What do you do if you hate the engagement ring?

ashley8918

lovemesomemonster said:

I am picturing something along the lines of if the below two rings met at a bar and had babies...

I think the first one is super cool.

VulgarGirl

@plainjane0415 (looks like the boxes got wonky not gonna try), honestly I wouldn't have cared. I mean, the rings we have we wore as engagement rings and now wear as wedding bands. But had I gone a more traditional route and she had a different wedding band and was like "I'm not gonna wear my engagement ring everyday" wouldn't have bugged me at all.

My mom and both step-moms don't wear engagement rings. I know a lot of women who don't wear their engagement rings post-wedding. For any number of reasons. So it wouldn't have even been a blip on my radar. 

If I had a big blingy ring, I probably wouldn't wear it everyday because of my job. I'd be taking it off all the time to get gloves on so I'd say fuck it and leave it home. But my flat band would fit nicely under the gloves (I know cause my flat band does). 

ETA: Also if she had said "Sorry hunny, try again", we probably wouldn't have gotten married cause I wouldn't want a girl like that.

chibiyui

Given the description that it looks like it's half melting, I go here for the look of the metal, though more gold

(FWIW, this is a Roman ring, like, Roman Empire, so back in the day, this was the shit, but age has not been kind to bronze.)

lovemesomemonster

ashley8918 said:

lovemesomemonster said:

I am picturing something along the lines of if the below two rings met at a bar and had babies...

I think the first one is super cool.

Yes, but now picture the offspring of the two after said bar night.. 

VulgarGirl

chibiyui said:

Given the description that it looks like it's half melting, I go here for the look of the metal, though more gold

(FWIW, this is a Roman ring, like, Roman Empire, so back in the day, this was the shit, but age has not been kind to bronze.)

I actually kind of like that...I'd wear that.

southernbelle0915

MagicInk said:

@MagicInk (I won't quote because space reasons)

I agree you can love the sentiment behind a thing (any thing) and dislike the thing itself. Absolutely. I don't think anyone is arguing that.

"Anyone with half a brain can see through bullshit attempts to avoid lying by omission. "Honey, do you love your ring?" "Babe, I really love the thought behind it." Yeah, no. You're either lying or your not. And if you're trying to skirt that line, you're only insulting someone's intelligence."

Decembergirl seems to think so. She's who I originally quoted. She's who I was speaking to with my story about my brother and his shitty jewerly buying skills (that have really not improved he bought his girlfriend some weird broch thing and his boyfriend a sliver douchebag necklace this boy needs to stop shopping). That'st he quote from her post that I quoted in my post.

But that's not what she's talking about there. At least that's now how I read it.

I read that as her saying that it's obvious when someone is trying to sugar coat something by beating around the bush and basically saying "it's the thought that counts" when they don't actually like something. She goes further to say that trying to beat around the bush is insulting the intelligence of their partner.  

If I were the giver and got a beat-around-the-bush answer, I'd be like, "good, so you like the sentiment... but do you like the gift?" I'm smart enough to realize that "I like the sentiment..." doesn't actually answer the question I asked. That's what I think she means by insulting their intelligence. 

chibiyui

MagicInk said:

chibiyui said:

Given the description that it looks like it's half melting, I go here for the look of the metal, though more gold

(FWIW, this is a Roman ring, like, Roman Empire, so back in the day, this was the shit, but age has not been kind to bronze.)

I actually kind of like that...I'd wear that.

I would too, as a lover of old antique stuff, the history, the origins of the ring, I freaking love it.

But, this was made 2000 years ago. If a dude came up to me with this ring and said "I made this, what do you think of it?" today I'd be like "Well, dude, it looks like your mold wasn't finished properly with very muddled details, or your casting didn't set, or both. But you did a fantastic job setting that stone, so keep working at it." 

banana468

I think I said it in PP but I feel like the answer to "Will you marry me?" should be long decided before the proposal takes place.   Maybe it's because my hubby is a very typical practical engineer type that he actually said after the fact that he wasn't going to ask until HE was ready to actually be married and that the proposal was more a formality than some big secret.   Because seriously - we're going to spend the rest of our lives together but only half of us is aware that this is a thing?   The entire concept is a bit insulting to me.   DH wouldn't buy a car without my input (and he's THE CAR MAN) so why wouldn't we be planning the rest of our lives as a couple?   The day he took me out and popped the question was fantastic but I certainly knew that it would happen sometime around then.

And my answer had ZERO to do with the kind of ring that he picked and everything to do with knowing that he is the man I am bonded to for life.   

jenna8984

@cu97tiger I completely agree with you. I posted about my experience back on page 1 getting earrings that I did not like and would never wear. I absolutely appreciated the thought and sentiment but I would have felt guilty about never wearing them. When I went to exchange them, I couldn't find a SINGLE thing in the entire jewelry store that I liked so I walked out with nothing. Wow, I should be ashamed of how materialistic I am to bring back amethyst earrings and get nothing in return.

(the store credit sat in our drawer for a year until DH used it towards the engagment ring)

photokitty

ashley8918 said:

photokitty said:

ashley8918 said:

I really didn't want to touch this, but hey, I might as well give you guys someone else to pile on besides larry...

I do think a lot of the stuff I've read on this thread has come across materialistic in a way I wouldn't have expected from this board. It has left a bad taste in my mouth as well.

I don't disagree that this entire website is for the utterly first-world-problems issue of wedding planning. And I don't disagree that people marrying each other should be able to be honest with each other about their likes and dislikes.

But still, lots of this hurts my heart a bit. Maybe it's because my ring would be practically worthless in an appraisal. Maybe it's because I try really, really hard in my life to accept everything (material or not) given to me in the spirit it is intended, and that kind of gratefulness is a practice that is extremely important to my life. I don't know, and I'm not trying to imply that my way is better than anyone else's.

I just...I don't know. I can't even articulate what it is, but it's made me feel pretty icky too.

Yep, go ahead an add me to this list. The implication that anyone is entitled to a certain super perfect, exactly their style, piece of jewelery is gross to me. IT IS A GIFT. APPRECIATE THE GIFT.

I haven't seen anyone say that. 

im·pli·ca·tion

ˌimpləˈkāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. 1.

   the conclusion that can be drawn from something, although it is not explicitly stated.

Try "projecting" see if that definition matches anything happening in this thread...

Maybe "jumping to conclusions"...

Also "putting words in our mouths" comes to mind...

I feel like the "you should be ashamed" and bad taste crowd are some how, some way projecting as a result of this thread. People are taking it way to personally and seem to be offended, some go as far as suggestion we would find their ring worthless. 

I don't see how shaming someone for wanting to like something they are being asked to wear for the rest of their life accomplishes anything.

I really would love to see where anyone said:

- that ring must be worthless.

- you should ask for a new or bigger diamond.

- get that shit appraised so you know if it's actually worth anything.

- who cares if you like it, it is big and expensive, bc that's all that matters.

As soon as someone says - "you deserve a larger diamond" or "so what if it's ugly, it's 4 carats and platinum baby" - then I'll agree there is a materialistic motive here. No one has said anything of the sort.

ashley8918 said:

********ETA BOXES*************

ashley8918 said:

Oh, for fucks sake.

Okay.

Feeling entitled to a ring that's somehow better and more "your style" (general you) at the expense of the person that you love most in the world's feeling is not the epitome of an obnoxious FWP.

What exactly am I projecting here? I am not offended, and haven't said I was.

********ETA BOXES*************

So if someone wanted a plain, small gold band with no bling, and they were given a 3 carat ring would that still be considered "better" and an obnoxious entitlement?

It's not about being entitled to the ring, it's wanting to wear something that your SO expects you to wear every day. I didn't need a ring to get engaged, but if he wanted to give me one I wanted it to be one I was interested in wearing on a regular basis.

I think the suggestion of not wearing once married it is just as likely to offend as saying you'd like something more my style. I don't know anyone that buys an e-ring hoping their SO will stick it in a box. There is also a difference between not wearing it bc of your work or other reason, and not wearing it bc you don't like it.

Hoping that your SO would be sensitive to your feelings and tastes is not obnoxious. A SO that would be crushed and assume that you did it on purpose at their expense is insecure and immature.

I love shiney objects, but I think it's bullshit that less than a century ago DeBeers convinced us that the only way a man could prove he loved you was with 3 months salary on a ring. I think that whole idea is rather barbaric - I'm not chattle. But if you give me something you want me to wear every single fucking day, I'm not going to apologize for wanting it to suit my tastes within your budget. If you don't want me to like it why bother?

plainjane0415

MagicInk said:

@plainjane0415 (looks like the boxes got wonky not gonna try), honestly I wouldn't have cared. I mean, the rings we have we wore as engagement rings and now wear as wedding bands. But had I gone a more traditional route and she had a different wedding band and was like "I'm not gonna wear my engagement ring everyday" wouldn't have bugged me at all.

My mom and both step-moms don't wear engagement rings. I know a lot of women who don't wear their engagement rings post-wedding. For any number of reasons. So it wouldn't have even been a blip on my radar. 

If I had a big blingy ring, I probably wouldn't wear it everyday because of my job. I'd be taking it off all the time to get gloves on so I'd say fuck it and leave it home. But my flat band would fit nicely under the gloves (I know cause my flat band does). 

ETA: Also if she had said "Sorry hunny, try again", we probably wouldn't have gotten married cause I wouldn't want a girl like that.

I don't blame you! I wouldn't want to marry someone like that either.

 

 

 

 

lovemesomemonster

@banana468 I totally agree! It's a pretty loaded question if only half of the relationship has any idea it's coming.. "quick, make a decision that will affect the rest of your life NOW". No way, mine was a total surprise when it happened but you can be sure he knew 1000% that I wanted it and would say yes. I guess the 6 years of being together and owning to houses together was a give away. 

I guarantee he would have brought me into the process if I hadn't made it easy on him to do by himself. I have always been vocal about how much I like yellow gold, and my mom gave me her ring after she upgraded and he knew I liked the diamond and would be happy with the setting. He actually kept a picture that I had emailed him in our first year together of a friend's ring I thought was really pretty after he asked about them getting engaged. He used all of this to really piece together something that would be my taste and style even if it wasn't 100% him (he's not a huge fan of yellow gold but he knows I love it). I guess you can call me "materialistic" if you want, but I am so glad he thought of ME when he was picking it out, four months later I still gush over it and tell him how much I love it and it makes him happy.

hellosweetie1015

Materialism. That's what's giving you the ick vibe.

Look. My ring is materially worthless. It cost $100.00 at Kay Jewelers. Its diamond bits come to a total weight of 1/15th of a carat. It's sterling silver, and cheap sterling at that. I never take it off. It turned my finger green for a while after I had it sized. It's simple and small and I don't even have insurance on it beyond standard coverage through the renter's policy we have.

If FI had spent $1,500.00 on a fancier ring, I honestly would have cried. Because I'd be agonizing over this exact same question. I would fucking HATE it. I don't need a $1,500.00 ring. I would want to ask him if I could take it back and get something cheaper. Which would, apparently, make me fucking materialistic. Would I have liked a bigger center stone, and not had the pavé band I've got going on here? Yeah. But I would have been TERRIFIED of hurting it. I would never wear it. FI would have spent $1,500.00 on a pretty thing to sit in a box, in a safe deposit box, in a bank somewhere where I could NEVER SEE IT.

It's not fucking materialism to dislike a ring, unless it's "only 2 carats and not platinum". That's SS bullshit. Disliking a ring because it's not something you will wear is not the same thing as whining because you wanted something "better".

ashley8918

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

chibiyui

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

It's entitlement to talk to your partner about why you don't like a ring? 

audrewuh

plainjane0415 said:

MagicInk said:

@plainjane0415 (looks like the boxes got wonky not gonna try), honestly I wouldn't have cared. I mean, the rings we have we wore as engagement rings and now wear as wedding bands. But had I gone a more traditional route and she had a different wedding band and was like "I'm not gonna wear my engagement ring everyday" wouldn't have bugged me at all.

My mom and both step-moms don't wear engagement rings. I know a lot of women who don't wear their engagement rings post-wedding. For any number of reasons. So it wouldn't have even been a blip on my radar. 

If I had a big blingy ring, I probably wouldn't wear it everyday because of my job. I'd be taking it off all the time to get gloves on so I'd say fuck it and leave it home. But my flat band would fit nicely under the gloves (I know cause my flat band does). 

ETA: Also if she had said "Sorry hunny, try again", we probably wouldn't have gotten married cause I wouldn't want a girl like that.

I don't blame you! I wouldn't want to marry someone like that either.

 

 

 

 

I wouldn't want to marry anyone who spelled "honey" as if they were 14 either. 

ashley8918

hellosweetie1015 said:

chibiyui said:

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

It's entitlement to talk to your partner about why you don't like a ring? 

To not accept a ring that they got you, and need (i.e. feel entitled) to have a better (again, not talking about cash here) one? 

Nope, totally not at all.

plainjane0415

chibiyui said:

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

It's entitlement to talk to your partner about why you don't like a ring? 

THIS.  That's where I'm confused with the whole materialism thing. My FI wouldn't view it as entitled if he asked "Do you like your ring?" and I very gently said, "I love the thought behind it, and all that it means, but the style isn't really me, I'm so very sorry."  He would say, well let's go find you something that is!  Because he would want me to love what I'm wearing and be comfortable with it, and most importantly, BE HONEST ABOUT IT.  And he's awesome, that too.

 

banana468

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

Isn't the entitlement on both sides though?

Because if you're going to pull the entitlement line, then is he entitled to seeing it on her finger all the time?

I think that's why it's a weird place to be for the other person.   This is 1st world problem sure, but should she wear something 24 hours a day and 7 days a week if she doesn't like it?   And if she doesn't wear it, how will that make him feel?

So should the conditional gift (because that's what it is) be given with the expectation that it's worn?   Or should it be given of free will without any strings?

plainjane0415

banana468 said:

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

Isn't the entitlement on both sides though?

Because if you're going to pull the entitlement line, then is he entitled to seeing it on her finger all the time?

I think that's why it's a weird place to be for the other person.   This is 1st world problem sure, but should she wear something 24 hours a day and 7 days a week if she doesn't like it?   And if she doesn't wear it, how will that make him feel?

So should the conditional gift (because that's what it is) be given with the expectation that it's worn?   Or should it be given of free will without any strings?

My thoughts exactly.

larrygaga

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

This is very much ON DA POINT EH

All I see are people getting defensive. I have been accused of being full of myself, I don't get defensive about it, I own it. I do have a certain ego that can be abrasive. I do overreact to things because sometimes my filters get tired and quit on me. 

I'm really just skimming the responses to what I posted. I vaguely remember someone saying I suggested that the OP should not take their ring in to make sure the stones won't fall out, which of course I totally advise. If you hate your ring, you better hope the stones fall out so you can get a new one! 

Just kidding, I never suggested that. I suggested in a rather mean way that we all take a look at what really fucking matters in life. I also don't think you should lie about whether you like it or not, I think you should change your attitude. It doesn't really matter if it's pretty to you, it's the meaning behind it.  

I'm comfortable with what I posted, nobody will change my mind and obviously nobody can change anyone else's mind. This thread is pointless, my post was pointless. If you guys really hate what I write, I believe there is a way you can block yourself from viewing my posts. 

ashley8918

audrewuh said:

plainjane0415 said:

MagicInk said:

@plainjane0415 (looks like the boxes got wonky not gonna try), honestly I wouldn't have cared. I mean, the rings we have we wore as engagement rings and now wear as wedding bands. But had I gone a more traditional route and she had a different wedding band and was like "I'm not gonna wear my engagement ring everyday" wouldn't have bugged me at all.

My mom and both step-moms don't wear engagement rings. I know a lot of women who don't wear their engagement rings post-wedding. For any number of reasons. So it wouldn't have even been a blip on my radar. 

If I had a big blingy ring, I probably wouldn't wear it everyday because of my job. I'd be taking it off all the time to get gloves on so I'd say fuck it and leave it home. But my flat band would fit nicely under the gloves (I know cause my flat band does). 

ETA: Also if she had said "Sorry hunny, try again", we probably wouldn't have gotten married cause I wouldn't want a girl like that.

I don't blame you! I wouldn't want to marry someone like that either.

 

 

 

 

I wouldn't want to marry anyone who spelled "honey" as if they were 14 either. 

banana468

And for those who think that this is very materialistic, do you not insure your things of value?? 

Dreamergirl8812

MagicInk said:

@MagicInk (I won't quote because space reasons)

I agree you can love the sentiment behind a thing (any thing) and dislike the thing itself. Absolutely. I don't think anyone is arguing that.

"Anyone with half a brain can see through bullshit attempts to avoid lying by omission. "Honey, do you love your ring?" "Babe, I really love the thought behind it." Yeah, no. You're either lying or your not. And if you're trying to skirt that line, you're only insulting someone's intelligence."

Decembergirl seems to think so. She's who I originally quoted. She's who I was speaking to with my story about my brother and his shitty jewerly buying skills (that have really not improved he bought his girlfriend some weird broch thing and his boyfriend a sliver douchebag necklace this boy needs to stop shopping). That'st he quote from her post that I quoted in my post.

My shitty grammar aside, I didn't explain well enough, apparently. I didn't mean "I love the thought behind it" was a lie, at all. I picture this convo:

FH: Do you love the ring?
FW: I love that it's from you.
FH: Right, but do you love it?
FW: I love the thought behind it and that it means we're getting married.
FH: Great, but do you love it?!?!

I personally think FW starts by skirting the question, which is dishonest. At this point in the conversation, she either has to straight out lie or tell the truth. I meant in my post that he's probably smart enough to catch on to what's going on here.

My primary point is that when I give a gift, I genuinely want the recipient to love it, not just lie to avoid hurting my feelings.

And what if OP's friend drinks too much wine one night and blurts out the truth? It would be very hurtful to find out that way, but to find out that you've been lied to this whole time would be devastating.

VulgarGirl

audrewuh said:

plainjane0415 said:

MagicInk said:

@plainjane0415 (looks like the boxes got wonky not gonna try), honestly I wouldn't have cared. I mean, the rings we have we wore as engagement rings and now wear as wedding bands. But had I gone a more traditional route and she had a different wedding band and was like "I'm not gonna wear my engagement ring everyday" wouldn't have bugged me at all.

My mom and both step-moms don't wear engagement rings. I know a lot of women who don't wear their engagement rings post-wedding. For any number of reasons. So it wouldn't have even been a blip on my radar. 

If I had a big blingy ring, I probably wouldn't wear it everyday because of my job. I'd be taking it off all the time to get gloves on so I'd say fuck it and leave it home. But my flat band would fit nicely under the gloves (I know cause my flat band does). 

ETA: Also if she had said "Sorry hunny, try again", we probably wouldn't have gotten married cause I wouldn't want a girl like that.

I don't blame you! I wouldn't want to marry someone like that either.

 

 

 

 

I wouldn't want to marry anyone who spelled "honey" as if they were 14 either. 

Really? Really? Wow.

littlepep

lolo883 said:

I think I said it in PP but I feel like the answer to "Will you marry me?" should be long decided before the proposal takes place.   Maybe it's because my hubby is a very typical practical engineer type that he actually said after the fact that he wasn't going to ask until HE was ready to actually be married and that the proposal was more a formality than some big secret.   Because seriously - we're going to spend the rest of our lives together but only half of us is aware that this is a thing?   The entire concept is a bit insulting to me.   DH wouldn't buy a car without my input (and he's THE CAR MAN) so why wouldn't we be planning the rest of our lives as a couple?   The day he took me out and popped the question was fantastic but I certainly knew that it would happen sometime around then.

And my answer had ZERO to do with the kind of ring that he picked and everything to do with knowing that he is the man I am bonded to for life.   

The bolded is my thought. An engagement ring is a huge purchase. It should be something you both discuss. 

VulgarGirl

lovemesomemonster

I have a serious question that I'm really curious about now after this thread has gone 6 pages. We have been talking a lot about how to accept a gift. In my mind an engagement ring is a promise to get married and spend your lives together, and a symbol of the life you have agreed to together. I also have always thought of the wedding bands in this way, that they are a symbol of your dedication and love, and agreement to spend the rest of your lives together. So my question is, do you consider this a "gift"? I guess when I think of a gift I think a sweater from mom, or a new tea kettle from FI. The engagement ring to me doesn't say gift, it says symbol, and it is something I want to wear every day.

photokitty

banana468 said:

And for those who think that this is very materialistic, do you not insure your things of value?? 

Stop using logic, YOU'RE MISSING THE FUCKING POINT!! Whooooooosh....

chibiyui

ashley8918 said:

hellosweetie1015 said:

chibiyui said:

ashley8918 said:

@photokitty (and others?)

Apparently we can't truncate quotes on out own without fucking shit up any more? Annoying. Anyway...

DISCLAIMER (which my phone just autocorrected to DICKCLAIMER... wut): All "yous" are general "yous" not YOU "yous".

The point is, feeling entitled to a "pretty ring" (whatever your definition of that may be) is no better that feeling entitled to an expensive ring... or a vacation, or a big fancy wedding, etc. It's just as shallow, just for a different reason and I think it is awful to hurt someone's feelings over something so shallow.

I 1000% don't advocate lying about liking it, and never did. But bringing up your dislike of the ring out of the blue only serves to hurt feelings and feed your materialistic desire for something pretty. Which is SOOOO incredibly contrary to what TK as a whole is always preaching to brides who want a honey fund because they are entitled to a honeymoon that they cant afford, or a fancier wedding, or whatever.

ETA: Materialism isn't only related to cost.

It's entitlement to talk to your partner about why you don't like a ring? 

To not accept a ring that they got you, and need (i.e. feel entitled) to have a better (again, not talking about cash here) one? 

Nope, totally not at all.

So, my earlier posts skewed "hopefully she gets a new ring" But I did have a post where they should talk about it like a couple and decide from there, which does not equate to "Buy me a new fucking ring" Maybe she saves up money and buys her own fucking ring, but talks about it with him first because to stop wearing it and wear another ring without telling him would be rude.