I need some help.

mwhitson14 · May 2010

I'm sorry guys, I'm working and trying to respond.

Nebb, he's 110% sure that he's going to make money at this. It's eerie how obsessed he's gotten and how sure he's going make thousands. I can't even explain it. He doesn't get accusatory or give me an explanation, he just shrugs and says, don't worry about it. I'm going to make money riding.

Wading, you can try

OWN, yes I did. I've been trying to get along with them, but another source of disagreement in our marriage is how bad his mom and sister talk about me. I don't even feel comfortable being around them anymore.

laurenclaire1386 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:dc5cbe75-1028-451a-ad4b-4c91592e26d5">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to say it whit but I have a sick feeling theres WAY more going on than just bull riding. The bull riding is just an excuse.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]
I think so too. It makes me really sad. I know it's still early in this situation, and things aren't going to get resolved quickly, but have you considered what happens if this isn't a phase and he doesn't come around to being an adult and growing the hell up?

alixzafiris · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:c06df3a5-f2a8-4e9c-97c1-e312701e9916">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : Or you could cut them off completely. maybe he'll lose his stupid man brain at the same time.
Posted by Mrs.B6302007[/QUOTE]

That is always a viable option...

wadingmoose · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:dc5cbe75-1028-451a-ad4b-4c91592e26d5">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to say it whit but I have a sick feeling theres WAY more going on than just bull riding. The bull riding is just an excuse.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

Nebb is wise. (of course)

mandysmear · May 2010

I don't get how he could let you bust your ass so he can go off riding into the sunset. What the fuuck man?! Mike would never allow that. NEVER. He supports me wanting a part time job to pay for new furniture and stuff like that, but no way would he allow that. He has it in his head that he's going to take care of ME. And while I don't necessarily agree with that either, there needs to be give and take and it needs to even out eventually.

WHEN'S IT GOING TO BE WHIT'S TURN?

Nebb · May 2010

The guy is on drugs, he must be on drugs.

mocha beans · May 2010

He wants to go bull riding, full time, with no fuucking health insurance to boot? Okay, that's all sorts of messed up.

I dunno Whit. If he really wants to seriously follow this path, it'd be a deal breaker to me. He/you both are likely to be dealing with hundreds of thousands in medical bills without insurance, not to mention I doubt any insurance company will come within 20 feet of him once they find out about his bull riding. If you can barely make ends meet on 3 jobs right now as it is, and are killing yourself doing it, how is it going to be in 5 years? 10 years? You're both in such bad shape physically, emotionally, financially, mentally, there'll be nothing left. He's giving you no choice that a sane person would make. It's assinine.

And his parents are giant douchebags for everything.

ohwhynot · May 2010

Has he EVER made money riding? If you take all his entrance fees while you guys were dating and compared them to his winnings, did he make any money? Did he do really well this last weekend, or something?

I just can't even wrap my head around it - my son's plan of building his own submarine was more practical than this. I'm so sorry.

jasmineh7777 · May 2010

I think you should get all of his bills together- medical, rent, utility- an even split of what you pay and also what is specifically his. Give him and his parents a copy. Let them figure it out. I'm totally serious. Maybe when they see it on paper they will realize that you are working your ass off and he is doing nothing.

SarahPLiz · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:dc5cbe75-1028-451a-ad4b-4c91592e26d5">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I hate to say it whit but I have a sick feeling theres WAY more going on than just bull riding. The bull riding is just an excuse.
Posted by Nebb[/QUOTE]

This.

I am so sorry, Whit. He is beign very selfish and I hope that you didn't entertain the thought that you werent being a good wife for even a millisecond. YOu are being a great wife by trying to bring him back to reality.

My parents divorced over something similar (plus a lot of other things). My mom was supporting my dad in his non-lucrative dream and then he began to resent her for having more education and making more money and that bruised his ego beyond repair and it was just a downward spiral from there. I sincerely hope this does not happen to you and your young marriage.

Hugs from me too.

kikibaby · May 2010

Haven't a lot of bull riders been doing it since they were very young? It's not like he's old, but to just jump in now and think that he's going to beat all of these other people... that's the only way to make money at it. I've seen rodeo's and there are a lot more losers than winners. Plus, the amount of money he'd have to invest... ugh, it's just ridiculous.

And yes, the insurance... how does he think he's going to pay for his medical costs when he gets injured? Do you think it'll put some sense into him when he sees the bills from the X-Rays/MRI he needs?

squirrly · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:fe0b5e4d-527c-4f5b-bcca-3f1b7adfd23f">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]Has he EVER made money riding? If you take all his entrance fees while you guys were dating and compared them to his winnings, did he make any money? Did he do really well this last weekend, or something? I just can't even wrap my head around it - my son's plan of building his own submarine was more practical than this. I'm so sorry.
Posted by ohwhynot[/QUOTE]

I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't realize he'd gotten hurt this time! You need to find a way to insulate yourself from those medical bills. Talk to a lawyer, and fast.

arbolita · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:fb59f2ca-4a2b-4d19-802e-9a518035870d">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should get all of his bills together- medical, rent, utility- an even split of what you pay and also what is specifically his. Give him and his parents a copy. Let them figure it out. I'm totally serious. Maybe when they see it on paper they will realize that you are working your ass off and he is doing nothing.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

I think this is an awful idea, because by continuing to involve his parents, Whit's consenting to give them control over how things happen in her marriage.

jasmineh7777 · May 2010

Whit, you don't live on a farm or ranch do you? I don't know anyone that does rodeo without being a rancher or farmer full time.

kate51485 · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:4731d39f-c499-4976-a71c-3d3415a909d4">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]WHEN'S IT GOING TO BE WHIT'S TURN?
Posted by mandysmear[/QUOTE]

I agree 100%. Whit, as long as I have posted here you've busted your ass trying to provide for yourself and now you do the same for the both of you. That deserves to be reciprocated and you are absolutely not overreacting. I'm so sorry he is behaving this way, and it is deplorable that his parents are too. I hope you can find some answers, hun. Be strong.

jasmineh7777 · May 2010

Arbs- I'm just wondering if the parents realize how costly this will be. It's easy to tell Whit to be supportive when they don't have to come up with the cash.

mandysmear · May 2010

I just wanted to go in and address your actual words/thoughts.

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:5298a9a9-fb57-48e0-baaa-1f0317490f54">I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]I really need to spill this to someone and get some advice. I'm glad you did. I know it's hard. I've talked to a couple friends and I'm getting counseling tonight, but I need some outside opinions. Good for you. I need to make sure I'm not overreacting. Nope, not at all. Not even a teeny bit.

I've mentioned it a little here and there, but DH rides bulls occasionally. He did a lot while we were dating, never was any good at it, and pretty well stopped completely when we got engaged. A couple weeks ago, he rode in a local bullriding. I wasn't happy about it, becaue he hadn't even contributed half of rent, WTF?!? and now, here he was, dishing out a $60 entry fee to ride. We argued about it, but in the end, I couldn't stop him. Jerk move. Where's the respect and compromise? Since then, he's been absolutely obsessed with riding full time. He's not helping me with household bills, OMG! he's calling into work, HOLY IMMATURE! and now the kicker: he's planning on quitting his job entirely to ride bulls full time. IRRESPONSIBLE!! I don't know what to do.

We sat down and discussed it last night, and I told him I can't handle it if he quits his job. As most of you know, I work three jobs and kill myself to make ends meet. i know you work hard. I admire that in you. He told me, three times, that I didn't need to be with him if I couldn't support his dream and that we needed to end things if that's how I was going to be about it. Wow. His way or the high way eh? He left, and went to stay with his parents. I haven't spoken him today either. I plan on staying with a friend tonight and this weekend, to help clear my head and help him see that I'm serious about a seperation.

Please help. I'm so distraught. I'm sick to my stomach. I finally cried myself to sleep last night at 2am. HUGS I don't know if I should end things or just stick it out and see where all this leads. I would personally end things. cut your losses while you can. (and before that medical bill comes in - ha kidding - kind of) I think you could still annul it. But his willingness just to let things end over him doing this hurts me so much. That is not a husband. That is a douche bag. He's not even trying to make things work. A relationship is 2 sided. You have to give to get and he's not giving you anything honey. I don't know what to do.
Posted by mwhitson14[/QUOTE]

Night_Sprite · May 2010

Whit, are you prepared to leave if you have to?

Nebb · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:0a176cbb-3642-40eb-adb4-baa2f97a14e7">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I need some help. : I wholeheartedly agree. I didn't realize he'd gotten hurt this time! You need to find a way to insulate yourself from those medical bills. Talk to a lawyer, and fast.
Posted by squirrly[/QUOTE]

i agree 100%

mwhitson14 · May 2010

Mandy, I agree on all counts Yes, $200. Our rent is $425.

mandybear, he refuses to work anywhere else.

andress, his male friends fully support him and encourage him. I hate them.

Mery, his parents are coddling him.

Jasmineh, he doesn't know. I can't even desribe how sure he is that he's going to win money. It's like, you know that it's sunny outside today, and no one is going to tell you different because you can look outside and see that it's sunny. He's got the same mindset.

Nebb, I agree. I don't want to say it's another girl, but that's the feeling I get. Like there's another woman going, "She doesn't love you. She doesn't support you. If she really loved you, she'd support you. You deserve someone that supports you." I have no reason to think that, but it's how I feel.

TR, he knows I'm not going to pay them. He's ok with ruining his credit; what does he need credit for? He's giong to be a full time bullrider making thousands of dollars he can pay cash for everything! </sarcasm>

maratea · May 2010

I ditto everything everyone else said, and sometimes when people get an idea in their head, they become so narrow-minded and "tunnel-visioned' that they can't see beyond what they want regardless of what it's doing to people around them. And I hope, for your sake and his, that he will pull his head out of his ass (perhaps this is the tunnel he's stuck in) and realize what a terrible husband and person he's being.

beatlesgirl25 · May 2010

*hugs* Whit. I'm so sorry this is happening. I don't think you are overreacting at all. This is a major issue that I hope you find a way to work through it with him that suits both of your needs. Best of luck.

TheSaltyPeanut · May 2010

Oh Whit... I'm so sorry. I won't repeat what everyone else said because you got some really great advice. I don't think you are over reacting at all.

*Hug*

Edit - spelling!

arbolita · May 2010

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_need-8?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:6bfe5c83-8fc5-4d8d-8d01-96cca69dd9e5Post:b877ea9e-b345-4680-af39-b3da8114d420">Re: I need some help.</a>:
[QUOTE]Arbs- I'm just wondering if the parents realize how costly this will be. It's easy to tell Whit to be supportive when they don't have to come up with the cash.
Posted by jasmineh7777[/QUOTE]

But the real issue is not about the bull riding or his parents juding how Whit feels about it. The issue is that her husband thinks that in their marriage, it's his way or the highway. And that's what she should focus on, more than proving to his parents what their financial troubles are.

Mrs.B6302007 · May 2010

[QUOTE]Nebb, I agree. I don't want to say it's another girl, but that's the feeling I get. Like there's another woman going, "She doesn't love you. She doesn't support you. If she really loved you, she'd support you. You deserve someone that supports you." I have no reason to think that, but it's how I feel.[/QUOTE]

I hope not. I truly do. But...I had that feeling several times with Mr X and there's a lot to be said for women's intuition.

woodie · May 2010

I am so sorry. This might be his attempt to get out of the marriage. He might not want to fess up that he's made a mistake in getting married, so instead he's sabbatoging the marriage by refusing to man up and pay bills, be responsible, keep a real job. Sounds like he wants to be free and young and have no responsibilities. He's forcing you to make the hard decision.

Right now you are in shock and sadness. I hope that some day soon you'll get to a stage where you can get angry at his stupidness.

mwhitson14 · May 2010

OWN, he's never made a cent. He's never even placed to hope to win money. Never.

Jasmineh, they know he's not helping and they're ok with that. They have told me I need to stop going out to eat or spending time with my friends because then I'd have extra money and wouldn't have to work 3 jobs. Sorry, but I'm not giving up my friends.

Kiki, yeah. It's something that really needs to be started around 18 (which he did) and work really hard at it continuously (which he hasn't). The medical bills won't phase him.

Mandy, thanks for everything you just said. It feels good to know I'm not crazy.

Night, I am prepared to leave. I'm leaving this weekend to make the first step, and just telling people is going to help me make that step too. I've put up with this because I don't want the shame of a failed marriage 2 months in, but the more people I tell, the more I feel better about my decision.

janedoe1113a · May 2010

I don't think you're overreacting at all. He's being an immature jackass about the entire situation.

His parents need to quit coddling him and maybe he'll grow up. This is why I'm all for people living on their own and paying their own bills before they get married (I'm not saying you didn't, but he seems like he's never paid for his own bills). Sounds like he doesn't know how or want to be an adult. Ridiculous!

mandysmear · May 2010

Yeah, I think that other woman is his fucking evil mother.

jasmineh7777 · May 2010

Ugh. I hate to say it, but I think you really should trust your instincts.
It sounds like he is setting himself up for failure. You already work so hard, and you need legal protection so you aren't financially responsible for any/all of his bills.

I need some help.

Re: I need some help.

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