Wedding Etiquette Forum

Honeymoon Jar?

1234579

Re: Honeymoon Jar?

  • @oopsidaisy, did you even read the thread? Honeymoon registries are still rude.
    image
  • Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its Combo Breaker
    edited May 2014

    Just to add something to the conversation re what you think your family thinks...


    I'm a travel consultant (not spamming, i swear! don't ask me things when I'm not @ work :D) for a company that offers a honeyfund-esque service. Including insert cards for your invites ugh. At least there's no service fee -- the money goes directly into an account for the couple for the TA to book whatever they want (though the couple is STILL not getting that 'massage' or 'snorkel excursion' unless they actually use the money to book it) 

    Anyhow, I would say I have at any given time 2-3 couples who are using this service, so I speak to a handful of people every week who are "purchasing gifts" (i.e. donating to the fund).  I promise you, with ample evidence, even if your guests are not telling you it's rude to your face...thtey're saying it to me, and probably to everyone else they know lol.. Even if they begrudgingly go along with it! 

    Most people aren't blunt enough to rock the boat, but the whole "my family loves me so they'll understand"...is really not true. They'll go along with it, but they think it's weird, or wonder what happened to an old fashioned registry, think it's greedy/entitled or are just straight up confused. 
    Thank you for sharing what you have experienced in your career!

    Family members side eyeing their bride and groom and telling you how rude they think it is.

    I always thought this might happen - now you are dragging other people into knowing your rudeness!

    @mrshutzler‌ You have made me see the "money dance" as a cultural tradition that is endearing. The idea of the village taking care of the new couple is charming. However, a bride initiating the dance and encouraging the DJ to say "step right up with your money! Who wants to dance with the bride?" THATS hell a rude. I believe one or the other needs a new name. They are obviously two different things.

    image   image   image

  • finneafinnea member
    First Comment
    I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

    In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

    You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

    Do it in place of your registry, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. That's the whole point of registry; you're asking for what YOU want.  It's your day. Your wedding. Your honeymoon.

    But maybe that's just a modern bride standpoint. I'm more about things that make me happy, and trust that my loved ones know and understand I have an established household and aren't going to berate me for using a fundraiser in place of gifts.

    I'd rather have an extra day in paradise than worry about stuffy etiquette established before it was socially acceptable to live with your partner before you marry him.

    That's what I think, too.  We are living in the 21st century, where life and culture are *so* different than 100 years ago, when a honeymoon registry or honeymoon fund jar on the table was considered unthinkable. 

    The "we always did it this way" mentality is what is preventing parts of our culture from growing.  Sure, I have some serious issues with rudeness.  I hate it when people cut me off on the highway just so they can get somewhere a fraction of a second faster.  I hate it when people interrupt me when I'm talking. And I hate it when I go out to eat with my fiancé or family, and all around us are people on their cell phones. 

    But in this day and age our relationships are different.  We start them different, and we follow different paths than people did 100 years ago.

    A honeymoon registry can be a very beneficial thing for the couple.  For example, my fiancé and I are not planning on going overseas to travel Europe or cruise the Caribbean.  We are planning on renting a cottage on the coast of California, and we are planning on just relaxing and enjoying the area and all the cultural activities.  We are saving for it, though our wedding is roughly a year and a half away.  We may register for little things that will help out the household, but our main registry is going to be for the honeymoon.

    Everyone I have talked with in my circle of family and friends thinks it's a great idea.  It helps people who don't know what to get us, by giving them more choices.

  • Do a honeymoon registry and post it on your wedding website. honeymoonpixie.com is a good one to use but yeah a jar at the reception ain't cute.
    did you even read this thread? I asked about the rudeness of it over a month ago prior to my wedding. I am now married and asked for 0 money at my wedding. This thread has been taken over due to the knot posting it on an email after it had been dead. - also I would NEVER do a honeymoon registry. Our honeymoon is handled.
  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    finnea said:
    I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

    In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

    You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

    Do it in place of your registry, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. That's the whole point of registry; you're asking for what YOU want.  It's your day. Your wedding. Your honeymoon.

    But maybe that's just a modern bride standpoint. I'm more about things that make me happy, and trust that my loved ones know and understand I have an established household and aren't going to berate me for using a fundraiser in place of gifts.

    I'd rather have an extra day in paradise than worry about stuffy etiquette established before it was socially acceptable to live with your partner before you marry him.

    That's what I think, too.  We are living in the 21st century, where life and culture are *so* different than 100 years ago, when a honeymoon registry or honeymoon fund jar on the table was considered unthinkable. 

    The "we always did it this way" mentality is what is preventing parts of our culture from growing.  Sure, I have some serious issues with rudeness.  I hate it when people cut me off on the highway just so they can get somewhere a fraction of a second faster.  I hate it when people interrupt me when I'm talking. And I hate it when I go out to eat with my fiancé or family, and all around us are people on their cell phones. 

    But in this day and age our relationships are different.  We start them different, and we follow different paths than people did 100 years ago.

    A honeymoon registry can be a very beneficial thing for the couple.  For example, my fiancé and I are not planning on going overseas to travel Europe or cruise the Caribbean.  We are planning on renting a cottage on the coast of California, and we are planning on just relaxing and enjoying the area and all the cultural activities.  We are saving for it, though our wedding is roughly a year and a half away.  We may register for little things that will help out the household, but our main registry is going to be for the honeymoon.

    Everyone I have talked with in my circle of family and friends thinks it's a great idea.  It helps people who don't know what to get us, by giving them more choices.

    Because cash is never a good choice and whatever they 'buy' you off your honeyfund is a lie because they don't actually buy that.  They give you a cheque at the end of it after they've taken their cut...FML. I quit...some people just will never 'get it'

    A honeymoon is an unnecessary luxury.  You are asking other people to fund a luxury.  That is rude.
  • finnea said:
    I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

    In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

    You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

    Do it in place of your registry, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. That's the whole point of registry; you're asking for what YOU want.  It's your day. Your wedding. Your honeymoon.

    But maybe that's just a modern bride standpoint. I'm more about things that make me happy, and trust that my loved ones know and understand I have an established household and aren't going to berate me for using a fundraiser in place of gifts.

    I'd rather have an extra day in paradise than worry about stuffy etiquette established before it was socially acceptable to live with your partner before you marry him.

    That's what I think, too.  We are living in the 21st century, where life and culture are *so* different than 100 years ago, when a honeymoon registry or honeymoon fund jar on the table was considered unthinkable. 

    The "we always did it this way" mentality is what is preventing parts of our culture from growing.  Sure, I have some serious issues with rudeness.  I hate it when people cut me off on the highway just so they can get somewhere a fraction of a second faster.  I hate it when people interrupt me when I'm talking. And I hate it when I go out to eat with my fiancé or family, and all around us are people on their cell phones. 

    But in this day and age our relationships are different.  We start them different, and we follow different paths than people did 100 years ago.

    A honeymoon registry can be a very beneficial thing for the couple.  For example, my fiancé and I are not planning on going overseas to travel Europe or cruise the Caribbean.  We are planning on renting a cottage on the coast of California, and we are planning on just relaxing and enjoying the area and all the cultural activities.  We are saving for it, though our wedding is roughly a year and a half away.  We may register for little things that will help out the household, but our main registry is going to be for the honeymoon.

    Everyone I have talked with in my circle of family and friends thinks it's a great idea.  It helps people who don't know what to get us, by giving them more choices.

    You mean 100 years ago people had enough dignity to not beg money off their guests for an unnecessary vacation?

    By using a honeymoon registry, you are deceiving your guests and allowing a middle man to take a huge cut of your wedding gifts for absolutely no reason. Do these people who think it's a great idea know that there are tons of service fees and that you just get a check at the end of the day?
    image
  • Thanks TK for continuing the shitstorm...ugh.

  • finnea said:
    I'm sorry, I have to disagree.

    In a world of living with your partners before getting married and establishing your own household before taking the plunge, how in any world is asking for money to go toward a honeymoon rude? This is such an outdated concept. You're asking for gifts regardless, what does it matter if it's a waffle iron or a day longer in paradise? God knows the people attending your wedding are wishing they had an extra day rather than another unused appliance taking up space.

    You can set up an account with gofundme and include that in place of your registry on your invitations. Or a lot of banks have options for online fund raising as well.

    Do it in place of your registry, I don't think there's anything wrong with that at all. That's the whole point of registry; you're asking for what YOU want.  It's your day. Your wedding. Your honeymoon.

    But maybe that's just a modern bride standpoint. I'm more about things that make me happy, and trust that my loved ones know and understand I have an established household and aren't going to berate me for using a fundraiser in place of gifts.

    I'd rather have an extra day in paradise than worry about stuffy etiquette established before it was socially acceptable to live with your partner before you marry him.

    That's what I think, too.  We are living in the 21st century, where life and culture are *so* different than 100 years ago, when a honeymoon registry or honeymoon fund jar on the table was considered unthinkable. 

    The "we always did it this way" mentality is what is preventing parts of our culture from growing.  Sure, I have some serious issues with rudeness.  I hate it when people cut me off on the highway just so they can get somewhere a fraction of a second faster.  I hate it when people interrupt me when I'm talking. And I hate it when I go out to eat with my fiancé or family, and all around us are people on their cell phones. 

    But in this day and age our relationships are different.  We start them different, and we follow different paths than people did 100 years ago.

    A honeymoon registry can be a very beneficial thing for the couple.  For example, my fiancé and I are not planning on going overseas to travel Europe or cruise the Caribbean.  We are planning on renting a cottage on the coast of California, and we are planning on just relaxing and enjoying the area and all the cultural activities.  We are saving for it, though our wedding is roughly a year and a half away.  We may register for little things that will help out the household, but our main registry is going to be for the honeymoon.

    Everyone I have talked with in my circle of family and friends thinks it's a great idea.  It helps people who don't know what to get us, by giving them more choices.

    image

    As to the bolded: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA there was a post about three up from yours from a travel agent who hears from family and friends ALL THE TIME about how they think it's rude, but they are too nice to say something to the bride and groom.

    Rude is rude is rude.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • MagicInk said:
    I don't want to register for a honeymoon. I just want to register for money. Think just sending out deposit slips with my invitations would get the idea across?
    @MagicInk yeah, I don't see why not!  Because everyone just wants to make you happy, right?  It's your dayyyyyy

    image
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • Okay, since this generation of upcoming brides is so set on asking people for money, why don't you all just sit on the curb next to a homeless person and beg for money just like he does? Because obviously, you deserve that special vacation to the Caribbean's more than he deserves his next meal. You're obviously the most important people in life and everyone should bow down to you and fund everything.
  • Oh, but I do actually want to address the point about the money dance.  Indeed, there are some cultures where it's a tradition.  FMIL is from Sicily, and the money dance is completely normal and expected at weddings.  Heck, usually the guests start it-- not the B&G.

    So, it's definitely a know your crowd thing.

    But make sure you know your WHOLE crowd-- for instance, the Sicilian part of Fi's family is only going to be about 30% of the people at our wedding.  So if we did a money dance, sure those people would think it was fine, but the other 70% of our guests would just be confused and offended.  So we are opting not to do the money dance, because we don't want to offend any of our guests.  If his family wants to give us money so badly, they will.  We don't have to ask.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
  • jdluvr06 said:
    To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
    I really like the idea of buying a bunch of single-stem flowers and giving them out to the guests as we dance with whomever.  Like, "Come dance and get a flower from the bride/groom!"

    So you get the personal dancing time, but we are giving them a token instead of the other way around.

    Not sure if we'll do this at all, but it's one of the no-money variations I actually like.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • jdluvr06 said:
    To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
    I really like the idea of buying a bunch of single-stem flowers and giving them out to the guests as we dance with whomever.  Like, "Come dance and get a flower from the bride/groom!"

    So you get the personal dancing time, but we are giving them a token instead of the other way around.

    Not sure if we'll do this at all, but it's one of the no-money variations I actually like.
    We thought about doing that, and we still might but we didn't want to spend the money on the flowers until we knew we had it in the budget. Amazingly I'm still under budget so we might be able to ditch the fake money and do that. 
  • jdluvr06 said:
    To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
    I really like the idea of buying a bunch of single-stem flowers and giving them out to the guests as we dance with whomever.  Like, "Come dance and get a flower from the bride/groom!"

    So you get the personal dancing time, but we are giving them a token instead of the other way around.

    Not sure if we'll do this at all, but it's one of the no-money variations I actually like.
    Or people can just voluntarily dance with their guests because they want to not because they have something to give away/receive.  I danced with a lot of my guests because they were my guests and I wanted to spend time with them.  Why people feel like they need a special "dance" to allow guests to dance with them is just mind boggling to me.


    image

  • jdluvr06 said:
    To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
    I really like the idea of buying a bunch of single-stem flowers and giving them out to the guests as we dance with whomever.  Like, "Come dance and get a flower from the bride/groom!"

    So you get the personal dancing time, but we are giving them a token instead of the other way around.

    Not sure if we'll do this at all, but it's one of the no-money variations I actually like.
    Or people can just voluntarily dance with their guests because they want to not because they have something to give away/receive.  I danced with a lot of my guests because they were my guests and I wanted to spend time with them.  Why people feel like they need a special "dance" to allow guests to dance with them is just mind boggling to me.


    image
    Yeah I feel the same way.  I want to be out on the dance floor with my guests all night anyway.  

    But if you are going to do some kind of no-money dance, I prefer to give something to your guests, rather than have them give you Monopoly money or write out recipes or whatever.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  • jdluvr06 said:
    To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
    I really like the idea of buying a bunch of single-stem flowers and giving them out to the guests as we dance with whomever.  Like, "Come dance and get a flower from the bride/groom!"

    So you get the personal dancing time, but we are giving them a token instead of the other way around.

    Not sure if we'll do this at all, but it's one of the no-money variations I actually like.
    Or people can just voluntarily dance with their guests because they want to not because they have something to give away/receive.  I danced with a lot of my guests because they were my guests and I wanted to spend time with them.  Why people feel like they need a special "dance" to allow guests to dance with them is just mind boggling to me.


    image
    We had no special dances at my wedding other than first dance, father daughter and mother son.....after the dance floor opened up my husband and I literally danced all night. Other than the guests that just straight up didn't dance we danced with everyone at the wedding. It was awesome. I think guests appreciate that a lot more than killing the party in the middle of it to do some random dance for flowers or fake money. Just go with the flow ;)
  • jdluvr06 said:
    To all you dollar dance people. There are ways to do this without asking for money. My FMIL was very insistent that we have one and since it was the only thing she asked for I started doing some research. There are tons of alternatives. You can have guest write down marriage advice or some type of blessing. Or you could do what we are doing. We bought some cute fake money to use.
    I really like the idea of buying a bunch of single-stem flowers and giving them out to the guests as we dance with whomever.  Like, "Come dance and get a flower from the bride/groom!"

    So you get the personal dancing time, but we are giving them a token instead of the other way around.

    Not sure if we'll do this at all, but it's one of the no-money variations I actually like.
    This is a really sweet idea!
    image
  • AddieCake said:

    Half of these snowflakes show up out of the woodwork to chime in on these threads (and not reading them or any of the dozens exactly like them), and then never chime into any other threads. I hate that. I hate these stupid fucking TK emails that bring these blizzards of snowflakes who don't pay attention, don't listen, spout their 2 cents, and then drift away never having learned anything or made any real contributions to this community beyond a single thread.

    And I always wonder how the newsletter phrases things because they seem to come in here, answer some ambiguous question that wasn't in the OP or other posts, then skip off into the sunset.
  • Exactly! It's so bizarre.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • So I checked the spam email account I used to sign up with for TK and I get the email newsletter and this is what it looks like. I did a screen shot so it's not the whole thing.image
  • I agree with stolzyb. If you don't have anything to put on registry then why can't you do a honeymoon registry? Wouldn't you consider it to be rude to only have a few things on your registry because you don't need alot? I'm not just going to put something on there I don't want or need. Doing something like Honeyfund gives your loved ones a chance to make your honeymoon special.
  • carlav18 said:
    I agree with stolzyb. If you don't have anything to put on registry then why can't you do a honeymoon registry? Wouldn't you consider it to be rude to only have a few things on your registry because you don't need alot? I'm not just going to put something on there I don't want or need. Doing something like Honeyfund gives your loved ones a chance to make your honeymoon special.
    FFS...if you don't need anything then don't ask for anything.
    STOP ASKING PEOPLE TO FUND FRIVOLITY
  • Do people not understand that a honeymoon registry doesn't actually provide you with what you "register" for?
  • Do people not understand that a honeymoon registry doesn't actually provide you with what you "register" for?
    apparently not.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • APDSS22APDSS22 member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Well I'm sure they spend just as much time reading these threads before posting as they did reading all of the fine print on the Honeyfund website before setting up their GIMMECASH registry.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards