Wedding Etiquette Forum

What are your etiquette deal breakers?

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Re: What are your etiquette deal breakers?

  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited May 2014
    Oh, look at Miss Smarty Pants! I'm glad to hear you made it through elementary school.

    Oh, look at Miss Smarty Pants! I'm glad to hear you made it through elementary school.

    This would be name calling.


    Eta: how did I manage to double quote?
    APDSS22chibiyui

  • APDSS22 said:
    I'm having a cash bar at my wedding.
    I'm sorry that you don't care about the guests you're inviting to your wedding.
    It's not a budgeting thing, it's a moral thing. Most people attending don't drink anyway... My friends said they'd rather buy drinks than not have them at all, so I'm doing a cash bar.

    http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/a61/338/0c2/resized/angry-guido-meme-generator-oh-my-god-nobody-cares-000b27.jpg

    Sooooooo....If they don't drink, why not have a dry wedding?
    PrettyGirlLost
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    LDay2014 said:

    APDSS22 said:
    I'm having a cash bar at my wedding.
    I'm sorry that you don't care about the guests you're inviting to your wedding.
    It's not a budgeting thing, it's a moral thing. Most people attending don't drink anyway... My friends said they'd rather buy drinks than not have them at all, so I'm doing a cash bar.

    http://assets.diylol.com/hfs/a61/338/0c2/resized/angry-guido-meme-generator-oh-my-god-nobody-cares-000b27.jpg

    Sooooooo....If they don't drink, why not have a dry wedding?
    The last wedding I attended was a dry wedding in a church. It was a well hosted wedding and I had a lot of fun. They spent under $2,000 total for the whole thing. It was dry because the couple doesn't drink (well, it was also held in a church).  
  • If it's a moral things to not have booze, I agree that you should just have a dry wedding.


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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    I'm having a cash bar at my wedding.
    image

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    VulgarGirlarrippaKeptInStitchescrunchymamaof2
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    jdluvr06 said:
    I'm having a cash bar at my wedding.
    Hate it button.

    If you are really against drinking then have a dry wedding. Also kudos to you for admitting that you are immature.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    chibiyui
  • KaurisKauris member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited May 2014
    About not drinking sober? Lol
    Yes. It's the end of the subordinate clause. It's called English grammar. You should try it.
    @clair0820 I just find it funny, that you clearly didn't understand what she said, then got very uppity and snide about grammar. 

    Also, your morals seem quite contradictory, don't you think? If you have that much moral disapproval towards drinking, you should not offer it at all.
  • kcsimskcsims member
    First Comment
    edited May 2014
    For anyone else that saw this and shuddered at how critical and judgmental a lot of these posts are try http://offbeatbride.com/. I found it to be a much more positive open environment and a better source for wedding planning research. 
    amberbella0927
  • .
    kmmssg said:

    Sweet Baby Jesus - if one more person talks about how expensive weddings are now and how you have to do what you have to do because of money I am going to explode.

    I have planned 6 weddings and I am not a pro planner.  I got married twice and gifted/hosted 4 DD's with their weddings.  First one in 1980 and last one 2014.  IN THIRTY FOUR FREAKING YEARS There has been absolutely no difference in the approaches to any of the weddings.  Everyone of them had proper food for the time of day (all had dinner) 4 weddings served alcohol, 2 were dry.  No one ever opened a wallet at any of our weddings. (I was aiming for red highlighting and it won't let me do anything but green).

    At NO time did money become an issue because we only plan for what we can AFFORD.  Think you can't afford to invite all the SO's?  You are freaking wrong.  Give up your Saturday night dinner/band/dj/alcohol reception and have cake/punch/appetizers in the afternoon.  Then you can afford them.

    Just have to have that Saturday night dinner/band/dj/alcohol reception?  Then put your big girl panties/big boy underroos on and understand that you have to be judicsious with our guest list and you DO have to invite SO's and pay for the alcohol.  Can't afford open bar?  Have beer or wine!  Can't afford beer or wine?  Have a dry wedding. Money tight? Don't have flowers everywhere - especially as centerpieces.

    Put a solid 60% of your budget into your reception from day one.  You HAVE to know how much money you will TRULY have to spend.  THEN   you make the guest list and you leave some room on there for new relationships, forgotten friends/distant relatives.  THEN and ONLY THEN do you choose your venue, and you choose the one that truly fits everyone and your budget, not necessarily your dream.  If you can do both, great!  If you can't, either chop your list and go for the dream venue or find a place that holds everyone comfortably.  If you know how many people and how much you can spend, there is no way, ever, that you should not be able to afford your guests food/drinks/comfort. 

    Regs - I am sorry for the repetative rant but the repetative stupid touched my last nerve on this stuff.  I am about to go out for lunch to celebrate a friend's retirement and I can't even have a glass or twelve of wine because the boss is going too, dammit.

    Partnership Council MeetiPartnership Council Meeting
    Amen. And no apologies needed. At least twice on this thread I thought my head was going to explode, and there are two tirades lost in this mess to prove it. I feel your pain.
    PrettyGirlLostcrunchymamaof2
  • edited May 2014
    So just a general question.. I haven't been to many weddings, and the ones I have been to generally do not have a bar. I live in Utah, I am not Mormon but I do have a lot of Mormon friends. So having said that, there will be about half of my guests that do drink and half that don't. I am providing dinner and appetizers, as I think we should, but we plan on doing one signature drink for the people that do drink and then a cash bar. I personally do not drink often and do not plan on drinking at the reception, other than the toasts. I guess in my mind, that is a good plan. I also cannot afford to pay for thousands of dollars in alcohol because we are already paying for our entire wedding. I don't have parents that can help pay for anything, and his family just won't because he's been married before- which is fine, I don't expect anyone to pay for any part of our wedding. So could I just have maybe some general opinions for this? Thank you!
  • cmb08cmb08 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    So just a general question.. I haven't been to many weddings, and the ones I have been to generally do not have a bar. I live in Utah, I am not Mormon but I do have a lot of Mormon friends. So having said that, there will be about half of my guests that do drink and half that don't. I am providing dinner and appetizers, as I think we should, but we plan on doing one signature drink for the people that do drink and then a cash bar. I personally do not drink often and do not plan on drinking at the reception, other the toasts. I guess in my mind, that is a good plan. I also cannot afford to pay for thousands of dollars in alcohol because we are already paying for our entire wedding. I don't have parents that can help pay for anything, and his family just won't because he's been married before- which is fine, I don't expect anyone to pay for any part of our wedding. So could I just have maybe some general opinions for this? Thank you!
    I don't really see a problem with this. It's important to use etiquette guidelines as just that, guidelines - but don't get hung up on details. You need to take into consideration your own particular circumstances and those of your guests. It looks like that's what you're doing. As long as you're serving non-alcoholic beverages and your signature drink for free, I see no problem with giving guests the option to buy their own drinks as well. If they don't want to buy drinks, nobody is forcing them to do so.

    The important thing is ensuring that your guests are happy. If this is what will make them happy, do it. That's the purpose of etiquette in the first place - it's a set of guidelines to help keep everyone happy. But if sticking too closely to those rules will cause issues, you need to figure out which exceptions are worth making.
    amberbella0927
  • No need to be rude AddieCake. It is a simple question. If you don't like it, don't respond.

    I appreciate all of the other responses. I've never planned a wedding before, so this is all new to me. I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. As claire0820 mentioned, I have to take into consideration my situation. The non-alcoholic drinks will be provided by me, of course. I wouldn't ever consider having people to pay for tea or juice. So I figured a happy medium would be providing at least one drink and then the bar. I would prefer to have a bar for those that do choose to drink. I think I would rather have the option at a wedding or event, than having no option at all. 
  • APDSS22APDSS22 O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A is OK member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    No need to be rude AddieCake. It is a simple question. If you don't like it, don't respond.

    I appreciate all of the other responses. I've never planned a wedding before, so this is all new to me. I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. As claire0820 mentioned, I have to take into consideration my situation. The non-alcoholic drinks will be provided by me, of course. I wouldn't ever consider having people to pay for tea or juice. So I figured a happy medium would be providing at least one drink and then the bar. I would prefer to have a bar for those that do choose to drink. I think I would rather have the option at a wedding or event, than having no option at all. 
    Please don't thank your guests for attending your wedding by making them pay for their drinks at the bar.  As it's been beaten to death several times in this thread alone, it's always rude.  You can always choose to not provide any alcohol at your reception and have a lovely dry reception.  Don't treat your honored guests that you're supposed to be hosting as piggy banks.  Every individual couple does need to consider their situation: how can they host the guest list they've chosen for their event in the most gracious way possible.  Go wild with the color scheme, pick whatever feather covered monstrosity of a dress you wanna wear on the day, choose to not wear underwear, whatever you want to do.  But don't be rude to your loved ones by saying "thank you for coming to our wedding, enjoy the reception and that will be $5 a drink."
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  • cmb08cmb08 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    APDSS22 said:
    No need to be rude AddieCake. It is a simple question. If you don't like it, don't respond.

    I appreciate all of the other responses. I've never planned a wedding before, so this is all new to me. I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. As claire0820 mentioned, I have to take into consideration my situation. The non-alcoholic drinks will be provided by me, of course. I wouldn't ever consider having people to pay for tea or juice. So I figured a happy medium would be providing at least one drink and then the bar. I would prefer to have a bar for those that do choose to drink. I think I would rather have the option at a wedding or event, than having no option at all. 
    Please don't thank your guests for attending your wedding by making them pay for their drinks at the bar.  As it's been beaten to death several times in this thread alone, it's always rude.  You can always choose to not provide any alcohol at your reception and have a lovely dry reception.  Don't treat your honored guests that you're supposed to be hosting as piggy banks.  Every individual couple does need to consider their situation: how can they host the guest list they've chosen for their event in the most gracious way possible.  Go wild with the color scheme, pick whatever feather covered monstrosity of a dress you wanna wear on the day, choose to not wear underwear, whatever you want to do.  But don't be rude to your loved ones by saying "thank you for coming to our wedding, enjoy the reception and that will be $5 a drink."
    Copied and pasted from my comment above:

    As long as you're serving non-alcoholic beverages and your signature drink for free, I see no problem with giving guests the option to buy their own drinks as well. If they don't want to buy drinks, nobody is forcing them to do so.
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    APDSS22 said:
    No need to be rude AddieCake. It is a simple question. If you don't like it, don't respond.

    I appreciate all of the other responses. I've never planned a wedding before, so this is all new to me. I am trying to figure out what works and what doesn't. As claire0820 mentioned, I have to take into consideration my situation. The non-alcoholic drinks will be provided by me, of course. I wouldn't ever consider having people to pay for tea or juice. So I figured a happy medium would be providing at least one drink and then the bar. I would prefer to have a bar for those that do choose to drink. I think I would rather have the option at a wedding or event, than having no option at all. 
    Please don't thank your guests for attending your wedding by making them pay for their drinks at the bar.  As it's been beaten to death several times in this thread alone, it's always rude.  You can always choose to not provide any alcohol at your reception and have a lovely dry reception.  Don't treat your honored guests that you're supposed to be hosting as piggy banks.  Every individual couple does need to consider their situation: how can they host the guest list they've chosen for their event in the most gracious way possible.  Go wild with the color scheme, pick whatever feather covered monstrosity of a dress you wanna wear on the day, choose to not wear underwear, whatever you want to do.  But don't be rude to your loved ones by saying "thank you for coming to our wedding, enjoy the reception and that will be $5 a drink."
    Copied and pasted from my comment above:

    As long as you're serving non-alcoholic beverages and your signature drink for free, I see no problem with giving guests the option to buy their own drinks as well. If they don't want to buy drinks, nobody is forcing them to do so.
    Right but if you would have read the story I shared multiple times, it segregates guests. What about guests cannot afford it? Then they are the odd ones out. Do you care about their feelings? 

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  • cmb08cmb08 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper

    AddieCake said:
    I wasn't rude. You came into a 30 page thread, where that very topic has been discussed repeatedly. It was also discussed repeatedly in this same 30 page thread that people need to READ THE THREAD before responding. If YOU don't like the way people respond on message boards, don't post questions.
    I think that's a little harsh. If you don't have patience to read people's questions and give a constructive response, or no response at all, then why are you still reading this thread?
    amberbella0927
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers

    AddieCake said:
    I wasn't rude. You came into a 30 page thread, where that very topic has been discussed repeatedly. It was also discussed repeatedly in this same 30 page thread that people need to READ THE THREAD before responding. If YOU don't like the way people respond on message boards, don't post questions.
    I think that's a little harsh. If you don't have patience to read people's questions and give a constructive response, or no response at all, then why are you still reading this thread?

    Oh, FFS. I need my mittens.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    PrettyGirlLost
  • Biggest deal breaker is not inviting my SO, but I've never had that happen (thankfully).

    Everything else, while I would not approve, wouldn't make me flip tables. I would leave early if there wasn't enough food or not enough seats.

    Though I wonder about not enough food: What happens when you get enough people who didn't RSVP show up at the wedding? Enough that you know it'd strain how much food you had and were worried about having enough food. I'm working with a bride who is constantly fretting about this. My boss has told her not to worry and that she'll send them away if the bride wants on the wedding day so that they don't have to deal with guests who didn't have the courtesy to RSVP properly (her words). They'd rather kick people out than have to pass the strain onto guests. Bride is still unsure and asked me and I have no idea either. So what do you all think? I'm not sure where I stand and figured you all would know. Thanks!
  • HisGirlFriday13- Do you feel better for being an internet bad ass to someone that is just asking a question? You're SO COOL! 


    APDSS22- THANK YOU. Yes, that makes sense. Just explaining why you feel that way helps see other's points of view. I don't presume to know how other people think. I have read through the thread and no one really points out why they feel that why or why it is deemed to be a faux pas. 

    In my opinion, I wouldn't be offended. I may view things differently than others. I guess I just look at everything from my point of view. I wouldn't want my friends or family to stress and not have the day of their dreams because they made sure to budget for alcohol. I also probably live in a complete different cultural environment than the rest. In Utah, dry weddings happen daily because most weddings are Mormon affairs. I've been to a few weddings that have had the cash bar, and happily paid for the drink I was consuming. Maybe it's just not expected in my neck of the woods as it is in other areas, and is why the "rudeness" of having a cash bar escapes me. 

    But yes, APDSS22, I do see what you're saying. Thank you, 
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