Wedding Etiquette Forum

to invite or not to invite

SO's ex (BM) doesn't speak to her parents. BM doesn't let her parents see their son (SS).

SO maintained a decent relationship with his ex's parents, though hasn't really intereacted much with them since him and I began dating.

In the last few months, because BM hasn't allowed her parents to see SS, they've reached out to SO to try and see their grandchild.

We went back and forth on it, but in the end, BM's parents came to our home for a visit with SS. Since that time, we've gone out for breakfast with them a few times.

SO doesn't have much family here, and we haven't figured out yet whether we're going to have our wedding here, or in his home town in Newfoundland. Either way, SS will be in attendance, and won't really know anyone who could be in charge/responsible for him, other than my own kids - and they're young teens, and will likely be in the wedding party, not wanting to waste the event babysitting SS. He's 4, and a bit of a handful at times.

Anyway, we were kind of discussing whether we should invite BM's parents. My first reaction is no, because they're his ex's parents.  However, we're friendly with them. Yes, it's weird for me... but it's nothing I can't handle. 

The thought behind it, is that if they're invited, they can then leave with SS once he's either too much of a pain in the butt, or after dinner. They won't know anyone else, anyway, really.

Would you have your partner's ex's parents at your wedding?

No...right?  
«1345678

Re: to invite or not to invite

  • To be clear, the ex is or is not a bridesmaid? 'BM' on here stands for bridesmaid (or even best man) but I can't figure out why you'd have your SO's ex as a bridesmaid.

    Is there a reason BM doesn't allow her parents to see her son? Is there an official custody form in place, or could the ex pull all visitation if she heard your SO was allowing her parents to see the kid?
    Heffalumpcharlotte989875ei34SP29
  • To be clear, the ex is or is not a bridesmaid? 'BM' on here stands for bridesmaid (or even best man) but I can't figure out why you'd have your SO's ex as a bridesmaid.

    Is there a reason BM doesn't allow her parents to see her son? Is there an official custody form in place, or could the ex pull all visitation if she heard your SO was allowing her parents to see the kid?

    Yeah, I was thinking it was bio-mom (as opposed to stepmom), but I'm not sure?

    Anyway, @KnickerGold is 100% correct: this should be addressed in their custody agreement.  And if it's not, it calls for a conversation between SS's parents regarding his contact with his mom's parents.  If she's not aware and your FI is sneaking around, that's not cool. 

    VADI said:
    SO's ex (BM) doesn't speak to her parents. BM doesn't let her parents see their son (SS).

    SO maintained a decent relationship with his ex's parents, though hasn't really intereacted much with them since him and I began dating.

    In the last few months, because BM hasn't allowed her parents to see SS, they've reached out to SO to try and see their grandchild.

    We went back and forth on it, but in the end, BM's parents came to our home for a visit with SS. Since that time, we've gone out for breakfast with them a few times.

    SO doesn't have much family here, and we haven't figured out yet whether we're going to have our wedding here, or in his home town in Newfoundland. Either way, SS will be in attendance, and won't really know anyone who could be in charge/responsible for him, other than my own kids - and they're young teens, and will likely be in the wedding party, not wanting to waste the event babysitting SS. He's 4, and a bit of a handful at times.

    Anyway, we were kind of discussing whether we should invite BM's parents. My first reaction is no, because they're his ex's parents.  However, we're friendly with them. Yes, it's weird for me... but it's nothing I can't handle. 

    The thought behind it, is that if they're invited, they can then leave with SS once he's either too much of a pain in the butt, or after dinner. They won't know anyone else, anyway, really.

    Would you have your partner's ex's parents at your wedding?

    No...right?  

    Once the above is sorted out, it's really up to you.  If you're friendly and you consider them family, then go for it.  However, it's not really fair to invite them to your wedding and then put them to work watching SS.  If you want them to babysit (assuming BM is okay with it, which sounds like a huge stretch), then if they're not invited to the wedding, you can always ask them to watch SS after dinner (or whenever).  Or, invite them to the wedding and hire an actual sitter to watch SS when needed.
    DrillSergeantCatSP29
  • VADI said:
    SO's ex (BM) doesn't speak to her parents. BM doesn't let her parents see their son (SS).

    SO maintained a decent relationship with his ex's parents, though hasn't really intereacted much with them since him and I began dating.

    In the last few months, because BM hasn't allowed her parents to see SS, they've reached out to SO to try and see their grandchild.

    We went back and forth on it, but in the end, BM's parents came to our home for a visit with SS. Since that time, we've gone out for breakfast with them a few times.

    SO doesn't have much family here, and we haven't figured out yet whether we're going to have our wedding here, or in his home town in Newfoundland. Either way, SS will be in attendance, and won't really know anyone who could be in charge/responsible for him, other than my own kids - and they're young teens, and will likely be in the wedding party, not wanting to waste the event babysitting SS. He's 4, and a bit of a handful at times.

    Anyway, we were kind of discussing whether we should invite BM's parents. My first reaction is no, because they're his ex's parents.  However, we're friendly with them. Yes, it's weird for me... but it's nothing I can't handle. 

    The thought behind it, is that if they're invited, they can then leave with SS once he's either too much of a pain in the butt, or after dinner. They won't know anyone else, anyway, really.

    Would you have your partner's ex's parents at your wedding?

    No...right?  
    To be clear, the ex is or is not a bridesmaid? 'BM' on here stands for bridesmaid (or even best man) but I can't figure out why you'd have your SO's ex as a bridesmaid.

    Is there a reason BM doesn't allow her parents to see her son? Is there an official custody form in place, or could the ex pull all visitation if she heard your SO was allowing her parents to see the kid?
    I was wondering the same things--I'm pretty sure your FI's ex isn't a bridesmaid, but stranger things have happened here.  I also want to know why ex's parents aren't allowed to see the child.  

    If the only reason you're inviting the grandparents is to have free babysitting, I wouldn't.  If you decide to invite them, let them attend as guests and have a hired babysitter on hand to take the child when needed, or just hire a sitter and keep him at home the whole time.  While these people enjoy seeing their grandson, that doesn't necessarily mean they'd enjoy having a child thrust on them as their responsibility at a wedding, especially since they've only met a few times before.  Also, I feel like there's a difference between them seeing grandson while you and FI are there, and them just taking him home with them (especially in the eyes of his mom, who apparently doesn't want them to have any visitation whatsoever).  
    short+sassyDrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueensSP29
  • edited March 2017
    I'm going to assume BM is her initials and that she is not your BridesMaid, nor invited to the wedding. 

    Inviting these people to the wedding is your call, but I don't think SS should have anything to do with it. If you think SS will need a babysitter, I would get a neutral party (someone hired) to do it. Either you invite the grandparents as guests (without an expectation that they will babysit your stepson). Or you don't invite them at all.

    Outside the issue of the wedding, I would be wary of going against BM's wishes regarding her son. You may not know the whole story. I would familiarize yourself intimately with the custody agreement and ensure you are not violating it. Last thing you want is for her to find out what's been going on and make your lives miserable the next 14+ years. 


    ETA: I can almost guarantee she is GOING to find out he's been seeing his grandparents. He's 4. I don't know many 4 year olds who keep secrets very well. Better to have the info come from y'all.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    db1984cowgirl8238MairePoppySP29
  • I read BM to mean baby momma?...
    DrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    There is no reason to get hung up on inviting an ex's parents just because they are an ex's parents. It's no threat to your marriage.

    I also wouldn't invite them with the expectation that they'll be free babysitting. You also definitely need to find out whether you can ask that per your SO's custody agreement.
    missfrodo said:
     Also, I feel like there's a difference between them seeing grandson while you and FI are there, and them just taking him home with them (especially in the eyes of his mom, who apparently doesn't want them to have any visitation whatsoever).  
    Absolutely to this.
    SP29
  • holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 a taco truck in Houston member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I'm also confused by what "BM" is.  But, fwiw, the parents of one of my exes was at our wedding.   Granted, their son and I dated on & off during high school and his parents are good family friends.  I'm FB friends with their son (my ex) and his wife had a baby the week before our wedding.   So, during table visits, I told his parents to pass on my congratulations.  It was a non issue. 

    My other cheating, asshole ex ... no way in hell do I ever want to see him or his family ever again. 
  • ei34ei34 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yeah I think BM means bio mom or baby mama.  If your FI is close enough to his ex-ILs that he'd invite them as guests (which is an honor), he should go ahead and invite them.  I wouldn't invite them (or anyone) to babysit your future stepson.  Hire a baby-sitter.
  • Sorry everyone.

    SO - my FI
    BM - bio-mom  
    SS - stepson

    There is no custody issue in place.  Biomom is just being a brat, she's peeved at her parents for petty reasons. She's not aware (to our knowledge) her parents have been seeing her son on my FI's time.  

    We're not keeping it a secret, either... to be honest we fully expected stepson to tell his mom he'd seen grandma... but she hasn't said anything as of yet, so whatever. 

    FI is not mentioning it to her either, he's waiting for her to mention something, so that he can tell her that she has no rights to dictate who FI can visit with (and she doesn't, because there's no order limiting contact) and that she can't withhold access, since she'd be in contempt of the existing order.

    I'm leaning more towards having a babysitter at the wedding, but honestly I don't want SS to be there all night. I would rather just keep him for the ceremony, dinner, and then buh bye.  I just don't know how to make that happen. Maybe I'll uber one of my kids over with SS and then uber my kid back.

    lol 
  • VADI said:
    Sorry everyone.

    SO - my FI
    BM - bio-mom  
    SS - stepson

    There is no custody issue in place.  Biomom is just being a brat, she's peeved at her parents for petty reasons. She's not aware (to our knowledge) her parents have been seeing her son on my FI's time.  

    We're not keeping it a secret, either... to be honest we fully expected stepson to tell his mom he'd seen grandma... but she hasn't said anything as of yet, so whatever. 

    FI is not mentioning it to her either, he's waiting for her to mention something, so that he can tell her that she has no rights to dictate who FI can visit with (and she doesn't, because there's no order limiting contact) and that she can't withhold access, since she'd be in contempt of the existing order.

    I'm leaning more towards having a babysitter at the wedding, but honestly I don't want SS to be there all night. I would rather just keep him for the ceremony, dinner, and then buh bye.  I just don't know how to make that happen. Maybe I'll uber one of my kids over with SS and then uber my kid back.

    lol 
    Just have the babysitter take SS home after dinner, or after the ceremony.  Make sure they have the appropriate car seat, and then they can leave the car seat at your house at the end of the night.
    mollybarker11ILoveBeachMusiccowgirl8238
  • That would be the simple solution... I should have been clear - SS will be going back to his mom's. We won't be going home that night, we'll be checking in somewhere. I think. Either way, SS is NOT sleeping in the same place we are that night.

    She will flip her sh!t if some stranger brings SS home, and we don't want her knowing where we're having our wedding, we don't want her to crash it.
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    VADI said:
    That would be the simple solution... I should have been clear - SS will be going back to his mom's. We won't be going home that night, we'll be checking in somewhere. I think. Either way, SS is NOT sleeping in the same place we are that night.

    She will flip her sh!t if some stranger brings SS home, and we don't want her knowing where we're having our wedding, we don't want her to crash it.
    Wait...so how were you planning to make it work with her parents babysitting SS?  Obviously they couldn't take him back to her.  Were they just supposed to watch him until the end of the reception and then give him back to you and you would take him back to Biomom?  If so, why can't you hire someone to do just that?  Babysitter can watch him in your hotel room, you can come back, collect him and return him to his mom.

    ei34
  • lol, this is confusing to explain.

    FI has his son each weekend, usually. However, the night of our wedding, we plan to have SS go back to his mom's, unless grandparents take him from us at the wedding and keep him overnight.

    Anyone babysitting would mean that either the kid has to go back to his mom's, or we keep him with us and take him to his mom's ourselves.

    Selfishly, I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with having to take care of SS's needs on my wedding night, and I WILL resent getting stuck with him that night. I know that sounds heartless... but I don't mean it like that. Love him to bits... but I don't want a 4 year old cramping our sexytime.

    I don't mind hiring someone to take him there, but his mom will have a fit. She's... particular...about her child.
  • I think it's inappropriate to be going behind her back allowing her parents to see her child when she has made it clear she would prefer they not. 

    Dont put SS in the middle by not telling her yourselves and letting him break the news! 

    How is SS going to go back to mom's after the wedding? Is it going to be near her house? 

    Hire a babysitter. Discuss it with her in advance so it's not some stranger bringing the kid home. 
    She hasn't made it clear she doesn't want the kid seeing her parents. If she had mentioned it to FI, then we'd respect her wishes. But she hasn't, hasn't shared anything, actually... we only heard she was avoiding her parents because her parents called FI in early January. She'd been avoiding them since the end of October.

    The wedding will be a decent drive from her house, maybe half an hour. 

    Even if we hire a babysitter and discuss it with her in advance, she's not going to like anyone other than FI driving the kid around.

  • VADI said:
    I think it's inappropriate to be going behind her back allowing her parents to see her child when she has made it clear she would prefer they not. 

    Dont put SS in the middle by not telling her yourselves and letting him break the news! 

    How is SS going to go back to mom's after the wedding? Is it going to be near her house? 

    Hire a babysitter. Discuss it with her in advance so it's not some stranger bringing the kid home. 
    She hasn't made it clear she doesn't want the kid seeing her parents. If she had mentioned it to FI, then we'd respect her wishes. But she hasn't, hasn't shared anything, actually... we only heard she was avoiding her parents because her parents called FI in early January. She'd been avoiding them since the end of October.

    The wedding will be a decent drive from her house, maybe half an hour. 

    Even if we hire a babysitter and discuss it with her in advance, she's not going to like anyone other than FI driving the kid around.

    Girl please. You obviously know full well she does not want this, and you are meddling in her relationship and making a 4 year old deal with it. 

    Your SO should deal with her directly and openly about grandparents and babysitter. 
    Well yes, I am aware that she's been avoiding her parents.

    But, it's none of my business. She hasn't told FI about it, and he feels it is important for the kid to see his grandparents.  I'm just following my FI's lead, and he doesn't feel he's meddling in her relationship with her parents, nor does he feel he's making the 4 year old deal with it... he actually thinks that her relationship with her parents shouldn't have anything to do with the kid, and that preventing the kid from seeing his grandparents is making the kid deal with it a heck of a lot more than having breakfast together once or twice a month...

    I know that my FI SHOULD deal with her, but I can't force him... this is the situation as it stands, and unless it changes, it's what I have to work with.  :s:s

    I remember I had an issue with someone in my family some years ago, and this issue was severe enough that I'd discussed the issue with the father of my kids, let him know what was up. We discussed it, and why I felt it wasn't appropriate for the kids to be around this person... he agreed, and supported that.

    According to the parents, she's just peeved at them over something trivial. I don't know what, I don't care to know what... but I do know that she's alienating the grandparents to the kid, because when they were talking to him over speakerphone, one of the first things the kid said was " My Mom says you're rude."

    That's making the kid deal with it, and totally inapropriate... but, I'm just Dad's fiancee... and whether I like it or not, I have to support my FI in his dealings with the kid's mom, whatever they are. I can suggest and try to convince all I want... he'll do what he'll do, in the end.

    It's unfortunate... but it is what it is.  :(
  • I agree with @KwikSilver you need to respect the moms wishes! 

    Honestly it sounds like to me that you dont want the SS at the wedding if you don't want to take care of him. So don't have him at the wedding then. The only other option that I really could see happening would be having the Biomom come pick SS up after the ceremony. I know you said you don't want her knowing where the wedding is, but that's the only option that I think would be in the best interest of the biomom and SS. I don't have kids, but if I did I don't believe I'd be okay with my son riding around in a car with a babysitter I didn't personally know. 
    DrillSergeantCat
  • Can you not get the mom's input on a babysitter for that evening; someone she trusts? If you go with her recommendation, you go a long way in helping your FI to develope a good co-parenting relationship with his ex.
    If the mom had any recommendations to give, sure. She's not the type to leave her kid with anyone. Or go out anywhere. Or have friends. She's fun.
  • VADI said:
    Can you not get the mom's input on a babysitter for that evening; someone she trusts? If you go with her recommendation, you go a long way in helping your FI to develope a good co-parenting relationship with his ex.
    If the mom had any recommendations to give, sure. She's not the type to leave her kid with anyone. Or go out anywhere. Or have friends. She's fun.
    Would the Mom come pick up her son from the wedding at a certain time after the ceremony? After reading this I honestly think this is your only option unless you just don't want the son at the wedding at all. 
  • As someone who has kids with an ex, let me say I would be FURIOUS if he was letting MY kids spend time with anyone I was opposed to them seeing. I don't care if it's grandparents. You guys might think she's being petty, but that's her perogative. Also putting a kid in the middle of that is Un-f***ing cool.  If she feels strongly enough to lawyer up and challenge the existing custody orders, she's allowed. You guys going over her head would look pretty bad.  I've been co-parenting with my ex for 7 years, trust me that this whole thing is a bad plan. 

    i think your idea of having one of your kids escort SS home is probably the least likely to cause waves. Some people don't get how weird mom's can be about "strangers" watching their kids (sexual abuse was a thing in my family tree, I was never left with non-family and neither were most of my cousins. Paranoia maybe but it was justified in this case). So if you want to pacify her, take him yourselves or send him with one of your own kids. 
    As would I. 

    However, if you were opposed to your kids spending time with someone... wouldn't you let the people taking care of your kids know?

    It's her perogative to keep her kid away from her parents, she is the mother.
    It's FI's perogative to visit with anyone he likes, he is the father.

    She doesn't trump him. 

    FI's not putting the kid any more in the middle that she is. He's allowing the kid to maintain a relationship with his grandparents. She's putting the kid in the middle by withholding him from her parents.

    If she felt strong enough about keeping them apart from each other, she could have told FI she expecting him to support her decision. 

    But she did not.

    We only know she'd been keeping him from them, because they called and asked to visit. We only have their side of things, and we're not going to pry or meddle by asking questions.  

    As far as we're concerned, we're just having a nice friendly breakfast. If biomom doesn't want us to do it, she can say so.

    Anyway, this is getting further away from the topic...  I think I have my answer - it's probably best not to invite them.

    Thanks all.

  • I agree with @KwikSilver you need to respect the moms wishes! 

    Honestly it sounds like to me that you dont want the SS at the wedding if you don't want to take care of him. So don't have him at the wedding then. The only other option that I really could see happening would be having the Biomom come pick SS up after the ceremony. I know you said you don't want her knowing where the wedding is, but that's the only option that I think would be in the best interest of the biomom and SS. I don't have kids, but if I did I don't believe I'd be okay with my son riding around in a car with a babysitter I didn't personally know. 
    I don't mind him at the wedding - the way we're talking, he's likely going to be the ringbearer.

    We do want him at the reception, there will be other kids there.

    We just don't want to have to be the ones to take care of him that night.


  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited March 2017
    VADI said:
    lol, this is confusing to explain.

    FI has his son each weekend, usually. However, the night of our wedding, we plan to have SS go back to his mom's, unless grandparents take him from us at the wedding and keep him overnight.

    Anyone babysitting would mean that either the kid has to go back to his mom's, or we keep him with us and take him to his mom's ourselves.

    Selfishly, I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with having to take care of SS's needs on my wedding night, and I WILL resent getting stuck with him that night. I know that sounds heartless... but I don't mean it like that. Love him to bits... but I don't want a 4 year old cramping our sexytime.

    I don't mind hiring someone to take him there, but his mom will have a fit. She's... particular...about her child.
    Wait....you think she is going have a fit if a stranger drives him home, so the alternative is to have his grandparents, who she doesn't want seeing him (for whatever reason), drive him to their home and keep him overnight??  If I were Biomom, I would flip my sh*t if I found out that someone other than one of his parents was keeping him overnight.  Good Lord.  

    Your FI needs to have the uncomfortable conversation with his ex about the care of their son on the night of your wedding.  

    Edited to add:  My suggestion would be to suck it up and tell Biomom where the reception will be held and ask her to pick up SS as a favor to you both (it is a favor because weekends are your FI's responsibility).  Then hire a security guard if she tries to crash.  My guess is she may already know where the reception will be - either by word of mouth or through your wedding website.  

    STARMOON44MairePoppySP29PrettyGirlLost
  • Ro041 said:
    VADI said:
    lol, this is confusing to explain.

    FI has his son each weekend, usually. However, the night of our wedding, we plan to have SS go back to his mom's, unless grandparents take him from us at the wedding and keep him overnight.

    Anyone babysitting would mean that either the kid has to go back to his mom's, or we keep him with us and take him to his mom's ourselves.

    Selfishly, I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with having to take care of SS's needs on my wedding night, and I WILL resent getting stuck with him that night. I know that sounds heartless... but I don't mean it like that. Love him to bits... but I don't want a 4 year old cramping our sexytime.

    I don't mind hiring someone to take him there, but his mom will have a fit. She's... particular...about her child.
    Wait....you think she is going have a fit if a stranger drives him home, so the alternative is to have his grandparents, who she doesn't want seeing him (for whatever reason), drive him to their home and keep him overnight??  If I were Biomom, I would flip my sh*t if I found out that someone other than one of his parents was keeping him overnight.  Good Lord.  

    Your FI needs to have the uncomfortable conversation with his ex about the care of their son on the night of your wedding.  
    I know, 6 of one half a dozen of the other... 

    but... he's spent the night at his grandparents before. We're not sure what's going on between the mom and her parents, but we've only had it mentioned in passing to us by the grandparents, not the mom herself.

    If SS sleeps over at his grandparents place, the mom may never even know.

    And no, neither of us feel that the mom should be made aware, either.  It's none of her business, really. That might seem harsh, but what occurs in the daily life of FI is no concern of hers. The wedding will be on a weekend. That's FI's time, anyway, the kid would normally sleep in our home anyway. 

    I don't let my kids' father know each and every time I allow a sleepover on my time.

    I'm just as much the parent, and can make sound parental decisions when it comes to my kids' health and safety.... and he's just as much the kid's parent as she is, and is just as capable of making sound decisions as to the child's health and safety. He doesn't need her permission to allow a sleepover at the grandparents.

    This isn't a parental debate.
  • Ro041Ro041 member
    Seventh Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    VADI said:
    Ro041 said:
    VADI said:
    lol, this is confusing to explain.

    FI has his son each weekend, usually. However, the night of our wedding, we plan to have SS go back to his mom's, unless grandparents take him from us at the wedding and keep him overnight.

    Anyone babysitting would mean that either the kid has to go back to his mom's, or we keep him with us and take him to his mom's ourselves.

    Selfishly, I don't want to have ANYTHING to do with having to take care of SS's needs on my wedding night, and I WILL resent getting stuck with him that night. I know that sounds heartless... but I don't mean it like that. Love him to bits... but I don't want a 4 year old cramping our sexytime.

    I don't mind hiring someone to take him there, but his mom will have a fit. She's... particular...about her child.
    Wait....you think she is going have a fit if a stranger drives him home, so the alternative is to have his grandparents, who she doesn't want seeing him (for whatever reason), drive him to their home and keep him overnight??  If I were Biomom, I would flip my sh*t if I found out that someone other than one of his parents was keeping him overnight.  Good Lord.  

    Your FI needs to have the uncomfortable conversation with his ex about the care of their son on the night of your wedding.  
    I know, 6 of one half a dozen of the other... 

    but... he's spent the night at his grandparents before. We're not sure what's going on between the mom and her parents, but we've only had it mentioned in passing to us by the grandparents, not the mom herself.

    If SS sleeps over at his grandparents place, the mom may never even know.

    And no, neither of us feel that the mom should be made aware, either.  It's none of her business, really. That might seem harsh, but what occurs in the daily life of FI is no concern of hers. The wedding will be on a weekend. That's FI's time, anyway, the kid would normally sleep in our home anyway. 

    I don't let my kids' father know each and every time I allow a sleepover on my time.

    I'm just as much the parent, and can make sound parental decisions when it comes to my kids' health and safety.... and he's just as much the kid's parent as she is, and is just as capable of making sound decisions as to the child's health and safety. He doesn't need her permission to allow a sleepover at the grandparents.

    This isn't a parental debate.
    I added this to my comment after I posted:

    "My suggestion would be to suck it up and tell Biomom where the reception will be held and ask her to pick up SS as a favor to you both (it is a favor because weekends are your FI's responsibility).  Then hire a security guard if she tries to crash.  My guess is she may already know where the reception will be - either by word of mouth or through your wedding website."

    If weekends are your FI's responsibility, he should ask his ex to do him a favor and pick SS up.  Otherwise, you either have to ask her to keep him (and he won't be at any part) or keep him all evening per the custody agreement.  You are getting into very dangerous territory by acting like Biomom shouldn't know that SS is seeing her parents.  This isn't a random sleepover.  You are specifically going behind her back and lying by omission.  

    charlotte989875mollybarker11InLoveInQueensMyNameIsNot
  • Edited to add:  My suggestion would be to suck it up and tell Biomom where the reception will be held and ask her to pick up SS as a favor to you both (it is a favor because weekends are your FI's responsibility).  Then hire a security guard if she tries to crash.  My guess is she may already know where the reception will be - either by word of mouth or through your wedding website.  
    We haven't really talked to anyone other than my parents about the wedding itself, and we don't have a website.

    We will probably end up doing something like that.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards