TK irrational irritations

anna.oskar

"if God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas because that's what He's getting"

texasgurly13

I was up in Oklahoma visiting a friend of mine a couple of months after she had her baby. I was helping her out one day while her husband was at work, and the kid's diaper needed to be changed. She was pumping, so I offered to change his diaper for her. I take off the diaper and it's business as usual for a couple of minutes until this stream of liquid poo comes shooting out. My hands, the changing table and the dresser next to it were covered. I just stood there and looked at the kid for a minute and then busted out laughing, and so did my friend because that really was all we could do. I cleaned him up, finished changing the diaper, and went into the living room to give him to my FI (who was there, just not in the room with us), so we could clean up the mess. To this day, I am the only one he has "projectile pooed" on.

[Deleted User]

One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old, burned out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland has burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.

[Deleted User]

"The birds keep calling my name" thought Caw.

calixtine

To me, clowns aren't funny.  In fact, they're kind of scary.  I've wondered where this started and I think it goes bac to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

(this one is probably my fave lol)

texasgurly13

The difference between a man and a boy is, a boy wants to grow up to be a fireman, but a man wants to grow up to be a giant monster fireman.

jennamarie10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tk-irrational-irritations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:87304fa7-0e25-4d99-a9e2-acd7a74b1f9bPost:c0146e5d-dae2-43e5-adef-86dd8c6ceacc">Re: TK irrational irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old, burned out warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland has burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

i don't know why, but I legitimately feel sad when I read this.

Nebb

In Response to Re:TK irrational irritations:[QUOTE]Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jackolantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.this one is probably my fave lol Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]
I LOVE that one!

texasgurly13

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him.

[Deleted User]

When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges

Nebb

This one is my all time fave - "I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties."

[Deleted User]

Anna! I love your new sig.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Omg Nebb, someday, when we meet and drink lots of beer, we should drink lots of beer while wearing Baby Duck Hats.

[Deleted User]

If Ben knew who Jack Handy was, his favorite would be this one:

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

anna.oskar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tk-irrational-irritations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:17Discussion:87304fa7-0e25-4d99-a9e2-acd7a74b1f9bPost:b1abe573-a898-4758-8938-5ca4188857a7">Re: TK irrational irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]Anna! I love your new sig.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>Thank you dear!  He's my hero.</div><div>And apparently you are too!</div>

calixtine

“I hope if dogs take over the world, and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.”

texasgurly13

I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people.

Nebb

In Response to Re:TK irrational irritations:[QUOTE]If Ben knew who Jack Handy was, his favorite would be this one: If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something. Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]
Ben is pretty rad so I can see him liking that. How did that postcard thing turn out?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?

Girlie1030

Baby duck hat is the winner for me.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

maratea

I like Mitch Hedberg better. But his jokes are best when actually told by him because of his voice. I am sad he is dead.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I don't think Jack Handey is an actual... person?  Isn't it just an SNL thing?

NicoleSahara

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_snarky-brides_tk-irrational-irritations?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:17Discussion:87304fa7-0e25-4d99-a9e2-acd7a74b1f9bPost:3281de0d-50a7-45a1-ac1e-1c333c452ad5">Re: TK irrational irritations</a>:
[QUOTE]I like Mitch Hedberg better. But his jokes are best when actually told by him because of his voice. I am sad he is dead.
Posted by maratea[/QUOTE]

Kindred spirits, you and I. He was the best.

Girlie1030

Mrs. Jesse, you're in my neighborhood (work anyway)!  Warm enough for ya? 

allisong23

Anna, have you seen this? Warning, it will be stuck in your head. My apologies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFzXaFbxDcM

Girlie1030

Glad you're enjoying it Mrs. J!