When to throw engagement party?

abbyj700

PrettyGirlLost said:

abbyj700 said:

This thread is the perfect example of what a shit show this entire forum is...

Because of all the terrible advice people try to justify over and over again or because the people trying to correct and inform the first group are just so mean?

Eh- both but neither. It's clicky, people speak to each other rudely, there's so much piling on - it just makes for so much drama and craziness rather than advice. In some cases there are some great discussions but when differing opinions happen it disintegrates so easily into a sh*t slinging match rather than an adult conversation. One side is "tacky, classless, special snowflake newbs" and the other is the "rude, bitchy, got married years ago and should have lives instead of being here" crew - all words I've seen tossed back and forth at each other by both sides. 

mcgarci2

There's so much wrong in this thread.  Can't believe I read the whole thing, but man it's very easy to see who won.  

Glad we have those experienced girls around to bring a little spice to the unknowing!  Trust these ladies. They've "been there, done that."  Pretty sure they know what they're talking about!

Viczaesar

abbyj700 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

abbyj700 said:

This thread is the perfect example of what a shit show this entire forum is...

Because of all the terrible advice people try to justify over and over again or because the people trying to correct and inform the first group are just so mean?

Eh- both but neither. It's clicky, people speak to each other rudely, there's so much piling on - it just makes for so much drama and craziness rather than advice. In some cases there are some great discussions but when differing opinions happen it disintegrates so easily into a sh*t slinging match rather than an adult conversation. One side is "tacky, classless, special snowflake newbs" and the other is the "rude, bitchy, got married years ago and should have lives instead of being here" crew - all words I've seen tossed back and forth at each other by both sides. 

Clicky?

JCbride2015

Viczaesar said:

abbyj700 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

abbyj700 said:

This thread is the perfect example of what a shit show this entire forum is...

Because of all the terrible advice people try to justify over and over again or because the people trying to correct and inform the first group are just so mean?

Eh- both but neither. It's clicky, people speak to each other rudely, there's so much piling on - it just makes for so much drama and craziness rather than advice. In some cases there are some great discussions but when differing opinions happen it disintegrates so easily into a sh*t slinging match rather than an adult conversation. One side is "tacky, classless, special snowflake newbs" and the other is the "rude, bitchy, got married years ago and should have lives instead of being here" crew - all words I've seen tossed back and forth at each other by both sides. 

Clicky?

buttercup1958

i think she means clique?

JoanE2012

MrsHavey said:

My fiance and I are throwing our own party... I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Our friend from Australia will be visiting and it's the perfect excuse to bring everyone together to celebrate. If they bring presents - awesome. Who doesn't like presents? If they don't - awesome, we still  get to party. 

We've been engaged since December, the party is in February and we're not getting married until August 2015. 

Have fun at your party, whenever and wherever it is

Of course you don't!  People that do rude things usually don't realize it's rude.  Or else they wouldn't do them!  

MobKaz

JoanE2012 said:

MrsHavey said:

My fiance and I are throwing our own party... I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Our friend from Australia will be visiting and it's the perfect excuse to bring everyone together to celebrate. If they bring presents - awesome. Who doesn't like presents? If they don't - awesome, we still  get to party. 

We've been engaged since December, the party is in February and we're not getting married until August 2015. 

Have fun at your party, whenever and wherever it is

Of course you don't!  People that do rude things usually don't realize it's rude.  Or else they wouldn't do them!  

I sure wish I could agree with you on that sentiment.  Sadly, these boards have proven time and time again, that this new breed of self important, self entitled brides absolutely know that what they are doing is wrong.  They just don't care.

MadHops21

I made it 8 pages!!

I'm still new here on the boards, but I lurk. A lot. And I learn from lurking. 

New people, please lurk. It will answer a lot of questions, and you can ask questions after you learn.

You don't run before you walk.

@maggie0829 , you scared me at first when I first started lurking, but I've come to really like your honesty and posts. I'm pretty young, too, so I'm trying to not the that naive, young bride. I appreciate your input. 

JCBride2014ViczaesarPrettyGirlLostmobkazchibiyui , 

and everyone else that I have learned from so far - 

banana468

This thread was a massive train wreck.    Why can't people understand that there ARE rules? 

NYCBruin

banana468 said:

This thread was a massive train wreck.    Why can't people understand that there ARE rules? 

Because accepting that there are rules would mean accepting that they are not entitled to parties and gifts.  And that not everything is all about them.

JoanE2012

mobkaz said:

JoanE2012 said:

MrsHavey said:

My fiance and I are throwing our own party... I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Our friend from Australia will be visiting and it's the perfect excuse to bring everyone together to celebrate. If they bring presents - awesome. Who doesn't like presents? If they don't - awesome, we still  get to party. 

We've been engaged since December, the party is in February and we're not getting married until August 2015. 

Have fun at your party, whenever and wherever it is

Of course you don't!  People that do rude things usually don't realize it's rude.  Or else they wouldn't do them!  

I sure wish I could agree with you on that sentiment.  Sadly, these boards have proven time and time again, that this new breed of self important, self entitled brides absolutely know that what they are doing is wrong.  They just don't care.

Yeah, you're right!  There is definitely a wave of self-entitled, spoiled brats being raised now.  It's disgusting.  Sadly, it's probably only going to get worse as the decades go by.

2Have&2Hold2015

Alh728 - I actually agree with you.. the majority of the women that responded to your post were very, very rude. I was glad to see you stand up for yourself.

That being said.. throwing the party within 3 months of the engagement is customary for couples planning to get married within the traditional 12 month timeline. If you're planning for a longer engagement, you're allowed to push the date back a bit. The engagement party is intended for both families to meet and socialize with one another so that you can start the wedding planning process together. If you're already well in to planning the wedding on your own, and your families have already met, then you don't need the party. However, if you're still in the beginning stages and you'd like to have your families socialize, I say throw the party! Who cares what anyone else thinks? This wedding (and the entire planning process) is all about what you and your fiance want as a couple. You only get to do this once, so if you want an engagement party, have one. :-)

chibiyui

This is the thread that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends
Some newbs started it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue posting just because
This is the thread that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends....

grumbledore

Girl, you should do whatever you want!!!! You're getting MARRIED! That's AMAZING! If people think it's rude, that's their problem. Who needs 'em.

Happy?

Get your heads out of your asses ladies.

MadHops21

chibiyui said:

This is the thread that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends
Some newbs started it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue posting just because
This is the thread that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends....

I like you.

MobKaz

BCH325 said:

Alh728 - I actually agree with you.. the majority of the women that responded to your post were very, very rude. I was glad to see you stand up for yourself.

That being said.. throwing the party within 3 months of the engagement is customary for couples planning to get married within the traditional 12 month timeline. If you're planning for a longer engagement, you're allowed to push the date back a bit. The engagement party is intended for both families to meet and socialize with one another so that you can start the wedding planning process together. If you're already well in to planning the wedding on your own, and your families have already met, then you don't need the party. However, if you're still in the beginning stages and you'd like to have your families socialize, I say throw the party! Who cares what anyone else thinks? This wedding (and the entire planning process) is all about what you and your fiance want as a couple. You only get to do this once, so if you want an engagement party, have one. :-)

Viczaesar

mobkaz said:

BCH325 said:

Alh728 - I actually agree with you.. the majority of the women that responded to your post were very, very rude. I was glad to see you stand up for yourself.

That being said.. throwing the party within 3 months of the engagement is customary for couples planning to get married within the traditional 12 month timeline. If you're planning for a longer engagement, you're allowed to push the date back a bit. The engagement party is intended for both families to meet and socialize with one another so that you can start the wedding planning process together. If you're already well in to planning the wedding on your own, and your families have already met, then you don't need the party. However, if you're still in the beginning stages and you'd like to have your families socialize, I say throw the party! Who cares what anyone else thinks? This wedding (and the entire planning process) is all about what you and your fiance want as a couple. You only get to do this once, so if you want an engagement party, have one. :-)

Thanks for the earworm! 

abbyj700

Happy to see my misspelling of the word cliquey is all people took out of my statement. Not a surprise on here though.  

Viczaesar

abbyj700 said:

Happy to see my misspelling of the word cliquey is all people took out of my statement. Not a surprise on here though.  

It was the only part worth responding to, frankly. 

abbyj700

Just thought we could all actually have a conversation about not name calling, being open to others ideas, discussing etiquette with etiquette, not piling on, not being the people who don't listen to those with experience -ya know, discuss from both perspectives on how to make it a friendlier, more open community. But that's cool. 

Viczaesar

abbyj700 said:

Just thought we could all actually have a conversation about not name calling, being open to others ideas, discussing etiquette with etiquette, not piling on, not being the people who don't listen to those with experience -ya know, discuss from both perspectives on how to make it a friendlier, more open community. But that's cool. 

Well, clearly no one wanted to talk about that with you.

AddieCake

I don't understand how multiple people having the same view has to be considered "piling on." You want there to be a cap on how many people can respond? "OK, folks, 10 of you have said this is a no-go, so that's our limit. Nobody else can respond with that point of view now. Only if you have something opposing to say are you allowed to participate now." 

abbyj700

AddieL73 said:

I don't understand how multiple people having the same view has to be considered "piling on." You want there to be a cap on how many people can respond? "OK, folks, 10 of you have said this is a no-go, so that's our limit. Nobody else can respond with that point of view now. Only if you have something opposing to say are you allowed to participate now." 

I often like to think about real life conversations in instances like this. If you're sitting at a table at work - and a few people explain thoughtfully why they don't agree with an idea and then offer up other ideas - that's fine. But if you're sitting at work and tell someone their idea is terrible, rude and not at all how things should go - would 15 other people adding the exact same thing be okay and get you anywhere in the conversation? 

AddieCake

abbyj700 said:

AddieL73 said:

I don't understand how multiple people having the same view has to be considered "piling on." You want there to be a cap on how many people can respond? "OK, folks, 10 of you have said this is a no-go, so that's our limit. Nobody else can respond with that point of view now. Only if you have something opposing to say are you allowed to participate now." 

I often like to think about real life conversations in instances like this. If you're sitting at a table at work - and a few people explain thoughtfully why they don't agree with an idea and then offer up other ideas - that's fine. But if you're sitting at work and tell someone their idea is terrible, rude and not at all how things should go - would 15 other people adding the exact same thing be okay and get you anywhere in the conversation? 

So your answer is yes, you do think we should cap the number of same-opinion responses. 

Maggie0829

abbyj700 said:

AddieL73 said:

I don't understand how multiple people having the same view has to be considered "piling on." You want there to be a cap on how many people can respond? "OK, folks, 10 of you have said this is a no-go, so that's our limit. Nobody else can respond with that point of view now. Only if you have something opposing to say are you allowed to participate now." 

I often like to think about real life conversations in instances like this. If you're sitting at a table at work - and a few people explain thoughtfully why they don't agree with an idea and then offer up other ideas - that's fine. But if you're sitting at work and tell someone their idea is terrible, rude and not at all how things should go - would 15 other people adding the exact same thing be okay and get you anywhere in the conversation? 

I think it would because it would show that multiple people agree that your idea is not a good one. When a large amount of people think one way or the other it helps to really drive the point home that it is a bad (or good) idea.

Look, I understand what you are saying, but this is a public forum.  There is no way to control how many people post a certain response or what they say in their response.  So what your suggesting is just not going to happen on here.

abbyj700

@Maggie029 - I totally agree that it would really be hard to regulate something like this. It's an open forum and most people really do just want to be heard. For instance - I'm sure you get sick of having to continuously shoot down others opinions that differ from yours because people are piling on in a direction you don't agree with. No one single party or group is really to blame for this - but it seems to happen a lot on this particular forum. People keep continuing to pile on on both sides of the argument and meaningful discussions about why things are, suggestions that could improve peoples weddings and overall improvement of the boards gets lost.  

NYCBruin

abbyj700 said:

@Maggie029 - I totally agree that it would really be hard to regulate something like this. It's an open forum and most people really do just want to be heard. For instance - I'm sure you get sick of having to continuously shoot down others opinions that differ from yours because people are piling on in a direction you don't agree with. No one single party or group is really to blame for this - but it seems to happen a lot on this particular forum. People keep continuing to pile on on both sides of the argument and meaningful discussions about why things are, suggestions that could improve peoples weddings and overall improvement of the boards gets lost.  

I guess I just don't agree that it's not helpful to have multiple people voice their opinion, even if its the same.  If one person says something that you disagree with, it's easy to dismiss as being just something some random internet stranger said, but if lots of people are saying the same thing, it's hard to argue that someone at your wedding won't agree with the masses.

Also, sometimes hearing something phrased a slightly different way can actually make a big difference.  People process information differently, so while I might not agree with one person's explanation of why something is rude, if someone else explains it differently it might "click" and make sense to me.

KatWAG

This is the thread that never ends,

It goes on and on, my friends.

Some people started reading not knowing what it was.

And they will contunite reading it forever, just because....

This is the thread that never ends...

olablanca18

Alh728…THROW YOURSELF AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY. I just did and it was amazing. Everyone had a great time, nobody thought it was tacky, some people brought gifts, some people didn't. If you invite your real friends and real loved ones they are just going to be stoked to be celebrating this wonderful life event you are about to embark on with a lovely day. No, you don't need to have an engagement party but if you want one then have it. It's not the 1950's here people.

I never post on forums here but everyone responding to you was making me so mad. I feel like they have all framed you as the bad guy and dramatic when they are really being so overly dramatic and negative and raining on your parade. What this has taught me and hopefully you too is never seek advice from The Knot columns because all these people are into is "etiquette" and what fun is there in that? Just do it your own way and have fun. 

banana468

olablanca18 said:

Alh728…THROW YOURSELF AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY. I just did and it was amazing. Everyone had a great time, nobody thought it was tacky, some people brought gifts, some people didn't. If you invite your real friends and real loved ones they are just going to be stoked to be celebrating this wonderful life event you are about to embark on with a lovely day. No, you don't need to have an engagement party but if you want one then have it. It's not the 1950's here people.

I never post on forums here but everyone responding to you was making me so mad. I feel like they have all framed you as the bad guy and dramatic when they are really being so overly dramatic and negative and raining on your parade. What this has taught me and hopefully you too is never seek advice from The Knot columns because all these people are into is "etiquette" and what fun is there in that? Just do it your own way and have fun. 

How do you know how your guests felt? Unless you're psychic, you can't be certain.