Wedding Etiquette Forum

Honeymoon Jar?

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Re: Honeymoon Jar?

  • Like most rules of etiquette, the "send the gift ahead" rule was born of thoughtfulness and common sense. 
    The idea was that the happy couple wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to transport or make arrangements for someone else to transport and deliver the gifts, and sending the gifts early allowed them to put their future home in order. 

    Presumably, the happy couple would be busy graciously hosting their guests, and then making a quick getaway so they could finally see each other nekkid.

    (Times have changed.)

    So yes, it is an older and now not frequently practiced rule. But why shouldn't it be? We've all seen the "who's going to watch the gift table," question, and worries about cards being stolen, multiple times. Misplaced gifts, cards that become separated from their packages- this old rule takes care of all those problems.

    And true, if your problem is carrying all your nice presents away, it's a happy problem. 
    Forty or fifty years ago, the sight of a gift table would cause lifted brows and private eye rolling. It probably still does, in some circles. (You didn't see Kate and William's guests arriving clutching boxes. It's a safe bet the gifts were sent ahead.) But it's become standard practice, like the response card.

    I still like it, and still practice it. I don't judge people who don't.


  • Like most rules of etiquette, the "send the gift ahead" rule was born of thoughtfulness and common sense. 
    The idea was that the happy couple wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to transport or make arrangements for someone else to transport and deliver the gifts, and sending the gifts early allowed them to put their future home in order. 

    Presumably, the happy couple would be busy graciously hosting their guests, and then making a quick getaway so they could finally see each other nekkid.

    (Times have changed.)

    So yes, it is an older and now not frequently practiced rule. But why shouldn't it be? We've all seen the "who's going to watch the gift table," question, and worries about cards being stolen, multiple times. Misplaced gifts, cards that become separated from their packages- this old rule takes care of all those problems.

    And true, if your problem is carrying all your nice presents away, it's a happy problem. 
    Forty or fifty years ago, the sight of a gift table would cause lifted brows and private eye rolling. It probably still does, in some circles. (You didn't see Kate and William's guests arriving clutching boxes. It's a safe bet the gifts were sent ahead.) But it's become standard practice, like the response card.

    I still like it, and still practice it. I don't judge people who don't.


    But all we saw was the ceremony and gifts, if brought to a wedding, are not dropped off at the ceremony but rather at the reception.  But then again, the royal couples wedding is a complete 180 from the everyday persons wedding.

    And I get what you are saying, but honestly, it really isn't that hard to work with your venue or hire someone to watch your gift table.  And since most couples today stay until the end of their reception and typically have happy family members who stick around to grab any necessary items, it isn't like they are left all alone to take any gifts that they may have received and get them home.

  • How the hell did I miss this shitshow of a thread? I am always shocked at the rudeness exhibited by some people! Sure, let's all have honeymoon registries and beg our guests for money! It is totally acceptable!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • Like most rules of etiquette, the "send the gift ahead" rule was born of thoughtfulness and common sense. 
    The idea was that the happy couple wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to transport or make arrangements for someone else to transport and deliver the gifts, and sending the gifts early allowed them to put their future home in order. 

    Presumably, the happy couple would be busy graciously hosting their guests, and then making a quick getaway so they could finally see each other nekkid.

    (Times have changed.)

    So yes, it is an older and now not frequently practiced rule. But why shouldn't it be? We've all seen the "who's going to watch the gift table," question, and worries about cards being stolen, multiple times. Misplaced gifts, cards that become separated from their packages- this old rule takes care of all those problems.

    And true, if your problem is carrying all your nice presents away, it's a happy problem. 
    Forty or fifty years ago, the sight of a gift table would cause lifted brows and private eye rolling. It probably still does, in some circles. (You didn't see Kate and William's guests arriving clutching boxes. It's a safe bet the gifts were sent ahead.) But it's become standard practice, like the response card.

    I still like it, and still practice it. I don't judge people who don't.



    But all we saw was the ceremony and gifts, if brought to a wedding, are not dropped off at the ceremony but rather at the reception.  But then again, the royal couples wedding is a complete 180 from the everyday persons wedding.

    And I get what you are saying, but honestly, it really isn't that hard to work with your venue or hire someone to watch your gift table.  And since most couples today stay until the end of their reception and typically have happy family members who stick around to grab any necessary items, it isn't like they are left all alone to take any gifts that they may have received and get them home.


    This is true but not all venues are honest. A friend's mom had to deal with their venue's staff stealing all the money from their cards.

    Another issue can be when transportation is not arranged. This happens if the couple is going home in a limo or in a big city and they didn't rent a car.

    Also, it's often not the couple handling the gifts. They're off to a hotel but their families are loading the gifts and unloading them at someone's home.

    Now of course anyone receiving a gift should be gracious about it. BUT, as a giver, one should try to send in advance or closely after the wedding instead of bringing to the wedding.
  • @Maggie0829: Oh, I agree with you 100%. This is one of those etiquette rules that has actually changed, and doesn't offend or inconvenience anybody, really. 
    And it's still practiced in certain tradition steeped circles, but those are definitely not my circles. The Duchess of GrandPoohbah or Earl of ArchaicPrivilege are never going to have the occasion to side eye me. 

    I just find etiquette, and the evolution of etiquette, interesting.

  • banana468 said:
    Like most rules of etiquette, the "send the gift ahead" rule was born of thoughtfulness and common sense. 
    The idea was that the happy couple wouldn't be inconvenienced by having to transport or make arrangements for someone else to transport and deliver the gifts, and sending the gifts early allowed them to put their future home in order. 

    Presumably, the happy couple would be busy graciously hosting their guests, and then making a quick getaway so they could finally see each other nekkid.

    (Times have changed.)

    So yes, it is an older and now not frequently practiced rule. But why shouldn't it be? We've all seen the "who's going to watch the gift table," question, and worries about cards being stolen, multiple times. Misplaced gifts, cards that become separated from their packages- this old rule takes care of all those problems.

    And true, if your problem is carrying all your nice presents away, it's a happy problem. 
    Forty or fifty years ago, the sight of a gift table would cause lifted brows and private eye rolling. It probably still does, in some circles. (You didn't see Kate and William's guests arriving clutching boxes. It's a safe bet the gifts were sent ahead.) But it's become standard practice, like the response card.

    I still like it, and still practice it. I don't judge people who don't.


    But all we saw was the ceremony and gifts, if brought to a wedding, are not dropped off at the ceremony but rather at the reception.  But then again, the royal couples wedding is a complete 180 from the everyday persons wedding.

    And I get what you are saying, but honestly, it really isn't that hard to work with your venue or hire someone to watch your gift table.  And since most couples today stay until the end of their reception and typically have happy family members who stick around to grab any necessary items, it isn't like they are left all alone to take any gifts that they may have received and get them home.
    This is true but not all venues are honest. A friend's mom had to deal with their venue's staff stealing all the money from their cards. Another issue can be when transportation is not arranged. This happens if the couple is going home in a limo or in a big city and they didn't rent a car. Also, it's often not the couple handling the gifts. They're off to a hotel but their families are loading the gifts and unloading them at someone's home. Now of course anyone receiving a gift should be gracious about it. BUT, as a giver, one should try to send in advance or closely after the wedding instead of bringing to the wedding.
    I agree with this.  As a gift giver I always send gift/card ahead of time.  I've heard too many horror stories of gifts/cards being stolen.  I want to make sure the couple gets my gift!
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
  • I received some boxed gifts ahead of time, but every single cash/check from someone in attendance at the wedding was given at the reception (well a few came in after the fact).

    I find it odd that this "rule" is primarily only observed/ expected of boxed gift givers. When cash is the favorite target of thieves.

    I typically purchase of the registry and have it mailed ahead of time. On rare occasion I have taken a gift to the wedding. When I was younger (college years) and could not afford to pay shipping or had to select something off registry, I was more likely to be gauche and carry in my present.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • I am thinking that if someone did happen to bring a gift, it would be a good idea to have a place arranged ahead of time as not to make the person feel awkward for having brought the gift. And at least in our case I don't think it will be too much of an inconvenience for us to step out briefly and place the gift in our hotel room. 

    I know I would feel like a jerk if I brought someone a gift to their wedding and they made it clear they were inconvenienced by me. Which is odd to me, because obviously this person is trying to be thoughtful and generous, not rude. 
  • My fiance & I have owned a home together for 5 years. We have (almost) everything we want/need, & if it's something new or replacing, we just get it then ourselves... with the exception of big ticket items.

    Anyway, I'm not sure how to register for those big items our home really needs/wants: repairing our leaking, cracked foundation, get a bedroom set instead of using plastic tubs, furnish the walk around deck with patio furniture instead of folding chairs, replace our ancient wood-shingled roof...

    Yes, a brand new kitchenaid mixer would be lovely when I use it once a year. That new knife set works just as well as the one we already had. Another figurine to add to the dust collecting decor. These are great.. but it rained last night so the basement is flooded again!

    You get the point.

    We just aren't sure how to approach this with "please just help us help our house, anything is appreciated to aid in the many years ahead living there." If you must physically buy a gift.. coffee, milk, cleaners, & toilet paper are things we will need for our home, & they will also get used!

    Sorry for all the sarcasm, but seriously, any advise?
  • @amelialanet1020, just don't register. That does also mean not accepting a shower if you are offered one, because those are for physical gifts. And you certainly can't register for things like coffee and toilet paper--those are groceries.

    So, don't register at all, or maybe do a small registry for new sheets/towels/etc. And when people ask you or your close family where you are registered (and they will), they can be told that you are saving for home repairs. That will give them the hint to give money without spelling it out because it is never okay to straight up ask for cash. The good thing is, people are aware that money makes a good gift. Be prepared though for some people to still pick out boxed gifts they think will be to your taste, which is why I suggest the small registry. And really, new towels are never a bad thing to have IMO.
    image
  • He really is bad at handyman stuff... it's adorable. He can do your taxes, though!
    Oooooh! Good score! FI and I basically have to compete to assemble stuff, and we have to take taxes to a math person. I don't math, at all. FI probably could, but we have a lot of different puzzle pieces.

    I have been leaning towards not registering, but I would like MANY towels. Maybe I'll just do a towel registry. It'll be worth it.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • kitsunegari89kitsunegari89 member
    500 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    beethery said:
    He really is bad at handyman stuff... it's adorable. He can do your taxes, though!
    Oooooh! Good score! FI and I basically have to compete to assemble stuff, and we have to take taxes to a math person. I don't math, at all. FI probably could, but we have a lot of different puzzle pieces.

    I have been leaning towards not registering, but I would like MANY towels. Maybe I'll just do a towel registry. It'll be worth it.
    Register for many towels. I registered for four of these and now realize my critical mistake in not registering for 10000000000


    My colors are "blood of my enemies" and "rage".

    http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m3h1kr8sYk1qzve89.gif
  • beethery said:
    He really is bad at handyman stuff... it's adorable. He can do your taxes, though!
    Oooooh! Good score! FI and I basically have to compete to assemble stuff, and we have to take taxes to a math person. I don't math, at all. FI probably could, but we have a lot of different puzzle pieces.

    I have been leaning towards not registering, but I would like MANY towels. Maybe I'll just do a towel registry. It'll be worth it.
    Register for many towels. I registered for four of these and now realize my critical mistake in not registering for 10000000000


    You're right.  I'll never buy myself $40 towels, but if someone wants to buy them for me.... Towels are one of the (many) things my FH is picky about.  I'll probably let him choose style while I pick the color.  Now, to buy the new house so we have space for giant fluffy towels.
  • adk19 said:
    any other nerds out there?  

    • The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has a few things to say on the subject of towels.
      A towel, it says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitch hiker can have.
      Partly it has great practical value — you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble‐sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand‐to‐hand‐combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindbogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you — daft as a bush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

    ETA: Towel day is in 9 days.... http://towelday.org/
    DANG, you are one hoopy frood!
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • Wow that's a little over the top and dramatic.... Its a brides choice to have a cash registry or not. I think its true that its a more modern thing to do than a gift registry because gifts are getting more and more expensive. I could donate 30 or 50 dollars and feel like that was an acceptable gift where as if I look up a gift to buy for a bride they are all a bit high priced. I wonder if I am being to cheap. I have two friends that got married a little over a year ago and I bought them both a nice gift that has been in the box since I bought them haha. Yes I visit often and can tell that their gifts are seldom used. My money went to waste. I also know that they returned a lot of gifts. So basically all that time wasted on people finding the right gift or even looking up a registry and going to the store wasn't worth it. 
    Someone tell me how a dollar dance is any different? 
    The dollar dance has been a tradition in weddings for a long time now. 
    Don't get me wrong. I don't believe I will have a honey moon jar at my wedding but truthfully its no different than dancing for dollars. Its the brides choice....
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    The only thing better than big fluffy towels is big fluffy WARM towels! I bought FI a towel warmer for Christmas last year, guess who uses it ALL THE TIME? This girl!!
  • Wow that's a little over the top and dramatic.... Its a brides choice to have a cash registry or not. I think its true that its a more modern thing to do than a gift registry because gifts are getting more and more expensive. I could donate 30 or 50 dollars and feel like that was an acceptable gift where as if I look up a gift to buy for a bride they are all a bit high priced. I wonder if I am being to cheap. I have two friends that got married a little over a year ago and I bought them both a nice gift that has been in the box since I bought them haha. Yes I visit often and can tell that their gifts are seldom used. My money went to waste. I also know that they returned a lot of gifts. So basically all that time wasted on people finding the right gift or even looking up a registry and going to the store wasn't worth it. 

    Someone tell me how a dollar dance is any different? 
    The dollar dance has been a tradition in weddings for a long time now. 
    Don't get me wrong. I don't believe I will have a honey moon jar at my wedding but truthfully its no different than dancing for dollars. Its the brides choice....
    Oh sweet Lordy. Unless the bride or groom's family is part of a culture that does dollar dances at weddings, there doesn't need to be a dollar dance. Unless the bride or groom is going back to work at the strip club, nobody needs to pay them for dances. Want to give them a cash gift? Stick it in a nice card congratulating them on their new marriage.

    Don't bother with a honeymoon fund/jar/tree/etc. It's a waste. If the newly wedded couple has ANYTHING derogatory to say about your generous cash gift (regardless of amount), 1. They're dicks, 2. They need to get their fucking priorities straight. It's gift, not a requirement. Just because they have a honeymoon or whatever fund doesn't mean you have to participate in their rude shenanigans.

    Now that I've put all of that out there,

    image
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

    image
  • Screw it. This girl is buying some $40 soft, fluffy, fat lamb towels just for Towel Day. Because I can. They're my towels and hordes of nice towels are acceptable.
  • vt&dtvt&dt member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I think I'm going to make a GoFundMe for some of those towels.




  • Screw it. This girl is buying some $40 soft, fluffy, fat lamb towels just for Towel Day. Because I can. They're my towels and hordes of nice towels are acceptable.
    Towel day is Sunday!  Go stock up!
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