People inviting themselves

nikkiarmstrong

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c33f9400-8757-48bb-a088-1b2d58e534c2Post:f550672e-f7f8-4feb-b6e4-72edbc70832d">Re: People inviting themselves</a>:
[QUOTE]One of my best friends and bridesmaid's keeps asking if her parents are invited.  Were not keeping it small by any means with 300 already invited, but we can't invite the parents of all the bridesmaids and groomsmen...what should I do?
Posted by Miss__Angie[/QUOTE]

<div>Hello Miss Angie - </div><div>
</div><div>I'm in your boat (we are not exactly keeping it small, but even when you're inviting nearly 300 people you're eventually drawing the line SOMEWHERE). We've had questions about dates/parents/guests COUSINS, etc. </div><div>
</div><div>I've been apprehensive to say things about our venue, etc. So, I just try to give a vague response.I would just say that while you love their parents and [insert meaningful association here, i.e. have so many fond memories growing up, etc.], after totally your two families, you just can't accommodate everyone (even though in a perfect world, you'd love to). </div><div>
</div><div>The funny thing about this whole thread is that it is probably viewed as rude on both sides. One person says something to a bride like "Oh! Can't wait to be invited" we explain that they're not, then we talk about how rude that was and they probably go back and say, "can you believe she just told me I wasn't invited right to my face" Ahhh... the joys of wedding planning :)</div>

Nikaj

I tell them sure you can come, but there is a $$ per person and you have to pay in advance. Once I get your money I will send you an invitiation with all the details on it..... They look at me as if they can not believe I would make them pay to come to the wedding... Normally this changes the conversation and we move on.

I have gotten phone calls later from various people who are invited to the wedding asking me if they really have to pay to attend the wedding and I laugh and explain what happened....  I think I am haing fun with this

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_people-inviting-themselves-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:c33f9400-8757-48bb-a088-1b2d58e534c2Post:deebd632-8e4b-4eca-a4b8-54fb9c612085">Re: People inviting themselves</a>:
[QUOTE]I tell them sure you can come, but there is a $$ per person and you have to pay in advance. Once I get your money I will send you an invitiation with all the details on it..... They look at me as if they can not believe I would make them pay to come to the wedding... Normally this changes the conversation and we move on. I have gotten phone calls later from various people who are invited to the wedding asking me if they really have to pay to attend the wedding and I laugh and explain what happened....  I think I am haing fun with this
Posted by Nikaj[/QUOTE]

Wow. Aren't you just adorable?

dancercj

I had a similar situation occur for me and I don't know what to do.  An old roommate brought us an early wedding gift from her travels in China last year and is assuming that she will be invited.  We of course were close when we lived together but haven't really been in touch very much the last couple of years.  We still work at the same place but rarely together.  If we don't invite her I know she will be so hurt...

georgetteh

As far as only inviting certain aunts and uncles, I think this is one of the most challenging.  It is your wedding, but I guess I would just caution you that you need to be prepared for the fallout.  The fallout would depend on your two families and their dynamics.  My mother has a large family and they are all very close, I wouldn't begin to even think about only inviting the ones I am close to, I just couldn't do that to my mom and therefore  to myself (as I talk to my mom everyday).

Scrappindani253

OH MY GOODNESS! I, too, have received messages and even comments on fb about how excited they are to come! Most of them, I just deleted the comments or didn't reply to the message. How akward. I haven't even spoke to most of these people in years! It's insane.
Another guest list issue for me is my FH doesn't understand that we can't invite everyone and keeps wanting to add people. I feel like the badguy (or girl) for telling him no...but the chapel we chose only seats 115 people! We have invited over 160 people hoping that many decline. UGH! I would feel SO terrible if someone showed up and wasn't able to attend the wedding... He says most of his friends only want to go to the reception, but to me, that makes it sound like they just want a free dinner. UGH!

vshalamar

i have a similar problem and would love some advice.

a family friend lost his wife a few months ago, around the time we made the wedding list. we are having a small wedding. he recently started dating a very nice women, but since they've only been together for short period of time we sent an invite out addressed only to him.  we got the reply card back with his name and her name. i asked my father to speak with him, thinking that they just overlooked that, but now he is refusing to come to wedding if she isn't invited.

what should i do?

cassiejean27

I agree...I had an old frind ask me on my wall "Were is our invitaion" (She has a family of 5).  We are having a large wedding so I can't give her the "small/intamate" line.  The real fact is I have spoken with her of her family for 7-8 years.  What in the world I couldn't believe it.  

It is so rude!!  I am trying not to asnwer her honestly cause then I will sound rude, but how do you say nicely, "We have had no contact in 7 years, you are not invited?"