I judge...

Matty143

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:d1f1cb9c-cc12-493a-a1fe-f3e08430e122">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't have time to read the whole thing, I'm only on page two so maybe these have been discussed. I judge the pussification of America. <strong>Fvck participation medals, not using red ink when correcting students papers, having your parents fix your bad grades</strong>, etc. I judge parents that enable their children. I work at a grocery store and a kid (I'm a terrible judge of kids ages) maybe five or six? Grabs a piece of candy and stuffs it under his shirt. The dad saw him, put it back, and asked him if he wanted to go to jail. Kid did it again, parents took it away, asked him about going to jail again. Kid freaks out with an epic tantrum and then THEY BOUGHT HIM THE CANDY. Maybe it's not my place to judge parenting as I am not a parent myself but I think it's terrible to teach a kid if you steal enough times and throw a tantrum, you'll get what you want.
Posted by SpartanCat[/QUOTE]

Yeah, this.
You need to learn how to fail and subsequently how to recover.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:9f927713-cafe-4021-b878-6e4bb1823127">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : I do need to let it go. And, I don't really expect a tit for tat gift exchange, but more an acceptance into the family issue. I'm not making any sense now. And, she's really getting on my nerves over the wedding next year, too. And, her birthday in August - she wants a special kind of cake I can't find anywhere to order it.
Posted by StefffiC[/QUOTE]

I get where you're coming from. FI's and my brithdays are only a few days apart and so my FMIL doesn't forget mine, but the gift giving is very skewed -- like he'll get an ipad or a car and I'll get a purse from Macy's. It's hurtful when you feel as though someone isn't welcoming you into the family. My mom gives me, my brothers and FI an equal sized gift every year and has since we moved in together. Is it silly? Certainly, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:642e6cc6-3af1-44e2-811c-1a26b2558220">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]If it weren't for FB I would forget birthdays completely. True story: A long time ago when I got a new debit card, I set up my pin number to be H's birthday. So like July 9th would be 0709, KWIM? Well..come to find out literally YEARS later that I was two days off on the date. Woops. ETA: I'm kind of really proving how unobservant I am. heh.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

My own mom threw me a birthday party on the wrong day one year and had to be corrected by my great grandmother, lol.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:7224bde8-fece-4eca-bae9-dc4220b867d3">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : Like me.  I don't remember ANYONE's birthday.  I feel guilty as hell when my SIL remembers mine, but seriously?  I've forgotten my husband's before so, yeah.
Posted by wadingmoose[/QUOTE]

Maybe I'm being a bit harsh.

Can I edit that judge then? I'm judging the evil witch who forgets my birthday every year for trying to guilt me into making her a cake that requires making my own liquor or importing it from Germany when I work 80+ hours a week and she is a SAHM.

Megbo2012

Ahhhh and now I see I was autocorrected drive to drink. That's funny. Considering I haven't been drunk/drank in my life.

aragx6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:04e5ca2e-2c00-481e-bf4c-74a20513306f">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]And what about letting them outside, even with a fence? There could be snakes, spiders, the giantfuckingchipmunk that is breaking our patio up. Come on. <strong>I love my dog to death but I'm not going to helicopter parent him.
</strong>Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

This made me laugh. I definitely know some helicopter pet owners!

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:e0a145f2-6678-4e0c-ae68-687f415051e5">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : Wedding is in May. My parents aren't involved and my aunt and uncle are standing in the receiving line with me. My aunt is black and the rest of the family is white. SIL is not happy over that. The birthday is in August and SIL wants a Black Forrest Cake which neither bakery I use can make. I think Costco makes them, but neither of her children eat this cake nor do I or my husband. So, I would end up with a 10" cake only 2 people eat. What I wanted was 2 5" round cakes - one in her flavor and one in a flavor the kids would eat. Last year she wanted Carrot and we did Carrot and Pink Lemonade for the kids. She wants me to make her a black forrest cake again, but I'm not up to making my own Kirsch and making a cake this year. I just can't do it. I can barely make instant grits or Spaghetti! Sorry - two different issues with her. LOL
Posted by StefffiC[/QUOTE]

I've gotta ask.

Why do you let her treat you like this? Because you are ABSOLUTELY allowing this and then complaining that she doesn't treat you the same way.  It's because you've proven you're a doormat. 

Get her a cake and call it done.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:642e6cc6-3af1-44e2-811c-1a26b2558220">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]If it weren't for FB I would forget birthdays completely. Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

This, totally. Which is why I couldn't tell you my SIL's birthday right now. Pretty sure it's in Feb or March, but I always forget. Only in the past year have I added my in-laws bdays to my personal calendar. They weren't family and H and I have always adopted a "take care of your own family" mentality so he'd buy gifts for them, and I'd buy gifts for mine.

wadingmoose

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:f9a11e73-56bf-4985-ba21-749a67aeb1af">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : \ Then just say, I'm sorry, I don't have time."
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

Why even bother with that.  The right answer is "No."

Learn it.  Love it.  Do not be afraid to say no.

That said, if you ask her what kind of cake she wants, you deserve what you get.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:e2e359ea-8916-4653-9b9a-e6d0e13cbd8b">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : Why are you responsible for your SIL's birthday cake? And a whatthehell to the first part (your SIL).
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

DH and I take care of the desserts for family events. I usually bake. For birthdays I ask what people want and either make it or order it.

I've got to get DH to call her about the cake, since it's not going well through email. LOL

RupertPenny

You can't buy kirsch in America?

midgetthemighty

Steffi, your SIL sucks for that first part. I understand 110% judging her for being a racist jerk. I also agree with Moose that you're allowing this behavior to happen and you need to put your foot down.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:f9ea22d4-0d0b-4a23-b4b8-4e70b98767c6">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't buy kirsch in America?
Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]

They don't have it at our ABC store. I can find the non alcoholic version, but I don't like the taste. I have a recipe and have made my own before. And, i've imported it before.

Meegles4

Steffi -- if you can't make a Black Forest cake, you need to just say "hey, sorry, can't get the ingredients for that. How about <insert easy cake here>?" and be done.

Also, random and sort of an "I judge", but more of an "I don't get it"...I've noticed you refer to DH, who I'm assuming is actually your FI. I thought you were married, so it's really throwing me off knowing that you're not, but you call him your H. Not that it matters, I guess. He'll eventually be your DH, but I don't get the differing label.

ETA: I also think you're being a perfectionist about this cake thing. Shoot, doesn't Duncan Hines have a Black Forest mix or something? The fact that you've made it before and could make it again but you're being picky about the ingredients and then complaining that FSIL wants it is odd to me. I get that FSIL doesn't seem to recognize your generosity and I agree that's annoying. But I feel like this cake thing is a way bigger deal than it needs to be.

StefffiC

Meegles we're common law and are having a wedding with a marriage license next year, so we're 'married' but not 'really married'.

I do need to grow a backbone with her, I'm a doormat at times.

LDYGTR13

Meegles, they're common law married

LDYGTR13

I totally forgot common law was a thing until you came around, Stefffi.

kikirst33

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:f2546f23-6ac5-4d99-9d5c-ee1dbd51ebd3">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]Tomorrow is "Bring Your Dog to Work Day" in our office ...
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

<div>Our office allows dogs every day....  I judge the people that don't watch their dog and I find the sh*t that they left on the carpet.  Ew.</div>

Meegles4

I forgot common law was a thing too. My cousin has been living with his lady friend for at least 10 years. They don't call each other husband and wife as far as I know. Hey, ya learn something every day.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:a62b98d8-5b0a-43da-b665-7831c91995cb">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally forgot common law was a thing until you came around, Stefffi.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

I strive to be different. LOL

MyUserName1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:a62b98d8-5b0a-43da-b665-7831c91995cb">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]I totally forgot common law was a thing until you came around, Stefffi.
Posted by LDYGTR13[/QUOTE]

Very few states recognize common law marriages nowadays, so that might have a little to do with that

Megbo2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:f9ea22d4-0d0b-4a23-b4b8-4e70b98767c6">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]You can't buy kirsch in America?
Posted by RupertPenny[/QUOTE]



It's hard to find, at least here. I even went to wines and more for it which is the size of a mall, and they had some kind of cherry liquor, but not technically kirsch.

RupertPenny

I just don't believe it is that hard to find cherry liquor. I mean if your SIL is all adamant about having an super authentic Schwartzwalder kirschtorte I would think y'all live somewhere where basic German goods are available.

I know this is WAY besides the point. You should probably just get her another kind of cake or use whatever cherry brandy you can find. Are there any European groceries in your town?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:5aaed6a0-a7f8-4963-bf3a-d14f689d1201">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]Also, I wouldn't get this nit picky over baking a cake for someone who doesn't like me.
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I only bake for people who blow rose colored smoke up my ass.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:3f73e10e-46b9-4a83-9ff9-6048b14d6da3">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : I agree with this. 
Posted by edielaura[/QUOTE]

I'm a baking perfectionist. I don't eat store bougt cake (costco, food lion, etc...) or baked goods. I don't bake from boxed mixes, don't really like box mix cakes, and I enjoy baking when I have time. It's got to be perfect if I bake it. Yeah, I'm stressing over it. And, I'm 100% perfectionist whatever I do. It's a problem.

I have two wonderful bakeries I buy cakes from now - one here (<a href="http://www.deweys.com/)" rel="nofollow">http://www.deweys.com/)</a> and one back home who's making our wedding cake (<a href="http://jennssugarliciousbakery.com/)" rel="nofollow">http://jennssugarliciousbakery.com/)</a> that I buy our cakes from for all our family events now. They're both wonderful.

ahhhitsshannyn

I only agree with finisher medals for 5K/10K/marathons and shiiit. Just because I will never ever ever win and I want a shiny medal.

seesawgirl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:4f9981c8-09bd-4f88-9988-de44990989a2">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : I get where you're coming from. FI's and my brithdays are only a few days apart and so my FMIL doesn't forget mine, but the gift giving is very skewed -- like he'll get an ipad or a car and I'll get a purse from Macy's. It's hurtful when you feel as though someone isn't welcoming you into the family. My mom gives me, my brothers and FI an equal sized gift every year and has since we moved in together. Is it silly? Certainly, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
Posted by aragx6[/QUOTE]



Yep, it does hurt. My in laws do the exact same thing. They aren't quite as well off as your in laws sound, but last year, DH got a brand new leather motocyle jacket, SIL got the newest iPhone, FIL got an ipad, MIL got a new car, and I got....lotion. I have gotten lotion from them for every Christmas and birthday that DH and I have been together, the exact same scent, every time. Oh, and the kicker? I'm allergic to fragrances. I had an entire cabinet full of the shut until I worked up the courage to donate it to goodwill.

StefffiC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:091b0af5-e17b-4977-b71c-68ae3aa4cb1a">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]Stef - I'm kind of confused about your sig. Is your horse named Starbucks? I'm confused by the quote too, but eh.
Posted by rachers1017[/QUOTE]

Yes, my horse is named Starbucks. I need to remove the quote, but I keep forgetting.

ahhhitsshannyn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_i-judge-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:9a931da4-368e-45a9-a98d-4df91bf2c11bPost:4d2c4d1b-493a-44c3-86a6-bce74edd2407">Re: I judge...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: I judge... : Yep, it does hurt. My in laws do the exact same thing. They aren't quite as well off as your in laws sound, but last year, DH got a brand new leather motocyle jacket, SIL got the newest iPhone, FIL got an ipad, MIL got a new car, <strong>and I got....lotion</strong>. I have gotten lotion from them for every Christmas and birthday that DH and I have been together, the exact same scent, every time. Oh, and the kicker? I'm allergic to fragrances. I had an entire cabinet full of the shut until I worked up the courage to donate it to goodwill.
Posted by seesawgirl[/QUOTE]

Yeah I don't care what you people say about gifts, that is fucked up.

baystateapple

Jeez, seesaw.  That is some bullshiiit.