Wedding Etiquette Forum

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • MagicInk said:



    Pinot. The wine -- either grigio or noir -- in spelt 'pinot.' Not 'pino.'

    I am having a very large glass of it right now.

    I like that you kept it classy with the wine. I just had a shot of Patron. I plan to have several more.

    I'm off the clock but waiting for the FI to come pick me up. I let her know "I read a thing on the internet and now I'm drinking Patron, just giving you a heads up". 


    I had the mother-fucking day from hell. I E.A.R.N.E.D. this wine.

    If we had Patron in the house, I'd be downing that shit so hard.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    crunchymamaof2
  • ab6704aab6704a member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    LDay2014 said:
    First off it seems pretty clear that there are different expectations from different demographics as well as from an economic stand point. Here in NH Cash bars, dollar dance, and honeymoon registry are very common. I think when planning your wedding you really need to think about what is best for you and you're family. 

    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 

    Things I don't like are long gaps (over an hour) and not enough food.
    Etiquette isn't regional.
    Just because some people in your area don't follow etiquette doesn't make it okay...just means they have low standards.

    Call me crazy, but I like when people have high standards of what they expect from me.  Says a lot about who I am.
    This 100%.  NH bride here and you better believe there will be no cash bar or dollar dance at my wedding.  It has nothing to do with economics or where I live, it has to do with common decency and treating my guests with respect. 
    Simky906RebeccaB88
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Couggal12 said:
    SJayeP said:
    WOW - I am amazed at some of these comments. Time's have changed and things are WAY different then they used to be.

    Making it special for the bride and groom is what is important. If things become out of budget don't feel like you need to break the bank to provide free alcohol or that by not having an open bar people will want to leave. This should be the least of your concern.

    Not everyone has unlimited budgets to do everything perfectly or to invite everyone they want to. I can guarantee people will still be pissed off about something EVEN if you provide a perfect timeline, constant entertainment and free booze.

    If you want a theme wedding HAVE ONE, if guests are that turned off by what you are asking them to come dressed in DON'T GO! If the invitations state black-tie and you don't want to dress up that much, then don't, BUT - be ready to stand out.

    I have no idea what the dollar dances are all about so I will leave that alone.

    I know I have NO interest in meeting tons of people for the first time the day of my wedding. I want to be surrounded by loved ones and not someone's fling of the week. I agree that if they are married or have been together for a long period of time, yes you invite the significant other EVEN if you don't know them. BUT, if you have single friends and don't have a huge budget to work with DON'T feel bad telling them they can't bring joe shmo to the wedding. IT'S ONE NIGHT! If they care about you they will understand.

    Maybe some people would prefer cash over another mixing bowl from Crate & Barrel. Maybe they spent so much on the wedding they are in a ton of debt and would like to pay a little bit off. If you plan to spend X amount at Crate & Barrel what's the big deal about putting X amount of cash in a card instead?

    You may need to do a tiered wedding becasue your dream venue for the ceremony only fits 20 but you have 200 on your guest list. IT'S YOUR DAY! Don't completely change your vision because some guests might be offended. Everyone should understand and if they don't, screw them!

    Unfortunately you can't please EVERYONE so there will always be some that didn't like this and some that didn't like that. BUT, if you concern yourself with to much of this you are going to over stress yourself and before you know it the wedding becomes about the guests and not about the two of you!

    I am not looking to start any sort of argument with any of you. I am a bride in the process of planning and have come to realize you cannot please everyone, you NEVER can. So, instead of going grey and having a few anxiety attacks making sure you haven't offended this person or that person .. ENJOY it and worry about YOU and your SOON-TO-BE-HUBBY!

    Do what you want. It's your wedding. It's your day. ENJOY IT!!







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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    KeptInStitchesoffthemarket915Emmy1493
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    FiancB said:






    First off it seems pretty clear that there are different expectations from different demographics as well as from an economic stand point. Here in NH Cash bars, dollar dance, and honeymoon registry are very common. I think when planning your wedding you really need to think about what is best for you and you're family. 

    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 

    Things I don't like are long gaps (over an hour) and not enough food.

    I CAN'T!

    Have you not read this post? This has been answered 15 different times by 20 different people.

    Bride and Groom don't get slack for not budgeting. If you are old enough to get married, I imagine you already know how to budget your own finances. A wedding is a sign of financial responsibility. You don't have to go over your budget to treat your friends and family with courtesy.

    ETA: can't spell

    Uhhh... No. That is not the purpose of a wedding and you do not have to spend a lot of money on it. It's actually a sign of financial irresponsibility to have a $20,000 wedding.

    Only if you can't afford a $20k wedding. 

    It's irresponsible to have a $10 wedding if you can't afford it. Responsibility is a sliding scale.

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    lyndausvihuskypuppy14crunchymamaof2
  • What is wrong with cash bars?? I am not paying for others to drink. If they want to drink after or during the reception and I am providing a meal for them then they can pay for it themselves.
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    What is wrong with cash bars?? I am not paying for others to drink. If they want to drink after or during the reception and I am providing a meal for them then they can pay for it themselves.
    Because you are supposed to be HOSTING them.  If you host someone in your own home, do you charge them for the drinks?  NO!  Same concept with weddings-you do not charge your guests for ANYTHING-whether it's food, drinks, or anything else.  "They can pay for it themselves" is incredibly ungracious, entitled, and rude.  YOU pay for it if you invite them. If you don't want to pay for it, DON'T INVITE THEM.
    PrettyGirlLostdwhereicome
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    APDSS22 said:
    @cbowler2012 Congratulations on your first post.  Since you failed to read most of the previous comments, or any of the numerous threads on this board on the subject, I will fill you in on why they are so rude.  Cash bars are rude because you do not say thank you to someone by charging them.  The reception is the thank you to your guests for attending your marriage ceremony.  Do you never offer guests a bottle of wine or beer at your home?  You paid for them to drink in that case.  If you don't want to pay for your guests to drink alcohol, don't provide it.  Have a dry wedding with absolutely no alcohol on the premises.  Not rude at all to have a dry wedding.  Also, people get drunk at bars paying for their alcohol all the time so making them pay for it is just ungrateful and rude, it's not stopping them from drinking at all. 

    You know who it does stop from drinking?  Someone with no extra disposable income who is attending your wedding, went to your reception expecting to be hosted and has to watch everyone else drinking something they can't afford.  Your parents work buddies are getting smashed whilst some of your younger guests who had to put their grocery money into your wedding gift are stuck with whatever free options you've managed to provide.  Hopefully something other than water.  So you're also segregating your guest list.  Bet that makes your loved ones feel really awesome about themselves and you as their "host."

    Please don't have a cash bar.
    I want to tack on a reason why even a partial cash bar isn't any more polite - not only does it segregate, but it opens the door for guilt and worry. "I wanted to drink beer... do I look like a mooch if I only drink the free beer? Is my friend hoping I'll pay for my own vodka tonic instead? What will people think of me if they only see me drinking the free beer?"

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    APDSS22cupcait927
  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl Desert Oasis member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @cbowler2012 because they didn't have one at the OMGPS wedding and if they're classy enough to know no cash bars so are you.
    HisGirlFriday13JCbride2015
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 
    Some great friend you are, to charge me for a glass of wine when you invited me to your party.
    PrettyGirlLostcupcait927luckysnorkel
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    To me it is way more rude to walk out of a wedding because you had to pay $5 for your Pino! Some great friend you are! 
    Some great friend you are, to charge me for a glass of wine when you invited me to your my own party.
    FIFY.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    lol no, I'm having an immediate family only ceremony (same day as the reception) at the request of the dude. I'm just going to ask FMIL to try to make sure FFIL doesn't bring his camera, bc we're going to have a pro photographer and they're getting a copy of the wedding album anyway. Probably should've mentioned that D:

    I would never, nevernevernever say anything to anyone who started firing off a camera, even if it wasn't silenced right. I'd eyeroll, but I think causing a ruckus would be signiiiiiiificantly worse than the camera noise. Even if a guest hauled off and busted out one of these and stood in front of the officiant.

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    TBH I'd have to excuse myself for laughing too hard/loud if that happened, and it would be up to the B&G to deal with that lol

    I just had a moment at the other weddings when people were taking crappy pictures with loud ass phone cameras during the super quiet ceremony, like damn at least silence your phone :/

    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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  • beetherybeethery So sayeth the fuckin' Pope. member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Shiiiiit that was @ AddieCake, Maggie0829, etc. Sorry I'm neeeewwww :( I read through this whole thread, I looooooove all of y'alls responses!

    If I was having a big, whole family/all friends ceremony, I would probably not notice it or ignore it.
    --

    I'm the fuck out.

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  • FiancB said:
    cmfarr said:
    Re: Gaps
    I went to a wedding 2 years ago. My live-in BF (now my DH) was invited but we couldn't afford flights for both of us, so I went alone. The ceremony was at a riverside location at 2PM and lasted 20 minutes. The cocktail hour was at 5PM with dinner to follow at a banquet hall a 15 minute drive away. I was from OOT and didn't know any one besides the B&G and WP. There was nothing nearby (middle of nowhere Ontario, Yay!) so I had over 2 hours to kill. By myself. In my dress clothes. Luckily I tossed a book in the car before I left. I had so much fun (*sarcasm*) sitting on a park bench, dressed up, reading for 2 hours, but what else was I supposed to do?

    Re: Inviting SO's (and PPD's)
    DH and I started dating late March. Early April his friends Mary and John come to him so excited because they have decided to get married. Mary is Canadian and John is American and they want to have the wedding ASAP for immigration reasons. They planned their entire wedding in 6 weeks. Mary wore a traditional wedding dress, they got married at city hall and had a lovely dinner with sparkling apple juice at a local inn. Mary and John had never met me. They met me the day of their wedding, which was exactly 2 months after DH and I started dating. They invited me by name on DH's invitation. Before sending invitations they asked DH if our relationship was a casual fling or something more serious, and he said "this girl is special. I can see a future with this girl". It didn't matter to Mary and John that they hadn't met me or that we hadn't been dating very long, what mattered to them was that their friend was in a relationship with a girl that he could see himself marrying.

    Sorry to keep the threading going, but I'm hoping personal stories will get through to some of the new posters.
    And imagine what asses Mary and John would feel like now if they'd deemed your relationship not important enough, only to see you get engaged and married now. LIKE YOU ARE. 

    Our relationship has actually lasted longer than Mary and John's marriage. And longer than their entire relationship.

    Anniversary
    PrettyGirlLostFiancBcrunchymamaof2
  • I am amazed at the amount of comments about the "deal breakers".

    I think most people seem to forget that the wedding day is not about them (the guests) but about the actual couple getting married... therefore silly or not - their requests  and wishes should at the very least be respected (otherwise what kind of friends are you anyway and why were you invited?)  I would agree that  any "unexpected" demands are inappropriate (i.e. when you turned up to a wedding and are expected to pay for your food and drinks) just like in any other situation. However, with the costs of weddings these days I wouldn't blame my friend if they couldn't invite my SO because they don't know him very well and don't have a huge budget just like I wouldn't blame bride and groom for asking for cash instead of presents because let's face it - do they really need another sauce pan when they've just spent thousands on their big day and may be hardly making the ends meet after the honeymoon? I'd much rather contribute towards their baby fund or honeymoon or give them a gift from their registry because I know that would make them happy... You can always politely decline if you are unable to contribute or can't stand leaving your SO at home... And I would certainly respect traditions, dress codes, garter throwing and whatever else the newlyweds want to do because IT IS THEIR DAY! :-)

     

  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Andolisa said:

    I am amazed at the amount of comments about the "deal breakers".

    I think most people seem to forget that the wedding day is not about them (the guests) but about the actual couple getting married... therefore silly or not - their requests  and wishes should at the very least be respected (otherwise what kind of friends are you anyway and why were you invited?)  I would agree that  any "unexpected" demands are inappropriate (i.e. when you turned up to a wedding and are expected to pay for your food and drinks) just like in any other situation. However, with the costs of weddings these days I wouldn't blame my friend if they couldn't invite my SO because they don't know him very well and don't have a huge budget just like I wouldn't blame bride and groom for asking for cash instead of presents because let's face it - do they really need another sauce pan when they've just spent thousands on their big day and may be hardly making the ends meet after the honeymoon? I'd much rather contribute towards their baby fund or honeymoon or give them a gift from their registry because I know that would make them happy... You can always politely decline if you are unable to contribute or can't stand leaving your SO at home... And I would certainly respect traditions, dress codes, garter throwing and whatever else the newlyweds want to do because IT IS THEIR DAY! :-)

     

    You know what happens when you read before you reply?  You learn that the reception actually IS about the guests.



    cupcait927PrettyGirlLostchibiyuiluckysnorkel
  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Andolisa said:

    I am amazed at the amount of comments about the "deal breakers".

    I think most people seem to forget that the wedding day is not about them (the guests) but about the actual couple getting married... therefore silly or not - their requests  and wishes should at the very least be respected (otherwise what kind of friends are you anyway and why were you invited?)  I would agree that  any "unexpected" demands are inappropriate (i.e. when you turned up to a wedding and are expected to pay for your food and drinks) just like in any other situation. However, with the costs of weddings these days I wouldn't blame my friend if they couldn't invite my SO because they don't know him very well and don't have a huge budget just like I wouldn't blame bride and groom for asking for cash instead of presents because let's face it - do they really need another sauce pan when they've just spent thousands on their big day and may be hardly making the ends meet after the honeymoon? I'd much rather contribute towards their baby fund or honeymoon or give them a gift from their registry because I know that would make them happy... You can always politely decline if you are unable to contribute or can't stand leaving your SO at home... And I would certainly respect traditions, dress codes, garter throwing and whatever else the newlyweds want to do because IT IS THEIR DAY! :-)

     

    If you're barely making ends meet after paying for a wedding and honeymoon, you're doing it wrong. And still ZERO excuse to be rude to your guests.
    PrettyGirlLostlyndausviRebeccaB88
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its

    Andolisa said:

    I am amazed at the amount of comments about the "deal breakers".

    I think most people seem to forget that the wedding day is not about them (the guests) but about the actual couple getting married... therefore silly or not - their requests  and wishes should at the very least be respected (otherwise what kind of friends are you anyway and why were you invited?)  I would agree that  any "unexpected" demands are inappropriate (i.e. when you turned up to a wedding and are expected to pay for your food and drinks) just like in any other situation. However, with the costs of weddings these days I wouldn't blame my friend if they couldn't invite my SO because they don't know him very well and don't have a huge budget just like I wouldn't blame bride and groom for asking for cash instead of presents because let's face it - do they really need another sauce pan when they've just spent thousands on their big day and may be hardly making the ends meet after the honeymoon? I'd much rather contribute towards their baby fund or honeymoon or give them a gift from their registry because I know that would make them happy... You can always politely decline if you are unable to contribute or can't stand leaving your SO at home... And I would certainly respect traditions, dress codes, garter throwing and whatever else the newlyweds want to do because IT IS THEIR DAY! :-)

     

    If you're barely making ends meet after paying for a wedding and honeymoon, you're doing it wrong. And still ZERO excuse to be rude to your guests.
    This a million times.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    cupcait927PrettyGirlLost
  • reception   re·cep·tion [ri-sep-shuhn] 
    noun
    1. the act of receiving or the state of being received.
    2. a manner of being received: The book met with a favorable reception.
    3. a function or occasion when persons are formally received

    Who is being "received" at a wedding "reception?" THE GUESTS. Not the bride and groom. IT IS NOT A PARTY FOR YOU. It is you, the hosts, receiving them, the guests. NOWHERE in that definition of "reception" does it say "a big fat party where the people you love shower you with gifts and accolades. They pay for their own drinks and pay to dance with you. You can get away with treating them like dirt because it's your daaayyyyyy!" NO. TREAT YOUR GUESTS PROPERLY, to the best of your abilities and within your budget. No money is no excuse to be rude.
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    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    theartistformerlyknownasPrettyGirlLostchibiyui
  • SammiNJonniSammiNJonni member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    reception   re·cep·tion [ri-sep-shuhn] 
    noun
    1. the act of receiving or the state of being received.
    2. a manner of being received: The book met with a favorable reception.
    3. a function or occasion when persons are formally received

    Who is being "received" at a wedding "reception?" THE GUESTS. Not the bride and groom. IT IS NOT A PARTY FOR YOU. It is you, the hosts, receiving them, the guests. NOWHERE in that definition of "reception" does it say "a big fat party where the people you love shower you with gifts and accolades. They pay for their own drinks and pay to dance with you. You can get away with treating them like dirt because it's your daaayyyyyy!" NO. TREAT YOUR GUESTS PROPERLY, to the best of your abilities and within your budget. No money is no excuse to be rude.
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