When to throw engagement party?

AddieCake

It always cracks me up when people say, "Nobody minded" or "Nobody thought it was tacky," etc, as if anyone's guests would have told them so to their faces. The GUESTS, with their gracious behaviors and manners NOT to do or say something tacky, are often so much classier than those committing these faux pas. 

NYCBruin

banana468 said:

Alh728…THROW YOURSELF AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY. I just did and it was amazing. Everyone had a great time, nobody thought it was tacky, some people brought gifts, some people didn't. If you invite your real friends and real loved ones they are just going to be stoked to be celebrating this wonderful life event you are about to embark on with a lovely day. No, you don't need to have an engagement party but if you want one then have it. It's not the 1950's here people.

I never post on forums here but everyone responding to you was making me so mad. I feel like they have all framed you as the bad guy and dramatic when they are really being so overly dramatic and negative and raining on your parade. What this has taught me and hopefully you too is never seek advice from The Knot columns because all these people are into is "etiquette" and what fun is there in that? Just do it your own way and have fun. 

How do you know how your guests felt? Unless you're psychic, you can't be certain.

And if you ARE psychic, please put your skills to better use than justifying rude behavior!

JCbride2015

olablanca18 said:

Alh728…THROW YOURSELF AN ENGAGEMENT PARTY. I just did and it was amazing. Everyone had a great time, nobody thought it was tacky, some people brought gifts, some people didn't. If you invite your real friends and real loved ones they are just going to be stoked to be celebrating this wonderful life event you are about to embark on with a lovely day. No, you don't need to have an engagement party but if you want one then have it. It's not the 1950's here people.

I never post on forums here but everyone responding to you was making me so mad. I feel like they have all framed you as the bad guy and dramatic when they are really being so overly dramatic and negative and raining on your parade. What this has taught me and hopefully you too is never seek advice from The Knot columns because all these people are into is "etiquette" and what fun is there in that? Just do it your own way and have fun. 

Hahahahaha ROFL over here.  The fun in etiquette is that your guests have a great time because they are properly hosted, and you (the host) get to keep your friends AFTER the wedding!  But no, that's okay, if you want to insult your nearest and dearest so can have "fun," I guess go ahead.  Friends are overrated anyway.

cole82486

Alh728
I understand what your asking. I think traditionally an engagement party should be thrown with in the first few months. However if you want to have a party and celebrate this amazing thing that has happened to you and your groom-to-be then heck throw a party and celebrate!!! Have fun this is your (and his) time to shine. Congratulations on the engagement! I too just got engaged about the same time! Bet of luck to you and your families!!

PrettyGirlLost

AddieL73 said:

It always cracks me up when people say, "Nobody minded" or "Nobody thought it was tacky," etc, as if anyone's guests would have told them so to their faces. The GUESTS, with their gracious behaviors and manners NOT to do or say something tacky, are often so much classier than those committing these faux pas. 

Yes, and yet we have many, many threads over on Etiquette, Snarky Brides, Wedding Woes, and other forums where former and Brides to be recount all of the horrible, hideous, offense shit they have experienced either as a guest or BM in a friend or relatives wedding, and they recount exactly how rude and tacky they thought everything was.

But yeah, the Brides in those weddings assumed everybody thought everything was just so wonderful too.

Alh728

I have to agree with another poster this is the never ending thread, lmao. I think we can all agree most posters said to do so would be in poor taste unless approached as a meet and greet (or something of this nature) with special notation to not bring gifts. SO lets just let this one go guys hahah. Sorry about all the madness to have started!

JCbride2015

Alh728 said:

I have to agree with another poster this is the never ending thread, lmao. I think we can all agree most posters said to do so would be in poor taste unless approached as a meet and greet (or something of this nature) with special notation to not bring gifts. SO lets just let this one go guys hahah. Sorry about all the madness to have started!

A meet and greet sounds like the perfect solution to this.

But don't mention gifts, even to tell people not to bring them.  If you present the party as just a "meet and greet" dinner, people will know it's not a gift-giving occasion.  Just invite your close family over to dinner and have fun without calling in an engagement party.

freehugs015

Wowzers...I am going to get beat up for this but I don't really care. I am cohosting my own engagement party with my parents. They are paying for most of it because they want to...but I don't feel comfortable with them paying for all of it, so I am helping. I see absolutly nothing wrong with hosting your own. I wanted one because I wanted to eat, drink and be merry with people I love and care about, and since we have no idea when we will be able to afford a wedding, I thought it would be fun. As for if it's too late...who cares?! have it as a party to have friggin fun! This etiquette crud I keep hearing is driving me nuts! I am having my father get ordained to marry us, and doing as many "non-traditional" things in my wedding as possible. I just wanna have a great time and I am only getting married once. My fiance is just into being as non-traditional as I am. If people judge us, that is their own thing and they don't have to come. This is our time, and if I want a party and no one steps up to throw one...If I have the money I would throw it myself! What is the difference between throwing your own "celebrate my engagement" party and a "celebrate my wedding" party (reception)? Which is a very common thing now. Couples paying for their own wedding. Just rediculous in this day and age. Screw tradition. Do what makes you happy. This is a once in a lifetime thing...make sure you make everything count. ENJOY!

KatWAG

freehugs015 said:

Wowzers...I am going to get beat up for this but I don't really care. I am cohosting my own engagement party with my parents. They are paying for most of it because they want to...but I don't feel comfortable with them paying for all of it, so I am helping. I see absolutly nothing wrong with hosting your own. I wanted one because I wanted to eat, drink and be merry with people I love and care about, and since we have no idea when we will be able to afford a wedding, I thought it would be fun. As for if it's too late...who cares?! have it as a party to have friggin fun! This etiquette crud I keep hearing is driving me nuts! I am having my father get ordained to marry us, and doing as many "non-traditional" things in my wedding as possible. I just wanna have a great time and I am only getting married once. My fiance is just into being as non-traditional as I am. If people judge us, that is their own thing and they don't have to come. This is our time, and if I want a party and no one steps up to throw one...If I have the money I would throw it myself! What is the difference between throwing your own "celebrate my engagement" party and a "celebrate my wedding" party (reception)? Which is a very common thing now. Couples paying for their own wedding. Just rediculous in this day and age. Screw tradition. Do what makes you happy. This is a once in a lifetime thing...make sure you make everything count. ENJOY!

Seriously? Did you read any of this thread? The reception is a thank you to your guests for attending the ceremony. An engagement party is not neccessary, its an extra. And hosting a potentially gift giving occassion in your own honor is rude.

FWIW, you can still be non- tradional and follow etiquette. tradition =/= etiquette.

freehugs015

Yes I actually have read all of this thread. All I wanted to add was an opinion. I feel like everyone was going against her, and I felt it was wrong. There are multiple sides to everything...I don't think it's fair that only one side was being represented. There are plenty of people like me who feel the same way. It is your day do what you want. And in this world today, not everyone can afford to throw you a party, you chose to get engaged when you did meaning you thought you would have the funds to have a wedding. Great for you! not everyone else around you was prepared. So...throw yourself a party heck throw yourself two. Put in the invites no gifts please so you don't look like you're greedy. Because as I said, I am having mine to have a good time. I don't want gifts. Times have changed ladies, the rules of etiquette are different. It is okay to throw one yourself. 

NYCBruin

There are two sides to this: the rude, entitled selfish side and the polite side.

Sparkle on!

thisismynickname2

Holy mother of god what all did I just read?

Good thing I'm sitting here with a bottle of wine.

What the everlasting @#$% is with the whole, "I get an engagement party AND shower(s) AND a bachelorette party AND wedding with reception" mindset of the for-profit wedding industry devotees? You are legally and hopefully spiritually binding yourself to one person for the rest of your life and you require a minimum of four separate parties to celebrate? Does this strike anyone else as INSANE?

I didn't have an e-party, have declined showers, and am having a penis-favor-free bachelorette party because my best friend wants to host it and I'm not turning down a night out of drunken dancing. Nobody else sees anything wrong with THE YEAR OF ME that tends to go along with a legal event!? I mean hell, I've been through plenty of other religious sacraments but this is the most batshit crazy one ever.

chibiyui

freehugs015 said:

Yes I actually have read all of this thread. All I wanted to add was an opinion. I feel like everyone was going against her, and I felt it was wrong. There are multiple sides to everything...I don't think it's fair that only one side was being represented. There are plenty of people like me who feel the same way. It is your day do what you want. And in this world today, not everyone can afford to throw you a party, you chose to get engaged when you did meaning you thought you would have the funds to have a wedding. Great for you! not everyone else around you was prepared. So...throw yourself a party heck throw yourself two. Put in the invites no gifts please so you don't look like you're greedy. Because as I said, I am having mine to have a good time. I don't want gifts. Times have changed ladies, the rules of etiquette are different. It is okay to throw one yourself. 

Why not just throw a dinner party? Why do you have to make it about yourself as an engagement party? If you're happy and you want to celebrate, go for it, have a kick ass party, just don't make it about you.

FWIW, My FMIL asked me on our way to a cake tasting if I wanted/expected an engagement party. I told her no. I truly don't get them. I mean, it's not like the old days where women don't have a life if they aren't married.  It just seems like an excuse to throw money around an go "Look at me! Look at all my money"

KatWAG

freehugs015 said:

Yes I actually have read all of this thread. All I wanted to add was an opinion. I feel like everyone was going against her, and I felt it was wrong. There are multiple sides to everything...I don't think it's fair that only one side was being represented. There are plenty of people like me who feel the same way. It is your day do what you want. And in this world today, not everyone can afford to throw you a party, you chose to get engaged when you did meaning you thought you would have the funds to have a wedding. Great for you! not everyone else around you was prepared. So...throw yourself a party heck throw yourself two. Put in the invites no gifts please so you don't look like you're greedy. Because as I said, I am having mine to have a good time. I don't want gifts. Times have changed ladies, the rules of etiquette are different. It is okay to throw one yourself. 

@freehugs015 please stop saying "its my day" "do whatever you want" etc. Its entitled and the day stops being about only the B&G when you invite your first guest.

And no, having an engagement party is not a right. If no ones offers to throw you one, tough. I promise your marriage will still be valid without another party.

If you want to celebrate, invite some people over and have a party. That way you arent honoring yourself.

FWIW, stating no gifts is tacky since gifts should never be expected.

Viczaesar

freehugs015 said:

Wowzers...I am going to get beat up for this but I don't really care. I am cohosting my own engagement party with my parents. They are paying for most of it because they want to...but I don't feel comfortable with them paying for all of it, so I am helping. I see absolutly nothing wrong with hosting your own. I wanted one because I wanted to eat, drink and be merry with people I love and care about, and since we have no idea when we will be able to afford a wedding, I thought it would be fun. As for if it's too late...who cares?! have it as a party to have friggin fun! This etiquette crud I keep hearing is driving me nuts! I am having my father get ordained to marry us, and doing as many "non-traditional" things in my wedding as possible. I just wanna have a great time and I am only getting married once. My fiance is just into being as non-traditional as I am. If people judge us, that is their own thing and they don't have to come. This is our time, and if I want a party and no one steps up to throw one...If I have the money I would throw it myself! What is the difference between throwing your own "celebrate my engagement" party and a "celebrate my wedding" party (reception)? Which is a very common thing now. Couples paying for their own wedding. Just rediculous in this day and age. Screw tradition. Do what makes you happy. This is a once in a lifetime thing...make sure you make everything count. ENJOY!

You're in luck!  There is a very simple, easy, uncomplicated answer to this question.  Your reception is not a "celebrate my wedding party."  On the contrary, the point of the reception is to thank your guests for witnessing your wedding by receiving them (hence the name) and providing them with refreshments and entertainment appropriate to the time of day.  Engagement party = come and celebrate me; wedding reception = thank you for ceremony guests.  You're welcome.

Oh, and by the way, that whole 'we're going to break tradition in a bunch of ways' diatribe?  Knock yourself out.  Tradition is not the same as etiquette.  Tradition changes and you can choose not to follow traditions without breaking any etiquette rules.  Wearing white is a wedding tradition, for example.  You can choose to wear any other color and not have to worry about breaking etiquette.  Father-daughter dances are tradition.  Inviting your guests' significant others is about etiquette, not tradition.  See the difference?  Etiquette has to do with how you treat other people.