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My entire Bridal Party SUCKS!!

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Re: My entire Bridal Party SUCKS!!

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    Here is some life advice for you:

    Be thankful for the things people do for you instead of being resentful about the things that could have been, but weren't done.

    I've found that people with that attitude have more to be thankful for. No one wants to gives presents to and parties for people who think they are owed these things. It is much more fun to do those things for people who are happily surprised by them.

    Truth.

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    You took alot of time there, @southernbelle.

    I'm not an only child. Actually the oldest and I raised my siblings also. Wasn't the argument here about all the things that are MY responsibility? So, when I list them, the tense will be from my perspective.

    Sorry if you don't understand that.
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    A friendship is never tit for tat and of course you don't do things for them to get them back. Nonetheless, it doesn't mean your feelings don't get hurt at a few absences. Certainly for life events.

    If you fed 100 hungry mouths, you wouldn't expect it to be returned, no!  However, in the shadows of the heart, you might be a little saddened to know that when you were hungry, you went without.


    I don't think it's honest to say you'd feel nothing. Unless you're a brick wall.

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    kat1114 said:
    A friendship is never tit for tat and of course you don't do things for them to get them back. Nonetheless, it doesn't mean your feelings don't get hurt at a few absences. Certainly for life events.

    If you fed 100 hungry mouths, you wouldn't expect it to be returned, no!  However, in the shadows of the heart, you might be a little saddened to know that when you were hungry, you went without.


    I don't think it's honest to say you'd feel nothing. Unless you're a brick wall.

    It's okay to feel disappointed. 

    It's not okay to sit here and say your bridal party sucks because they didn't live up to your expectations of things they aren't even required to do.

    This.  I'm disappointed that a few BMs can't make it to any pre-wedding events (showers, bachelorette party, etc.).  Of course I'm disappointed.  I love spending time with my friends!  However, I would never be upset with them for it, or say that they suck.  They're busy and I understand that my wedding is not the center of their worlds for the year leading up to it.
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    Be disappointed for a day, then drink some wine, take a bubble bath and MOVE ON.

    You are trashing the hell out of your friends right now.  How do you think they would react if you said these things to their face?  Seriously, you need to get the hell over it.

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    Thanks @prettygirllost. I appreciate you at least acknowledging feelings do exist here! It's a hurtful feeling whether you "should" expect it or not.

    The responses falsely imply anger. It's disappointment, not anger.


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    dcbride86 said:
    kat1114 said:
    A friendship is never tit for tat and of course you don't do things for them to get them back. Nonetheless, it doesn't mean your feelings don't get hurt at a few absences. Certainly for life events.

    If you fed 100 hungry mouths, you wouldn't expect it to be returned, no!  However, in the shadows of the heart, you might be a little saddened to know that when you were hungry, you went without.


    I don't think it's honest to say you'd feel nothing. Unless you're a brick wall.

    It's okay to feel disappointed. 

    It's not okay to sit here and say your bridal party sucks because they didn't live up to your expectations of things they aren't even required to do.

    This.  I'm disappointed that a few BMs can't make it to any pre-wedding events (showers, bachelorette party, etc.).  Of course I'm disappointed.  I love spending time with my friends!  However, I would never be upset with them for it, or say that they suck.  They're busy and I understand that my wedding is not the center of their worlds for the year leading up to it.
    We have a couple of winners. Bingo. 

    It's okay to be bummed out. It's not okay to say they suck and stomp around "I did ALL these things for you and you've done NOTHING for me."

    image
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    I think you should just drop them all. I mean clearly the friendships don't mean a lot to you to get this upset because they won't help you out, so do everyone a favor and tell them you don't want them to be your BM's anymore. They get to see where they stood in their friendships with you and you no longer have to worry about your friends not bending over backwards for your one day. 
    image
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     "They suck"- loose term. I'm not 70, sorry. I'm not that literal.

    @dcbride86 I'm disappointed that they haven't joined me (or asked to participate in) any part of the process. My experiences are all solo and I would have loved to spend the time together in those intimate moments. Ultimately I'll have the day with them and that's awesome of course. I was under the assumption that the party does so many things together and was very much looking forward to that experience with them. The absense is why I'm disappointed. Not the parties themselves. It's the absense of the experience. It isn't a deal breaker. I'm just disappointed because it isn't something I would do. Such is life, I know. Again, doesn't mean your feelings arent hurt.

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    It is! I'm outta here!
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     "They suck"- loose term. I'm not 70, sorry. I'm not that literal.

    @dcbride86 I'm disappointed that they haven't joined me (or asked to participate in) any part of the process. My experiences are all solo and I would have loved to spend the time together in those intimate moments. Ultimately I'll have the day with them and that's awesome of course. I was under the assumption that the party does so many things together and was very much looking forward to that experience with them. The absense is why I'm disappointed. Not the parties themselves. It's the absense of the experience. It isn't a deal breaker. I'm just disappointed because it isn't something I would do. Such is life, I know. Again, doesn't mean your feelings arent hurt.

    And there you go. The problem isn't the bridal party, it's that you had some ideal expectations. 
    It's kind of a big herd of bridesmaids. Maybe everyone's waiting for someone else in the herd to step up and undertake the expense and work of party planning.
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     "They suck"- loose term. I'm not 70, sorry. I'm not that literal.

    @dcbride86 I'm disappointed that they haven't joined me (or asked to participate in) any part of the process. My experiences are all solo and I would have loved to spend the time together in those intimate moments. Ultimately I'll have the day with them and that's awesome of course. I was under the assumption that the party does so many things together and was very much looking forward to that experience with them. The absense is why I'm disappointed. Not the parties themselves. It's the absense of the experience. It isn't a deal breaker. I'm just disappointed because it isn't something I would do. Such is life, I know. Again, doesn't mean your feelings arent hurt.

    LOL @ the bolded

    a) The words you choose off the top of your head usually do in fact represent closely what you mean, and there's no "loose" connotation for "they suck" which doesn't mean you're disappointed in them.

    b) You have to be old to write well?

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    It is! I'm outta here!
    image
    ~*~*~*~*~

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    It is! I'm outta here!
    image

    image
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     "They suck"- loose term. I'm not 70, sorry. I'm not that literal.

    @dcbride86 I'm disappointed that they haven't joined me (or asked to participate in) any part of the process. My experiences are all solo and I would have loved to spend the time together in those intimate moments. Ultimately I'll have the day with them and that's awesome of course. I was under the assumption that the party does so many things together and was very much looking forward to that experience with them. The absense is why I'm disappointed. Not the parties themselves. It's the absense of the experience. It isn't a deal breaker. I'm just disappointed because it isn't something I would do. Such is life, I know. Again, doesn't mean your feelings arent hurt.

    Are you marrying yourself?  Where is your FI in all of this?  I mean you are marrying your SO and this is your and your SOs wedding.  So why not spend time with your FI and create meaningful memories with him since, you know, the point of your wedding is that you and your FI are vowing to spend the rest of your lives together.

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     "They suck"- loose term. I'm not 70, sorry. I'm not that literal.

    @dcbride86 I'm disappointed that they haven't joined me (or asked to participate in) any part of the process. My experiences are all solo and I would have loved to spend the time together in those intimate moments. Ultimately I'll have the day with them and that's awesome of course. I was under the assumption that the party does so many things together and was very much looking forward to that experience with them. The absense is why I'm disappointed. Not the parties themselves. It's the absense of the experience. It isn't a deal breaker. I'm just disappointed because it isn't something I would do. Such is life, I know. Again, doesn't mean your feelings arent hurt.

    I understand feeling disappointed. I picked my nearest and dearest to be my bridesmaids, and these ladies happened to be scattered all over the US. One of them, actually, lives in Spain right now. The majority of them won't be able to help me with anything, even if they wanted to, and they won't be able to attend any pre-wedding parties. We weren't able to go dress shopping together, and we didn't get to pick things out together. 

    None of my BMs, including the ones that live within 2 hours of me, are planning a shower for me.

    I could have chosen "local" BMs so that they would be around for this stuff, but then the BMs would not truly be my nearest and dearest. 

    What I'm really excited for, though, is to have them by my side on my wedding day, and spend time with them, and have them as part of my fun memories of that day. All the other extras never even occurred to me, to be honest. I knew when I chose them that they lived far away and wouldn't be around till the day of the wedding. That's ok. They don't owe me anything, and I've been able to handle all the planning by myself (and with FI) while working full time and getting my master's degree. Because it's my and FI's wedding, not theirs. 

    Do I wish I could see them/hang out with them more? Of course! I love them and I miss them all a ton. Especially the one who's all the way in Spain that I haven't seen in person since last summer. But that has nothing to do with my wedding day and everything to do with how much they mean to me as people and as friends, every day. 
    image
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    I'm not doing any bold. Not sure what that is or why its doing that....but glad you found it funny.

    You don't have to be "old" to "write well". I also didn't say 70 was old, thats your personal implication. However, a 70 year old mind may not as easily interpret that in 2015, certain idioms and phrases may not take on as literal of a meaning as they once have. Today, you can "suck" for not having a glass of wine with your friends!
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    byyyyeeeeee girl!!
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