When to throw engagement party?

MobKaz

PrettyGirlLost said:

rheinand said:

frandoon I love your idea of a 365 days party! That is so cute! My fiancé and I did sort of the same thing were we announced our engagement at a family get together but didn't have an actual engagement party. We are having a long engagement as well and I think a 365 days party is genius!

Wait, what?  What fresh hell is this now?

Uh oh......I may need to have more than one 365 day party.  Would that be the 365 days from my actual legal wedding, my destination farce, or my party after my farce?  I guess I needn't worry. I am so incredibly special, my friends will attend them all, because they are, after all, all about ME!

jimandpam87

PrettyGirlLost said:

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

PrettyGirlLost said:

It's tacky and rude to throw a party in your own honor number one; it's very AWish.  But number two it is tacky and rude to host a gift giving event in your own honor- and e-parties are gift giving events. 

PrettyGirlLost said:

You guys really don't understand the difference between a regular house party, an adult birthday party- where no gifts are given, and a gift giving party like an engagement party or a bridal shower, do you?

Just in case it might get through to someone still lurking in this trainwreck, it is poor etiquette to host a gift giving event in your own honor.  It looks really gift grabby, even if you state or spread by word of mouth no gifts are required.  That actually makes you look worse, because it makes it look like you were expecting gifts, which is rude in and of itself.

Engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachlorette parties are all gifts that are given to you by a friend or family member- they have to offer to throw one of these events for you.  You aren't entitled to them just because you are getting married, and you can't throw them for yourself if no one offers to throw one for you.

It's great that you are all excited to be engaged, you should be!  But that is no excuse for acting in poor form.

You're right, I guess I'm not intelligent enough to grasp this concept, b/c all of the birthday parties I've ever been to (even adults) DO involve gifts.  Maybe it's just my own circle of friends and family.  Idk.  There's no EXPECTATION of gifts, but people do bring them.  And nobody gets offended that the birthday guy/girl is hosting their own party.  I guess that's why I was so surprised that this is such a huge deal.  I've never in my life heard of anyone getting upset about something like this. 

 I'm glad to know now, b/c I don't want to go against etiquette.  So I won't be hosting my own engagement party (I probably won't have one at all).  Which is perfectly fine, I'd be excited and thankful if someone threw me one, but I don't feel "entitled" to one.  Mostly I was just trying to understand what all the fuss was about.  It's a party.  I doubt I even KNOW who the host is of most of the parties I go to.  I guess it's just not something I concern myself with, but to each their own.

I appreciate the answers to my question!

abbyj700

Rebl90 said:

Where did all of the crazy come from??? We've been invaded!

(Oh and please, all of you new dears, keep attacking the members who have been here longer, that always works out well!  Kisses!)

Why is there this overwhelming need to try to separate the "newbs" and the people who have been on here for a while into two different very distinct groups? 

PrettyGirlLost

Rebl90 said:

Where did all of the crazy come from??? We've been invaded!

(Oh and please, all of you new dears, keep attacking the members who have been here longer, that always works out well!  Kisses!)

My guess is Engagement season, WW, and supposedly The Knot sent out an email with a link to this topic.

artbyallie

abbyj700 said:

Rebl90 said:

Where did all of the crazy come from??? We've been invaded!

(Oh and please, all of you new dears, keep attacking the members who have been here longer, that always works out well!  Kisses!)

Why is there this overwhelming need to try to separate the "newbs" and the people who have been on here for a while into two different very distinct groups? 

Being a newb/newbie and simply being new are not the same thing. Newbies are people who post without bothering to get a feel for the board dynamics and get needlessly angry or upset when regular posters respond exactly the same way they always do. New people become regs when they integrate into the community, even if they made a poor start. I can think of several posters who came in all typical newbie and got butthurt but then realized they were the ones being overly sensitive and came back and contributed and made the switch to valued regular.

Also, I refuse to believe that all these first-time posters supporting tacky behavior are not just the same person with multiple accounts. I will lose my faith in humanity if there are truly this many new beebees around.

PrettyGirlLost

jimandpam87 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

jimandpam87 said:

Just out of curiousity, exactly WHY is it rude to throw your own engagement party?  A lot of people have been saying it's rude, but after reading 6 pages of comments, I can't figure out why.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not arguing that it's against etiquette.  But WHY is it against etiquette? 

PrettyGirlLost said:

It's tacky and rude to throw a party in your own honor number one; it's very AWish.  But number two it is tacky and rude to host a gift giving event in your own honor- and e-parties are gift giving events. 

PrettyGirlLost said:

You guys really don't understand the difference between a regular house party, an adult birthday party- where no gifts are given, and a gift giving party like an engagement party or a bridal shower, do you?

Just in case it might get through to someone still lurking in this trainwreck, it is poor etiquette to host a gift giving event in your own honor.  It looks really gift grabby, even if you state or spread by word of mouth no gifts are required.  That actually makes you look worse, because it makes it look like you were expecting gifts, which is rude in and of itself.

Engagement parties, bridal showers, and bachlorette parties are all gifts that are given to you by a friend or family member- they have to offer to throw one of these events for you.  You aren't entitled to them just because you are getting married, and you can't throw them for yourself if no one offers to throw one for you.

It's great that you are all excited to be engaged, you should be!  But that is no excuse for acting in poor form.

You're right, I guess I'm not intelligent enough to grasp this concept, b/c all of the birthday parties I've ever been to (even adults) DO involve gifts.  Maybe it's just my own circle of friends and family.  Idk.  There's no EXPECTATION of gifts, but people do bring them.  And nobody gets offended that the birthday guy/girl is hosting their own party.  I guess that's why I was so surprised that this is such a huge deal.  I've never in my life heard of anyone getting upset about something like this. 

 I'm glad to know now, b/c I don't want to go against etiquette.  So I won't be hosting my own engagement party (I probably won't have one at all).  Which is perfectly fine, I'd be excited and thankful if someone threw me one, but I don't feel "entitled" to one.  Mostly I was just trying to understand what all the fuss was about.  It's a party.  I doubt I even KNOW who the host is of most of the parties I go to.  I guess it's just not something I concern myself with, but to each their own.

I appreciate the answers to my question!

Don't get upset, I was just answering your question and I quoted myself from previous posts rather than re-write everything out all over again.  The quotes were not directed at you.  Sorry for the confusion!

chibiyui

Why the hell didn't I see this trainwreck on Monday , when I was bored out of my mind?

TiaTea

@Maggie0829


I said:
That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

I put bragging in qotation marks and a , which in internet communication generally means joking.

 Your answer :
... the statement bolded above just makes you look dumb.

 I guess I look dumber for bolding it too.

If I ever want to insult or offend somebody, I may ask you for advice. You are doing great job in being rude.

Maggie0829

TiaTea said:

@Maggie0829


I said:
That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

I put bragging in qotation marks and a , which in internet communication generally means joking.

 Your answer :
... the statement bolded above just makes you look dumb.

 I guess I look dumber for bolding it too.

If I ever want to insult or offend somebody, I may ask you for advice. You are doing great job in being rude.

Um in internet lingo typically "j/k" is used for joking or just kidding.  A ":)" says that you are smiling and/or are happy.

Sorry but I stick by what I said, you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others.  Sorry, but you didn't succeed because I love my bragging signature picture.

Maggie0829

Thanks @Jennja22!  I may not always say things covered in sugar and roses but I do feel like I provide honest and common sense advice at times.

Chipmunk415

@ the gals who want to throw their own parties/think the rules by "oldies" are "medieval" and archaic- Please, please PLEASE go to etiquettehell.com and look at the archives. There are tons of stories about people pulling the same sort of behavior, and everyone thinks it's horrible. Please note that these archives are from 1998 to 2008- definitely not ancient, and new stories are posted on the main page and the hellsbells page nearly every day.

 

We will politely await your possible return and red faced apologies.

PolarBearFitz

Maggie0829 said:

TiaTea said:

@Maggie0829


I said:
That's basically "bragging"  about yourself and your wedding . How is it better than inviting people to "brag"  about your recent engagement? At least inviting people may come with some treats for the guests

I put bragging in qotation marks and a , which in internet communication generally means joking.

 Your answer :
... the statement bolded above just makes you look dumb.

 I guess I look dumber for bolding it too.

If I ever want to insult or offend somebody, I may ask you for advice. You are doing great job in being rude.

Um in internet lingo typically "j/k" is used for joking or just kidding.  A ":)" says that you are smiling and/or are happy.

Sorry but I stick by what I said, you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others.  Sorry, but you didn't succeed because I love my bragging signature picture.

@maggie0829 you look gorgeous and super happy. That picture is awesome.

I love all the girls pictures in their signature because they look so wonderfully happy. It reminds me how much I am going to glow when I walk down the aisle to my love. 'Brag' away ladies.

cruffino

I feel like I'm at the gym on January 2. When will the crowd die down?

Jen4948

The never-ending thread....

Popcorn, anyone?

TiaTea

Maggie0829, do you even know what you are saying?
"you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others"

I never said anythig rude to anyone.

You, on the other hand sign with it:
" Attacking..... TK newbies since 2009"

You keep badgering people for disagreeng with you and keep calling other people asses ( several times in this thread alone) and dumb.
It's even more disturbing that your friends  love it. How can anybopdy love classless behaviour?

If you mention sevral times how much you loved your wedding and how dumb-assed the others are, one should get the picture. Repeating that since 2009? Great!

This was my last attempt to open your eyes, I promise. No need to respond,  if you can't understand how self centered and condescending you have been.

MobKaz

TiaTea said:

Maggie0829, do you even know what you are saying?
"you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others"

I never said anythig rude to anyone.

You, on the other hand sign with it:
" Attacking..... TK newbies since 2009"

You keep badgering people for disagreeng with you and keep calling other people asses ( several times in this thread alone) and dumb.
It's even more disturbing that your friends  love it. How can anybopdy love classless behaviour?

If you mention sevral times how much you loved your wedding and how dumb-assed the others are, one should get the picture. Repeating that since 2009? Great!

This was my last attempt to open your eyes, I promise. No need to respond,  if you can't understand how self centered and condescending you have been.

TiaTea, you are still relatively new here.  There is a perspective you don't have which prevents you from comprehending several insights.  This is why we always suggest posters lurk for some time. Although I don't mean to speak for Maggie, I will attempt to clarify a few things for you on her behalf. 

Her signature line, "~ Attacking cash bar lovers, etiquette-less brides and TK newbies since 2009 ~"  is a sarcastic "badge of honor" adopted from the scores of times she, and many other posters, has been accused of being an old, married, husband ruining hag.  We post on these boards because we have no lives and live to attack and bully poor, unsuspecting newly engaged women.

She is in NO way in need of any help being enlightened.

When a poster returns again and again with irrelevant, bad, or nonsensical advice/suggestions, we will repeat our point.  Lurk on a few of the longer threads.  There has been an incredible influx of new and alter ego posters trying (poorly) to "take on" the regulars.  They are starting threads with hot topic posts, and trying to be sarcastic and brazen with language and logic that miserably fails.  If, as you say, you were being sarcastic with your "bragging" joke, it failed.  

If her posts are being "loved" there can be several reasons for it.  At the moment, they are probably being "loved" for her determination in trying to get YOU to see the light.  If you want to understand self centered and condescending, have a little look-see over on Destination Weddings.

Maggie0829

Thank you @mobkaz.  @TiaTea, mobkaz is correct, my signature line is in jest and a sarcastic joke at the many times I have been told that I am mean or attacking others because I don't agree with them and their ideas.

And I very rarely mention the fact that I loved my wedding.  Many times I will mention my wedding when people ask for opinions on centerpieces and such that seem similar to what I did.  But I don't just go around posting "OMG I loved my wedding!!"

I think the reason I can't understand how self-centered and condescending I have been is because I haven't been either of those things.  Please show me how I am being self-centered.  Show me how I have been condescending.  Have I maybe thrown a jab here or there after other posters come on and basically tell myself and others that we are horrible bitches?  Sure, but prior to that, me disagreeing with something is not me being condescending.

You don't have to try and "open my eyes" so you can stop wasting your time.

KatWAG

TiaTea said:

Maggie0829, do you even know what you are saying?
"you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others"

I never said anythig rude to anyone.

You, on the other hand sign with it:
" Attacking..... TK newbies since 2009"

You keep badgering people for disagreeng with you and keep calling other people asses ( several times in this thread alone) and dumb.
It's even more disturbing that your friends  love it. How can anybopdy love classless behaviour?

If you mention sevral times how much you loved your wedding and how dumb-assed the others are, one should get the picture. Repeating that since 2009? Great!

This was my last attempt to open your eyes, I promise. No need to respond,  if you can't understand how self centered and condescending you have been.

Do you need someone to teach you how to quote properly?

PrettyGirlLost

mobkaz said:

TiaTea said:

Maggie0829, do you even know what you are saying?
"you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others"

I never said anythig rude to anyone.

You, on the other hand sign with it:
" Attacking..... TK newbies since 2009"

You keep badgering people for disagreeng with you and keep calling other people asses ( several times in this thread alone) and dumb.
It's even more disturbing that your friends  love it. How can anybopdy love classless behaviour?

If you mention sevral times how much you loved your wedding and how dumb-assed the others are, one should get the picture. Repeating that since 2009? Great!

This was my last attempt to open your eyes, I promise. No need to respond,  if you can't understand how self centered and condescending you have been.

TiaTea, you are still relatively new here.  There is a perspective you don't have which prevents you from comprehending several insights.  This is why we always suggest posters lurk for some time. Although I don't mean to speak for Maggie, I will attempt to clarify a few things for you on her behalf. 

Her signature line, "~ Attacking cash bar lovers, etiquette-less brides and TK newbies since 2009 ~"  is a sarcastic "badge of honor" adopted from the scores of times she, and many other posters, has been accused of being an old, married, husband ruining hag.  We post on these boards because we have no lives and live to attack and bully poor, unsuspecting newly engaged women.

She is in NO way in need of any help being enlightened.

When a poster returns again and again with irrelevant, bad, or nonsensical advice/suggestions, we will repeat our point.  Lurk on a few of the longer threads.  There has been an incredible influx of new and alter ego posters trying (poorly) to "take on" the regulars.  They are starting threads with hot topic posts, and trying to be sarcastic and brazen with language and logic that miserably fails.  If, as you say, you were being sarcastic with your "bragging" joke, it failed.  

If her posts are being "loved" there can be several reasons for it.  At the moment, they are probably being "loved" for her determination in trying to get YOU to see the light.  If you want to understand self centered and condescending, have a little look-see over on Destination Weddings.

Emmy1493

AmyGa2003 said:

You are very amusing. I'd hardly compare wedding planning to having surgery but whatever you say. But you're right, I could give a shit about getting advice from "know it all" former brides such as yourself. I do however, welcome advice and tips from people with a more pleasant attitude. Just because you have planned a wedding by no means makes you an expert sweetheart. But carry on thinking so if that's what makes you ignorantly happy

Some people in life are not going to blow rainbows and sunshine up your butt. Esp the ladies here on the knot. Yeah, I know it's hard to believe, BUT if you stuck around here a little more than a minute, you would know this. Instead, you came over here to defend terrible etiquette-less advise and pass it off as gold. How about you get over the fact that not everyone is going to agree with you and the terrible ideas you spout off. Maybe learn a thing or two. No one on this board has gone and called any posters horrible names, but a lot of you new posters are. 

If you want validation, go back to the WW bridge you came from and stop trolling regs who actually know a thing or two, or ten.

Good day, Sunshine!

And for all the other Speshul Snowflakes on this board: I'm going to just leave this here for you. Now shoo- be gone!

MyNameIsNot

TiaTea said:

Maggie0829, do you even know what you are saying?
"you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others"

I never said anythig rude to anyone.

You, on the other hand sign with it:
" Attacking..... TK newbies since 2009"

You keep badgering people for disagreeng with you and keep calling other people asses ( several times in this thread alone) and dumb.
It's even more disturbing that your friends  love it. How can anybopdy love classless behaviour?

If you mention sevral times how much you loved your wedding and how dumb-assed the others are, one should get the picture. Repeating that since 2009? Great!

This was my last attempt to open your eyes, I promise. No need to respond,  if you can't understand how self centered and condescending you have been.

This is all very enlightening coming from someone who tells a bride with children that she should skip the wedding because it is pointless and won't mean anything.  

PolarBearFitz

To those getting all aggressive/special snowflakey as a result of the responses to their ill-informed advice postings: 'If you cannot handle the heat get out of the kitchen.'

If you are going to provide advice/opinions on an open forum such as the internet you best be prepared to have those opinions responded to. If the advice you are spouting happens to be bridezilla-y, lacking good etiquette, judgmental, or just poor advice in general someone here is going to tell you.

The regulars/past brides speak from experience and are here to help others throw a polite and happy event. They will not back rude ideas just because 'everyone is doing it' or 'I don't think my guests will care.' If you cannot handle what is responded to you on the world wide webs I suggest you merely lurk here instead of throwing passive aggressive pity parties at the ladies trying to give out educated bits of advice.

Gizmo813

Whew. I just read that whole thread. On my phone. :-/

I didn't have an engagement party. My FI and I viewed it as unnecessary, and nobody offered to host it. So, we didn't have one. No big deal.

I also can't stand the entitled attitude that some brides have that they are entitled to a wedding with all the bells and whistles of a Cinderella fantasy. They lose focus on the fact that after all is said and done, you will be married. A wedding is just a day that ends in a couple changing their legal status, and maybe an expensive party.

I just want to clarify something, though. Are people really arguing semantics? Throwing a party in close proximity to your engagement, in which you gather people together BECAUSE of your engagement (having both sides meet, friends get to know each other, etc.) Is OK, so long as you don't call it an engagement party? A rose by any other name.....doesn't change the nature of the rose. How is one thing OK and the other not? (People might bring gifts to the party even if it isn't called an "engagement party".)

Maggie0829

Gizmo813 said:

Whew. I just read that whole thread. On my phone. :-/ I didn't have an engagement party. My FI and I viewed it as unnecessary, and nobody offered to host it. So, we didn't have one. No big deal. I also can't stand the entitled attitude that some brides have that they are entitled to a wedding with all the bells and whistles of a Cinderella fantasy. They lose focus on the fact that after all is said and done, you will be married. A wedding is just a day that ends in a couple changing their legal status, and maybe an expensive party. I just want to clarify something, though. Are people really arguing semantics? Throwing a party in close proximity to your engagement, in which you gather people together BECAUSE of your engagement (having both sides meet, friends get to know each other, etc.) Is OK, so long as you don't call it an engagement party? A rose by any other name.....doesn't change the nature of the rose. How is one thing OK and the other not? (People might bring gifts to the party even if it isn't called an "engagement party".)

Because when you label it an engagement party, it becomes a gift giving event that is honoring the couple.  That is why throwing an engagement party for yourself is a no-no.

I view having a gathering of family to meet as being more about the family meeting then the bride and groom and not even remotely close to a gift giving party which is why throwing that gathering yourself is okay.

OBX2011

Maggie0829 said:

Gizmo813 said:

Whew. I just read that whole thread. On my phone. :-/ I didn't have an engagement party. My FI and I viewed it as unnecessary, and nobody offered to host it. So, we didn't have one. No big deal. I also can't stand the entitled attitude that some brides have that they are entitled to a wedding with all the bells and whistles of a Cinderella fantasy. They lose focus on the fact that after all is said and done, you will be married. A wedding is just a day that ends in a couple changing their legal status, and maybe an expensive party. I just want to clarify something, though. Are people really arguing semantics? Throwing a party in close proximity to your engagement, in which you gather people together BECAUSE of your engagement (having both sides meet, friends get to know each other, etc.) Is OK, so long as you don't call it an engagement party? A rose by any other name.....doesn't change the nature of the rose. How is one thing OK and the other not? (People might bring gifts to the party even if it isn't called an "engagement party".)

Because when you label it an engagement party, it becomes a gift giving event that is honoring the couple.  That is why throwing an engagement party for yourself is a no-no.

I view having a gathering of family to meet as being more about the family meeting then the bride and groom and not even remotely close to a gift giving party which is why throwing that gathering yourself is okay.

Agree 100%   I have been following this thread for a few days and have to say, you give excellent advice and do not come across as entitled in any way.  Also, your sig pics has always been one of my favorites....you look so happy!

DH and I wanted our extended families to come together and meet one another, so we had a Welcome Party once everyone arrived at the beach. I was never offered an e-party and honestly, never even thought about whether I was having one or not.  If the newbs are so hell-bent on having their families meet one another, then have a cookout or dinner out somewhere, but under no circumstances, do you throw your own e-party.  It's rude and tacky.  Period.

MobKaz

PrettyGirlLost said:

mobkaz said:

TiaTea said:

Maggie0829, do you even know what you are saying?
"you were just trying to find a dumb ass way to offend myself and others"

I never said anythig rude to anyone.

You, on the other hand sign with it:
" Attacking..... TK newbies since 2009"

You keep badgering people for disagreeng with you and keep calling other people asses ( several times in this thread alone) and dumb.
It's even more disturbing that your friends  love it. How can anybopdy love classless behaviour?

If you mention sevral times how much you loved your wedding and how dumb-assed the others are, one should get the picture. Repeating that since 2009? Great!

This was my last attempt to open your eyes, I promise. No need to respond,  if you can't understand how self centered and condescending you have been.

TiaTea, you are still relatively new here.  There is a perspective you don't have which prevents you from comprehending several insights.  This is why we always suggest posters lurk for some time. Although I don't mean to speak for Maggie, I will attempt to clarify a few things for you on her behalf. 

Her signature line, "~ Attacking cash bar lovers, etiquette-less brides and TK newbies since 2009 ~"  is a sarcastic "badge of honor" adopted from the scores of times she, and many other posters, has been accused of being an old, married, husband ruining hag.  We post on these boards because we have no lives and live to attack and bully poor, unsuspecting newly engaged women.

She is in NO way in need of any help being enlightened.

When a poster returns again and again with irrelevant, bad, or nonsensical advice/suggestions, we will repeat our point.  Lurk on a few of the longer threads.  There has been an incredible influx of new and alter ego posters trying (poorly) to "take on" the regulars.  They are starting threads with hot topic posts, and trying to be sarcastic and brazen with language and logic that miserably fails.  If, as you say, you were being sarcastic with your "bragging" joke, it failed.  

If her posts are being "loved" there can be several reasons for it.  At the moment, they are probably being "loved" for her determination in trying to get YOU to see the light.  If you want to understand self centered and condescending, have a little look-see over on Destination Weddings.

Awww, shucks.......

Not bad for a twit, even if I do say so myself!

MrsHavey

My fiance and I are throwing our own party... I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Our friend from Australia will be visiting and it's the perfect excuse to bring everyone together to celebrate. If they bring presents - awesome. Who doesn't like presents? If they don't - awesome, we still  get to party. 

We've been engaged since December, the party is in February and we're not getting married until August 2015. 

Have fun at your party, whenever and wherever it is

thelastdreamer

I love how all the new speshul snowflakes are so proud of how tacky they're being. "Embrace that we're rude! It's our day let's do what we want! Who cares!" 

abbyj700

This thread is the perfect example of what a shit show this entire forum is...

PrettyGirlLost

abbyj700 said:

This thread is the perfect example of what a shit show this entire forum is...

Because of all the terrible advice people try to justify over and over again or because the people trying to correct and inform the first group are just so mean?