Limits on my FIs bachelor party???

raina_nicole

you are deffinatly not being controlling. its completly understanable.
whats not understanable is why he got ticked, it shouldnt be such a big deal i mean was it that important to him to have private dancers? he needs to respect you and your small wishes.

mquintana62

No man would like or even want another man's penis in their girls's face... SO same goes for them..

Women should not just sit back and get walked on or whatever.. if your not gonna stand for anything let it be known.

brandywine183

Honestly if you trust your man, then you should have nothing to worry about whether there are strippers or not. I keep telling my fiance that I don't care what they do for his bachelor party and that they can go to a strip club if they want, because I trust him.  His response is "I don't want strippers, but thanks baby."

If you show your man you trust him, he's more likely to do what you want and you won't sound controlling.

mquintana62

I already told mine... wedding is OFF OFF OFF if he steps near one of those trashy places.. He told me ...uh I just want to sleep all day and then go out with you... That's a real man!

bg-bride2be

My FH and I have agreed strippers are now allowed for either of us.  No guys are allowed at my bachelorette party and no girls are allowed at his bacehlor party. If he felt he wanted/needed a stripper at his party we wouldn't be getting married because we both consider that cheating. He has said of the best man brings a stripper in or suggests a strip club, he will leave. So yes I guess I have set restrictions but we set them together so it wasn't just me saying "You can't do this." Honestly if he wanted a stripper it would probably be a deal breaker for me. If he wants to marry me he doesn't need to see "one last naked woman" first.

jennifer.d.poole

It's not controlling. 

RightTime2010

If you need to put parameters and restrictions on your man now what do you say about his level of respect for you, himself and your relationship. It does not sound like you are mature enough to go into a marriage with setting the rules for his behavior. If you are feeing the need to control him now how will you ever trust his judgement in making decisions for your family.
Women, Drugs, Booze and Boobs are everywhere all the time.

Sincerely,
Been there done that- didn't work out

elliejay21

Seriously, if you have to "set limits" on the bachelor party, you do not belong getting married (at least not to your intended.)  It's not even about trust, this is something that you ought the be on the same page about WITHOUT having to have "the talk."    

People only feel 3 ways about strippers/tittie-bars:  either you are into them, you despise them, or you couldn't care less.  If your man is into strippers & you despise them, then doing without strippers is going to be a MAJOR sacrifice for him & supremely important for you... which is a recipe for disaster.  

If this is all about how you (and ostensibly, he) doesn't trust his *friends* to behave, that's a load of crap.  If these guys actually ARE friends, they'll respect what your fiance wants/doesn't want.  If he is TELLING YOU that he thinks they might do something too wild or whatever, then he's just trying to placate you & hopes that you actually buy the line of bullshit that he's "just not that into it."  If these are his bestest buddies & that's how they hang, that says something about him.

Mind you, this is coming from the 30something persepective... as a general rule, we don't act the same (read: party the same) as we did when we were 18 or 20somethings, and if our buddies don't grow up around the same pace, we stop hanging out with them.  There are people who would have been at the top of my wedding invite A list 10 years ago, but who now are even under consideration for the B list because I grew up & they didn't... they can't be trusted to not get too drunk... not cause a scene... etc...  

I have absolutely no idea what that plan is for my fiance's party & I honestly don't care, as long as he has fun.  I trust him AND his friends/family.  It will he HIS NIGHT.  We have only discussed the bachelor party with regards to selection of the best man... he has 5 guys to pick from & my advice to him was to select the one who (a) would have the least financial hardship from spending more on our wedding/pre-wedding stuff and (b) who would plan the best bachelor party.

    

martinja527

For me its not a matter of whether or not I trust my fiance.  Of course I do or we wouldn't get married as many posters have said before.  We had a long discussion about this and mutually agree that strippers have no place in our bachelor/ette parties.  Why would I want my man to go to a strip club to spend our money on someone elses girlfriend.. I mean really people.  I just told him that I wouldn't tell him what to do or what not to do, but I would feel really disrespected by this and he agreed he would as well.  Different things for different people..

sdavis211

Hey Dear,

I think that the same  way that you should be able to trust him, you should also be able to communicate your feelings to him.  He should respect that.  I know there is a lot of pressure from guys' friends to do certain things, but you are getting married.  Love is about trust and respect both.  If you feel uncomfortable about it (and personally I don't blame you for that) you should be able to tell him and instead of telling you to mind your own business he should try to comfort and make you feel better about the situation.  

Anyways, that's what I think.

Good luck honey!

LauraOdo

I think you absolutely could set limits on his bachelor party. My fiance also has pretty crazy friends, who I love, but I refuse to let them drag him into something I don't approve of, like going to a strip club.  I told my fiance AND his crazy friends NO strippers. end of story. Of course you trust your man, I trust mine too. But that doesn't mean I think he should go out and look at other women strip. I think if a man needs to go out and look at other women, he obviously hasn't found the right woman to spend the rest of his life with.

RobandDana

You women are hilarious! What a broad range of insecurity and insanity.
As the only man on this site, I will tell you that deep down in our hearts we will try to respect you and as long as you believe us, nothing bad will ever happen at a stag party. We dont care what happens at the stagette - touch a strippers d**k - we dont care, just dont talk about it.

Strippers are a form of entertainment that is in the same category as video games, if he is a normal guy, any stripper will be cliche and its funny more than anything.

So ladies - MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS - you will feel so much better in the end.

Siberianhuskey12

If your fiance is marrying you he shouldn't want to have a striper party. I don't think you are i the wrong. If a guy is wanting a stripper party then he will always want that. Even when you guys are married. That makes it seem like he wants other women before he has to be bound by marriage. Marriage isn't bondage...it's a gift from God. That's good that you truse your fiance...but why would he even want a stripper party if he love you. He should only want to see you and not other women

swhitman9

Anyone who says their future husband can touch and have strippers all over them before they get married must not be looking for a good wedding. I think that it is very disrespectful for your future husband to be doing that before he promises his life to you. I personally do not understand why it is necessary for him to act like that at all when he is with you and if he is so desperate to have strippers come to his party before he marries you he is not ready for marriage. I understand having fun and going to a strip club, drinking with the guys, gambling, and getting out for the night, however i do not think it is necessary for him to have strippers come to a personal party of his. At strip clubs bouncers will control the situation and there is a strict NO TOUCH policy however once a stripper comes into a home she becomes more of a hooker and happily will do what ever to who ever for a cost. 

You dont need to nag or be that girl that is overly controlling but make sure he knows how you feel. Hopefully he would know how you feel about this situation before you even get engaged but if not make sure you talk about it. That last thing you want is extra stress before your wedding. And most importantly enjoy, a wedding should be one of the most special days of your life!!! 

manda22387

I have no idea what my Fiancee or his BM have planned for his bachelor party and I dont care. I am marrying my best friend and he would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship. You're getting married!! He wants YOU, not a stripper. You have to be confident he wouldn't do that to you!!

yyesi84

I agree and couldn't have said it better myself! The way I see it is if it makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason he should be sensitive to that. I have a friend who took the "last chance" idea too far and he ended up doing something that would devastate his marriage if his wife ever found out. Also I think that it is humiliating for the wife because all who do know are keeping this secret from her. I would hate to be in that situation all for one stupid night that could have been avoided. We will be having a co-ed party where we all can have a blast and make a memorable night for everyone. 

Siberianhuskey12

YOu guys are twisted. That's filling your mind with other women. Funny? When has a half naked women become funny? A man is visual and you can't tell me that it doesn't turn him on when he see's a half naked women. your version of normal isn't normal. It's only normal because the world and media has twisted it to be that way. So many marriages have ended in divorce. Why? Because they fill their minds with other people and images. Why does someone divorce? Because they want someone else.

Panda69090

If you trust him, then you shouldn't set limits. My fiances brother had limits set from his now wife for their party and it set them to a pool hall...drinking beer..and being bored out of their minds. I don't want that for my fiance.

As others have said, you can't set limites without seeming insecure, but he also shouldn't be ticked at you for wanting him not to have strippers at a personal party.

Your statement of "It's men-who knows what happens at those parties" shows you don't trust them completely.

If you're getting into a marriage, you should trust him completely and allow what's going to happen to happen. You don't have to trust the best man, or the other men, but keep in mind, he's your fiance for a reason, let him have fun, he wont do anything to screw up.

Just my two cents..

RobandDana

Just send your dad to the bachelor party. That would stop any wrong doing.

PnKcrawford2011

Me and my Fiance decided together that we do not want strippers out of a mutual respect for eachother. Maybe if you tell your Fiance that it's not a "Do this or don't marry me" thing, it's simply a Respect for your future wife thing. I was afraid at first that he was going to be mad but he was surprisingly ok with it. He did say though if i came at him like YOUR NOT DOING THIS AND THAT'S FINAL he would be mad at me, so maybe just try telling him it's a respect thing not a controlling thing.

colebabe

When you call it setting limits it sounds a bit controlling. I have an understanding with my fiance about things like strippers - he's known that I really don't like them since well before we were engaged. Because he respects that and me he told his Best Man and Brother that strippers were not an option in their planning but I get the feeling I struck it lucky with him and not all men would be as understanding.

elliejay21

Honestly, I'm curious about the age of many of the people who are so adamently anti-stripper, and exactly how far out of the pumpkin patch you girls have ventured...

Yes, men are more visually oriented, but one hopes they also have some iota of self-control.  Have you ladies banned Maxim and Cinemax from your homes, too?  If your honeymoon is in any non-US beach destination, will you make DH walk around blindfolded because the beach is full of chicks wearing nothing more than butt-floss???

I've always had a tendancy to be "one of the guys" and I've been to a few tittie-bars & a couple of bachelor parties.  It's really no big deal.  At the nice places in NJ & NY, it's collered-shirt required, $15 watered-down drinks, cute girls stripping down to itty-bitty bikinis (no nudity), groups of guys hanging out together not paying a great deal of attention to the girls until someone decides to buy a lapdance for someone in the group... at which point they all watch the guy either sit there turning beet red with embarrassement, or he plays along by clowning around with the stripper - no touching or actual flirting!!! 

I realize that our country has very puritanical roots, but if you are not Amish you really need to lighten up.

hannahngerson

I wouldn't say you should "set limits", but i would talk to him! My fiance and I have a mutual respect, and our "rule" is that if He wouldn't like me doing it(whatever that may be) then he shouldn't do it either!!! But your man should definately be willing to talk about your feelings! Comminication is key in marraige, and if you can't talk about this, then what can you talk about?

tiltonsm

I know that a lot of people have a lot of different views on the strip club/stripper scene.  My fi and I happen to have very different views.  I really don't care what other people decide to do--their business is their business.  For me, it would hurt very badly for him to do the whole stripper thing.  He doesn't care about that stuff so much or see it the same way that I do, but he knows how much pain I would be in if he did it, so he's not.  In my opinion, that's what part of love is--judging how much it means to you and to the other person.  Although he might like to have a "traditional" bachelor party, he cares about me more.  If you feel as strongly about it as I do, just talk to him...he should be will to make the "sacrifice" of not oogling over other women if it's going to hurt you.

Best wishes.

esquivel.la

I set limits but with out saying so- my FI brother was talking about that having strippers as well at a ice house.. (what ever) I just said NO.. if you go to a strip club that is one thing but no stripper at the ice house. He was fine with it.. turns out they didn't even go to one. I also mentioned to his brother unless he wanted a not so nice sister in law he better keep him self in check . Not to mention my FI said he use to think the same way before it was his turn and that he understands why his other friends who got married didn't want to partake in any "stripper fest". I am not a person to express ... insecurity to my guy but I did tell him on this one and he loved me for it. I put it to him like this.,. you don't me coming home smelling like another guys' nut sac or taking ab shots off another guy and I dont' want you coming home smelling like victoria secret body spray from another woman.. he got it than Good luck.

heather.nicole728

Me and my fiance have an understanding that we're just oing out to have fun with our friends.  I trust him completely, but if he's marrying me he shouldnt want to go to a strip club and look at a bunch of other girls as I dont plan on getting a male stripper or anything like that. I'm marrying him because i believe he's not the kind of guy that wants to stare at women like that. 

But for the record, I already told him and all his groomsmen there will be no women involved in his bachelor party, other than that I dont care what they do. And sure, it may be controlling, but he knows it would just make me a little insecure for him to be staring at a ton of women with perfect bodies and he respects my need to set that restriction and would rather I cared to set it then not cared what they did at all. If he loves you, he already knows you well enough to know what may seem controlling is more about you than worrying about his possible actions and he'll respect that

sgervais88

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_chit-chat_limits-fis-bachelor-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:14Discussion:a3c8a40e-9ccd-4adf-9d2c-5c5069441047Post:c138922c-4b30-4686-bf57-835c8a893635">Re: Limits on my FIs bachelor party???</a>:
[QUOTE]You women are hilarious! What a broad range of insecurity and insanity. As the only man on this site, I will tell you that deep down in our hearts we will try to respect you and as long as you believe us, nothing bad will ever happen at a stag party. We dont care what happens at the stagette - touch a strippers d**k - we dont care, just dont talk about it. Strippers are a form of entertainment that is in the same category as video games, if he is a normal guy, any stripper will be cliche and its funny more than anything. So ladies - MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS - you will feel so much better in the end.
Posted by RobandDana[/QUOTE]

Since when has naked women rubbing their tits on our future husband not been our "business"? Also, I highly doubt my FI would be okay with me touching a stripper's d**k. Insanity? How about pot calling the kettle black?

Theresa.Rickey

Having been to a couple bach parties myself (and no I'm not a stripper nor have I ever been a striper) I agree that if a guy is going to do it he's going to do it. That night isn't any different; however, some men do see it as a right of passage and a R.I.P. to their single life.

Let's face it men like women: oiled and half naked. I agree that if it is really a concern then your FI should take that into consideration, of course, he does not always have control over what his friends do.

To respond to the stippers/hooker - we all (should) know that a little extra money gets you what you want.

The point is good communication! If you do not have it now - you never will.

shara82

I don't think it's nagging or being pushy.  You don't want some other girl's boobs in your FIs face or a naked crotch on his lap, and who would??  I told mine that strip clubs are fine, but private dances and private parties are not! At this point in your relationship, the "don't tell me what to do" aspect is childish.  Decisions should be made between the two of you, and you should feel totally comfortable voicing your worries.  My FI is more concerned with my feelings that his friends, that's for sure, or else he would be marrying one of them! Good luck!

amanda_1583479

I say its not a matter of trust, its a  matter of respect. I think if that makes you uncomfortable he should respect you as his future spouse.