Wedding Etiquette Forum

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • SJayeP said:
    WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

    Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

    Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

    If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

    I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

    I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

    Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

    You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

    Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

    I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

    Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!






    No. NO. NO!! 
    PrettyGirlLost
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Gaps suck stinky hairy balls when you don't know many people at the wedding. It sucks even harder if your SO (I mean, if you're lucky enough to have been invited with your SO) is in the wedding party. 

    When FI and I had been dating about 6 months we went to a wedding of a friend of his. They had about a 3 hour gap. I buddied up with the other temporarily widowed SOs for the gap. They were very nice, but the experience was still a weird mix of boring and anxiety-inducing. On top of that, they had a head table so I didn't get to spend ANY time with FI until absolutely everything else was over, including a ceremony and their 3 hour gap so that they could go to multiple photo locations and bars, and dinner. So I made nice with people I just met for probably 6 hours or so. That is a long time. 

    I lived and of course I never said anything to the B&G. But you can bet I didn't like it and I can pretty much guarantee you that someone in your guest list would be put in the same position. If you invite SOs, that is (and I really cannot believe that anyone would consider not doing so, but here I stand, corrected). 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostSKPMluckysnorkel
  • lyndausvi said:

    Question for all the special snowflakes who think their honeymoon registries are awesome......

    What are guests to do if they absolutely refuse to give money in any shape or form?  Or are so offended by the thought that you are so rude and tacky to list a honeymoon registry even if you do have another registry? 

    If I was invited to a wedding with a HM registry listed anywhere, you are getting a empty card from me.  I refuse to give cash for weddings.  It is very impersonal.  So since I won't give cash, and all you have listed is a HM registry,to me you have asked for no gift when in essence I would have LOVED to get a beautiful pricy gift from your registry.  So you are not allowed to talk about "how they came to our wedding and didn't even give us a gift".

    You know that you can just go and buy a gift from a store?  You don't have to go off of any registry.  


    ** STUCK IN BOX ***
    2 of my most favorite gifts were hand made gifts.    It think @hisgirlfriday13 often knits, sews a blanket or quilt as wedding gifts (can't remember which)   I'm actually sad I wasn't her real life friend when I got married.  I LOVE hand made blankets and quilts.
    Now who has the good memory??

    I often crochet a blanket for couples when they get married, and I almost always crochet a baby blanket for people for baby showers.

    I've never had anyone tell me they don't like the blanket, although there was one couple, who got married four years ago now, who never sent me a thank-you note for it, and you can bet your damn ass I am still shirty about that. Do you know how long it takes to make one of those things?!?
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • FiancBFiancB MinnesOOOta member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    SJayeP said:
    You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! 

    Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!

    There's the big issue. If your dream venue is not compatible with your dream guest list, you need to act like an adult and pick ONE. 

    And I personally cannot enjoy my day if I know that no one else is. That's just me though. 
    image
    offthemarket915PrettyGirlLostchibiyuiHisGirlFriday13
  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I get VERY ANNOYED when guests take pictures (especially flash photography with either a cell phone, or their digital camera) during the wedding ceremony. 

    I went to a wedding last year, and my boyfriend's dad sat in front of us, turned on his ye olden Nikon CoolPix from 2003, which made a lot of very nice jangly dinging sounds, and then had a SUPER BRIGHT flash going off (in addition to the accompanying shutter sound). It was obnoxious.

    At another wedding probably a month before that, during a very nice sunset ceremony (that everyone had to stand for... ANNOYING. I AM SHORT AND CAN NOT SEE SHIT), half of the guests got out their cell phones and recorded or photographed the ceremony. The majority of them did no silence their phones, one of them had an old android that, no joke, made a goofy monkey noise for a shutter sound.

    I am going to do everything possible to make sure no one but the damn photographer is taking pictures at my ceremony. THAT SHIT IS SO RUDE. My god, every wedding I've been to, as soon as the couple gets their pro pictures back, THEY PUT THEM ON FB/INSTAGRAM ANYWAY!!!!! WHY DO YOU, GUEST, NEED TO TAKE PICTURES, which, don't lie to yourself, are going to be mostly out of focus and have the top of other guests' heads included in the shot, JUST FOR YOUR STUPID FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM PAGE???!?!?!?!?

    Has that pissed anybody else off?
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

    image
    dwhereicome
  • beethery said:
    I get VERY ANNOYED when guests take pictures (especially flash photography with either a cell phone, or their digital camera) during the wedding ceremony. 

    I went to a wedding last year, and my boyfriend's dad sat in front of us, turned on his ye olden Nikon CoolPix from 2003, which made a lot of very nice jangly dinging sounds, and then had a SUPER BRIGHT flash going off (in addition to the accompanying shutter sound). It was obnoxious.

    At another wedding probably a month before that, during a very nice sunset ceremony (that everyone had to stand for... ANNOYING. I AM SHORT AND CAN NOT SEE SHIT), half of the guests got out their cell phones and recorded or photographed the ceremony. The majority of them did no silence their phones, one of them had an old android that, no joke, made a goofy monkey noise for a shutter sound.

    I am going to do everything possible to make sure no one but the damn photographer is taking pictures at my ceremony. THAT SHIT IS SO RUDE. My god, every wedding I've been to, as soon as the couple gets their pro pictures back, THEY PUT THEM ON FB/INSTAGRAM ANYWAY!!!!! WHY DO YOU, GUEST, NEED TO TAKE PICTURES, which, don't lie to yourself, are going to be mostly out of focus and have the top of other guests' heads included in the shot, JUST FOR YOUR STUPID FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM PAGE???!?!?!?!?

    Has that pissed anybody else off?
    I am not taking the bait...
    PrettyGirlLostHisGirlFriday13beharrington
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    @SJayeP please go away.
    Kauris
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    AddieCake said:
    I feel like it's the appropriate time to randomly link the stupid ass unplugged wedding article. 

    Is that link a bingo square yet? If not, it should be.
    AddieCakePrettyGirlLostbeharringtonluckysnorkel
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    beethery said:
    I get VERY ANNOYED when guests take pictures (especially flash photography with either a cell phone, or their digital camera) during the wedding ceremony. 

    I went to a wedding last year, and my boyfriend's dad sat in front of us, turned on his ye olden Nikon CoolPix from 2003, which made a lot of very nice jangly dinging sounds, and then had a SUPER BRIGHT flash going off (in addition to the accompanying shutter sound). It was obnoxious.

    At another wedding probably a month before that, during a very nice sunset ceremony (that everyone had to stand for... ANNOYING. I AM SHORT AND CAN NOT SEE SHIT), half of the guests got out their cell phones and recorded or photographed the ceremony. The majority of them did no silence their phones, one of them had an old android that, no joke, made a goofy monkey noise for a shutter sound.

    I am going to do everything possible to make sure no one but the damn photographer is taking pictures at my ceremony. THAT SHIT IS SO RUDE. My god, every wedding I've been to, as soon as the couple gets their pro pictures back, THEY PUT THEM ON FB/INSTAGRAM ANYWAY!!!!! WHY DO YOU, GUEST, NEED TO TAKE PICTURES, which, don't lie to yourself, are going to be mostly out of focus and have the top of other guests' heads included in the shot, JUST FOR YOUR STUPID FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM PAGE???!?!?!?!?

    Has that pissed anybody else off?
    There was a whole thread on this. http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1017479/unplugged-wedding-thoughts#latest

    But to the bolded, what exactly are you going to do to stop people?  Confiscate their phones and cameras?  If someone does take a picture during your ceremony are you going to halt the ceremony and go and hit them upside their head with your bouquet?

    jdluvr06PrettyGirlLostcrunchymamaof2
  • First off it seems pretty clear that there are different expectations from different demographics as well as from an economic stand point. Here in NH Cash bars, dollar dance, and honeymoon registry are very common. I think when planning your wedding you really need to think about what is best for you and you're family. 

    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 

    Things I don't like are long gaps (over an hour) and not enough food.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    lyndausvi said:
    I love the reading comprehension in this thread. 

    We say "do not have a cash bar".  They "read go into debt with a full blown top shelf bar"



    Also, does no one save money for life events anymore?  I don't care if you are 22 or 52, don't you try to save in advance.  I had saved up the majority of the cash for the wedding before I was even engaged.  I just always set aside money.

    Anyone who goes into crazy amounts of debt over a wedding and expects guests to pick up tabs, is stupid.  

    Save, set a budget, and stick to it.


    The day I started working part time while in high school I started to save money.  Not for any specific future event but just because saving is something that you do.  When H and I went to buy our house I decided to use the majority (not all because that would have been crazy) on the down payment for our house.  If we didn't buy a house then I would have used some of it towards our honeymoon.  But yeah, I don't think people know how to save money anymore.

    PrettyGirlLostLadyMillil
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    lyndausvi said:
    I love the reading comprehension in this thread. 

    We say "do not have a cash bar".  They "read go into debt with a full blown top shelf bar"



    Also, does no one save money for life events anymore?  I don't care if you are 22 or 52, don't you try to save in advance.  I had saved up the majority of the cash for the wedding before I was even engaged.  I just always set aside money.

    Anyone who goes into crazy amounts of debt over a wedding and expects guests to pick up tabs, is stupid.  

    Save, set a budget, and stick to it.


    Nope, not in the age of instant gratification.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • First off it seems pretty clear that there are different expectations from different demographics as well as from an economic stand point. Here in NH Cash bars, dollar dance, and honeymoon registry are very common. I think when planning your wedding you really need to think about what is best for you and you're family. 

    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 

    Things I don't like are long gaps (over an hour) and not enough food.
    Etiquette isn't regional.
    Just because some people in your area don't follow etiquette doesn't make it okay...just means they have low standards.

    Call me crazy, but I like when people have high standards of what they expect from me.  Says a lot about who I am.
    PrettyGirlLostoffthemarket915ab6704aJCbride2015
  • Here is what bugs me:  super cool trendy -  it is still a wedding, groomsmen chest bumping their bro while wearing sunglasses is just stupid.  Bridesmaids being drunken little morons is just tacky. Little private dance parties to show your rico suave while introducing your wedding party.  Seriously?  Money dance. Enough said.  As far as guest lists, get over it.  Sometimes there are reasons why people aren't invited.  If the only reason you aren't going is because your partner who may not even know the bride or groom then you really shouldn't have been invited either.  I have no problem with registries that include honeymoon items; maybe they don't need more crap in the house, SO WHAT?
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    First off it seems pretty clear that there are different expectations from different demographics as well as from an economic stand point. Here in NH Cash bars, dollar dance, and honeymoon registry are very common. I think when planning your wedding you really need to think about what is best for you and you're family. 

    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 

    Things I don't like are long gaps (over an hour) and not enough food.
    You're wrong.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    I love the reading comprehension in this thread. 

    We say "do not have a cash bar".  They "read go into debt with a full blown top shelf bar"



    Also, does no one save money for life events anymore?  I don't care if you are 22 or 52, don't you try to save in advance.  I had saved up the majority of the cash for the wedding before I was even engaged.  I just always set aside money.

    Anyone who goes into crazy amounts of debt over a wedding and expects guests to pick up tabs, is stupid.  

    Save, set a budget, and stick to it.

    ** STUCK IN BOX

    My BFF saved for her "wedding" before she was even dating.  When we were 27 I was going on a med cruise with my parents who were living in Europe at the time.  She said "fuck it".  Doesn't look like I'm getting married anytime soon, can I come?"   Asked my parents, they said "sure".  She cashed out some of her "wedding" savings and off we went. Spent 21 days in Europe.  Had the time of our lives on on the Pacific Princesses..   For you young folks that was the ship on the TV Show The Love Boat.   Both of us paid cash and incurred no debt.

    It was 10 years later she actually got married.  Plenty of time to save up again and paid for her black-tie wedding in cash.








    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    PrettyGirlLostcupcait927beharrington
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