When to throw engagement party?

PrettyGirlLost

StephLynnette90 said:

Half of you people sound like you belong as one of the nasty brides from Four Weddings on TLC!

And the other half sound like entitled, overly sensitive, bridezillas who don't care about treating their guests properly on their most beautiful perfect special day!

MobKaz

PrettyGirlLost said: taysjeans said: I could only read the first page before I got totally frustrated.. Half the fun of getting engaged is having parties.. Go ahead and throw your own party or "co host." People like having reasons to party:) You guys really don't understand the difference between a regular house party, an adult birthday party- where no gifts are given, and a gift giving party like an engagement party or a bridal shower, do you?

Just in case it might get through to someone still lurking in this trainwreck, it is poor etiquette to host a gift giving event in your own honor.  It looks really gift grabby, even if you state or spread by word of mouth no gifts are required.  That actually makes you look worse, because it makes it look like you were expecting gifts, which is rude in and of itself.

Engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachlorette parties are all gifts that are given to you by a friend or family member- they have to offer to throw one of these events for you.  You aren't entitled to them just because you are getting married, and you can't throw them for yourself if no one offers to throw one for you.

It's great that you are all excited to be engaged, you should be!  But that is no excuse for acting in poor form.



Perhaps the error here is assuming we're dealing with adults.....

PrettyGirlLost

mobkaz said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

You guys really don't understand the difference between a regular house party, an adult birthday party- where no gifts are given, and a gift giving party like an engagement party or a bridal shower, do you?

Just in case it might get through to someone still lurking in this trainwreck, it is poor etiquette to host a gift giving event in your own honor.  It looks really gift grabby, even if you state or spread by word of mouth no gifts are required.  That actually makes you look worse, because it makes it look like you were expecting gifts, which is rude in and of itself.

Engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachlorette parties are all gifts that are given to you by a friend or family member- they have to offer to throw one of these events for you.  You aren't entitled to them just because you are getting married, and you can't throw them for yourself if no one offers to throw one for you.

It's great that you are all excited to be engaged, you should be!  But that is no excuse for acting in poor form.

Perhaps the error here is assuming we're dealing with adults..... Touche!

MobKaz

misshart00 said:

AddieL73 said:

This thread makes me hungry for waffles.

What kind of waffles Addie?

Please.....no.  I just stumbled upon this thread after way too much time spent with insanity over on Etiquette.  And every post I have made on this thread has disappeared, even though it says they exist on my activity log.  I now look like a madman repeating all my posts in a row.  So I beg you, Addie.....this is the ONE thing I have trouble with....and, as a big girl, I can indeed ignore and move on.  But just for tonight, perhaps...spare my dish rag, etiquette fighting bones ....?  If not.....carry on!

Viczaesar

Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, invasion of the classless!

dchiacchiaro

To everyone stressing about timing and such... Dont!!! You can do whatever you want because it's about you and your significant other. My fiancé and I hosted our own engagement party 3 years after we got engaged... We figured it would be a great opportunity for our whole families to really meet. We haven't even looked at wedding stuff yet!!! There is no right or wrong, just do what feels right. Don't sweat the small stuff... And take what other people say with a grain of salt!

natswild

@Maggie0829, I think you're right that the newbs we have been expecting have finally descended upon us. To all of you new entitled brides to be, no one is entitled to an engagement party. I'm not having one. Would I like one? Sure, but FI and I live a long ways from anyone who could host, so it's a no go. That's life. Ditto with a shower, not happening, but that's life. I'm not bummed about it, because the important thing is marrying the love of my life.

AddieCake

I'll never understand why people elect to embarrass themselves. You'll embarrass yourself if you throw your own parties, and you embarrass yourself here when you think coming into a thread and claiming we're all rude, bitter, <insert whatever unoriginal word or phrase you want to use here> will change anything about The Knot and that you will somehow, after all these years, be the savior of the special snowflakes and turn the entire dynamic here around. All hail ye! Yawn. If you don't like it here, don't log back in. Nobody is holding you hostage, and all you're doing is providing people here with a laugh at your expense. 

That is, of course, if you're legitimate posters here, but methinks you're just trolls here to rile people up by encouraging an event you know is a hot button issue here. 

antibride2013

 

Nice, you go girl!

antibride2013 BTW, how did you know OP was also on WW?  Did she use the same screen name?

Yes she did use the same screen name, and her post was nearly identical, but of course she threw in "the mean girls over on the knot said...." etc.  Pathetic.

KatWAG

Maybe its because I am a married old hag, but I just dont understand how basic etiquette (ie basic manners) is so complicated. And why some may brides are willing to make asses out of themsleves by parading around their entitlement and their "ITS MY DAY!!" attitude. Its gross.

Yes, I realize that I dont know you, your friends or your family. But I promise that at least one person at your self-hosted engagement party will be rolling their eyes and judging the hell out of you.

PrettyGirlLost

antibride2013 said:

 

Nice, you go girl!

antibride2013 BTW, how did you know OP was also on WW?  Did she use the same screen name?

Yes she did use the same screen name, and her post was nearly identical, but of course she threw in "the mean girls over on the knot said...." etc.  Pathetic.

Hahaha, rookie mistake.  And of course she called us all mean!

ETA: Just skimming her post over there, there are a number of people who told her the same thing we did- don't host your own e-party.  I wonder if they are all meanies too?

TiaTea

IMO its great to celebrate any happy occasion in your life.
Contrary to what "oldies" ( as opposite to "newbies" ) are saying, waiting for someone to throw you a party actually makes you a "Specul snowflake" .

Times when the girl was dad's property , to be passed from dad to husband,  are gone.
Back then parents had to throw the party. The girl had no job, no home of her own, no income of her own. It was just understandable that mom and dad , or some well meaning relative of the poor girl had to throw the party.
You live on your own , you earn your own money, you marry whom you want and you get to celebrate whatever you are happy about.

My only warning will be that if you wait too long, the exciment wears off. People already know and are getting used to it.  And when it gets close to an year after the whatever you are celebrating, its like celebrating the annyversary of that thing.

You can have a very elaborate event , or a beer and chips evening, it's still a party. CAll your friends and enjoy.

A shower is a different thing. Never throw yourself a shower. It's just a gift gathering . Not even a party. IMO , even if someone else is throwing the shower, it's only justified if the new couple is really dirt poor . It's like asking for donations.

P.S. To the people , who are already married and have their wedding pictures  under every post: That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

PrettyGirlLost

TiaTea said:

IMO its great to celebrate any happy occasion in your life.
Contrary to what "oldies" ( as opposite to "newbies" ) are saying, waiting for someone to throw you a party actually makes you a "Specul snowflake" So receiving a gift makes you a special snowflake?  Huh?  These pre wedding events are gifts, people.  They aren't just some random party.

Times when the girl was dad's property , to be passed from dad to husband,  are gone. Uh, the etiquette of not throwing a gift giving event for yourself has nothing to do with medieval practices.

Back then parents had to throw the party. The girl had no job, no home of her own, no income of her own. Yeah, which was the logic behind having an engagement party or bridal shower. . . it was to help get couples household items since they didn't own any of their own yet.

It was just understandable that mom and dad , or some well meaning relative of the poor girl had to throw the party.
You live on your own , you earn your own money, so presumably you have your own shit already, which means you don't need an e party or a bridal shower so that people can buy you more shit, right? you marry whom you want and you get to celebrate whatever you are happy about.

A shower is a different thing.  Never throw yourself a shower. Right, you should never throw yourself a gift giving event.  It's just a gift gathering.  So are e parties whether couples think they are or not. Not even a party. IMO , even if someone else is throwing the shower, it's only justified if the new couple is really dirt poor . It's like asking for donations.


P.S. To the people , who are already married and have their wedding pictures  under every post: That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests Um but I thought you said above that you don't condone showers unless the couple is dirt poor. . . so why do you condone a couple throwing a gift giving e party for themselves and expecting guests to give them gifts?  I can't follow your logic- you contradict yourself.

KatWAG

TiaTea said:

IMO its great to celebrate any happy occasion in your life.
Contrary to what "oldies" ( as opposite to "newbies" ) are saying, waiting for someone to throw you a party actually makes you a "Specul snowflake" .

Times when the girl was dad's property , to be passed from dad to husband,  are gone.
Back then parents had to throw the party. The girl had no job, no home of her own, no income of her own. It was just understandable that mom and dad , or some well meaning relative of the poor girl had to throw the party.
You live on your own , you earn your own money, you marry whom you want and you get to celebrate whatever you are happy about.

My only warning will be that if you wait too long, the exciment wears off. People already know and are getting used to it.  And when it gets close to an year after the whatever you are celebrating, its like celebrating the annyversary of that thing.

You can have a very elaborate event , or a beer and chips evening, it's still a party. CAll your friends and enjoy.

A shower is a different thing. Never throw yourself a shower. It's just a gift gathering . Not even a party. IMO , even if someone else is throwing the shower, it's only justified if the new couple is really dirt poor . It's like asking for donations.

P.S. To the people , who are already married and have their wedding pictures  under every post: That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

I get what you are saying. Times have changed and some etiquette rules have modernized with the times. But throwing an engagement party in your own honor is self-important. And basically saying "come celebrate how great and special I am."

If you want to host a big party with all your friends and family, so that they can get to know eachother, then great. No problem. Just don't label it an engagement party.

And engagement parties can be gift giving occassions. So it is just as tacky to host an engagement party as it as a bridal shower.

I dont understand why so many brides on here think that an engagement party is a mandatory event before getting married.

Maggie0829

TiaTea said:

IMO its great to celebrate any happy occasion in your life.
Contrary to what "oldies" ( as opposite to "newbies" ) are saying, waiting for someone to throw you a party actually makes you a "Specul snowflake" .

Times when the girl was dad's property , to be passed from dad to husband,  are gone.
Back then parents had to throw the party. The girl had no job, no home of her own, no income of her own. It was just understandable that mom and dad , or some well meaning relative of the poor girl had to throw the party.
You live on your own , you earn your own money, you marry whom you want and you get to celebrate whatever you are happy about.

My only warning will be that if you wait too long, the exciment wears off. People already know and are getting used to it.  And when it gets close to an year after the whatever you are celebrating, its like celebrating the annyversary of that thing.

You can have a very elaborate event , or a beer and chips evening, it's still a party. CAll your friends and enjoy.

A shower is a different thing. Never throw yourself a shower. It's just a gift gathering . Not even a party. IMO , even if someone else is throwing the shower, it's only justified if the new couple is really dirt poor . It's like asking for donations.

P.S. To the people , who are already married and have their wedding pictures  under every post: That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

What?!  This is a wedding website where all we talk about is weddings.  If you think posting a picture of my wedding day in my signature is "bragging" then I guess everyone on this board is bragging about themselves and their wedding whenever they share a detail of what they are planning or when they provide a recap of their wedding day.  I think you are just trying to find anyway to insult posters that you don't agree with but in reality the statement bolded above just makes you look dumb.

jimandpam87

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

One response said it was AW-ish, which is understandable.  But how is it any different than having a birthday party for yourself or something similar?  A birthday party is very AW-ish (we all turn a year older each year, big whoop), but I've never heard of anyone having a stroke because someone threw their own party.  Hell, maybe that's against etiquette too and I just don't know it.

If you make it clear that you don't expect gifts, but just want to get together and celebrate the engagement, what does it matter who is technically "hosting" the party?  I just don't understand the reasoning behind this one.  Again, not trying to argue that anyone saying it's rude is wrong, just kind of posing a question that hopefully someone can answer respectfully.

Forgive me if someone gave a good answer already, it's hard to keep all the responses straight.

Maggie0829

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

One response said it was AW-ish, which is understandable.  But how is it any different than having a birthday party for yourself or something similar?  A birthday party is very AW-ish (we all turn a year older each year, big whoop), but I've never heard of anyone having a stroke because someone threw their own party.  Hell, maybe that's against etiquette too and I just don't know it.

If you make it clear that you don't expect gifts, but just want to get together and celebrate the engagement, what does it matter who is technically "hosting" the party?  I just don't understand the reasoning behind this one.  Again, not trying to argue that anyone saying it's rude is wrong, just kind of posing a question that hopefully someone can answer respectfully.

Forgive me if someone gave a good answer already, it's hard to keep all the responses straight.

Because typically e-parties are seen as gift giving events.  It is rude to throw a party in honor of yourself when gifts are involved.  I have no problem with people making a FB invite for their 30th birthday to get a group of people together to go out for drinks.  But typically with e-parties (like showers and weddings) formal-ish invites are issued (meaning they are mailed to the guests) and when invites like that get received many people assume that a gift should be given, while when receiving a FB invite to an informal birthday gathering they typically don't assume that a gift should be given.

And just to be clear a FB invite is not appropriate for e-parties since e-parties should be hosted affairs and a FB invite is not formal enough, IMO, to show that it is a hosted affair.

IMO, getting engaged is not party worthy.  Yes, it is great and people are happy for you but is it really necessary to have a party to celebrate the fact that you are getting married?  Maybe a dinner with the parents or a few drinks with friends out is fine but a full out party?  Not so much.

jimandpam87

Maggie0829 said:

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

One response said it was AW-ish, which is understandable.  But how is it any different than having a birthday party for yourself or something similar?  A birthday party is very AW-ish (we all turn a year older each year, big whoop), but I've never heard of anyone having a stroke because someone threw their own party.  Hell, maybe that's against etiquette too and I just don't know it.

If you make it clear that you don't expect gifts, but just want to get together and celebrate the engagement, what does it matter who is technically "hosting" the party?  I just don't understand the reasoning behind this one.  Again, not trying to argue that anyone saying it's rude is wrong, just kind of posing a question that hopefully someone can answer respectfully.

Forgive me if someone gave a good answer already, it's hard to keep all the responses straight.

Because typically e-parties are seen as gift giving events.  It is rude to throw a party in honor of yourself when gifts are involved.  I have no problem with people making a FB invite for their 30th birthday to get a group of people together to go out for drinks.  But typically with e-parties (like showers and weddings) formal-ish invites are issued (meaning they are mailed to the guests) and when invites like that get received many people assume that a gift should be given, while when receiving a FB invite to an informal birthday gathering they typically don't assume that a gift should be given.

And just to be clear a FB invite is not appropriate for e-parties since e-parties should be hosted affairs and a FB invite is not formal enough, IMO, to show that it is a hosted affair.

IMO, getting engaged is not party worthy.  Yes, it is great and people are happy for you but is it really necessary to have a party to celebrate the fact that you are getting married?  Maybe a dinner with the parents or a few drinks with friends out is fine but a full out party?  Not so much.

If it's true that most people see engagement parties as gift-giving events, would it then be rude/against etiquette to make it clear that it's a no gifts event?  As in, put it on the invite?  If people knew that it was no gifts, would hosting it still be rude?  I guess that's my ultimate question. 

Sorry if I sound completely clueless, I honestly just don't know a lot of this etiquette stuff.  Most of the things people would balk at on here I legit didn't know were against etiquette until I came on here.

Maggie0829

jimandpam87 said:

Maggie0829 said:

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

One response said it was AW-ish, which is understandable.  But how is it any different than having a birthday party for yourself or something similar?  A birthday party is very AW-ish (we all turn a year older each year, big whoop), but I've never heard of anyone having a stroke because someone threw their own party.  Hell, maybe that's against etiquette too and I just don't know it.

If you make it clear that you don't expect gifts, but just want to get together and celebrate the engagement, what does it matter who is technically "hosting" the party?  I just don't understand the reasoning behind this one.  Again, not trying to argue that anyone saying it's rude is wrong, just kind of posing a question that hopefully someone can answer respectfully.

Forgive me if someone gave a good answer already, it's hard to keep all the responses straight.

Because typically e-parties are seen as gift giving events.  It is rude to throw a party in honor of yourself when gifts are involved.  I have no problem with people making a FB invite for their 30th birthday to get a group of people together to go out for drinks.  But typically with e-parties (like showers and weddings) formal-ish invites are issued (meaning they are mailed to the guests) and when invites like that get received many people assume that a gift should be given, while when receiving a FB invite to an informal birthday gathering they typically don't assume that a gift should be given.

And just to be clear a FB invite is not appropriate for e-parties since e-parties should be hosted affairs and a FB invite is not formal enough, IMO, to show that it is a hosted affair.

IMO, getting engaged is not party worthy.  Yes, it is great and people are happy for you but is it really necessary to have a party to celebrate the fact that you are getting married?  Maybe a dinner with the parents or a few drinks with friends out is fine but a full out party?  Not so much.

If it's true that most people see engagement parties as gift-giving events, would it then be rude/against etiquette to make it clear that it's a no gifts event?  As in, put it on the invite?  If people knew that it was no gifts, would hosting it still be rude?  I guess that's my ultimate question. 

Sorry if I sound completely clueless, I honestly just don't know a lot of this etiquette stuff.  Most of the things people would balk at on here I legit didn't know were against etiquette until I came on here.

Yes, because then that would make it seem like you were expecting gifts which is something else that is seen as rude because one should never expect gifts.

Honestly, if you want to party with your friends then go for it, but when you start labeling the parties with something that has to do with your upcoming wedding then you shouldn't be hosting it or helping to plan it.  But if you want to get your friends together and go out to dinner and drinks then by all means go for it.

MyNameIsNot

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

One response said it was AW-ish, which is understandable.  But how is it any different than having a birthday party for yourself or something similar?  A birthday party is very AW-ish (we all turn a year older each year, big whoop), but I've never heard of anyone having a stroke because someone threw their own party.  Hell, maybe that's against etiquette too and I just don't know it.

If you make it clear that you don't expect gifts, but just want to get together and celebrate the engagement, what does it matter who is technically "hosting" the party?  I just don't understand the reasoning behind this one.  Again, not trying to argue that anyone saying it's rude is wrong, just kind of posing a question that hopefully someone can answer respectfully.

Forgive me if someone gave a good answer already, it's hard to keep all the responses straight.

I'm pretty sure that I addressed this a couple of times, but it's a long post and I'm not going back through it.

It's rude to throw a party in your own honor.  It's rude to ask people to celebrate you, honor you, etc.  It's the same reason you don't toast yourself.  It's rude to throw your own birthday party too, but that's generally overlooked when it's the informal get together that most adults have for their birthdays.  A person wouldn't throw their own big deal milestone birthday, though.

It's true that engagement parties are sometimes gift giving affairs, but since it is inappropriate to mention gifts until you are asked, there's not really any way around it.  Even without the gifts, the e-party is still thrown to honor the couple.  

PrettyGirlLost

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

PrettyGirlLost said:

It's tacky and rude to throw a party in your own honor number one; it's very AWish.  But number two it is tacky and rude to host a gift giving event in your own honor- and e-parties are gift giving events. 

PrettyGirlLost said:

You guys really don't understand the difference between a regular house party, an adult birthday party- where no gifts are given, and a gift giving party like an engagement party or a bridal shower, do you?

Just in case it might get through to someone still lurking in this trainwreck, it is poor etiquette to host a gift giving event in your own honor.  It looks really gift grabby, even if you state or spread by word of mouth no gifts are required.  That actually makes you look worse, because it makes it look like you were expecting gifts, which is rude in and of itself.

Engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachlorette parties are all gifts that are given to you by a friend or family member- they have to offer to throw one of these events for you.  You aren't entitled to them just because you are getting married, and you can't throw them for yourself if no one offers to throw one for you.

It's great that you are all excited to be engaged, you should be!  But that is no excuse for acting in poor form.

stolzyb

agreed!

MobKaz

TiaTea said:

IMO its great to celebrate any happy occasion in your life.
Contrary to what "oldies" ( as opposite to "newbies" ) are saying, waiting for someone to throw you a party actually makes you a "Specul snowflake" .

Times when the girl was dad's property , to be passed from dad to husband,  are gone.
Back then parents had to throw the party. The girl had no job, no home of her own, no income of her own. It was just understandable that mom and dad , or some well meaning relative of the poor girl had to throw the party.
You live on your own , you earn your own money, you marry whom you want and you get to celebrate whatever you are happy about.

My only warning will be that if you wait too long, the exciment wears off. People already know and are getting used to it.  And when it gets close to an year after the whatever you are celebrating, its like celebrating the annyversary of that thing.

You can have a very elaborate event , or a beer and chips evening, it's still a party. CAll your friends and enjoy.

A shower is a different thing. Never throw yourself a shower. It's just a gift gathering . Not even a party. IMO , even if someone else is throwing the shower, it's only justified if the new couple is really dirt poor . It's like asking for donations.

P.S. To the people , who are already married and have their wedding pictures  under every post: That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

And what would you say to the engaged brides on here with their engagement pictures and rings?

Are they bragging to the "not yet engaged" posters?

[Deleted User]

frandoon I love your idea of a 365 days party! That is so cute! My fiancé and I did sort of the same thing were we announced our engagement at a family get together but didn't have an actual engagement party. We are having a long engagement as well and I think a 365 days party is genius!

JCbride2015

ETA: can't believe I just read that whole thread.  I need some beer now.

PrettyGirlLost

JCBride2014 said:

ETA: can't believe I just read that whole thread.  I need some beer now.

No way in hell a beer is strong enough.

I think some of the posters could use a dose of Haldol, personally.

PrettyGirlLost

PrettyGirlLost

rheinand said:

frandoon I love your idea of a 365 days party! That is so cute! My fiancé and I did sort of the same thing were we announced our engagement at a family get together but didn't have an actual engagement party. We are having a long engagement as well and I think a 365 days party is genius!

Wait, what?  What fresh hell is this now?

JCbride2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

rheinand said:

frandoon I love your idea of a 365 days party! That is so cute! My fiancé and I did sort of the same thing were we announced our engagement at a family get together but didn't have an actual engagement party. We are having a long engagement as well and I think a 365 days party is genius!

Wait, what?  What fresh hell is this now?

Well, a proposal, engagement party, shower, bach, RD and actual wedding just aren't enough.  You obviously need to have a party 365 days before your wedding, and it's totally okay to host it yourself!  Why not just add a stag and doe party so you get MORE attention and MORE money?  Everybody will have fun!  And it's your day!  If they don't like it, they don't have to attend.  You do you, honey!

Rebl90

Where did all of the crazy come from??? We've been invaded!

(Oh and please, all of you new dears, keep attacking the members who have been here longer, that always works out well!  Kisses!)