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He wants a pre-nup, I feel horrible and insulted.

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Re: He wants a pre-nup, I feel horrible and insulted.

  • I think you need to remove yourself from that other forum.
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    misshart00[Deleted User]
  • I think you need to remove yourself from that other forum.

    This. I'm kind of shocked there's a whole forum out there full of women who just want to sleep with married men.
    I'm actually not surprised, but someone who is engaged and has GAD shouldn't be on them at all!!!!!!!!


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    misshart00pinkshorts27PrettyGirlLostRebeccaB88
  • What's GAD?
    General Anxiety Disorder (she stated so in previous posts on this thread)
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  • But in all seriousness, you need to go to counseling.  PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GO.

    The way you talk shows your desperation for this marriage.  

    And seriously, you would stay with him if he gave you an incurable STD, meaning that he cheated on you with someone else and gave you an STD.  

    Oh.
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  • oh sorry, I thought I read this entire thread clearly. I guess I missed that. :/
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  • I think you need to remove yourself from that other forum.

    This. I'm kind of shocked there's a whole forum out there full of women who just want to sleep with married men.
    I already stopped going there for this reason, but it's actually just a fashion forum!  I guess a lot of women there are sluts, but that was unrelated. lol
  • Boy OP, you really have a negative look on mistresses. I don't agree with what they do and I believe there are other ways to earn money but you are so wrong in your views. You constantly talk about how these women happily take "honest" men and change them and crap like that. 

    First off, it takes two to tango. Those "honest" men might not be so honest or why were they looking in the first place? 

    Second, like I said, I don't agree with what those women do, but it might be a lifestyle they have grown up with or it's the only way they can see to survive because no one will give them a chance or help or provided them with other options. Do you know how many kids don't go to college even now because they believe they won't be able to afford it and don't know about all of the opportunities that are out there for under-privileged children? Not everyone gets the chance to sit down with a guidance counselor, caring parent, teacher, or friend who will help them make good life choices. So please step down from that pedestal.

    You need to stop creating and imagining all of these problems and focus on the real issue. You either don't trust yourself or your husband in this relationship. I don't just mean he or you cheating, but possibly even emotionally. Like PPs said, take a step back from the wedding planning and have both couples and individual counseling. Because if you keep thinking this insane (yes, insane) way YOU are going to destroy this marriage before it even has a chance to take off.
    Are you confusing mistresses with prostitutes?  I'm talking about normal-ass morally void slutty women who just go ahead and date married men instead of single men because they love the attention and they have no sense of right/wrong.  My views on prostitutes are a little different.
  • antoto said:
    preloo said:
    preloo said:
    Well I'm marrying a guy who could do a lot better than me.  It's realistic to think that another woman could steal him down the road when I'm less physically attractive.  My parents are divorced so maybe this is just my childhood talking but I want security and I feel like a prenup takes that away.
    And this is where I think all of your anger is stemming from- your own insecurities.  Don't take that as an insult, everyone has their little insecurities, but you need to get over your feelings that your FI could "Do better than you."  If your FI felt that way he wouldn't be marrying you- chances are, YOU are the only person who thinks this way about yourself, and you need to kick those feelings in the ass- you'll never feel truly "Secure" in any relationship if you can't feel secure in your own skin.  If you can't get over these feelings that you're not good enough or people will leave when your looks fade, you will never really feel happy and confident, you'll always have that little voice in the back of your mind telling you you're not good enough- and that little voice is an asshole, learn to get rid of it.  

    You need to understand that the strength in a marriage comes from the bond you two share, not the pieces of paper that "Force" you to be together- and on another note, let's consider your worst case scenario situation- divorce- If, worst case scenario, the two of you find yourselves unhappy down the line, you should not be FORCED to be together due to a piece of paper!  I disagree that divorce should be super hard- it should be easy.  Because if a couple is truly happy, they won't need divorce anyways so it makes no difference whatsoever to them how easy or difficult it is to get a divorce.  But if a couple is unhappy, they shouldn't be forced to stay together.  

    And back to your worst case scenario situation- would you really ever want it to be that he's only with you because of a piece of paper?  You think you're insecure now, how would you feel knowing that the only reason this guy is with you is because it'd be a pain to get a divorce??  Everyone deserves someone who truly wants to be with them.  That means you too- If, worst case scenario, this guy ever fell out of love with you, then you would deserve someone better for you anyways.  


    This is a really great, thoughtful comment!  I think you're right.  I guess I just don't think I'd ever be able to find anyone else if I was in my 30s or 40s when he left.  But I guess I'd prefer that to forcing him to be with me if he doesn't like me.  My concern is that divorce is too common these days, and I think way too many people go for divorce instead of working their issues out.
    I don't mean to be rude... but exactly how old are you?  I ask only because I feel like you have strange ideas about what it is like to be in your 30s.  Especially with our generation there is a huge percent of people who wait to get married well into their 30s.

    I feel like I would rather be single and 30 than in a bad marriage.
    Oh, I'm in my mid20s so I'd actually be extremely relieved if being 30 and single wasn't horrible, but from everything I hear it sounds really rough on the women.
  • mobkaz said:
    preloo said:
    I'm partially just feeling emotional right now, I'm already kind of laughing at myself for being so harsh.  But anyway, I guess I've just seen so many horrible home-wrecking women who proudly talk about being the mistresses of married men (I see a lot of these on another forum I go to- it's not a marriage forum) so I guess I just feel like these whores are lurking around every corner, trying to snag previously good men!  As I type that, I'm aware it sounds absurd, but it's a fear of mine. Again, a trademark of GAD is irrational fears sooo...

    In addition to anxiety issues, you also seem incredibly paranoid.  These disparaging, sweeping remarks about women smack as if there has been a home wrecking whore in your past.  
    Strangely enough, there hasn't been.  I don't know why I feel so negatively about them, but I just think it's a horrific thing to cheat or be part of an affair knowingly.  That's pretty much it.  I have yet to have sympathy for any homewrecker.
    jendemeyer
  • tcnoble said:
    preloo said:
    Wait, so it's naive to say you would never cheat, but it's a sign of mental illness to say that you suppose it's possible you might accidentally kiss someone at a party someday?  I'd be the first to admit I do have an anxiety problem and I am looking for solutions now...but I don't think that particular line is an indicator.
    To suppose you might "accidentally kiss someone at a party someday" when you are about to get married, to me is a sign you might need to discuss some things before getting married.
    I'd be shocked if I did that, but supposedly it's "naive" to say I'd never cheat, so I guess I just can't fcking win, can I?
  • preloo said:
    I'm partially just feeling emotional right now, I'm already kind of laughing at myself for being so harsh.  But anyway, I guess I've just seen so many horrible home-wrecking women who proudly talk about being the mistresses of married men (I see a lot of these on another forum I go to- it's not a marriage forum) so I guess I just feel like these whores are lurking around every corner, trying to snag previously good men!  As I type that, I'm aware it sounds absurd, but it's a fear of mine. Again, a trademark of GAD is irrational fears sooo...
    If you trust your FI is a "good man, " he wont be so easy to snatch up, or persuaded. No matter how hard any woman tried to come on to him. 
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  • preloo said:
    Boy OP, you really have a negative look on mistresses. I don't agree with what they do and I believe there are other ways to earn money but you are so wrong in your views. You constantly talk about how these women happily take "honest" men and change them and crap like that. 

    First off, it takes two to tango. Those "honest" men might not be so honest or why were they looking in the first place? 

    Second, like I said, I don't agree with what those women do, but it might be a lifestyle they have grown up with or it's the only way they can see to survive because no one will give them a chance or help or provided them with other options. Do you know how many kids don't go to college even now because they believe they won't be able to afford it and don't know about all of the opportunities that are out there for under-privileged children? Not everyone gets the chance to sit down with a guidance counselor, caring parent, teacher, or friend who will help them make good life choices. So please step down from that pedestal.

    You need to stop creating and imagining all of these problems and focus on the real issue. You either don't trust yourself or your husband in this relationship. I don't just mean he or you cheating, but possibly even emotionally. Like PPs said, take a step back from the wedding planning and have both couples and individual counseling. Because if you keep thinking this insane (yes, insane) way YOU are going to destroy this marriage before it even has a chance to take off.
    Are you confusing mistresses with prostitutes?  I'm talking about normal-ass morally void slutty women who just go ahead and date married men instead of single men because they love the attention and they have no sense of right/wrong.  My views on prostitutes are a little different.
    Mistresses are the same as prostitutes with the exception of length of time and security. I'm not confusing the two of them. I understand that you don't like these women but you need to understand that they aren't the only ones who make poor decisions.

    My sister attends an all women's school and she abhors the terms "slut", "bitch", "trash", etc. all directed towards women; extremely degrading words and phrases. I didn't understand at first but now I do. It's incredibly offensive because it brings down women everywhere when you generalize them like that. You have no idea where they are coming from, you have no idea what they have been through. Have you ever considered that these women actually may have just as many mental issues or more than you do? So many of these women don't just wake up one day and decide "I'm going to ruin a happy family." You've heard that term "daddy issues?" That's real. A lot of times a woman lacked that male presence when she was younger or she was abused - she continues to try and address that male presence even later in life, fill that void. People who are abused - most of the time people continue to act the way they do even after the situation has disappeared because that is all they know. It's the only attention they have ever received and it is the only way to once more fill the void.

    You keep calling these women names and have made some pretty poor generalizations about all men will eventually become cheaters. These are such hurtful and unhealthy thoughts. You would hate to have some random lady or man come on this forum and call you a "bitch" because they think you're crazy (also that was an example - not meant to mean you personally) so why are you so quick to just immediately call all of those women sluts who happily destroy marriages? What they do is not healthy, just like you thinking your FI will one day cheat on you, BUT what both you and them need is understanding. You will be able to find it in personal and couples counseling and it's great that you're being pro-active looking for it. These women need a bit more help than that. Some might not even feel they need it because they have been so mentally worn down. But calling them sluts, trashy, and other horrible names does not help.

    Honestly I don't know why I am typing all of this, but we as women have come so far and even now we are held back by such terms. If we are go-getters and want to be successful we are called "bitches, nags, etc." We want to stay at home and raise our children we are called "trash, lazy, ever heard of the term 'barefoot and pregnant?'" It's all so insulting and to hear another woman say such things on a public forum really bothers me. 

    Sorry for the rant, I really just wanted to explain myself, OP.
    I appreciate the rant, it's cool to hear your side of the story.  I don't see mistresses and prostitutes as the same because mistresses don't always get money or anything financial out of it- sometimes they're married themselves too!  

    As for sympathy toward them, it will never happen.  It takes a particular kind of shit-heeled person to break up a marriage knowingly, and I don't care what the hell happened in their childhood.  Hitler didn't get into art school, but we don't feel bad for him.  Bad things happened in my childhood, and I'm not blowing everyone's husbands because I know how to be a decent human being.  Unfortunately, many people are devoid of a moral center.

    As for calling them sluts, yeah, that's probably not a great thing to do in the name of feminism, and I can concede to that.  But honestly, they make me SO mad.  I wish there was a gender neutral word I could call them that also applied to the male version.  I know a man who slept with a married woman and I think he is such a hugely horrible person for it.
    jendemeyer
  • SKPM said:
    preloo said:
    mobkaz said:
    preloo said:
    I'm partially just feeling emotional right now, I'm already kind of laughing at myself for being so harsh.  But anyway, I guess I've just seen so many horrible home-wrecking women who proudly talk about being the mistresses of married men (I see a lot of these on another forum I go to- it's not a marriage forum) so I guess I just feel like these whores are lurking around every corner, trying to snag previously good men!  As I type that, I'm aware it sounds absurd, but it's a fear of mine. Again, a trademark of GAD is irrational fears sooo...

    In addition to anxiety issues, you also seem incredibly paranoid.  These disparaging, sweeping remarks about women smack as if there has been a home wrecking whore in your past.  
    Strangely enough, there hasn't been.  I don't know why I feel so negatively about them, but I just think it's a horrific thing to cheat or be part of an affair knowingly.  That's pretty much it.  I have yet to have sympathy for any homewrecker.
    While I don't defend the actions of "the homewrecker" (the other woman), I certainly would have no sympathy for the man involved in wrecking his own marriage, either. I really dislike the double standard that seems to exist (not in your post, just in general society) about the other woman ruining a marriage, when the husband didn't exactly have a gun held to his head.
    I agree with you, I know I'm being sexist and honestly I don't know why I'm so much angrier at the other woman than the cheating man!  For what it's worth, I also get angrier at the "other man" when the genders are reversed....not sure why!
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    preloo said:
    Boy OP, you really have a negative look on mistresses. I don't agree with what they do and I believe there are other ways to earn money but you are so wrong in your views. You constantly talk about how these women happily take "honest" men and change them and crap like that. 

    First off, it takes two to tango. Those "honest" men might not be so honest or why were they looking in the first place? 

    Second, like I said, I don't agree with what those women do, but it might be a lifestyle they have grown up with or it's the only way they can see to survive because no one will give them a chance or help or provided them with other options. Do you know how many kids don't go to college even now because they believe they won't be able to afford it and don't know about all of the opportunities that are out there for under-privileged children? Not everyone gets the chance to sit down with a guidance counselor, caring parent, teacher, or friend who will help them make good life choices. So please step down from that pedestal.

    You need to stop creating and imagining all of these problems and focus on the real issue. You either don't trust yourself or your husband in this relationship. I don't just mean he or you cheating, but possibly even emotionally. Like PPs said, take a step back from the wedding planning and have both couples and individual counseling. Because if you keep thinking this insane (yes, insane) way YOU are going to destroy this marriage before it even has a chance to take off.
    Are you confusing mistresses with prostitutes?  I'm talking about normal-ass morally void slutty women who just go ahead and date married men instead of single men because they love the attention and they have no sense of right/wrong.  My views on prostitutes are a little different.
    Mistresses are the same as prostitutes with the exception of length of time and security. I'm not confusing the two of them. I understand that you don't like these women but you need to understand that they aren't the only ones who make poor decisions.

    My sister attends an all women's school and she abhors the terms "slut", "bitch", "trash", etc. all directed towards women; extremely degrading words and phrases. I didn't understand at first but now I do. It's incredibly offensive because it brings down women everywhere when you generalize them like that. You have no idea where they are coming from, you have no idea what they have been through. Have you ever considered that these women actually may have just as many mental issues or more than you do? So many of these women don't just wake up one day and decide "I'm going to ruin a happy family." You've heard that term "daddy issues?" That's real. A lot of times a woman lacked that male presence when she was younger or she was abused - she continues to try and address that male presence even later in life, fill that void. People who are abused - most of the time people continue to act the way they do even after the situation has disappeared because that is all they know. It's the only attention they have ever received and it is the only way to once more fill the void.

    You keep calling these women names and have made some pretty poor generalizations about all men will eventually become cheaters. These are such hurtful and unhealthy thoughts. You would hate to have some random lady or man come on this forum and call you a "bitch" because they think you're crazy (also that was an example - not meant to mean you personally) so why are you so quick to just immediately call all of those women sluts who happily destroy marriages? What they do is not healthy, just like you thinking your FI will one day cheat on you, BUT what both you and them need is understanding. You will be able to find it in personal and couples counseling and it's great that you're being pro-active looking for it. These women need a bit more help than that. Some might not even feel they need it because they have been so mentally worn down. But calling them sluts, trashy, and other horrible names does not help.

    Honestly I don't know why I am typing all of this, but we as women have come so far and even now we are held back by such terms. If we are go-getters and want to be successful we are called "bitches, nags, etc." We want to stay at home and raise our children we are called "trash, lazy, ever heard of the term 'barefoot and pregnant?'" It's all so insulting and to hear another woman say such things on a public forum really bothers me. 

    Sorry for the rant, I really just wanted to explain myself, OP.
    Sounds like your sister at I attended the same all womens college.
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