Wedding Etiquette Forum

Honeymoon Jar?

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Re: Honeymoon Jar?

  • Forget all this negativity on this subject. There IS a nice and proper way of going about this. My fiance and I have been living together for a while now and we have everything we need for our home, so we will not be registering anywhere for gifts. We don't need 2 toasters or any more dinnerware. Instead, we are having a "Wishing Well". I did a lot a research on this. I googled "wishing well poems" and came across sweet and considerate ways of explaining to our guests that we have everything we need for our home, and er understand that most guests still like to offer a gift to the newly weds, so if they wish to still do so, we will have a "Wishing Well" at our reception if they would like to contribute at all. To help out with home updates, a honey moon, something of that sort. Though, they are absolutely not obligated to and they can still buy us a gift if they wish.

    Something along the lines of this... but it can be about anything else...More than just kisses so far we’ve shared Our home has been made with love and care Most things we need we’ve already got Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great (but only if you wish to participate ) A gift of money is placed in a well Then make a wish…but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the new We can look back and say it was all thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re sure that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!
  • edited May 2014
    Forget all this negativity on this subject. There IS a nice and proper way of going about this. My fiance and I have been living together for a while now and we have everything we need for our home, so we will not be registering anywhere for gifts. We don't need 2 toasters or any more dinnerware. Instead, we are having a "Wishing Well". I did a lot a research on this. I googled "wishing well poems" and came across sweet and considerate ways of explaining to our guests that we have everything we need for our home, and er understand that most guests still like to offer a gift to the newly weds, so if they wish to still do so, we will have a "Wishing Well" at our reception if they would like to contribute at all. To help out with home updates, a honey moon, something of that sort. Though, they are absolutely not obligated to and they can still buy us a gift if they wish. Something along the lines of this... but it can be about anything else...More than just kisses so far we’ve shared Our home has been made with love and care Most things we need we’ve already got Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great (but only if you wish to participate ) A gift of money is placed in a well Then make a wish…but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the new We can look back and say it was all thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re sure that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!
    Wishing wells are not nice or proper. They are rude and tacky. They are no less rude, impolite and tack than honeymoon registries. Sorry, but it's true. No cute poem can change the truth.

    People know cash is king and they know how to write a check, if they want to. Don't be rude by pandering for money.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • Beach726 said:
    I have never seen it done and would NOT do it. My fiance and I already live together so instead of typical registry, we have chosen 2 organizations that help animals find "fur"ever homes that guests can donate to. It's a WIN WIN because animals get help and the guests get a tax write-off.
    Um...NOPE
    What if your guests don't support that charity?  
    Gee, how kind of you to decide for them where their charity funds will go...bad idea.

    If you want to make a donation to charity, then do so...on the side, and quietly.  Don't make it look like 'Hey hey! I did good!  See? SEE!!!! We were so selfless, aw look at us we're awesome'
  • Forget all this negativity on this subject. There IS a nice and proper way of going about this. My fiance and I have been living together for a while now and we have everything we need for our home, so we will not be registering anywhere for gifts. We don't need 2 toasters or any more dinnerware. Instead, we are having a "Wishing Well". I did a lot a research on this. I googled "wishing well poems" and came across sweet and considerate ways of explaining to our guests that we have everything we need for our home, and er understand that most guests still like to offer a gift to the newly weds, so if they wish to still do so, we will have a "Wishing Well" at our reception if they would like to contribute at all. To help out with home updates, a honey moon, something of that sort. Though, they are absolutely not obligated to and they can still buy us a gift if they wish. Something along the lines of this... but it can be about anything else...More than just kisses so far we’ve shared Our home has been made with love and care Most things we need we’ve already got Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great (but only if you wish to participate ) A gift of money is placed in a well Then make a wish…but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the new We can look back and say it was all thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re sure that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!
    Cutesy poetry does not make saying "Give us cash" ok. Having them put in a wishing well, does not make it ok. It is not ok.

    Just skip a registry all together. If people ask just say 'Oh we have everything we need, but we are saving up for a trip to the moon" and they'll get the damn hint.

  • Forget all this negativity on this subject. There IS a nice and proper way of going about this. My fiance and I have been living together for a while now and we have everything we need for our home, so we will not be registering anywhere for gifts. We don't need 2 toasters or any more dinnerware. Instead, we are having a "Wishing Well". I did a lot a research on this. I googled "wishing well poems" and came across sweet and considerate ways of explaining to our guests that we have everything we need for our home, and er understand that most guests still like to offer a gift to the newly weds, so if they wish to still do so, we will have a "Wishing Well" at our reception if they would like to contribute at all. To help out with home updates, a honey moon, something of that sort. Though, they are absolutely not obligated to and they can still buy us a gift if they wish. Something along the lines of this... but it can be about anything else...More than just kisses so far we’ve shared Our home has been made with love and care Most things we need we’ve already got Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great (but only if you wish to participate ) A gift of money is placed in a well Then make a wish…but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the new We can look back and say it was all thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re sure that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!
    The message to guests when you have a wishing well is that whatever they have already gotten you (boxed gift, check, cash, etc.) is not enough and you expect more. The fact that participation is voluntary does not make it any less rude.
    Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.
  • FI and I have lived together for over 10 years now, over 2 of them being engaged. We have everything we could possibly fit in our apartment. People have asked us over the last 26 months where we are registered or what we want for our wedding. Our standard response is that we have more stuff than we can even fit in our apartment, but maybe some day once we save up enough for a house, we can upgrade and expand.
    ~*~*~*~*~

  • Forget all this negativity on this subject. There IS a nice and proper way of going about this. My fiance and I have been living together for a while now and we have everything we need for our home, so we will not be registering anywhere for gifts. We don't need 2 toasters or any more dinnerware. Instead, we are having a "Wishing Well". I did a lot a research on this. I googled "wishing well poems" and came across sweet and considerate ways of explaining to our guests that we have everything we need for our home, and er understand that most guests still like to offer a gift to the newly weds, so if they wish to still do so, we will have a "Wishing Well" at our reception if they would like to contribute at all. To help out with home updates, a honey moon, something of that sort. Though, they are absolutely not obligated to and they can still buy us a gift if they wish. Something along the lines of this... but it can be about anything else...More than just kisses so far we’ve shared Our home has been made with love and care Most things we need we’ve already got Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great (but only if you wish to participate ) A gift of money is placed in a well Then make a wish…but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the new We can look back and say it was all thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re sure that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!
    This is really stupid. And it is not proper. It is not nice.

     It is no different than begging on a street corner with a cardboard box. The only difference is you dress the cardboard box to look like a well.  It is not sweet and considerate to ask people for money. 

    There is no nice way to solicit money. None. Zero. It is gross and greedy looking. 
  • All you people begging for money?  You should be ashamed of yourself.  Get some class.  JFC.



  • Viczaesar said:
    Warning: this thread was in the email today,
    I'm curious why a month old thread was in the email.
    Because the Knot "Gods" are fucking with our heads this week.  Clearly they were bored and decided to stir some shit up.
    Easier to bring back an old and shit stirring thread then fix or even updated on the changes over the weekend.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I couldn't agree with you more! A registry is a registry...it is normal for people to spend money and buy you something you could use...and if you could use a good honeymoon, and not some new China what's the difference? It's 2014 people, most couples live together before marriage and have everything they need...people need to get with the times!

  • In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

    You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.
    Oh dear god no.
    You should never put registry information on the invitation. At most, you can put a URL to a wedding website (that has info about everything to do with your wedding), on the back of the invite. Never should an invite have "we are registered at XYZ" on it ANYWHERE.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • Forget all this negativity on this subject. There IS a nice and proper way of going about this. My fiance and I have been living together for a while now and we have everything we need for our home, so we will not be registering anywhere for gifts. We don't need 2 toasters or any more dinnerware. Instead, we are having a "Wishing Well". I did a lot a research on this. I googled "wishing well poems" and came across sweet and considerate ways of explaining to our guests that we have everything we need for our home, and er understand that most guests still like to offer a gift to the newly weds, so if they wish to still do so, we will have a "Wishing Well" at our reception if they would like to contribute at all. To help out with home updates, a honey moon, something of that sort. Though, they are absolutely not obligated to and they can still buy us a gift if they wish. Something along the lines of this... but it can be about anything else...More than just kisses so far we’ve shared Our home has been made with love and care Most things we need we’ve already got Like a toaster and kettle, pans and pots A wishing well we thought would be great (but only if you wish to participate ) A gift of money is placed in a well Then make a wish…but do not tell Once we’ve replaced the old with the new We can look back and say it was all thanks to you! And in return for your kindness we’re sure that one day soon you’ll get what you wished for!
    What the hell is it with ladies thinking that cutesypoo poems somehow make up for being money-hungry? Rude is still rude, even in verse.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • I just can't deal with the level of ignorance today. Just can't. Holy mother on a pogo stick, it's like a whole frikking generation of special snowflakes raised without anyone teaching them any manners at all. The greed, the ignorance, and the frikking entitlement are just really making me puke.

    Maybe tomorrow. Not today. 
  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Beach726 said:
    I have never seen it done and would NOT do it either. My fiance and I already live together so instead of a typical registry, we have chosen 2 organizations that help animals find "fur"ever homes that guests can donate to. It's a WIN WIN because animals get help and the guests get a tax write-off.
    And supposing guests don['t want to donate to this charity?  Or to any charity?
  • KGold80KGold80 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper

    I couldn't agree with you more! A registry is a registry...it is normal for people to spend money and buy you something you could use...and if you could use a good honeymoon, and not some new China what's the difference? It's 2014 people, most couples live together before marriage and have everything they need...people need to get with the times!

    You do not get to tell guests how to spend their money. If they give you cash, great...use it for your honeymoon. People are not stupid. They know everyone can use cash. Honeyfunds and the like are the same as registering for cash only the company actually keeps 7% of your guests' money. Wouldn't you rather have the full amount? Rudeness aside, it doesn't make any sense from a practical standpoint.

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  • I couldn't agree with you more! A registry is a registry...it is normal for people to spend money and buy you something you could use...and if you could use a good honeymoon, and not some new China what's the difference? It's 2014 people, most couples live together before marriage and have everything they need...people need to get with the times!

    You're right- it is 2014! People now live together prior to marriage, so there is no need to have a shower because there is no need for showering the bride with gifts to start the household. That also means that brides are now just as educated and successful as their SOs, so the couple has more funds to be established on their own. So, again, no need for household items and really no need for the families to pay for the wedding. In addition, since the couples lives together, they are most likely sharing a bed, so no need for a honeymoon because they have already shared themselves with one another. In fact, most of these couples have probably been on vacation with one another in some form because they have more financial resources, so need for a special vacation just because they are married. So, modern times = no need for gifts or money. 
    Oh my god. I was just about to type all of this, but you beat me to it. You are awesome. :)
  • I couldn't agree with you more! A registry is a registry...it is normal for people to spend money and buy you something you could use...and if you could use a good honeymoon, and not some new China what's the difference? It's 2014 people, most couples live together before marriage and have everything they need...people need to get with the times!

    You're right- it is 2014! People now live together prior to marriage, so there is no need to have a shower because there is no need for showering the bride with gifts to start the household. That also means that brides are now just as educated and successful as their SOs, so the couple has more funds to be established on their own. So, again, no need for household items and really no need for the families to pay for the wedding. In addition, since the couples lives together, they are most likely sharing a bed, so no need for a honeymoon because they have already shared themselves with one another. In fact, most of these couples have probably been on vacation with one another in some form because they have more financial resources, so need for a special vacation just because they are married. So, modern times = no need for gifts or money. 
    Oh my god. I was just about to type all of this, but you beat me to it. You are awesome. :)

    *SIB*
    @Jells2Dot0 for the win!
  • 2014 also means no bachelor/ette parties. There is no one last night of singledom if you're already living together. If you're living together, you're already living like a married couple.

    I could even stretch this to say if you're already living together, and already "acting" as a married couple, then there is really no need to spend thousands of dollars celebrating it. However, I'm one for a good, well hosted celebration, so we'll let that one slide :)

     







  • I'm starting to think I should avoid TK because of all the speshul snowflakes that keep coming on here and asking the same 100+ questions, then they get butt-hurt because they don't like the answer!

    Seriously people, STOP BEING RIDICULOUS. Honeymoon funds are RUDE, PPDs are RUDE, Cash bars are RUDE, anything that is gift-grabby or makes your guests pull out extra money at your wedding are RUDE!!!

    Now... Enjoy your Monday!
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  • KatWAG said:
    Ookoeq said:
    Hello all! I find this post very interesting. I guess I am doing everything WRONG or RUDE in your eyes. But hey, its my wedding. I would like to address both things.

    Dollar Dance: I am an African American bride from Ghana. It is common to do this. No one is obligated to do the dance, give money, or anything. Usually an aunt or uncle would just start it. Its not like the MC will say "Hey everyone its dollar dance time." I don't expect for anyone to start it or for everyone to join in, but I will NOT object if an aunt would like to wipe my brow with a couple of bills lol

    Honeymoon registry: I asked my planner what we should put on our registry. We live together, we have all new stuff already, we really don't need anything from a typical registry. We have set up a honeymoon registry and it is open for their donation. I know some people will still buy a gift, which is more than welcomed and appreciated!

    I feel like many are really "tight" about this topic. I just laugh sometimes but hey, to each their own!

    Congrats to all the brides out there! I'm super excited! 76 days way! YAY!
     
    So, you know what you are doing is rude, yet you dont care? awesome. This is an etiquette board, this we follow proper etiquette. You sounds very immature and gift grabby in this post. You wedding day is supposed to be about marrying the person you love most, not being able to squeeze a few extra dollars out of your aunt and uncle.
    She didn't say she thought she was rude. She made an observation that others find some of the things that she might be doing as rude. It is her wedding, she can do what she wants. I think being judgmental about other peoples weddings is poor etiquette. 

    My fiance really wants to do a dollar dance and I don't care one way or the other so I'm going to do it for him. I also know that the people coming to our wedding love and care about us. If they don't like dollar dances then they won't take part in it but they also won't be rude to us about it.
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