different then what others have said?

Actually 3/4 first posts all told me i shouldn't be planning my own party without any regard to my question. Are we on the same post? Regardless you can see my reply on the discussion regards to trying to delete this post that i already apologized and i am trying to end this. I am trying to continue with my planning on a postive note after all this if were done now?

BlueBirdMB

OP, you are being very overly sensitive.  People didn't answer your question because since it is rude to throw your own engagement party, the timing of it shouldn't matter to you.  If you had said that your mother, who is throwing the party, asked you to ask here for timing, we would have answered your question.

I'm unsure about why a 50 year old woman can't throw a party.  Does she not understand how to invite people, have refreshments, and have chairs and tables for them?  That's all that is involved in planning a party regardless of decade.  In fact, I'd venture to guess that she probably has a better idea about how to properly host guests than you do because she has more years of experience doing it.

If you are already this stressed about wedding planning, I suggest you take some time off and reconsider your priorities.  Your wedding will be a very important day in your life, but hopefully not THE most important day.  Other's feelings and being kind and thoughtful towards your loved ones and guests is more important than throwing the "perfect wedding".  

Fran1985

 

Alh728 said:

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Maggie0829 said:

Alh728 said:

antibride2013 said:

I think your past the time line for a engagement party.  And like PP said-It is super rude and tacky to host, or even co-host your own party.  Just skip the engagement party, it really isn't important. 

That was the honest advice I was looking for. THANK YOU.

How is that any different then what others have said?

Actually 3/4 first posts all told me i shouldn't be planning my own party without any regard to my question. Are we on the same post? Regardless you can see my reply on the discussion regards to trying to delete this post that i already apologized and i am trying to end this. I am trying to continue with my planning on a postive note after all this if were done now?

You were the only person in this thread that was rude. So if you want to be more positive, be a more positive and less rude person. Don't back track on the apology. Also planning is really not that stressful. It’s a party, not a coronation. If you are so stressed that people giving you advice is making you flip out on internet strangers, you are doing it wrong. Remember, any idiot can get married. It's not some grand achievement. The important and impressive part is finding a person you want to spend your life with and committing to them. The party is just that, a party. People focus on the fact that its a once in a lifetime event, but its finding the once in a lifetime love that is important.  

Alh728

LOL I can tell I wont be able to live this post down. Nobody knows my situation-what if I had no parents? Would it then still be rude to host my own party? Probably not. How bout this-I lied about my mother being 50-shes 45 and quite capable of planning a party actually. But as a single mother her whole life she has little to nothing at all to contribute to such event. So I shouldn't have an engagement party because she can't afford to host it? That would just make her feel worse. Additionally  several people I asked said they know MANY brides who planned their own engagement parties just as a side note. What I have learned since this AM's advice is that whatever people are going to say is irrelevant and i am going to have to just go with my gut and plan what works for ME and MY family.I had a bad moment-don't we all? But none of you are any better for attacking me after trying to apologize move on from it. So looks like were all guilty of being pretty rude.

Maggie0829

Alh728 said:

LOL I can tell I wont be able to live this post down. Nobody knows my situation-what if I had no parents? Would it then still be rude to host my own party? Probably not. How bout this-I lied about my mother being 50-shes 45 and quite capable of planning a party actually. But as a single mother her whole life she has little to nothing at all to contribute to such event. So I shouldn't have an engagement party because she can't afford to host it? That would just make her feel worse. Additionally  several people I asked said they know MANY brides who planned their own engagement parties just as a side note. What I have learned since this AM's advice is that whatever people are going to say is irrelevant and i am going to have to just go with my gut and plan what works for ME and MY family.I had a bad moment-don't we all? But none of you are any better for attacking me after trying to apologize move on from it. So looks like were all guilty of being pretty rude.

If your Mother was no longer living and she would have been the only one to plan you an engagement party then yes, you would go without.

If your Mom does not have the financial means then she shouldn't be throwing you a party she can't afford.

And just because others you know have been rude or think it is fine does not make it okay.

Again we are not attacking you, only trying to help you to be not be rude.

Alh728

So if my mom can't afford the party who holds it?

manateehugger

Alh728 said:

So if my mom can't afford the party who holds it?

I hate the box.

Either someone else (a friend, relative, etc.) offers to host, or you don't have an engagement party. That simple. That party is a gift (as are showers and bachelorette parties). It's not like it's required to get married. I would say most couples don't have an engagement party. 

Maggie0829

What PDKH said.  Just let the engagement party go.  The time for it has come and gone.  Focus on the more important things.

Fran1985

Alh728 said:

So if my mom can't afford the party who holds it?

No one, if no one else offers. Most people don't have engagement parties because here are plenty of other wedding parties.

MyNameIsNot

Alh728 said:

So if my mom can't afford the party who holds it?

An engagement party, like any other party in your honor, is a gift.  Your mother can throw it, but so can other friends and relatives.  The only one who can't throw it is the couple.  

It doesn't matter if your mother is dead, broke, or just doesn't like you.  If no one offers to host an engagement party for you, you don't get one.  

climbingsingle

Alh728 said:

LOL I can tell I wont be able to live this post down. Nobody knows my situation-what if I had no parents? Would it then still be rude to host my own party? Probably not. How bout this-I lied about my mother being 50-shes 45 and quite capable of planning a party actually. But as a single mother her whole life she has little to nothing at all to contribute to such event. So I shouldn't have an engagement party because she can't afford to host it? That would just make her feel worse. Additionally  several people I asked said they know MANY brides who planned their own engagement parties just as a side note. What I have learned since this AM's advice is that whatever people are going to say is irrelevant and i am going to have to just go with my gut and plan what works for ME and MY family.I had a bad moment-don't we all? But none of you are any better for attacking me after trying to apologize move on from it. So looks like were all guilty of being pretty rude.

You need to get a grip. You don't NEED to have an engagement party. If no one offers to throw you one, you don't have one. It's really that simple. Focus on planning your wedding and being happy. Jesus. 

antibride2013

All-  Her mother is NOT hosting the party, she lied about that.  She posted the same question over on WW.  And she is soley wanting the party to get gifts to finance her wedding.

OP-please let the engagement party go.  It is rude to host your own, and many of the people over on WW are sending you down the dark road of tackiness.

Alh728

Oy vay =/

climbingsingle

Damn!! 

And it's oy vey. 

Alh728

ClimbingBrideNY said:

Damn!! 

And it's oy vey. 

thanks

Cookie Pusher

I'm not really sure what the point of lying on a message board is.....? If you want to do something (even if it's in poor taste or is bad etiquette), do you really need validation from strangers to do it?

Alh728

Cookie Pusher said:

I'm not really sure what the point of lying on a message board is.....? If you want to do something (even if it's in poor taste or is bad etiquette), do you really need validation from strangers to do it?

I didn't feel comfortable explaining my true situation. I'm not well off and perhaps I was trying to cover that up. However i did at a later point in this thread come clean about my situation-I said it clearly that I did lie. I also apologized for my words- But by no means was i ever just throwing a party for gifts-that was strictly assumption. But also being newly engaged I have no idea what i'm doing & when i have an idea people are disagreeing with-yeah, i'm going to look for someone to validate my point and agree with what i am thinking. Kind of human nature...