Wedding Etiquette Forum

Honeymoon Jar?

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Re: Honeymoon Jar?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    stolzyb said:
    What's the difference between someone spending $100 on a keurig for you or giving $100 dollars to a honeymoon registry?

    How is not rude to register for cutlery, but it's rude to register for your honeymoon, where your loved ones can help you create long lasting memories?

    I agree that asking for money on top of a registry is poor etiquette, but instead of one....a registry is a registry.
    Two reasons:
    1) Honeymoons are extremely personal and intimate.  This is something the couple should finance by themselves, not by means of soliciting gifts.
    2) Honeymoon funds help themselves to a cut of the receipts, and that can be a pretty major percentage of the receipts.  The couple only gets the net receipts.

    Bottom line, it's not the guests' job to finance a trip they aren't going on.  Putting out a honeymoon jar or registering for a honeymoon comes with a "nudge" expectation that the guests are supposed to provide the funds, whereas registering for other things doesn't have that "nudge" expectation.  If you want to go on a trip to Bora-Bora for your honeymoon, pay for it yourself, don't expect me to just because I accept your invitation to your wedding.
    lisas65
  • I don't understand how it's rude at all. If people don't want to give money then they won't. Just because you have a jar or dance or whatever promoting to a honeymoon or whatever doesn't mean anything. I've seen the dance done at both my aunts weddings and it was fine. My mom told me she had a dance at her wedding. Idk. I don't find it rude or offensive in any way.
    [Deleted User]wuerfleinrsOokoeqcarlav18
  • @ Ookoeg. I think you're absolutely right. Especially because your friends and family attending the wedding probably know quite well that you already live together and have a lot of the new things you want and what you need right now is money toward your honeymoon. My finace and I are in the same situation.

    A jar on the gift table is definitely tacky but a honeyfund registry, I don't think that is so bad at all.

    Ookoeqlalapalooza2222
  • buesarybuesary member
    First Comment
    edited May 2014
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    stolzyb said:
    What's the difference between someone spending $100 on a keurig for you or giving $100 dollars to a honeymoon registry?

    How is not rude to register for cutlery, but it's rude to register for your honeymoon, where your loved ones can help you create long lasting memories?

    I agree that asking for money on top of a registry is poor etiquette, but instead of one....a registry is a registry.
    It's understood that people give gifts to the bride and groom. That's a tradition going back forever. It's also understood that you can give a gift from a registry, give a gift that is not on the registry, give money, or not give anything at all. To "register" for a honeyfund implies that the only acceptable gift is money, which is certainly not a polite thing to say to a wedding guest.

    We survive on an artists freelance money and a teacher's salary, and we saved up enough money to rent a house in the USVI for a week and also to charter a boat. Your honeymoon is not your guest's problem, it's yours. A friend of mine only did a honeymoon registry and did not have a plan B for funding their European tour and they ended up going on a camping trip for their honeymoon. I'm sure she would have preferred having a say in what gifts people gave her instead (because people will give you gifts whether you register for them or not). Rather than trading gifts for money, they got nothing they wanted... including money.
    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
    ashleyep
  • Got this straight from Honeyfund.com:

    How do we receive our gift money?

    Here's the best thing about Honeyfund: All your gift payments come directly to you from your gift givers! We keep our service free by avoiding credit card processing fees. That means we never handle your money. Instead, your gift givers are instructed to pay you directly by cash or check. They can either mail you their payment or present it to you at a shower or at the wedding, along with their Honeyfund gift certificate.

    If you prefer to receive credit card payments, we offer a low-priced option via secure our payment partner, PayPal. See the next question for more information.

     

    Umm do you think your guests don't know they can give you cash? Why involve a third party? People who want to give you money, will do it. Honeyfund or any other honeymoon registry comes across as begging for money. Bottom line its rude.

     *Formerly ctexasgurl26 and mrsridings061513*

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    Baby William born June 11, 2014 Weighing 6 lbs 5 oz and 17.5 inches long

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    lisas65ashleyepamelialanet1020
  • KatieinBklnKatieinBkln (NO SLEEP TIL) Brooklyn! member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    Jen4948 said:
    It would be rude.  Sadly, Pinterest is a source of terrible ideas.  I think a lot of the photos on there are there not because the posters of rude ideas are endorsing them, but actually to say "Look at the stupid idiotic idea someone had!"  Unfortunately, the photos are seen in the opposite light and people are using them to implement bad ideas in their own weddings.
    I kind of want to create a "Snarky Pinterest" that is exclusively to make fun of terrible ideas. I so often find myself wanting to re-pin something with a snarky comment in the text, but I worry that people WILL think I'm endorsing it by the very act of re-pinning. 
    image
    This baby knows exactly how I feel
    KeepMovingOn
  • misshart00misshart00 Oklahoma member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    jdluvr06 said:

    Warning: this thread was in the email today,

    I'm curious why a month old thread was in the email.
    huskypuppy14
  • I too am struggling with the honeymoon registrty/cash idea.  My fiance and I are in our 50's and neither of us have been married before, and since we are combining homes, we honestly do not need one thing.  The only thing that would help would be contributions to our honeymoon in Europe or gift cards for home improvement.  I can understand if you're in your 20's or 30's  - then you probably do need a tradtional gift registry (and it might look a little weird if you don't have one) - but we don't.  I know it seems weird to do the honeymoon/cash thing, but I understand it's also rude to include a "no gits please" on the invite or website (or wherever)...which leaves us with more vasees and candlesticks...
    Ookoeq
  • Warning: this thread was in the email today,
    I'm curious why a month old thread was in the email.
    Maybe they don't think our new threads are interesting enough.
    misshart00Ookoeq
  • Do a honeymoon jar, but tell people know ahead about it.

    I'm one of those people who feel akward when buying bigger gift but to give money ''just like this'' seems lazy to me. So I would feel better buying a smaller gift and give a card with money toward honeymoon...

    If I know ahead of time. That's the key, when the rules are known it's easier to play nice.   
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jdluvr06 said:
    Warning: this thread was in the email today,
     
    I should have known. All the special snowflakes are coming out of the woodwork.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    ashley8918rajahmd
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    We did not register - anywhere. Everyone knows cash is always appropriate, appreciated and often preferred - literally everyone on earth knows this. =o) 
    Some people will want to get you a physical gift - these are not the people who use HM registries. The people who use HM registries are people who would give you a check, but instead think that you will receive the FULL amount they gift you. You you will ACTUALLY receive that massage, not a credit on your bill and if you decide you can get the massage or take the excursion. 

    But I have good news :) 
    For our wedding the gifts broke down like this: 75% cash or check, 20% gift cards and 5% physical gifts. 
    If you want money or don't need anything don't register. This is the best way to politely suggest folks give you money. I'm telling you from experience ;-) 
     A HM is not polite, sorry. There is nothing wrong with saying, when asked where you are registered, we are saving up for the honeymoon (or house or big screen TV or whatever it is you'd like to purchase). GL!

    (I have a feeling I'm going to copying and pasting this a lot this week...)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    LDay2014wuerfleinrslisas65ashleyep
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited May 2014

     @ Katwag - I think now you are the one being rude. Ookoeg told you up front she is an African American from Ghana and that it is common and not at all rude in her culture. What gives you any right to tell her that her culture and her aunt or uncle starting a dollar dance is wrong? You're right - this is supposed to be about ettique but apparently you have none.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers

     @ Katwag - I think now you are the one being rude. Ookoeg told you up front she is an African American from Ghana and that it is common and not at all rude in her culture. What gives you any right to tell her that her culture and her aunt or uncle starting a dollar dance is wrong? You're right - this is supposed to be about ettique but apparently you have none.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • a registry was originally created to help a woman start her home.  She would create it as a young girl and over birthdays, holidays etc she would receive these items so that when she was ready to marry she had everything she needed to start a household.

    No one needs a honeymoon.  No one needs fancy vacations.  If you don't need anything for your home, then why are you registering at all?

    Simply accept what your friends/family are generous enough to offer you.  Don't solicit them for money when its for something gratuitous.

    We have no registry, we are not expecting gifts.  If we get some, great! If we don't, great...

    Stop expecting your loved ones to fund things that you as adults are responsible for.
    KeptInStitcheslisas65ashleyep
  • Drea937Drea937 member
    First Comment
    I'm not planning on doing one myself, just because it does seem awkward if people are not used to the idea, but I do think dollar dances and such definitely depend on cultural context.  I know they're not all that common in the US, but in many parts around the world they are just part of the wedding celebrations and nobody thinks anything of it.  In parts of the Middle East, Eastern Europe, and even Latin America it is considered kind of weird if you don't do a money dance, so I would be careful to label cultural customs as "rude" or "tacky" simply because it is not something that exists in your personal traditions.  

    In any case, to each his/her own.  If you don't feel comfortable doing a money dance or jar, don't do it.  I hope your wedding turns out lovely.
    furturemrsleeTinkt21
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    larrygaga said:
    Dollar dances are common in my group, and I refuse to do one because I feel like a classy stripper. Here I will dance with you if you give me money!!!!
    I did not know what a dollar dance was for a very long time. All I could think of was strippers (I was pretty sure I was wrong though). Then finally it was explained to me and I realized my idea about strippers was not far off.
    LDay2014ashley8918APDSS22
  • photokittyphotokitty where I want to be mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    FWIW - I have been to wedding where the groom was from Ghana...their version of the dollar dance is very different form the Western version most of us know. The guests from his side took bills and pressed them to the foreheads of the groom, bride and MOG's heads and let them fall to the ground. It is symbolic and the dollars were used over and over again throughout the night when appropriate. They didn't make an announcement that is was time for the dollar dance. Some of the American guests joined in, but we weren't shaken down or bribed with a shot/candy/ dance time.

    I'd give PP a pass on the "dollar dance" since it is culturally acceptable where she is form. But no where is it culturally acceptable to have honeymoon registry. They a rude no matter what your heritage is...sorry. Refer to my other post of how to politely suggest you would like money. =o)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    KeptInStitchescupcait927
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    jdluvr06 said:
    Warning: this thread was in the email today,
    image
    buddysmom80ashley8918rajahmd
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